Chapter Forty-Four
I didn’t bind her that first time. I simply made her stay on her hands and knees while I flogged her ass until it was pink. Then I fucked her from behind.
…
“Skye?”
She exhales. “Yeah?”
“You okay?”
She waits a few seconds. “Yes. It’s just harder than I thought to hear you say you fucked her.”
“I did fuck her. You already know that.”
She inhales again. Exhales. “I know. But hearing you say it…”
“Would you prefer a little less detail?”
“Maybe. Let’s keep it on a need-to-know basis, okay? Explain what happened and what the final result was.”
“Without explaining how we got there?”
“Fuck.” She bites her lower lip. “I don’t know.”
“I wasn’t planning to paint a picture in your mind, Skye. All I said was I flogged her and then I fucked her. To me, that’s not a lot of detail. I’m hardly painting a picture.”
“But you are painting a picture. I’m an artist. I see pictures in everything. How do you think I figure out what to photograph?”
“Then you’re creating the picture yourself.”
“I know.”
“You want me to fast forward?”
“Maybe just a little.”
“Good enough.”
I’m happy to fast forward. This story is excruciating to tell.
…
The affair went on for several weeks. We got together on my days off and experimented with BDSM. I bound her wrists, her ankles, sometimes all four appendages. And I spanked her and flogged her. I was content to leave it there.
But Addison wanted more.
When I refused to go further, she began the stalking again.
She showed up at my workplace and my apartment.
I did some reading up and finally consented to go further.
We began with more elaborate bondage. Eventually I added some sensory deprivation and experimented with hot and cold.
It was Addison who brought up erotic asphyxiation.
…
“So that’s why it’s your hard limit,” Skye says.
“Because she brought it up? No.”
“Then why?”
“For God’s sake, Skye. Be patient.”
She sighs and nods. Patience is not her virtue, and we both know it.
“I did some research,” I say. “I thought I could handle it.”
“And you couldn’t?”
“I’ve told you before. We were both inexperienced. Totally in over our heads.”
…
After a lot of research, I was ready to bind Addie’s neck and try some minimal choking. The scene started with getting us both worked up through a series of flogging and breast play and then going to oral. When Addie was good and turned on, I tied a loop around her neck, kind of like a doggie choke collar.
I gave it a yank right when the orgasm was imminent, and Addie came.
“That was incredible!” she exclaimed when it was over.
I admitted it was amazing to watch. Amazing to exert that amount of control over another person’s pleasure.
I thought I’d found my calling. I was good at this. Good at taking control. At dominating. Perhaps I was a Dominant after all, though I disliked labels.
We practiced neck binding and breath control several more times, each time with me taking more and more of her air to induce erotic asphyxiation.
Until the last time—
…
My heart rate has increased, and I’m breathing more rapidly.
Forced meditation. Cold plunge. Clear your mind…
“You can’t stop now,” Skye says. “I just got used to the image in my mind of you going down on her. This isn’t fair.”
“This isn’t easy for me to talk about.” God, she has no idea.
“You’ve come this far.”
I breathe in, nod, and continue.
…
I was hard, so hard, and I had Addie going. Her eyes were closed, and I’d teased her with a few small yanks. “You want more?” I asked.
“Yes. Please, sir.”
Another soft yank. “More?”
“Yes, sir. Please.” Her voice was breathy, airy.
I circled her clit with my fingers while, with my other hand, I pulled on the restraint around her neck. “Tell me you want it. Tell me you want me to choke you. Hard.”
“Yes, sir,” she said. “I want you to choke me hard. Harder, please, sir.”
I gave the rope one last yank as I thrust my cock into her.
It didn’t take long for me to come, and when I withdrew… She was limp. Addie had gone limp.
“Addie?”
No response.
I moved her onto her back. Her eyes were closed, her neck still bound. Quickly I removed the rope. “Addie! Wake up!”
I placed my fingers at her neck. Thank God. Her pulse was light, but it was there.
What the hell had I done?
911. Call 911. And tell them what? That I’d choked a woman in my bed? Not the best idea.
I patted her cheek. Soft at first, and then harder. “Come on! Wake up, Addie! Come on!”
Time passed in a trance. Minutes ticked by like hours. After five minutes had passed, I grabbed my phone. Yeah, I’d probably go to prison, but I couldn’t let her die.
I was ready to push in the numbers, when— “Sir?”
Addie’s voice. Soft and raspy, but still her voice. I heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank God!” I touched her cheek. “Are you okay? Can you breathe?”
“Yeah.” She sucked in a breath and then let it out in a squeaky wheeze. “What happened?”
“You lost consciousness for a few minutes. Fuck. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” Her voice was still a mess. “It was amazing, sir. Amazing.”
“Amazing? You pass out and call it amazing?”
“Isn’t that the point?”
“For fuck’s sake, Addie, you could have died!”
“No, that’s the point. Lose consciousness and the orgasm. God, sir, the orgasm…”
“I don’t give a shit if it was the most amazing orgasm in the world and you flew to fucking Jupiter. We’re never doing that again.”
“But sir, I want—”
My relief morphed into anger. “You’re forgetting something. This has never been about what you want. It’s about what I want. And I say we’re done with this.”
“Sir, if you only knew how it felt.”
“I think I just said I don’t care. I’m taking you to the ER to get you checked out.”
“I’m fine.”
“Your voice doesn’t sound right.”
“So I’m slightly hoarse. It’ll heal.”
“We’re going to the ER.”
I stood over her as she got dressed, and then we drove to the nearest emergency room. I was honest with the doctor and told him exactly what happened.
“You’re a lucky woman,” the doctor said to Addie. “I recommend you never engage in this behavior again.”
Afterward, I drove Addie home in my truck. “I think we need some time apart,” I said to her.
“Time apart? Why, sir?”
“Because I’m not comfortable with what happened. I need to think about what we’ve been doing. Think about whether I want to be a part of it anymore.”
“But, sir—”
“Do I need to remind you again? This has never been about what you want.”
“Will you call me?” she asked.
“No,” I said adamantly. “I won’t.”
A week went by, and then another.
I was relieved that she was out of my life. I’d discovered a lot that I liked in the bedroom and one thing that I hated. Something I’d never do again, no matter what. No matter how careful you were with breath control, there was always a risk.
I was a risk taker. I always had been. But I was not willing to risk a person’s life.
I was relieved the relationship—if you could call it that—was over.
Turned out it wasn’t.
The stalking began again.
Addie waited by my truck after work, this time wearing a black jumpsuit and a choker made of braided black velvet.
“Please, sir,” she begged. “I need it. I need you.”
“I’ve told you it’s over,” I said. “This isn’t about what you want.”
“You miss me. You must. We were so in sync.”
“We were in over our heads.”
“But we’ve learned. We can do better.”
“No,” I said flatly. “It’s over.”
When the stalking didn’t stop, I finally had no choice. I called the police.
…
“So you didn’t dump her because she wouldn’t get kinky.”
“Of course I didn’t. I was frightened, Skye. Wouldn’t you be?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I would be. I can’t believe she wanted to try it again.”
“Apparently the climax was that good,” I say.
“More likely she just didn’t want to let you go. Did you consider getting back with her and just doing the other stuff?”
“Yeah, I considered it. But after she continued stalking me, I realized I wasn’t dealing with a rational person. She was so used to getting what she wanted that she couldn’t handle not having me. That wasn’t a person I wanted any long-term involvement with.”
“So you were never in love with her?”
“How can you ask me that?”
“It’s a valid question.”
“Valid, yes, but unnecessary. You already know the answer. I’ve told you I never loved a woman until you, Skye.”