Part 35 Asha
A month had passed since the divorce, and I hadn't expected it to hit me this hard. I'd been firm about it, convinced there was no way back for Aiden and me—and I still hadn't changed my mind. But twenty years... it's a long time to let someone go. Facing that reality, the finality of it, felt like a punch in the gut. It broke me.
For so long, I'd let hurt and resentment drive me, almost believing that once the papers were signed, relief would come, maybe even happiness. But instead, there was an emptiness, a reminder that the life I'd built had come apart. I'd told myself freedom would feel straightforward, uncomplicated. Instead, I was left sorting through fragments I hadn't expected to miss, and wondering if I'd ever feel whole again.
I looked at the empty spaces left behind—the other side of the bed, the quiet moments that used to hold our conversations, the sounds that had gradually disappeared from our home. Oddly, I missed those memories. I'd thought they'd feel like burdens I'd be glad to let go of. But now, in their absence, they felt like lingering parts of a story I needed a little more strength to let go.
It was ironic because he hadn't slept there for months, not since he moved out. And even before that, he'd already been absent in the ways that mattered. Those parts of him were given to someone else.
The hardest part was facing the fact that, despite everything, I was still hurting. Even in his absence, Aiden's presence lingered, and somehow, he could still hurt me.
I didn't forget that he cheated on me. I didn't forget that he fell in love with another woman. I didn't forget that he was lying. I didn't forget that he was a fucking asshole.
I still hated him with every fiber of my being.
But the pain was still there, and that truth had knocked me out of my feet.
Work couldn't make me forget the pain. Gardening didn't help, either. Not even time with Liam could make it disappear.
One night, I was so distraught that Isneaked into Chloe's room at night and slipped into bed beside her, just to find some warmth and comfort in holding her. In that moment, I realized just how emotionally unsteady I'd become.
I needed time and space to mourn the loss of a man who had once felt like half my soul, to regroup, and find the strength to stand on my own. I hadn't even given myself a moment to breathe after months of betrayal and the sudden end of it all.
Come to think of it, my kids hadn't had much time to adjust to the new reality either. Between their packed school schedules and exams, they hadn't had a moment to catch their breath. Chloe especially, who was the last to accept that her father wasn't coming back to live with us. She needed a break from all of this.
"Asha." I glanced over at my brother Mason, sitting on my right. We were on the couch in my living room, the three of us, with me in the middle, slouched and rested our heads on the backrest. "Your thinking's too loud. Talk to me."
"Not in the mood to talk," I mumbled.
"Tell us, Asha," Max chimed in. "Sitting there buzzing with anxiety and glaring at the door isn't going to help."
"I am not glaring at the door," I grumbled.
"You are," they both said in unison.
"Just let me glare at the door. Leave me alone."
Max sighed. "You need to let it out, Asha. Holding it all in will only make you feel worse."
I didn't know how I could feel any worse than this. Truly. I crossed my arms and sank deeper into the couch, avoiding their concerned stares. "Can't you just let me sit here in peace?"
"The divorce wrecked you. Broke you apart," Mason said casually, as though he were commenting on the weather instead of my emotional state. And as he had too many times to count, he knew exactly what I was thinking. "You need to admit that before you can even think about healing." Then, as if he'd read my mind, he added, "Say it out loud, Asha. Just thinking it in your head doesn't count."
I shot him a glare, irritation sparking. Triplet bonds. Sometimes, they sensed too much, cutting through my defenses, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
When I didn't respond, Mason continued, "You didn't expect to feel like this now that it's over. You thought you were stronger."
I sighed, conceding. He was right, yet again.
Then Max chimed in, "It made you feel like shit, and you hated Aiden even more because of it."
I sank lower into my seat.
"It's okay to hate him," Mason said. "Honestly, punching him in the face might make you feel better."
That certainly crossed my mind a few times.
"You need time to heal, Asha." Max sighed.
See? Triplet bonds. My brothers were mind readers; sadly, I couldn't do the same with them. They were far better at guarding their defenses than I was.
"How's your relationship with that start-up guy?" Mason asked.
I rolled my eyes; they always seemed to forget Liam's name; whether it was deliberate or not, I didn't know. Probably deliberate. They did the same thing to Aiden ages ago. "We're doing fine."
Actually, it wasn't fine—not on my part. Liam had been perfect as always, but my mood had been perpetually melancholy this past month. I probably didn't seem as excited about this relationship as he was.
I finally went to see his apartment, and to my surprise, it looked almost similar to what it had in my dream, as if it were some kind of premonition. The big difference was that I wasn't naked, and he didn't kneel on the floor and ate me up until I screamed.
He would definitely go for it if I just gave him the green light. But then again, I was stuck in my goddamn melancholy mood.
I knew I wasn't being fair to Liam. He had been very patient and understanding, always ready to give me the space I needed. But I realized I was keeping him at a distance while he was simply trying to support me. I need to be in the right headspace to start this with him properly.
And I think Liam sensed it. He could tell I was constantly sad and miserable, and it weighed on him, too.
I had to do something about –
"How's he taking it with you being miserable like this? You need to do something about it, Asha." Max said, interrupting my thoughts. Again, he read my mind, and I just had enough.
I smacked both my brothers on their chests with the back of my hands. "Stop it!"
"Ouch," Mason grumbled, while Max just shot me a glare while rubbing his chest.
"How about we all go on vacation?" Mason suggested after a moment of silence. "We could go somewhere cold where we can ski. I promised Kayden I'd teach him how."
"Their school break is coming up, though," I said, suddenly feeling a spark of excitement. Finally, my brothers offered a good idea. "In fact, they've just finished their exams, and I'm sure I can get permission from their school to take a break early."
"We'll rent a nice cabin," Max suggested.
"There's got to be a hot tub," Mason added.
"We should see if we can hire someone to cook for us," Max continued. "Because none of us can cook for shit."
It was true. The three of us had grown up on takeout and frozen foods. Not that we hadn't tried to cook—we'd had plenty of attempts, but we were just really bad at it.
"Kayden can," I said, earning a look of disbelief from them. "Just the basics," I clarified.
Mason shrugged. "Still better than us, though."
"We can bring Sandy with us," I suggested.
"That's even better!" Mason exclaimed, sounding relieved and happy that he wouldn't have to endure the horrible cooking from the three of us.
"The kids have twelve weeks of holiday," I said, musing to myself. "I want to see if they'd be interested in staying there that long."
"Can you take that much time off work?" Max asked. "Mason and I could only go for two weeks maximum. They wouldn't let us go for too long."
I shrugged. "I have too many accumulated leave days that I haven't used. Besides, I could have a Team call with them if they need me." But to be honest, I couldn't care less about work right now. Lately, I often find myself considering quitting my job altogether.
"It'll be good for you, Asha," Max said. "You need to get away for a while, clear your head, and forget all the terrible shits that happened to you in the past."
"You'll need to let that tech guy know, though," Mason added quietly. "But I really think some time apart will be good for both of you—a fresh start and all."
*** *** ***
I stood outside my office, staring at Liam's door, my mind racing with a million thoughts. I reflected on my life before this moment—all the mistakes I'd made and everything I'd tried to do to set things right. I wondered if I had truly succeeded.
Because I was still making mistakes.
My weakness had caused my kids to suffer, and my fear had kept me from facing the truth. I had let doubt dictate my choices, leaving me feeling trapped in a cycle of regret.
And now, one more person—a genuinely nice man who cared about me too much—was going to hurt because of my flaws.
I wasn't ready yet. I should've known this.
It was the first Friday of the month, so I knew Liam's office would be quiet. Liam, Theo, and Keith usually used these Fridays to catch up, review projects, and wrap up, so I was certain that Liam was going to be there. The timing felt right. It was private enough, with a quiet space that was perfect for the difficult conversation I needed to have.
Still, I was a nervous wreck. My thoughts spun as I made my way down the hallway, dread pooling in my stomach. I knew I would hurt him, and it felt inevitable. But I also hoped he'd understand that this wasn't about him. This was something I needed to do for both of us, to give us space to find our footing, each in our own way.
I stared at the panel by the door and pressed the bell, waiting with my nerves coiled tight. After a moment, the door swung open, and there was Liam, smiling warmly as he took me in. It broke my heart seeing how his face lit up when he saw me—I almost cried. He stepped aside, letting me in, and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Hi," he said with that familiar dimpled grin that always made me feel at ease—until now.
I managed to smile, hoping it would hide the apprehension I was carrying.
He took my hand, his grip warm and steady, and led me inside. We walked to the small seating area near the window, where the city skyline stretched beyond, serene and oblivious to the chaos inside my head. I felt his fingers give mine a reassuring squeeze as he gestured for me to sit. But instead of relaxing, I felt a tightening in my chest; the words I'd practiced so many times now caught in my throat.
"You, okay?" he asked, his gaze soft but searching.
I swallowed hard and nodded. "Where's Keith and Theo?"
Liam chuckled. "Theo had a sudden craving for lobster," he said, shaking his head. "And, as usual, Keith couldn't say no."
I glanced around the empty space. "So, it's just the two of us in here?"
"Yeah," Liam said, his gaze fixed on me, studying my face as if searching for clues.
"What's the story between those two?" I asked, partly curious but also stalling, needing just a bit more time to gather my thoughts.
Liam smiled, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "No, they're not in a relationship, if that's what you're asking. At least, not that they've shared with me. But I think they're in denial. Because it's obvious, isn't it? The way they're drawn to each other, that bit of infatuation between them."
"They're so focused on each other." I observed.
"I've known Keith since college, and he's always been a bit of a flirt, dating one girl after another," Liam said with a slight grin. "But at some point, things changed. I mean, Theo's a guy. But the thing between them wasn't sudden—it was a slow shift. After six years of working together, their relationship just evolved."
"Yeah..." I trailed off, my mind wandering back to what I needed to say.
"Asha," he said, leaning in until we were eye to eye. "There's something on your mind, isn't there? Something you need to say."
My gaze, which had been unfocused, snapped back to him. My mouth opened, then closed again—I still didn't know where to begin.
Liam offered a faint smile. "I've felt it, Asha. You've been different since the divorce was finalized."
"Liam..." I sighed.
"Are you leaving me, Asha?" His voice was small, but his brow furrowed, the muscles in his jaw tightening.
I shook my head and muttered, "Not really."
"What does that mean?" he asked, his voice gentle, but I could sense the underlying tension.
"I'm going away with my kids and my brothers. The plan came so suddenly. I'm so sorry."
He exhaled deeply, a look of relief washing over his face. "Asha, why do you feel the need to apologize? Of course, you can take a break—"
"During that time," I interjected, "perhaps we shouldn't contact each other."
I watched as Liam's entire body tightened. His expression shifted, the warmth in his eyes replaced by a flicker of confusion. "I don't understand..."
"I think I need it," I said, swallowing hard. "I need a moment to catch my breath and reset."
"For how long?" He asked.
"Twelve weeks."
"Twelve—" He paused to take a shaky breath, suddenly looking like he was suffocated. "And you don't want us to contact each other."
"Yes," I whispered, feeling my eyes begin to burn.
"Asha, you're not... please tell me you're not considering taking him back again."
"I'm not," I answered with absolute certainty. "I promise."
"Are we still together, Asha?" he asked carefully. "Are you still mine?"
Oh, God, I couldn't bring myself to say it, even though I knew I had to. It felt so heavy in my chest; the words caught in my throat like a weight I couldn't lift.
"No."
Liam stood up slowly, pressing a hand to his throat as he began to pace in front of me. Then, he abruptly halted and turned to face me. "You said you wanted to try, Asha. You said I make you happy."
"I know. I meant every word I said." Tears spilled from my eyes as I stood up, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my damp cheek against his chest, feeling the tension in his body. "I'm so sorry."
"Why, Asha?" he asked quietly, his voice a little unsteady. "Why do you need to break up with me? I can give you space. I'll wait for you, however long it takes. I want to be there for you, Asha. You don't have to do this."
"Because I'm not in the right headspace right now, Liam. I'm not emotionally okay." I pulled back slightly to meet his gaze, finding him already looking at me. "It would be selfish and wrong to pursue a relationship with you right now."
"And walking away from me is not selfish?" he asked, his voice laced with hurt.
I pulled away, my hands gently resting on his face. I took in his familiar features—those beautiful turquoise eyes and the dimpled smile that had always captivated me. I knew I would miss him so much. I fought against the urge to give in, knowing I had to remain resolute.
I tiptoed and kissed him gently on the lips. "Twelve weeks, Liam." My voice softened. "It'll pass quicker than you think."
He closed his eyes as our lips met, pulling me tight against him. "Come back to me, Asha," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'll wait for you."
In that moment, I silently hoped that when I returned, my troubles would have vanished and that he would still be there, waiting for me. God, please. Let him wait for me.
I sobbed as I rode the elevator down, tears streaming down my face as I rushed through the lobby, keeping my head lowered to avoid Brody's confused gaze. But as soon as the car door closed, I lost all control and fell apart.
Later that night, a text from Dennis broke through my fog of lingering sadness: " I just heard from Samuel that Vanessa's wedding is canceled. That bitch is single again. I wonder what Aiden will do about it now ."