Alpha King’s Secret Baby (The Runaway Mate #1)

Chapter 20

Bastien

I buried my nose in Casey’s hair and breathed her in as she scratched her nails against my scalp. A peacefulness I had never experienced washed over me, and I tightened my arms around her. The pain of what I’d discovered was no match for the bliss of being with Casey. She was soft against me, her smaller body fitting against mine like we were meant to be.

And we were fated—I could finally accept it. My blinders had been removed, and I knew I’d made a huge mistake in pushing Casey away. I’d denied myself happiness and dedicated my life to a cause based on lies. Worst of all, I’d hurt Casey in the process.

The fear of loss still gripped my heart with icy claws, but I understood that I was, in part, the architect of my own grief—at least where Casey was concerned. I was still scared of losing her. I didn’t know what our tryst meant or what Casey expected. I didn’t know how to deal with Kildaire and Tobias. But I did know what I wanted. I’d never push her away again.

Casey’s hand slid from my hair, and she shifted beneath me. I straightened. As much as I never wanted to leave her, we couldn’t stay naked and bent over the counter. I mourned the loss of her warmth as I stepped back.

We didn’t say anything as we dressed, and I enjoyed the view of her gorgeous body. Her hips were a little wider than I remembered, and her breasts were slightly bigger. Embers of jealousy sparked in my gut. It was my own fault, but I hated that she’d been with someone else. I’d pushed her away and hurt her. I wished I could change what I’d done. I didn’t have the right to feel envy when I was the one who caused all of this.

Pregnancy had treated her well. I smiled as Casey put on her pajamas. The mismatched set was loose on her, hiding the curves I longed to see and touch again. This was a different kind of intimacy. I wanted to curl up in bed with her.

I reached toward her, intending to draw her into an embrace, but she leaned back. Regret tinged her expression, and my heart skipped a beat.

“Bastien,” she said, unable to look me in the eye. “That was good. But it doesn’t change anything between us.”

My stomach sank. I hadn’t expected to walk back into her life like nothing had happened, but I’d thought this was more than meaningless sex.

“Casey, please,” I said, not above begging. My world as I knew it had collapsed, and she was my life raft. “I know I messed up big time, but tonight had to mean something.”

She looked pained.

“It’s not just me I have to think about,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. “You rejected and humiliated me in front of your pack. And now, I have Theo to consider. He’s my priority. You can’t just waltz back into my life like it’s nothing.”

“I’m aware of that, but we could try—”

“No,” she said with a firm shake of her head. “I can’t be in a relationship with someone who threw me aside like I was worthless. I’m sorry for what you found out tonight. I even understand why you didn’t want a mate, but that doesn’t erase what happened. I have to protect myself and my son.”

I swallowed. I had a lot of making up to do, but I wouldn’t give up on Casey. No matter how long it took, I would prove she could trust me. I’d wasted enough of my life on falsehoods, and Casey was the realest thing I’d ever experienced. I wasn’t letting her go, but I knew it would take time. I refused to push her.

“I understand,” I said. I wanted to plead my case, but I could see it wouldn’t get me anywhere tonight. I could take things slow, even if I still smelled her desire. I wouldn’t pressure or force her into anything. Doing so would make me no better than Kildaire or Tobias.

Casey seemed surprised I agreed so easily, but she nodded and said, “Thank you.”

I had more to say, but I resisted. There was an awkward moment of silence. It was time for me to return to my shitty motel, but I wanted to soak up Casey’s presence for a little longer.

“What will you do about the pack and Kildaire now that you know the truth?” she asked.

My stomach clenched, and my anger and grief crept back in now that the moment with Casey had well and truly faded.

“I don’t know,” I said, not liking to admit it. I wasn’t the type to sit around and wring my hands. I valued action. “I want Kildaire and Tobias to pay for what they did, but I can’t take them down alone.”

Going home and demanding vengeance would only get me killed. As the Alpha, Kildaire was extremely powerful, and the pack would protect him. I was one against dozens.

An image of my mom—her face gray and her cheeks gaunt—flashed into my head. I’d watched her slip away, powerless to stop it.

Casey placed her hand on my arm, pulling me out of the memory. I leaned into her touch.

“You don’t have to figure it out now,” she said, her voice soft and full of compassion. “Take some time to process before you decide what to do. I know you want justice, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own life. Revenge isn’t worth it if you’re dead.”

It struck me how much better she was than the pack I was raised in. She hadn’t been brainwashed into a life of duty and servitude, living under threat and going to war with others. She didn’t solve things with force.

Fate knew what it was doing when it made us for each other.

“You’re right,” I said, nodding. “I’ll take the time to think.”

“Good,” she said.

She must feel something for me if she doesn’t want me to go on a suicide mission.

It gave me hope.

“I should get going. It’s late,” I said.

“Yeah,” she agreed.

I resisted the urge to take her in my arms again.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said, lingering at the entry.

She pressed her lips together, and I longed to taste them.

“Goodnight, Bastien,” she said. It wasn’t goodbye.

I left her store, waiting to make sure she locked the door behind me.

I felt disconnected and fractured as I returned to my motel. I’d come to town with a mission—bring back Frankie, the surviving member of the group who dared to resist Kildaire. The last thing I expected was to find Casey or discover the truth about my parents’ deaths—no, their murders. The dichotomy of my emotions threatened to tear me in two.

Casey was my light in the darkness that I’d refused to see. But now? Sex with her hadn’t been merely physical. I felt the connection forming between us and no longer wished to resist it. I would prove to her that I’d changed and wouldn’t hurt her again, no matter how long it took. I’d let her set the pace, just like I’d done tonight, even if that meant sticking to friendship for however long she needed.

I sprawled across the uncomfortable motel bed, staring at the popcorn ceiling. It had been a night of disparate emotions, from the lowest lows to the highest highs. Memories of Casey and visions of revenge swirled through my head, but I knew I couldn’t have one without giving up the other. Could I put aside my need for vengeance? If Casey was in my life, maybe so.