Chapter 09
ISCA
It was devastating to learn my pack hadn”t even bothered to pack my belongings when they left the district. It shouldn”t have been. I couldn”t remember an occasion when anything I”d done had been good enough for Zarbius. He openly despised me. He criticized me in the bedroom and in front of the betas and his friends. Although I was supposedly the Alpha Mate (albeit reluctantly), he treated me like an object, an object he shared with his friends.
I wasn”t sure why he”d insisted on mating me. The physical abuse was excruciating, but the mental abuse was soul-destroying. He made sure I knew I was less than nothing, and he”d insisted he was doing me a favor any time he bestowed his sadistic attention on me.
The other omegas in the pack weren”t treated any better - we were simply chattels for the convenience of the alphas and betas - but his particular brand of cruelty was a privilege reserved for me, his mate. Somehow that gave him pleasure, which was my responsibility as the Alpha Mate. And so I endured it, thinking this was the life of an omega. It wasn”t until I met Irian that I realized not all packs operated this way, that in some packs omegas were cherished, loved even.
That had been my life before my new life began in Talius” pack, so I shouldn”t have been at all surprised that when the pack left they didn”t give a second thought to me, or considered I might have anything worth keeping. They”d left as if I had never been there at all.
I felt it like a blade slicing through my heart which was only held together by the love of my two current mates. Current mates. Forever mates? Was I really a permanent part of this triad? My fears threatened to rise up and drag me down the rabbit hole of my insecurity again.
Except... a nostril full of reassuring alpha pheromone (why did Talius” scent have this unconscious effect, when Zarbius” never had?) buffered my worries, giving me the space to think. Talius had encouraged me to top Irian. Now that my emotions had calmed and I was thinking more clearly, I realized that had been a clear demonstration of my position in the relationship. I was not the unworthy add-on that I feared being. It was the clearest signal they could give me that I belonged with them, short of being mated.
I relaxed into the two sets of arms around me.
”You have us,” Irian”s gentle voice assured me. I did. And I needed to communicate with them. Make sure I told them how I felt. No-one had cared how I felt before, so this was new to me, expressing myself.
”I know. It”s just hard knowing how little I meant to them. I did everything for them... I fed them, cleaned up after them...”
I felt naked, laying my feelings bare like this. And yet, all I got back was warmth and reassurance. No judgement. Well, no judgement of me... Zarbius and his crew were stupid, apparently.
That forced a wet chuckle out of me. I didn”t think Zarbius would appreciate the sentiment.
Talius” prompting brought me back to the question at hand. I thought about it... when I”d run off, I”d accepted that everything I owned was lost to me. Some of that had hurt, but survival had been the higher priority and I”d blanked my loss from my mind. But now...
So I told Talius what I wanted to retrieve. There wasn”t much, but it held a wealth of meaning for me. A kernel of hope and anticipation nestled deep in my chest.
◆◆◆
When I carried Talius” morning coffee and treats into his office the next morning, he handed me a small bag.
”These are yours, Isca, Oscar brought them down this morning.”
I held my breath as I opened the bag, scarcely daring to believe this twist of fortune. When I saw the familiar items inside, I let out an embarrassing squeak of relief and gratitude.
”Thank you!” I rushed to hug Talius, moisture prickling at the corners of my eyes.
”I take it that”s what you wanted,” he said warmly, giving me a squeeze.
”Yes!”
”Then I”m glad we could get it for you.”
Later, when I had a private moment, I opened the back cover of the book, and slid the key out from the plastic sleeve. Heart pounding, I unlocked the box and eased the lid open.
For a moment I stood there, staring at the contents. They were there, unharmed, and now back in my hands for safekeeping. I ran my fingers over them, the textures familiar and comforting. When I had my fill, reconnecting with them on a spiritual level, I locked the box and tucked it away on the bookshelf in my room, the room that used to be the guest room, but which Talius and Irian had made mine as a sign of my permanency, I guess. Now I really only used it to store my few belongings as the three of us always slept together in the main bedroom.
I didn”t know when, if ever, I would need these small treasures. Maybe one day I”d bring them out and show them to Talius and Irian. Until then, they”d continue to keep their silent vigil behind the old recipe book.
◆◆◆
Two nights before the full moon, Talius still hadn’t heard anything back from the Council. It seemed that trying to locate the information we wanted was a slow and difficult process. Or maybe the information didn”t exist at all. It was disappointing, because I seemed to live each day in a state of suspended excitement, waiting for… well, something to happen.
There had been huge changes in my life over the last few months, turning everything in my world upside down. On the one hand it was exhilarating, having a new-found freedom to do so many things I hadn”t been able to before, the love of two amazing men and a pack I was happy to call home. But having so much after having so little, also meant I felt a little out of control. I was allowed to go to town whenever and for whatever I wanted, I was going to learn to drive, I was looking up courses to enrol in, I was working on the farm as a farm-hand, not just as an omega expected to cook, clean and service as in my previous pack. By the Moon, I”d even been allowed - no, encouraged - to top one of my mates! Eek! I had to shake myself every time I thought of that.
But... I worried it was all so crazy and fast and... wild, that it could just as easily crumble to the ground. I joined this new life so easily... I could be let go as easily too. It was hard to feel truly secure in my good fortune, when all I”d had in the past was bad. I needed to feel boundaries, something locking me in to this new life, so I could relax and enjoy it without worrying about what might go wrong.
And I wanted to go on the run with the rest of the pack. I needed to belong.
We were sitting on the lounge after dinner talking, while Irian finished cleaning up the kitchen. We”d returned to the topic of whether or not I would run that month.
“I’m not concerned about our pack or even the Inverloch pack who are running with us this month. Lucius runs a pretty tight pack – they won’t step out of line. It’s the plus ones I’m concerned about. Some of them come from the city and they don’t always show the respect that we expect out here.” Talius frowned, looking thoughtful.
“What do you mean?” I asked him. “What are you worried about?”
“Well, Isca, they’ll know you’re a mated omega because of your scar, and well, your scent, but they’ll also be able to tell your bonded alpha isn’t nearby or running with us. In that case, given it’s the full moon, if they don’t have control over their wolves, they might not respect the mate bond.”
I huffed. “Ironic, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I know you’re talking about the mate bond not being respected, but if it was, then the thing keeping me safe would be the bond created by the alpha who hurt me the most.”
“Huh, that’s true.” Irian had wandered into the living room while we were talking. He’d obviously been listening in on our conversation from where he’d been working in the kitchen. That wasn”t surprising. Shifter”s hearing was exceptional and anyway we weren”t keeping secrets from each other. Irian leaned against the back of the couch.
“How much of a risk is it likely to be?” I asked. I didn’t want to take unnecessary risks but I was fed up with missing out on the full moon runs. It was a normal part of pack life and being the only one to sit it out left me feeling isolated, apart, like I wasn’t really a full pack member. My old pack was so decadent they hadn’t kept up the tradition of full moon runs, so it was a very long time since I’d been on one with a pack.
Talius nodded, as if he guessed my thoughts.
“There is some risk depending on who turns up,” he admitted. “Irian used to spend a bit of time down in the clubs in the city, and while most of the alphas were fine, there were a few that weren’t. Right, Irian?”
Irian moved to stand behind Talius, leaning over the back of the couch and pressing up against the alpha’s upper body. I wasn’t sure he was even aware he was doing it. They were such perfect mates, he always wanted to be as close as possible to Talius. Come to think of it, he was always touching and pressing into me as well. Maybe that’s why the lovemaking was always so spectacular between us three. We had such a strong desire to be close.
“Yeah. It sucks but it’s true.” Irian turned his eyes on me. “Like he said, most of the guys were fine, great even. But there was always one or two that wouldn’t take no for an answer. The other alphas always pulled them into line, but I can see how it could be a problem if someone like that came on a run.”
“I wouldn’t be able to keep eyes on you all the time,” explained Talius, “as I have to move around the pack. I would have preferred to have mated you before this, and then it would be a non-issue.”
“Isca and I could stick together,” Irian suggested.
“That”s a start, but we”ll need something more,” Talius said, musingly. “I’m the lead Alpha on the run, so that should count for something. If I mark you strongly with my scent, that will be enough to deter anyone that gets ideas about you. They’ll realize you’re under my protection even if they find it confusing with another alpha’s mating mark on you.”
“So, can we do that... please? Can I run?” I begged, and I might have widened my eyes plaintively, and drawn my brows together in a pleading sort of way. Irian had been showing me how to do it. Talius was a strong and powerful alpha, but he was putty in the hands of his omega. Irian knew exactly how to get what he wanted… most times anyway. And I was his willing student.
“Well…” the alpha hesitated. He passed a hand over his face, shaking his head slightly, whether to clear his thoughts or because he could see through my tricks or he recognized Irian”s hand in this.
“Yeah, you can run,” Talius finally agreed with a sigh. “We’ll just have to be careful.”
There, I knew it, A+ student right here!
◆◆◆
Of course, on the night of the run, I was considerably more anxious. There was a lot riding on this, and despite our precautions, things could still go wrong.
“Come over here,” Talius told me when I stepped out of the shower in the early evening. “I’m going to mark you with my scent now.”
My feet padded over the carpet to where Talius stood by our bed.
“Drop the towel,” he ordered, and I released the fluffy grey towel I’d had tied around my waist. I felt suddenly awkward and exposed, which was weird given all we’d done together already, but here his focus was firmly fixed on me, and without hormones running amok, I felt self-conscious under his scrutiny. I didn’t know where to look, so I kept my eyes on anything but him, until the sound of fabric rustling alerted me to Talius pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his well-sculpted torso - a sight that was too good to miss for the simple cause of shyness.
Then I couldn’t turn my eyes anywhere else. Talius without clothes – even if he was only half-naked - was always enough to make my mouth go dry and my cock pay attention. He was a stunning alpha, the most magnificent one I had ever encountered. I shivered a little with anticipation.
Talius’ jeans joined his shirt in a pile on the floor and he stepped up close. I could feel the heat emanating from him, smell his musky, masculine scent, feel the whisper of his breath on my face. Goosebumps rose along the skin of my arms.
Talius closed the distance until only the smallest gap separated our bodies. He bent his head and ran his nose behind my ear, snuffling around my hairline, and running a wet trail down the back of my neck. The warm, wet slide of his tongue over my skin sent shivers down my back, and I shuddered. He continued down to my collarbone, nuzzling and laving the tender skin with his tongue. He spent a lot of time hovering over the mating gland, licking the silvery scar again and again as if he might lick it away.
A finger tipped my chin up, and the licking continued up along my throat. I squirmed, ticklish. Half a giggle fell out of me before I clamped my lips tight to hold the rest in.
Talius repeated the process on my other side, then he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed, following me down, his larger body covering mine, his firm lips demanding entry to my mouth, tongue licking and plundering inside.
I felt his cock against my thigh, warm and hard. As he moved against me, a wet trail smeared across my leg. Talius rubbed himself on me, covering me with his scent. Flipping me onto my stomach, he did the same to my back, slotting his erection between my ass cheeks and rubbing it up and down my crease, his copious precum easing the way.
I wondered if he would come on me. I wouldn’t have minded, but he didn’t. I guess it made sense. He was trying to make it look like I belonged to someone, not to make me look like a slutty omega or one that could be taken without any consequences. Hormones ran high on full moon nights, after all. I briefly wondered, as an unwelcome finger of fear ran down my spine, whether joining the run was a good idea after all.
Though the memories were locked away in a part of my brain I never wanted to access again, I knew what it was like to be taken without consent. I had proven I could survive it, but I never wanted to go there again.
“Talius…” My voice trembled.
“What is it, Isca?” Talius’ muffled voice rumbled from behind my ear where he had his nose stuck in my hair again.
“I… I’m having second thoughts,” I admitted.
“About running tonight?” Talius’ voice was gentle.
“Yeah.”
“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Talius broke from what he was doing, rolling me over so he could search my face. “I won’t make you.”
“I do want to,” I insisted. “It’s just… I’m scared.”
Talius’ face softened, the lines around his eyes and mouth easing, his expression warming. “You”ll be safe, Isca. By the time I’m done, you’ll be covered with my scent and it’s very unlikely anyone will bother you. And Irian will be running with you, he’ll call me if he thinks there’s a problem. I might not be beside you, but I won’t be far away. I can get back to you in seconds.”
He stroked the hair back from my face with a gentle hand. For an alpha, he could be incredibly tender. He had a reputation as a fierce fighter, though according to Irian it was many years since he’d had to fight, but with Irian and myself he was unfailingly kind and forbearing.
He slid his hand over mine, entwining his long fingers with my finer ones. He lifted our joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of my hand while fixing me with an earnest look.
“It’s your choice, my omega. No harm will come to you. I’ll make sure of it. I’m your alpha, and it’s my responsibility, mating bond or not. But you absolutely don”t have to run if you”d rather not. No-one will think any less of you for it.”
“Thank you, Talius,” I whispered. His conviction was reassuring, and I was fairly certain it was his words and not simply his pheromones that were making me feel secure. “I want to do this. I don”t want to let fear rule my decisions. I’ll run.”
“Good,” he nuzzled me. “It’ll be fun. Now, it’s still early, so let’s get under the covers. We can rest for an hour or so before we need to get up.”
“What about Irian?” I asked. “Isn’t he joining us?” We always slept together.
“Not this time. I don’t want there to be any confusion with scents. I want you to smell of no-one but me. Now rest, you’ll need your strength later.”