All Over the Map

29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“Hi.” Cassidy looks as put together as ever, her blonde hair gathered in a smooth low ponytail, her makeup subtle and fresh. But her voice is tentative, not the usual forced cheeriness she uses for Sunday dinners.

“What are you doing here?”

“I brought the radiator. It took me longer because I had to drive to Denver to get it first thing this morning and then fly out.” She stares down at the box in her hands, then bites her lip and walks over to set it on the counter. She always seems older than Austin even though she’s not, and it’s strange to see her so uncertain. “Had to wake up early to make it by eight when the supplier opened, but it was the fastest way to get it.”

Mia looks from Cassidy to me, her eyebrows up. She clears her throat. “Hey, Gabe, I think I need dessert. Let’s go back to the café.” He follows her out, and I’m sure she’s explaining who Cassidy is.

“Austin’s in the garage if you want to bring it to him.” I don’t know what else to say.

“Okay. Um, but then I was hoping we could talk?”

I don’t want to hear her calm, rational explanation where she models how to be an emotionally stable adult to me, the moody teenager. But refusing to listen only makes me the moody teenager. “Yeah, sure.”

She disappears into the garage and I sit, trying to put myself in a grown-up headspace. I practice all the communication buzzwords I’ve learned from peer counseling. What I’m hearing you say is . . . That’s a big one. Or Let’s pause to make sure we’re on the same page. I’m going to need that one a lot.

When Cassidy walks back in, it turns out I’m still so angry that it’s hard to make words that aren’t mean, ugly accusations. About how she’s a narc who ruined everything. About how that was the first and last time I’ll trust her.

“I’m sorry.” She comes from the garage and takes a seat across from me, pressing her palms into her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeats, and this time her voice is watery. “I didn’t expect Maggie to flip out like that. I knew she would be mad, but she’s normally so calm.”

“Did it ever occur to you that there was a reason I didn’t tell her what I was doing?”

“I wouldn’t have told my mom if I was taking off on a cross-country road trip with my best friend and a cute boy when I was in high school. I don’t think most kids would. To be honest, if I had done it and my mom had caught me, I might have been grounded for the rest of my life, but it still wouldn’t have been anything like Maggie’s reaction. I mean, that was nuclear.”

She pulls at her earlobe a couple of times and studies me before she asks, “Is she like that a lot when you guys are alone?”

I stare at her. “Are you asking me if my mother is secretly emotionally abusive and controlling?”

Her cheeks turn red, but she doesn’t look away.

“Holy crap. No. No, Cassidy. I haven’t seen her get that mad before either. She’s a control freak, but she’s not controlling. She’s had a day to get over it. I’m sure I’ll be grounded, but I’m not in any danger.” I’m not thrilled with Maggie Barrows right now, but I like Cassidy’s insinuation even less.

She holds up her hands in a surrender gesture. “Okay. Good. I’m glad. I was afraid I . . .”

I roll my eyes. “No. This is the first time she’s flipped out like this because it’s the first time I’ve rebelled like this. But she’s acting like I ran away from home. I didn’t. I was always going to be back by Sunday.”

“I know you don’t want to hear any of this right now, but I really am sorry.” She drops her hands to her lap and studies her palms. “I just wanted her to know where you were. I thought if she knew what lengths you’d gone to find these people that she’d be okay with letting you finish. I thought it would help fix everything after the awkwardness at dinner last Sunday. She didn’t seem that mad when you told her you took the test.”

“That’s because Maggie Barrows doesn’t get mad. She communicates . She solves problems . And if she doesn’t want to do that, then too bad. You get nothing. So I took a road trip.”

She leans forward. “I know you don’t care about my opinion, but honestly, I think it’s good you’re doing this. That’s why I brought the radiator. You deserve to finish the road trip.”

I grip the arms of my chair. “What?”

She grins. “Yeah. Austin says the Jeep will be done by dinner. It’ll be a long night, but you can still make it to San Diego.”

“What about my mom?”

“She can’t really ground me , can she?” Cassidy says with a small smile. “Promise me you’ll check in with her every few hours and let her know you’re okay?”

I check the time on my phone. If we get on the road by 6:00 and drive through the night, we might make it. I’ll be skidding into the parking lot of the hotel holding the conference with a couple of hours to spare, but I’ll make it. And if I miss his presentation, then I will find a way to beg the desk clerk for David Lombard’s room number.

Except I still can’t do that to Gabe and Mia. I stay quiet for a minute while I let hope die again.

Cassidy shifts uneasily. I’m about to reassure her that I’m not mad anymore, just planning, but she speaks first. “I’m so sorry I told Maggie. Honestly, my dad would have had to tell her anyway because of parent code. But I hate that you’re mad at me. It’s just . . . our mom died when I was fourteen. And I would have given anything to have her butting into my life when I was seventeen.” She winces. “I know that sounds so condescending, like I’m trying to say I know what you need more than you do. It’s not that. I’m projecting. I’m sorry. I should have stayed out of it. Then you could have just gotten mad at my dad.” She says the last part with a smile.

“It’d be pretty hard to be mad at him when he’s being so good about helping. He’s all right. So are you.”

“He is. And thanks.”

I feel like I need to say something else, so I clear my throat. “You guys know I’m going to pay your dad back for all this, right? I’m going to work off every penny. Sweep the shop. File. Whatever.”

She actually laughs. “We would love to have you come work for us, but if you think he’s going to let you pay for a cent of this, you’re high. He’ll tuck it into an account for you and surprise you with it later. That’s what he did to me when I wrecked my car my senior year.”

We’ll see about that. I refuse to take advantage of him. But I only say, “That is so much nicer than he needs to be.”

She shrugs. “That’s my dad.”

The door opens and Mia steps in, her eyes clearly asking if it’s safe to enter now. “Everything okay?”

Whatever she sees in my face when I look up has her stepping back outside so fast that she bounces off Gabe who was following her in.

He grunts in pain. “What are you—”

“Everything is definitely not okay,” she hisses, trying to push him back out.

“No, stay,” I say. “Cassidy and I are fine.”

“We are?” Cassidy asks.

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Good.” Cassidy seems at a loss for words for a moment, then she stands. “I’ll get out of your hair. I just had to make sure you got the radiator, and flying in with it was the only way to do it in time. And to tell you that I’m really sorry. Did I mention that?”

“A time or two,” I say with a small smile.

“I’m glad you get to meet him. The donor. And find answers. Family really is everything.”

“I’m not meeting him. We’re going home.”

“You can make it,” Cassidy says. “Seriously, Austin will be done in a couple of hours. We’ll have to finish the body work in Adobe, but it’ll drive like new.”

“It’s not that,” I tell her. “Gabe and Mia need to get home. They’re already going to be in a lot of trouble. The longer we’re gone, the worse it’ll be.”

Cassidy glances at the two of them. “Right. Makes sense.”

“It doesn’t,” Mia says. She leans forward. Everything about Mia strains toward things, like she wants to fall into whatever she’s focused on. “Is that really what you want? To go home?”

Instead of answering, I flop back against the chair.

“Come on, Gabe. I’ll take my chances with Mom and Dad. Maybe we can talk the boys into still backing us, but even if we can’t, Kendall needs to go to San Diego.”

I feel love squishing out for her like jelly from a donut. “Mia, no. Don’t—”

“Kendall, yes,” Gabe interrupts. “She’s right. You need to finish.”

I stare at them both. “Really?”

“Really,” Cassidy, Mia, and Gabe all say, then grin at each other.

“Guess that settles it,” Cassidy says. “I should go if I’m going to get a flight back tonight.” She takes a step toward the door when my phone vibrates in my hand.

“Wait,” I tell her. “It’s my mom.” I answer the call. “Hey.”

“How’s the Jeep coming?” Her voice is cool.

“Should be done by dinner time.”

“That’s good. Did you check into the motel? I put the reservation under your name, but I paid for it with my card. You shouldn’t have any problems.”

I take a deep breath. “That’s the thing, Mom. I’m not coming home. I know what you said about putting out an Amber Alert, but there’s no way. You wouldn’t do that to Gabe and the Sandovals in a million years, and you know he had nothing to do with this.”

“You’re coming home, Kendall.” Her voice turns hard.

“By Sunday, yes, like I originally planned. But I found the donor. I have a chance to meet him, but only if I make it down to San Diego by morning.”

“You found him?” She sounds dazed but no less angry. She’s not getting this, and I need her to get this.

“I’m going to FaceTime you. Hang on,” I tell her. If she sees in my eyes how much I need this, she’ll back off. I slip out of the shop and call her back.

When she answers, I’m stunned. She looks like all the years she’s tried to fight have caught up to her at once. Faint shadows smudge beneath her puffy eyes, her skin is dull, and her mouth is a thin, hard line.

“You absolutely can’t go to San Diego,” she says.

“Hi to you too.”

“I’m not playing, Kendall. Get on the road first thing tomorrow and drive home.” The words are precise and perfectly enunciated, the Ts popping like bacon grease.

“I can’t do that, Mom. How can you ask me to? We’ve been on the road since Sunday and we’re fine.”

“Is that why you’re stranded in a body shop in the back of beyond? Is that what ‘fine’ means to you? Because I see it very differently.”

“But we’re safe. No one is going to mess with us when there’s three of us together, the Jeep will be running like new in a couple of hours, and then I’m going to meet my father.” It’s a miscalculation. I know it as soon as I say it.

“He is not your father.”

“Sperm donor,” I say. “You know what I mean. But I can’t get this close only to turn around. It’s too important.”

“Why? Because you need more stuff for a college you’re never going to get into? Your sense of entitlement is out of control, Kendall. You don’t get into a fancy private college just because you’re bored of Adobe.”

“Gee, Mom. Your support means everything to me.” My voice is flat. I am not entitled, and it’s not fair for her to say so.

“Don’t you dare cop an attitude with me. I’m not in the wrong here.” She leans toward the camera like she wants to reach through it and shake me. “There is no parent on Earth that would be okay with their kid taking off on an unsupervised cross-country road trip, smashing up their car, and going off to meet strangers from the internet claiming to be family, so don’t try to gaslight me into thinking I’m the crazy one.”

I’m so angry that the case around my phone creaks in protest as I squeeze it. “You want to talk about gaslighting? How about letting me believe a lie about who I am and where I come from? If you’re going to lie about the basics, how can I trust you to tell me the truth about anything? Trick question: I can’t. So I have to go find the answers myself.”

She draws a deep breath and backs away from the camera. “This isn’t how we work things out. Come home. I’ll see you on Saturday, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

She’s offering me the only thing that could tempt me: answers. Except I don’t trust her to give them anymore.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m going to San Diego. I’ll check in every few hours so you know we’re okay. I’ll come back to Adobe as soon as I can, but not until I meet this David guy.”

“David?” The skin around her lips turns white.

“I know they list them as numbers in the catalog, but yeah. He has a name. It’s David. And he’s in San Diego. And I’m not having this conversation again.” She doesn’t say anything, off in a daze again. “I’m sorry you’re worried, but I’ll check in. Love you.”

She blinks at me.

But when she doesn’t say anything else, I end the call.

I walk back in and Cassidy, Gabe, and Mia all stare at me with looks ranging from hope to worry.

“She’s still mad,” I say. Mia sags.

“I’ll talk to Maggie, see if I can help.” Cassidy holds up her hands like she’s hearing her own words. “Only if you want me to. Maybe it’ll help her to know I saw you with my own eyes, help her understand how bad you want this.”

“It can’t hurt,” I say. “She can’t get much worse than I’m-going-to-ruin-your-life-when-you-get-back, I guess.”

My phone vibrates with a text from Mom. And I see immediately that I was wrong. She can ruin it now .

Transferred all money out of your account. Will pay mechanic directly. Left you enough for 3 tanks of gas and 5 meals. Be here by noon Saturday.

I stare at the text and read it again. Transferred all money out of your account .

Transferred all money.

I open my banking app. It shows $150. Exactly enough to cover food and gas home.

The rest of it is gone.