Alpha Protector (Shadow Sentinels World #3)

Chapter 7

S hannon

I lay in the dark in Becca’s spare room, listening to the house settle as the heat bled from it. Becca had checked on me a little while ago. I’d heard her approach, so I’d willed my body to stop trembling and had done my best impression of sleep while she hovered in the doorway.

I didn’t want to get Becca in trouble, but I needed to get out of this damned house. The walls were closing in on me, and even though I hated myself for it, the craving for a drink clawed at my insides. It would rip me open if I didn’t get one and soon.

Forcing thoughts of Stone’s threats from my pounding head, I slid out from under the covers and pulled on my jeans, followed by my boots and jacket. Despite the low temperature in the room, a drop of sweat ran down my forehead. I dove for the ensuite as my stomach expelled the three mouthfuls of tomato soup I’d managed to eat a few hours ago. I tried to fill the glass by the sink with water, but it fell from my fingers.

“Shit.”

I couldn’t even pick the damned thing up again. Giving up, I cupped my hand under the tap and scooped cool water into my mouth. Grateful for the mouthwash by the sink, I swilled out the bitter after-vomit taste. Though I'd washed it a few hours ago, my hair felt lank and thick with dirt and sweat. Glancing at my reflection didn’t do anything for my self-respect. I was a mess.

Breathing hard, my heart slamming against my ribs, I crept out of the bathroom and across the floor, missing the squeaky board I’d noticed earlier. Becca was a shifter, too, so I’d have to be stealthy to get out of here undetected. I moved to the top of the stairs just as a deep voice chuckled, followed by Becca’s light giggle. Shit. Lionel. I knew they had chemistry but had no idea they'd gotten as far as visiting each other’s houses. There was no way I’d get past the lion shifter undetected.

I glanced back at the window. “Fuck it.” I carefully unlatched it and swung it open. I’d get through. Just. But the drop would be a bitch. Shifters were heavy but not easily hurt. Normally. But I wasn’t fit or even strong. I was sick, and I knew it. Just like Stone had said.

I looked back at the bed, wishing I didn’t need to leave. But I did. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. He’d be so pissed off at me. But even the threat of his ‘punishment’ didn’t stop my craving. Besides, if he tried slapping my backside like I was an errant child, I’d kick his arse, and he knew it. The fact that I was so weak and had no chance of kicking anyone’s arse wasn’t something I wanted to dwell on.

I climbed onto the window sill and, grabbing the frame in my shaking fingers, turned to face the room before shimmying my legs out. Frightened I’d made too much noise, I stilled, my belly on the frame and my feet dangling towards the ground. Another deep laugh rumbled, but it was quieter, as if they’d moved into the kitchen. Good. It made getting out of the house undetected easier. I pushed through and let myself slide further down, but my trembling hands and arms couldn’t take my weight, and my grip gave way. I fell towards the ground. Pain rippled through my ankle and lower leg as I landed hard in a crumpled heap, banging my head on the ground. My brain rattled, and a small cry escaped into the night.

Adrenaline coursed through my body, making me shake harder, and my already thrumming heart raced faster still. Breathing hard, I lay still, listening for the stomping approach of an angry Alpha. Another giggle came from the distant kitchen. I loosed a shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut. I’d be able to get to the bar. Now, all I had to do was move. A drink would dull the pain and my shakes. It always did.

As I rolled onto my back and stared at the clear, starry sky, all I could see was Stone’s stern face. The disappointment in his eyes when he realised I’d run. My lungs felt like they were full of water, and I was drowning in shame. Shit! What the fuck am I doing? The stars blurred, and I blinked before rubbing the dampness from my eyes. I wished my life was different. No, I wished it had been different. That my father hadn’t been a cruel fucker. That I was different. Stronger. Enough to say fuck you to my dad and actually mean it. I wished Ava hadn’t left me alone with him when I was so young. But most of all, I wished I was good enough for Stone, that I wasn’t broken, that I didn’t have the blood and genes of the man who’d killed his mate running in my veins. The very thought disgusted me to the point that I only wanted to replace it. With alcohol if necessary.

Crawling on my hands and knees, I made it to Becca’s car and hoisted myself upright, biting my lip to keep from crying out as I tried to put weight on my ankle. I tried the car door. Locked.

Shit!

It was a long way to the Black Orchid. Too far for me to hobble with a sprained ankle. Despair hit me. For some reason, the thought of Stone finding me on the driveway outside the house was worse than him discovering me in the Orchid rat-arse drunk. I blinked to clear my vision, inhaling against the tightness in my chest. No, I wouldn’t give up and just sit in the cold all night. Maybe I could shift. My wolf could heal my ankle, and I’d get to the Orchid before it closed. She whined, her essence vague and weak. My poor wolf. She was always weak these days.

You are weak, stupid and selfish. No good for anything except fucking… I blinked as my dad’s voice grated through my head. Mother fucker! I needed oblivion from his voice. His godsdamned voice. It followed me everywhere. Never letting up. Telling me how useless I was. That I’d never amount to anything. I fisted my hands, and my unkempt nails scored my palms , the pain grounding me and dulling his hateful words.

Hope had turned as cold as the Winter Kingdom. The frigid air seeped into my bones, amping up my shivering as sweat evaporated from my skin. I had no watch, but it had to be really late or perhaps really early. There were still some lights on in the houses, but not many. It didn’t matter. I knew the Orchid stayed open until dawn, so I’d be fine.

My teeth creaked as I gritted my jaw. I would get there. All I needed was that burn of rose water to warm my insides and settle my nerves, and I’d be fine. Sudden and vicious clenching of my stomach had me bent over at the waist, dry heaving. Bile stung my throat and mouth. A sob wrenched from me, but I wouldn’t give in; my goal was the Orchid and that’s where I was going. I panted, looking at Becca’s front door and fully expecting an angry lion shifter to come barrelling through it and drag me back inside. I had to get out of here or I’d never make it, and I’d be a monkey’s fucking uncle if I’d let Stone dictate when I could or couldn’t walk around and make my own decisions. If I wanted a drink or a fuck, I’d have one.

Except…that wasn’t true. I didn’t want to fuck anyone. I just needed a drink. Then, when Stoney tracked me down, he could rip into me, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.

My ability to change had always come naturally, but no matter how hard I tried, there was no pulling my shifter spirit forward. She whimpered, her guilt and shame only increasing mine. Fine. No shifting, then. Blowing out a trembling breath, I set off, biting my cheek to keep from crying out with every painful and desperate step.