Chapter 23 #4
It was the truth. All thoughts of escaping him and this room had been burned away by the pure lust he stoked inside her.
When he released her hands, she buried her fingers in his hair, raking her nails along his scalp.
He groaned and slid his hand to the curve of her ass, drawing her pelvis up until she ground against his thick, iron-hard erection.
She gasped, and he easily lifted her, urging her to twine her legs around his waist. His other hand found her breast. His thumb circled her nipple, loosing darts of pleasure that shot straight into her core.
Her hips bucked, and he growled, lowering her to the bed.
He bent over her, kissing her deeply, both of his hands palming her breasts. His fingers plucked at her nipples. She cried out, aching and desperate.
“Selene, I love you.” He breathed against her lips. “I love you with all that I am. Please tell me you know that. I need you to hear it. To believe it.”
Her body shuddered at his admission; his words fed a deep craving she’d only been partly aware of. She knew Fenris loved her. His actions were a testament to that. But listening to him say it . . .
“I know,” Selene whispered. “I know you love me.”
There was more to say. Her own feelings remained closely guarded, locked away to protect her heart. But in this moment, the truth took a siege engine to the walls she’d kept in place. If there were ever a time to be honest, to take the risk of baring her soul, it was here and now.
And yet, she couldn’t. If she told Fen she was falling in love with him, that in truth she was already in love, so deeply she knew she would never resurface, that admission would forever be tied to the pain she felt knowing she was about to lose Natalie. A loss Fenris could spare her.
When his hand slid between her legs, cupping her sex, she arched into his touch and abandoned thought for sensation. Her body offered pleasure and reprieve—her mind was a trap.
Fen lifted his head and captured her gaze. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” she gasped when his fingers stroked her, hating the barriers of fabric between them. “Oh god, Fen, that feels so good.”
His deft touch was a promise of blissful oblivion. His hungry mouth on her skin left her ravenous for him in turn. He made the world fall away, leading her to a place where she could be a wild creature, where she was beholden to nothing but carnal desire.
“Stay with me.” He trailed kisses over her cheek, her jaw, her throat. “Let me make love to you all night. I need to feel you wrapped around me, to bury my cock deep inside you. To hear you scream when you come apart. Again. And again. And again.”
He lifted his body enough to find the button at the waistband of her jeans and free it, then slowly lower the zipper. His hand slid over her stomach, lower, beneath the fabric of her panties to tease the delicate skin there.
“Will you stay, Selene?”
Through the fog of lust, Selene found his intent gaze. His dark-gray irises were alight with desire, storming with need, but fear flickered through them as well.
He doesn’t mean tonight. That’s not what he’s asking me.
And I can’t say yes. I can’t.
Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “Stop.”
Fen stilled. “Selene.”
“Let me up.” It hurt to say the words. Like ripping vital pieces of herself to shreds. “Please, Fenris.”
If he touched her again, she was lost.
A knot of relief and disappointment tangled in her heart when he pulled his hand away and slowly stood. She pushed herself upright until she was sitting on the bed, then zipped and buttoned her jeans, unable to meet his gaze, all too aware of how closely Fen watched her every movement.
“Selene,” he said again.
When she looked at him, his expression was stricken. “I wasn’t . . . I need you to know I didn’t plan to seduce you. I always . . . I want you so much. I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Neither could I,” she said softly. “I’m not angry, Fen. I know you wouldn’t manipulate me like that. You love me.”
“I do.”
She stood up. When he reached for her, she moved toward the door. “And I need you in ways I still don’t understand. But I—”
She couldn’t finish. There weren’t words to convey the heartache ripping through her, a pain that rent her very being yet couldn’t override her conviction that staying with Fenris would take her down a path she couldn’t follow. Not when they were so fundamentally at odds with one another.
He followed her into the living area. “Where are you going?”
“Home.” She turned to face him. “To Allie. To my life. To reality, where everything hurts right now.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.” Fen’s voice was on the verge of breaking.
She shook her head. “I wish that were true, Fenris.”
“It is,” he insisted. “I will give you all that I have, Selene. All that I am. You know that.”
She did know that, but it was only a partial truth. Too much remained that forced them apart.
“This is a dream.” Selene gestured to the space around them. “A beautiful dream, and I want it so badly.”
She hated that she began to cry. Crying felt like weakness at best, at worst like manipulation, but there was no helping it. “A dream is all it will ever be. There is no future for us if Natalie dies. That’s the truth, Fenris. And no matter how much I want you, that truth won’t change.”
Fen’s body went rigid, myriad emotions rolling through his gaze too swiftly for her to follow. “I wish you could understand why I must see this through.”
He was desperate to persuade her to accept his point of view—that the law was immutable. That it was more powerful than his own wishes. His voice was edged with raw emotion: his rage and frustration, his sorrow.
“But that’s what you don’t seem to realize, Fen.
” Drawing on the scraps of will she could muster, Selene went to him and took his hands, twining her fingers with his.
“I can see things from your perspective. I know why you’re making this choice and why you believe it’s justified.
I understand what you’re doing. I see all of that, and I still know you’re wrong.
You’re the one who refuses to even consider a different resolution.
An outcome that’s justice, not retribution. ”
She was just as desperate for him to hear what she was saying, to know that every word came from her breaking heart. And most of all, for him to grasp that there could be no future for them if he refused to bend.
“I’m sorry that’s what you think I’m doing,” Fen said stiffly. “I promise you, it isn’t. That’s not who I am.”
“I know, Fenris,” she replied, choking out the words as grief strangled her. “I know who you are. That’s just another reason you’re breaking my heart.”
Lifting onto her tiptoes, she pressed a brief kiss to his lips and turned away. Tears continued to fall. She wept for Natalie. And for Fen. And for herself. And most of all, for the promise of love torn to shreds.
Selene heard him call her name as she fled the room and down the hall. But she knew there would be no going back.
Goodbye, Fenris.