4. North
Chapter 4
North
L ogically, I’m aware I’m not making any sense.
Logically, I should have never been in Ranen’s apartment to begin with. So it’s probably a good thing I’m a monster who functions on impulse instead of logic, since I have a feeling the only reason the asshole who attacked him left was because he heard me coming into the apartment.
I told Ranen a lie—okay, maybe a few lies. They were small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, especially when I realized exactly how much he needed saving… exactly how much softer he looked in person.
I’ve never held a body in my arms that was bleeding and felt anything other than a burning sense of satisfaction. When I’d picked Ranen up, some small part of me had felt that burn, yes. It felt right, holding him. It felt like some part of me had come home and made a nest between my ribs, sinking in hooks and nails and teeth.
But a bigger part of me was furious that I couldn’t follow the man who had disappeared through his window just as I came into the room.
If it had been anyone else, I would have left the bleeding, broken man on the floor and followed after that figure so I could spend days, weeks, months taking it apart and making it scream.
But it wasn’t anyone else.
It was Ranen.
And I found myself physically incapable of letting him go.
Now I find myself fighting the urge to murder again . Whoever the fuck Olly is, he’s dancing dangerously close to me dragging him out of the room and seeing how creative I can get using hospital equipment. Honestly, it’s only Ranen’s tired eyes looking between us, so full of trauma and hurt, and knowing that I might get in trouble if I kill someone in the middle of a hospital that holds me back.
I still make a point to stay in the only chair beside Ranen’s bed, so Olly gets the very clear message that I’m not going anywhere as long as he’s here. He lingers for another half hour until Ranen finally tells him to go home and get some rest. He leaves, but his eyes are all for the man in the bed beside me.
I want to pluck them out and stomp on them. I manage to keep myself steady instead, but I do offer Olly a smug smile as he leaves.
His glare makes my chest feel warm.
“You can go too. You don’t have to stay.” Ranen turns his eyes on me next, and I shake my head before he can keep talking.
“I’ll stay.”
“You don’t—”
“I’m staying, Ranen. I’ll make sure you’re safe so you can rest.” Never mind that it still doesn’t make sense. He’s in a hospital; he’s probably completely safe here between the staff and security, but I don’t trust them. And I see it when something akin to relief sweeps through his gaze. I smile at him, and it takes me a second to realize that it feels so foreign on my lips because I mean it. His relief makes something in me feel good.
“I guess… if you insist.” I reach out and brush my fingers lightly along the back of his hand, careful not to press against any of the bruises that litter his skin while I silently take stock of every single one of them. When I find the asshole who hurt him, I’ll return them tenfold.
“I’ll stay.” I say it again, and it’s a promise that seems to catch between us both like some invisible tether. He accepts it, maybe because he’s afraid, or maybe because some part of him is giving in to the trauma of being attacked and the fact that I was the person who saved him. I hold it close to my chest because there’s no other answer. This was the feeling I was missing earlier when I killed Austin—this satisfaction . And then there’s a burning excitement for the future. I’m not going anywhere; I didn’t kill whoever attacked Ranen.
I don’t know if they’re going to try again. Judging by the way they hurt him, by the way he screamed for help, it was something personal—they were someone who’s done this before. My instincts were right to lead me here. Something was off , and I felt it. Ranen was afraid before, and he’d been terrified when he screamed for help. He was hurt.
I refuse to let that happen again.
The cops are useless. They called earlier and let Ranen know they checked his place over but didn’t find any evidence—I could tell by the way the asshole spoke he was judging Ranen for his occupation, so they’re no help.
Even though the injuries look horrible, the nurse tells us he’ll be released soon, as long as everything stays steady on his charts. He’s mostly covered in bruises and a few tiny fractures—it’s nothing that won’t heal with a little extra care. The words extra care are said with emphasis, and it takes me a second to realize Ranen’s nurse is staring at me when he says it. He’s a pretty man, slender and willowy in a way that makes him seem like he could have been a dancer in another life.
It would probably be easy to kill him too, and I think about it when his hand lingers on Ranen’s arm for a few seconds too long. It makes me loathe to leave the hospital, but if I’m going to follow through with what I’m thinking—and I know I am—I have to go for at least a few hours.
I wait until they dope Ranen up with pain medication, though I have a feeling it’s more to make sure he gets a good night’s rest without nightmares than for the actual pain, before I stand. I only take a step out of the room after I double-check that no one is lingering in the bathroom and the windows are locked tight. When I’m sure the only way someone will get to Ranen is if they get through me, I pull out my phone and dial a number I know by heart.
It takes three rings before my dad answers, and his voice is gruff and thick with sleep. I didn’t bother to check the time, and I feel no guilt when he sighs.
“Did you kill someone?”
“No.” Fuck, do I sound angry about that? Yes. I’m furious I didn’t catch the man who was in Ranen’s apartment. I’m furious I can’t promise him that the fucker died screaming. Or maybe I’m angry because I can’t offer to let Ranen deliver the killing blow so he can feel that satisfaction.
Not that Ranen looks like a killer. There’s something soft about him. Something sweet. The person who exists in his live show is a performance and I know that, but the bruised man on the bed who looks at me with wide eyes?
I want to know him even more than I wanted to know the man on the screen. I want all the pieces of him. The drive is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. It flows into all those places that have been feeling so empty lately, even when I’m killing. I can’t explain it, and I’m not going to question it.
Which means I need a favor.
“North? It’s midnight. If you didn’t kill someone or you haven’t lost a limb, I’m going back to bed.” My dad still sounds half asleep, and I find myself thankful that he knows who I am. Hell, he raised me to be exactly this person. He saw in me the same things he’d always seen in himself—that violence, that darkness, that danger—and instead of trying to change me, trying to make me into something I wasn’t, he taught me to embrace it from a young age. He taught me how to keep myself safe.
And now I’m breaking one of the cardinal rules—I’m getting attached to someone who could never really see who I am beneath the mask I wear.
He’ll forgive me later.
“I need you to come to the hospital.”
“Hospital?” he parrots, concern clear in his voice. “I was joking about the limb thing, North. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I cut him off before he can work himself into thinking I’m half dead in a hospital bed. “I need you to watch someone for me.”
Maybe I can use the fact that I’m in public to my advantage.
“Who?”
“I was…” I frown, thinking about how to phrase this. “I found someone interesting.”
“Someone interesting?” I can already hear the apprehension in his voice.
“Yes. He was attacked, and the man who did it got away. I really don’t want him to be alone while I try to figure it out .”
Hopefully he’ll come to the conclusion that this isn’t about Ranen at all—if he thinks it’s about the hunt, the thrill of chasing after someone who’d attacked a random man, Dad will probably be more inclined to grant me my favor without question. As long as he isn’t in the room with both of us at the same time, I’m safe.
Probably.
“Figure it out? You’re hunting a predator, hm?”
“That’s right.” It’s so much easier when he’s the one filling in the blanks.
“Did you get bored, North? I thought you were terrorizing the city just to hear about yourself in the news.” He really shouldn’t sound as fond as he does, but he knows I was being safe, that I could get away with it. It’s true, too. I’d escalated specifically for the thrill of it, the desire to feel something.
It’s strange that even with all the elaborate planning and precaution I’d taken, I’m feeling more now with the need to take care of Ranen than I had then.
My eyes flash into the room behind me, to the man laying on the hospital bed. His red hair brushing his forehead, the bruises so clear on his pale skin.
Bored isn’t the right word. I’d felt so empty. And now? Well, now I’m…
Obsessed? Just a little maybe.
“Can you come? If the guy comes back, I need to make sure someone’s here to catch him.”
For a second, he’s silent. I worry that I’ve let on more than I meant to, but after another breath, he sighs. “Give me half an hour. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I hang up before he has a chance to ask any more questions, and lean back against Ranen’s door.
It won’t take me long to do everything I need to do, but I already feel dread building in my chest at the thought of leaving Ranen alone, even if I know he won’t wake up anytime soon. Inviting my dad into my personal affairs when I’m not sure how to explain the emotions growing a life of their own in my chest is probably a bad idea.
I look at Ranen one more time and realize I really don’t care. Seeing him in person, holding him, feeling how fragile his body was in my arms? I’m ready to burn the entire rulebook if it means I can keep him.
Yeah, obsessed is probably the right word.
Exactly half an hour later, Dad comes around the corner with a curious expression in his dark eyes. He’s a few inches shorter than me, and his dark hair is going gray at the temples, but he’s aged well. Maybe it’s because we both work with our hands—just because we both kill doesn’t mean we don’t have to pay bills. I’ve always assumed I inherited my monster from him. My mother died when I was young, but from all accounts, she was… sweet.
I sometimes wonder if her loss is the reason Dad tells me not to get involved with anyone, but I haven’t bothered questioning him on it. Until Ranen, the thought of caring about someone enough to get attached was laughable.
I make sure not to look back into the room again when I step forward.
“Sorry I woke you. I just need a few hours to track some things down.” It’s a lie. I need a few hours to clear Ranen’s apartment and get shit set up. The police are already done, and I took Ranen’s key out of his bag.
“When your friend is out of the hospital, how about you bring him over and tell me all about it?” The way he emphasizes the word friend almost makes me frown. I’m not that transparent, am I? I shrug instead of reacting.
“Sure. His nurse should be by soon to give him more medication. You’ll probably be bored… You know I like to be careful, though.”
“You’re usually very careful, North.”
Shit. I’m not fooling him at all. I smile as innocently as I can and start heading down the hallway.
“I’ll explain everything when we’re out of the hospital, okay?”
That was probably a lie, too... but if it meant I could get him off my back for now, I was going to take it. Dad frowns at me, but there’s something in his dark expression, a little ounce of indulgence that tells me I’m getting away with this.
At least for now.
For now is all I need.
I walk to my car and drive straight to my house. I need weapons, and I need to pack a few bags. Just like with my Dad, I’m going on the thought that it will be easier to ask forgiveness than permission. So… I’m not giving Ranen a choice. I’m not going to leave him at his apartment, but I want to make sure I can lure out the asshole who tried to hurt him.
At the end of the day, there’s really only one option. There’s only ever been one option.
I can’t leave him alone.