All That I Want (The Hesitant Husbands #2)

All That I Want (The Hesitant Husbands #2)

By Grace Hartwell

Chapter 1

Lady Elaine Lockwood was in hell. And if this wasn’t hell, surely it was a close second.

All around her rang the normal sounds associated with a dinner party…the clinking of silver on china, the happy buzz of conversation, the gurgle of wine being poured into crystal goblets…but the smacking sound emanating from her right sent a shudder through Lainey that reached all the way down to her toes.

Thhhttt!

Lainey closed her eyes and breathed deeply, squelching the urge to simply slap the man seated next to her. It was bad enough she had to suffer through the Viscount’s boorish conversation, did he really have to suck his teeth at the dinner table, too? But since violence against another guest was generally frowned upon, she took another healthy swallow of wine and glared across the table at her brother instead. Aidan regarded her with sympathetic amusement, pressing his lips together to hold in his laughter as he looked away. She narrowed her eyes further at him until they were mere murderous slits.

“I say, Lady Elaine, do you enjoy horses?” Viscount Molesworth asked, shaking her from her thoughts of fratricide.

“I do indeed, my lord,” she responded, brightening. Finally, a subject in which she was interested!

“I have quite the impressive stable, you know,” he boasted. “Some very fine horseflesh indeed.” He leaned a little too close to her and dropped his voice, along with his gaze, which he flicked back up to her face when she gave a discreet cough. “Perhaps you’d enjoy a visit one afternoon?”

Lainey’s lips thinned. Not a chance in hell.

“Perhaps,” she said demurely.

“Tell me what else the lovely Lady Elaine enjoys doing with her time,” he said abruptly, straightening in his seat and sawing at his meat. “I envy those with such a free schedule. Ah, what would it be like to have the time to sit with friends all afternoon, enjoying tea and sharing gossip?” He smiled and popped a piece of pheasant in his mouth, unaware that Lainey’s grasp on the stem of her wine glass was tightening to a dangerous degree. “A ride through the park at the fashionable hour?” he asked around the food in his mouth. “Shopping on Bond Street? Embroidery, perhaps?” He chuckled as though he has made some sort of joke, completely unaware that it wasn’t funny in the least.

It was all she could do not to dump her remaining wine over his balding head. But that would be a waste of a really good claret. She pasted what she hoped was a polite smile on her face. “Actually, I’m afraid I am abysmal at embroidery, and quite honestly, I don’t truly have the time to practice it. My charity work keeps me terribly busy, you know. And while I do enjoy a ride through the park, I prefer to gallop across an open field at dawn when the dew is still fresh and the morning mist has not yet burned away. And, given that my father began a successful business importing fabrics, which my brother now runs to perfection, I’ll admit that a love of fashion is in my blood. But while I do adore a good clothes shopping trip, I’d rather spend my day in a book shop. I’ve acquired a nice library thus far, but I’m always interested in new books.”

“Books?”

“Yes. For reading.”

“I know what books are for, Lady Elaine. I’ve just never met a female so interested in them.”

“Perhaps you need to broaden your horizons,” she said sweetly, attacking the pheasant on her plate with a vicious stab of her fork.

“What sort of book do you enjoy, then? Don’t tell me you are hooked on those dreadful gothic novels.” He gave a derisive snort before sipping his wine.

Lainey calmly put down her fork before an unfortunate accident occurred and turned to face him. “Actually, my lord, though those are diverting, I mostly like to improve my mind.”

“Egad, your brother didn’t tell me you were a bluestocking!” He speared a large lump of potato and stuffed it in his mouth.

If he choked on it, would she even try to save him?

“I am not a bluestocking,” she bit out. “And even if I were, what is wrong with that? What is wrong with acquiring knowledge? I like to read. I like to learn. Does that worry you?”

“Course not. I just think that men are better suited to—”

“Pray, do not finish that sentence, my lord,” she interrupted, a warning note in her voice. “I do not wish to spill my wine on your snowy, white shirt. Accidentally, of course,” she added, widening her eyes in feigned innocence. Dear God, would this dinner party never end?

He pursed his lips and studied her for an interminable moment, then nodded as if he’d come to some sort of conclusion. “You have spirit.” He chuckled and lowered his voice in a conspiratorial whisper. “I like that in a girl.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and turned back to his meal. Lainey’s stomach roiled. Was he actually suggesting—

Thhhhtttt!

The viscount sucked a piece of wayward potato out of his teeth. Lainey squeezed her eyes shut and downed the rest of her wine. How had her life come to this? A burp from the right reached her ears and she willed herself not to scream. Sighing, she turned to the elderly gentleman on her left. This was going to be a long night

The carriage door swung closed and Lainey leaned back against the squabs with a sigh of relief.

“Tough night?”

Her brother Aidan, Earl of Ashby, grinned at her. His new wife, Elizabeth, sat beside him, shaking her head in sympathy.

“Aidan, you know I love you,” Lainey began. “But if you ever put me through a hell like that again, I will do you bodily harm with no regret.”

Aidan burst out laughing. “I’m so sorry, Lainey! I had no idea what a blowhard the fellow was. I kept waiting to see if you were going to quietly stab him in the thigh with your fork.”

“I wanted to do more than that,” she replied dryly.

“Oh, my dear,” Elizabeth said, reaching forward to squeeze her hand. “You are a good friend for suffering through these dinners for me.”

Though Elizabeth had come from a good family, she’d been separated from them at age fourteen, and had lived a hard existence until she'd saved Aidan’s life six months ago. Aidan hadn’t intended to fall in love, but fate had other ideas, and now they were happily married and introducing Elizabeth to society. It was a slow process as not all were accepting of Aidan’s choice to marry so far beneath him, but it was their hope that the more Elizabeth socialized, the more people would forget about her questionable past and enjoy the person she had become. Lainey loved her to pieces and was doing everything she could to help, including being the sacrificial female when a single eligible gentleman (and she used that term loosely) graced the table. However, she was reaching the end of her rope.

“You know I would do anything for you, Eliza.”

“Yes, but…let’s just say you’ve been extremely patient.”

Lainey gave an unladylike snort and let her head fall back. “It would be nice if at least one of these men were open-minded and slightly less obnoxious. But then, I suppose that is why they are still unmarried.” The women laughed.

“Speaking of unmarried,” Aidan began, and Lainey rolled her eyes.

“Aidan, can I at least recover from this evening before we talk about this?”

“I just want to see you happily settled, Lainey. I know you desire a family, and love and companionship. I want you to have those things. You’re my little sister and I love you. It’s been just you and I for so long, but it’s time to live our own lives. You will always be welcome to live with us if that is what you choose, but I don’t think it’s really what you want.”

Lainey gazed out the window. As much as she hated to admit it, Aidan was right. He was a married man now, and would be starting his own family soon. She loathed being the spinster relation who lived off the generosity of her brother. Watching the two of them fawn over each other all the time…she was so happy for them, but it was hard to quietly sit by knowing they had what she so desperately desired for herself. Lainey knew she would always have a home with them, and they all got on well, but she wished for a home of her own, and children she could spoil and love, with cousins their age with whom to play and grow together. She wanted a husband who loved her, or at least liked her, and accepted her for who she was and wouldn’t try to change her or clip her wings.

Because most of all, Lainey needed a purpose. She wanted to do something with the life she’d been given, to make a difference in the world around her. When Elizabeth had come into their lives, her desperate situation had awoken something in Lainey. She’d always done her bit with charity work and such, but she’d never really felt fulfilled. What good was money and prestige if she didn’t do something with it?

So, she had begun thinking about how she could change the direction of her life and do something important, something fulfilling, something that would matter. And a plan had begun to take shape in her mind.

Unfortunately, her plan would require a husband.

It was too bad that the only man she’d ever really loved simply didn't want her.

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