23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
I give Randy a weak smile and walk out. I need somewhere besides the dingy body shop to fall apart.
I don’t make it far, maybe a block, before I hear the scuff of shoes on the concrete behind me. I stop and wait for Mia to catch up. I keep my eyes straight ahead, willing away the pressure behind them. She’s seen me cry plenty of times, but this is the kind of crying that feels like it’ll go for a while if it starts, and there’s no time for that.
“I have to call my mom,” I say, to buy myself some space and pull-myself-together time.
“Probably.” But it’s Gabe’s voice, and I jerk in surprise. He steps back. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I thought you were Mia.”
He shakes his head. “I told her I needed to talk to you.” I wait and he sighs. “Your mom’s all right. It probably won’t be as bad as you think.”
My eyes narrow in an expression he’s shot me a million times, at least half of which have been on this trip. It’s an expression that demands, Are you kidding me with this? “It’s already worse than I could have imagined. I blew it with Seth, I got your wallet stolen, I wrecked your Jeep and your phone, I’m out of money, I have to go home, and I can’t even actually do that because we have no car and no money to stay or go.”
“You didn’t wreck my car.”
If I could have stabbed him with my eyes, I would have. “Are the last two hours my imagination? Have you been glaring at someone else this whole time?”
“Kendall . . .”
He’s dropped Barrows again. My heart gives a soft thump.
Not now, heart. No time for that. There will never be time for that.
“That deer would have hit whoever was driving. We should probably talk about not locking the brakes next time, but you did okay, considering. I’m not mad at you anymore. Sorry I was being a jerk about it.”
I don’t want to cry. I’m not going to cry. But for some reason, despite everything else that has gone wrong today, it’s his kindness that makes it hardest not to, so I press the heels of my hands into my eyes to make sure I don’t.
“Whoa, hey.” Suddenly his arms are around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. “Don’t do that. Please. Seriously, Kendall. I swear I’m not mad. We’ll figure this out.”
I stiffen. Maybe he notices, because he starts an awkward pat on my back and mumbles “It’s okay” a couple more times. But I’m too surprised to cry now. I spent two years wanting to be exactly where I am until it became the last place I’d ever want to be. Now that I’m finally here, I don’t know what to think.
The longer this goes on, the more awkward it’s going to get. I should step away from him, but I stay a few seconds longer, almost wishing the tears would come. Because he’s warm. Because he smells like sun-warmed cotton and Tide. Because I remember when I used to chase this scent in the Sandoval house every day for those two years before I’d drag myself home to suffocate beneath my feelings.
“We’ll figure this out,” he promises again. “Daniel will help. Don’t stress.” The soft puff of his breath stirs the loose strands of hair beside my ear. "It's insured. It'll be okay."
“It’s not that. It wouldn't be fair to make your insurance go up. I’ll pay for your car, even if I have to live on ramen my first semester in New York.” My eyes throb from rubbing them even without crying. “It’s that I really wanted to meet my biological father. And now I can’t.”
The tears are closer than ever. I swallow and take a deep breath. “I know that sounds dumb. To be upset about not meeting him. I didn’t even know his name until yesterday. But I’m so close.”
“It’s not dumb.” The words are slow. “Feelings like that, they can come in an instant. You have no connection to someone and then suddenly, it’s all there.” He’s quiet for a minute, and his hand strokes lightly down my back like I’m little Maverick. “It makes sense.”
“Yeah.” It’s more like an exhausted sigh than a word. He keeps stroking my back, leaving a trail of tingles. I start to draw a deep breath through my nose to drink in his Gabe smell but stop myself.
I step back, away from the brink. “I need to call my mom. She’s going to kill me, and I’d rather not have a witness. You can go hang out in the air conditioning. I’ll come back when I’m done. Don’t worry.”
“You sure?”
“I’ll be fine.”
He hesitates and scans the street like he’s confirming that it’s mugger-free, but it’s after five, and the handful of other businesses are closed and quiet. He nods and walks back toward the body shop.
I stare at my phone, but I can’t make myself dial Mom’s number. The second she answers, this is all truly over.
I can’t be this close only to fail.
David Lombard is the last step toward answers about myself that no one else has.
I dial a number.
“Kendall?” Cassidy answers, sounding confused.
“Hi.” I have never called Cassidy before. I feel like I should reassure her of . . . I don’t know what. “So I’m fine and safe, but I’m in a bit of a situation.”
“O-kay. . .” She draws out the word and waits.
What do I say here? Cassidy manages one of her dad’s body shops. She organizes family dinners, Robert’s business events, and tries, when she can, to organize me. I have never liked it when she’s tried before, but it’s exactly what I need her to do now.
She fills in the uncomfortable silence. “Did something happen in Ward?”
“What? No. No, I’m . . .” I take a deep breath. “I’m going to tell you something big. And important. And my mom does not know.”
“Okay,” she says again. This time it’s soft.
“That DNA test, it came back with answers. So I took a road trip with Mia and her brother, Gabe. I went to meet my half-siblings. I found two through the site. And maybe one more.”
This is met with a pause long enough for me to become hyper aware of my own heartbeats. Then, “Where are you?”
“Northern California. And I need your help. We’ve had car trouble. I was hoping there might be some magic you could do with getting the part this guy needs. We’re in a tiny town, and he says it’s going to take him a couple of days to get it. But I don’t have two days.”
“Why not?” Her pitch goes up with worry. “Are you out of money?”
“I will be. I don’t have enough for the repair, and I definitely don’t have enough to get home.”
“My dad will help. Don’t worry about that. But are you safe right now? And why don’t you have two days?”
“I’m very safe, I promise. The thing is, I also found the sperm donor. And I have a chance to meet him, but only if I make it to San Diego by Friday morning. If not, he goes back to the East Coast and then I have no shot.” I don’t know if Cassidy is going to get what a big deal this is. She’s a rule follower, but if I went to Robert, he’d go straight to Mom. He’d have to. I’m hoping at twenty-three Cassidy is still close enough to her own teenage years to understand why I need to do this. And why I can’t tell Mom.
“What do you need me to do?” She doesn’t say it the way Mia would, like she needs to know so she can get it done. There’s a weighing, measuring quality to the question.
“I’m wondering if you can coordinate with the repair guy to get this fixed faster, maybe send the part out sooner? Overnight it or something? And then not say anything to my mom until I’m on the road home. I’ll give you regular updates so you know exactly where I am, and you don’t have to worry.”
“Kendall, this is . . . your mom needs to know.”
“I’ll tell her. Eventually. And I’m prepared to deal with the consequences. But I’m not ready for her to end this trip. And that’s what will happen. I have to meet my biological father first. I have to. Please, Cassidy?”
She’s quiet.
“Please,” I ask again. “You know me. I may not have been the easiest person to get along with the last couple of years, but I’m not irresponsible. You can trust me.” My mind races to find the words to convince her. “I’ll come clean with my mom and pay your dad back. But I can’t be this close to finding this guy and then miss.” I hold my breath, hoping I’ve said enough.
She gives a long sigh into the phone. “I’ll see what I can do. Give me the details.”
Relief washes over me like a dunking in Tumalo Falls. I give her the name of Randy’s shop and his assessment of the damage and his estimate.
She curses. “If this were here, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I can’t make any promises about what I can pull off long-distance. I’ll try though.”
“And you won’t tell my mom?”
“Kendall . . .”
“Please?” I pour every ounce of desperation I can into the word. I kick at a weed poking through a crack in the sidewalk, but it ignores me and bounces back up.
This is her longest pause yet. “Okay.”
I almost gasp in relief.
“Stay close to your phone in case I need more information.”
“I promise.” We hang up and I turn toward the garage with a renewed sense of hope. This isn’t over yet. I can’t believe that my fate rests in the hands of Cassidy Dunn of all people, but she’s the most capable person I know. My gut says I can trust her. And even if it didn’t, I don’t have another choice.