Alpha Protector (Shadow Sentinels World #3)

Chapter 10

S hannon

My recovery was slow. For the first few days, my brain was foggy, and it was scary as hell. I didn’t know who or where I was some days. Stone’s face swam in front of mine, along with others I didn’t recognise. Fear was my constant companion, but it always took a back seat to my fatigue when Stone was close. He settled me and my wolf enough that I could relax and know no one would hurt me while he was around.

My father’s ghost would often be by my side telling me how useless I was, that this was all my fault, that the gorgeous male sitting beside me would never respect me and definitely never love someone as worthless as me. My ability to block out his sneering smile and his words was pretty well nonexistent. Maybe because deep down, I knew he was right. On my worst days, I found him impossible to ignore and almost drowned in self-loathing.

Somehow though, when my father wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone, Stone always knew. He’d demand my attention, make me get my weak body off the bed, make me eat or drink, give me a book and demand I read to him. Basically, he’d irritate me enough I’d curse his arse to hell and back. But he never left. Never lost his temper. And never once insulted me.

Today was a bad day. Rationally, I knew Daddy dearest wasn’t right next to me. But that didn’t help. The scars I carried ran deep.

“He’s not here, Shan.”

A warm hand landed on my forearm. Involuntarily, my whole body relaxed. His touch did more to relieve the shadows in my mind than any medication or clever treatments the Fae had. My wolf immediately settled, and I released a sigh, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to hide the wetness in them.

“I know that. Really, I do. It’s just…he seems so fucking real ….”

“Hey.” Stone’s gentle command washed over me. And that’s what that one word was, a command to open my eyes and look at him. Part of me wanted to comply, but the other part, which had been fighting all my life for independence and control, wanted to do the exact opposite.

Still, I was too tired to fight. When I turned my face his way, I drowned in his mercury eyes. Mother Wolf, he was so intense. Yet, I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to. That commanding stare had gotten me through the worst periods of my life. Not just recently, but when I’d fallen apart after surviving the fight rings and hated myself so much, the only reason I had to go home was to look into those eyes and make them flash with fury at me. He’d been my anchor for so long; even when I thought I was pushing him away, he’d been the one that kept me breathing….

“He’s not there.” His repeated words were firm, soothing my growing anxiety.

I twisted my hands together. The shakes had settled this last day or so, but now he was back, and so were they. “I know he’s not real, but I still see him. I still hear him.”

There was a moment of silence. “What’s he saying to you?”

I shook my head. I was more than grateful that Stone was in my corner, especially when he had better things to do than babysit me while I was so pathetic, but there was no way I’d ever tell him what my father said to me. I was too scared he’d agree. I mean, he already thought I was dangerous to everyone he loved and that I was a liability. But, somehow, admitting my father’s predictions out loud would make him right, and I couldn’t because if I admitted that, what would I have left to live for…?

“Shannon.”

I jumped, my attention flying back to him. “I-I can’t.”

His lips pressed together, and I looked away, unwilling to weather his disappointment. I was surprised when the side of the bed dipped, and I tilted towards where his bulk squashed the mattress. His big hands curled around my upper arms. Not hard, but firmly enough that I couldn’t ignore him. I blinked. Or perhaps he was just trying to stop me from falling off the bed. I suddenly felt tiny compared to him. It wasn’t a new sensation, but I’d always fought it, determined to be seen as stronger and tougher than I really was.

I was a bitch on purpose because it was the only way I could cope with the confused feelings that surfaced when he was near. My control was shredded when he was close, and I wanted things I had no business wanting. But there was no escaping him now. His scent drifted up my nose, and I wanted to curl against his solid chest and melt into the comfort he offered. I fisted my hands in the sheets, the desire to wrap my arms around his waist almost my undoing. My eyes burned as my father stood beside us, laughing derisively.

You are not good enough. He’s only here because of Connor. He has to be here. He doesn’t want to be. You’re wasting his time….

“Shannon, No matter what bullshit he’s cemented into your head in the past, it’s not true.”

What a lying piece of shit. You’re a fucking waste of space. He’s going to leave you soon…

A hot tear escaped and ran down my cheek. I wanted to wipe it away, but Stone caught it on his thumb. His soft curse as he scooped it off my skin made me look at him. His face softened, but his eyes remained as intense as ever. My breath caught as he slid his thumb between the softness of his lips and sucked. Heat bloomed on my cheeks despite my exhaustion, and the soft skin between my legs pulsed. I watched, fascinated, as he swallowed my tear and pulled his thumb from between his lips. It glistened, and all I wanted was to catch his wrist, slide it between my lips and taste him. Fuck, I was screwed. I’d always thought Stone the sexiest male I’d ever seen, but now that I’d admitted it to myself, I couldn’t push him away, and it was getting so hard to fight his pull.

In a gentle move, he hooked his fingers under my jaw. “Whatever he’s saying to you, he’s wrong. Don’t shed one more single tear because of him. Your tears belong to me now.”

My eyes widened. Did he really mean that?

His mouth stretched into a slow and sexy smile when I continued to stare at him, my mouth slack.

“Speechless? Well, that’s new. And, just in case you don’t believe me…” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against the corner of my mouth, and then he shocked the fuck out of me by kissing the corner of each eye, the tip of his tongue flicking out and scooping up any remaining dampness. By the time he pulled back, I was a mess of heavy breaths and a pounding heart.

He licked his lips and sat back, his eyes glinting dangerously. I tracked his movements. He'd said I was his, that he wasn’t letting me go. I remembered that even through the mess of foggy memories of the past few weeks, but I hadn’t believed he really meant it. We were always fighting and pushing each other away. Or had it always just been me? The air crackled between us. I fought to hold that heated stare, but it was doing things to me that I couldn’t deal with. Instead, I dropped my attention and stared at the pulse beating strongly in his throat.

Even if he did mean those words, nothing changed the fact that I was an alcoholic and still wasn’t good enough for him…

“Where is he?”

Stone’s growl pulled my attention back to him.

“I-I….” My father was standing right in front of Stone, a dangerous as fuck glint in his eyes that had always terrified me. It meant there was more coming than just words.

“I know he’s real for you, Shan, but we can fight him together until he really is nothing but a bad fucking memory.”

Together? Did he really mean that? I bit my upper lip, pulling the soft pulp between my teeth. Stone’s eyes dropped to my nervous movement, purple flashing across his pupils before he abruptly stood.

“Tell me where he is.”

I had no idea what he would do, but Doherty’s ghost just smirked as I looked between him and my self-proclaimed protector.

“Shannon? Where is he? Don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Shit, he sounded pissed off, but that warning flare of magic in his eyes was so pretty that it almost made me want to defy him longer. Yet, I was also desperate to wipe out my father’s presence. Stone was right; Doherty had fucked up my life for long enough; maybe he really could help me get rid of that smarmy fucking ghost. I pointed to a spot by the bed. Standing there, in his usual grey business suit, my father crossed his arms and glowered at me. Stone stepped right into the exact spot, forcing the apparition to disintegrate. If only it was that easy to get rid of his voice grating through my brain.

Stone cocked his head. “Here?”

I nodded, expecting my father to appear next to the giant that was Stone, but he didn’t.

“Keep your eyes on me, Shan. Whenever he appears, and I’m here, you tell me, and we eliminate him together. You understand?”

My heart squeezed. He meant it. I could see it in his eyes and the determined set of his jaw. Stone was a stubborn motherfucker when he wanted, and if he’d decided we were going to defeat my father’s ghost together, then he’d not take no for an answer. For the first time in…forever, it truly felt like someone was in my corner. Tension bled from my neck and shoulders, and I reached out, my fingers grasping onto his. His expression, as he cocked his head and studied my fingers curled around his, sent butterflies into flight in my chest. It was strange to feel shy, almost nervous, around a male I’d known for so long.

“Thank you,” I whispered, looking up into his face. His sharp canines made an appearance, and my breath caught. His smile was a rare thing, but it transformed his features from beautiful and deadly into something that stole every bit of oxygen from my lungs. I rubbed my chest with my other hand, trying to ease the ache.

“Has he gone?” Stone rumbled, not taking his attention from me.

That unwavering focus was a lot. I’d never been able to handle it. Whenever he made me feel out of control or nervous, I’d push back, but with my fingers now wrapped in his and nowhere to run, I couldn’t hide from the way every cell in my body pulled towards him. I cleared my throat.

“Yes. He disappeared as soon as you took his spot.”

Stone lowered himself until he was kneeling by the bed, not once releasing my hand. “Good. Remember that. You’ll tell me when he’s bothering you, and I’ll slay that fucking demon for you. Every. Single. Time. You hear me?”

There was no mistaking his command. And I wanted to comply. “But you're not always around.” Pointing that out made me sound weak, but it was true. Even Stone had to sleep.

He gave me a smile that was as possessive as it was reassuring. “I’m working on that. While I do, we’ll work on how you can fight him with me and without me.”

I didn’t answer, but I nodded. Was that even possible? I’d always fought to be physically strong, but no matter what I did, it was just physiology that shifter females weren’t as strong as most males. That didn’t mean we were weak; we just had to learn what our specific strengths were and work on them. I’d made sure I could fight and use weapons with as much skill as any of my male counterparts, but my weakness wasn’t physical. It went far deeper than that. And it seemed Stone knew it. Or at least some of it. No one knew exactly how my father had used what he thought were my best assets. Shame heated my cheeks, but I held onto my hope that Stone would think it was because I was embarrassed by my inability to handle this alone.

“We can do it, Shannon. You can do it.” The light brush of his fingers on my cheek was warm and soothing. “You just have to believe you can.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled through my nose. “It’s not that easy.”

“I never said it would be easy, but I believe in you enough for the both of us—for now.”

His words reached a broken and raw part of me, and I wanted to cry. No one had ever said they believed in me. Instead, I swallowed the ache in my throat and rapidly blinked the burn from my eyes.

Stone gave me another small, sexy smile. “It’s okay to cry, baby, I’m here to catch your tears. They’re mine anyway, remember?”

So that’s what I did. I cried for everything my father had said and done, for my loneliness, for all the years I’ve hated myself, because I still did, and because, for once, I had someone to cry with who didn’t think my tears made me weak.