Chapter Thirteen
Her mouth drops open. “Never?”
“How can that possibly surprise you?”
“I…” She pauses, and again I can almost see the cogs working in her brain. She knows about my sexual history with Addie, that it involved kink. She knows I own a BDSM club. She knows my proclivities. Why is my revelation so surprising?
“You’ve really never just made love?” she finally says. “Without all the…”
“The word you’re looking for is kink, Skye. Without all the kink.”
She clears her throat. “Yeah. The kink. The dominance.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because”—I clear my throat—“I’ve never had the desire to. Not until now.”
It’s the truth. The unadulterated truth. I want to make love. I want to kiss her flesh, and I want her to kiss mine. I want to sink my cock into her pussy without her being bound, gagged, blindfolded.
“All right, Braden. I’ll go up with you.”
A few moments later, we’re in my hotel room. The bed is queen-sized, not what we’re used to when we’re together, but still, it seems perfect.
It’s understated. Old. Vintage.
I stand and stare at Skye.
“Well…?” she says.
I smile, which is unusual for me. I’ve smiled a lot since I got to Kansas. “I’m not sure where to start.”
“You’ve never had that problem before,” she says.
“You’re right, because I’ve always known where I’m going. Even when you challenged me at every corner, I knew where I was going and I ultimately got there. The fact that you made me work for it was part of the game.”
“We were a game?”
“I don’t mean it in a bad way, Skye, but you know as well as I do that we were playing a game of cat and mouse.”
She sighs. She knows.
“Somewhere along the line I fell in love,” I say. “And not because you succumbed to me eventually.”
“Then why?”
I chuckle. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve asked myself that question? And the only answer I’ve come up with is that love isn’t always rational.”
“So loving me is irrational? That’s not really a compliment, Braden.”
“That’s not what I mean. You’re smart, and you’re beautiful. You’re talented. And God, you’re a challenge. I once told you that you’re my Everest. You are. Even after you gave up all your control to me, you’re still a challenge. I just didn’t expect…”
“What?”
“To fall in love.” I pause a moment. “Usually, after I conquer something, I go on to the next thing.”
“And you feel you’ve conquered me?”
“No. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What exactly are you saying, then?”
When I respond, I’m honest. I bare myself to her. “Whether I conquer you is no longer the issue. The issue is that I’m in love with you, and I have no desire to go on to the next thing.” I sigh. “Never in my life have I had a desire for vanilla sex. But damn it, Skye, I want to make love to you. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me. I don’t want to take away any of your senses. I don’t want to deprive you of an orgasm or punish you. I don’t want to tie you up this time. I just want to lie next to you, as your equal, and make love to you.”
Again, I pause. She opens her mouth, but I gesture her not to talk yet.
“And Skye?”
“Yes?”
“I’m fucking…”
“What, Braden? What?”
I’m ready to admit something to her—something I’ve only recently admitted to myself. It’s daunting. It’s dangerous. But it’s so very real and true. I’m vulnerable. I’m vulnerable to her. I fear I’m not ready for it.
“I’m scared, Skye. Fucking scared, and I’ve never been scared of anything in my adult life.”
She melts into my arms.
“It’s okay,” she says against my chest.
“It’s not,” I say. “I don’t like this feeling.”
She pulls back.
“I don’t mean the love I feel for you. I just mean… I’m not sure I can put it into words.”
She nods. “I think I can. Vulnerability means you’re not in control. I went through this same thing a few weeks ago when we began. It’s difficult, but it’s not insurmountable.”
“I feel like I’m not myself.”
She laughs. “Boy, do I know where you’re coming from.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to take you to bed and make love to you.”
She smiles. “Okay.”
I lead her to the bed. I don’t command her to undress or to undress me. We undress each other. Slowly. Methodically. Relishing each new inch of flesh we expose on the other, until we both stand naked. Naked and vulnerable.
I take her hand and place it on my shoulder. “Touch me, Skye. Please.”
It’s frightening how much I yearn for her touch. Usually she’s bound, her motion restricted.
As she reaches out to me, her hand trembles.
She trails her fingers over my shoulder and down my upper arm all the way to my hand, where she entwines her fingers with mine.
I close my eyes. “I ache for your touch, Skye. I fucking ache for it.”
“Why do you bind me, then? Why do you make it so I can’t touch you except on your terms?”
My eyes still closed, I sigh. It’s a valid question. How do I answer? “I ache for that, too. I’ve always wanted women that way. But it’s different with you. I want the darkness, but I also want the light.”
“And that frightens you,” she says.
I nod. She knows me better than she realizes. “Please. Touch all of me.”
She leans into me and kisses my chest.
She’s kissed my lips before, sucked my dick, but I’ve never allowed her to touch me all over. Every part of me.
My cock is hard, but she resists it and does as I ask. She touches me. Simply touches me, all ten of her fingers sliding over my flesh. I shudder at her caress.
She shakes her head in amazement. Is she amazed at how her touch affects me?
Perhaps, and so am I.
When she flicks over one nipple, it hardens beneath her finger. She moves downward, over my abs to the triangle of black hair. She entwines her fingers through it, avoiding my cock.
Part of me longs to push her to her knees and force it into her mouth.
But I hold myself in check.
I want to experience this. The vanilla side. The sweet side of love.
The light.
She moves around my waist to my back, caresses the cheeks of my ass, and then presses into me as she glides around my back to my shoulders once more. She brushes her lips over my chest, and another slight shudder racks through me.
She kisses my chest again, moving her lips slightly each time, until she presses a kiss to a nipple.
I inhale. Never have I been as sensitive there as I am now. I feel like skyrockets are exploding inside me. From a mere kiss to my nipple. “Damn.”
She flicks her tongue over the nipple, and then she closes her lips over it and softly sucks.
I tremble again, sucking in another breath.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispers.
“You’re doing it. I want your touch. Everywhere.”
She lifts her chin and kisses my lips softly. I open, and our tongues meet gently for a few seconds. Then she ends the kiss and rains soft pecks along my stubbled jawline, giggling. She moves to my neck then, kissing down to my shoulder once more. Where before her fingers led, now her lips take over as she sprinkles soft kisses over my chest and abs. When she reaches my cock, she gives the head a few flicks of her tongue.
I’m ready to explode.
Release.
Right now onto her soft and slick tongue.
I suck in a breath, let out a groan, and will myself to hold steady.
She heads downward to my thighs. She explores me with her hands and lips simultaneously.
Power exudes from her. Power she probably doesn’t even know she has.
I feel it as she caresses me. The power of her touch. The power of my yearning for it.
The power in…
I breathe out, clear my mind.
The power in my surrender to her.
For that’s what I’m doing. Something I never imagined.
I’m surrendering to Skye. To her touch. Relinquishing my control to her.
And in so doing, perhaps I’ll begin to know myself better.