Chapter 34
34
The words felt like a build-up of pressure behind his skin, but he took a moment to gather himself to say them properly.
Of course I fucking love you wasn’t the declaration she deserved, but hearing her ask him, her voice regaining strength, had drawn everything he usually buried deep to the surface.
‘Sophie, I love you more than I ever imagined I could. Even more than I did back then – and I loved you a lot.’
A cheer rose from the wedding party he’d managed to forget for a moment, making Sophie jump. He tucked the stone back into his pocket and grasped her around the waist. Her arms fell around his neck, her carabiners clinking with his.
‘What about when you’re on a mountain? I couldn’t live with it, if I really distracted you.’
‘I said I’d cancel?—’
To his surprise, she shook her head. ‘You should know I’d never ask that of you. I know part of your soul will always long to be up high. I wouldn’t change that.’
He was almost too bewildered to believe she meant it, that she wouldn’t change him. ‘I think,’ he began, ‘that was my fear talking, when I said I needed a clear head on an expedition. I do let my parents’ worries get to me. But if I knew you’d be there when I came down, if you told me you loved me and you actually wanted me, then maybe that’s a strength I’d carry with me – instead of the stone, that’s rightfully yours.’ He chuckled all of a sudden, trailing off with a sniff. ‘It’s yours twice over, since I think I’ve lost that bet.’
‘We’re not really at the wedding ceremony yet, but I suppose that’s open to interpretation.’
‘Do you… Have I restored your faith in… meaningful declarations?’ He was beginning to feel in his gut that she hadn’t said the words back.
‘Are you really saying that, if I hadn’t blocked your number, you would have come back and proposed to me?’
His hands tightened on her. ‘To be honest? I don’t know if I would have got up the courage. I intended to. Before we went up. I even told Miro. You’d put an idea in my head.’
‘You thought getting married was a terrible idea. I believe, “I’m not that kind of guy,” were your exact words.’
His face heated. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t believe you could really mean it.’
‘Especially because you’d never let me in – not fully. You were still a two-dimensional hero to me.’
‘I’m not a hero any more,’ he commented with a lift of his brow. ‘I don’t know about getting married – I still don’t know anything about weddings. But I wanted to show you how much I want you to stay with me. If that means marriage?—’
‘I get it, Andreas.’ She gave a strange sort of squeak and he peered into her face with concern.
‘Are you laughing or crying?’
‘Both,’ she explained with a hiccough. ‘I can’t help thinking I could have saved us eight years of heartache, if only I hadn’t blocked your number.’
‘You said, if we’d got married, we probably would have split up again. You have no idea how those words haunted me. I was sure you’d given up on us. It was easy to tell myself you were right.’
Her grimace was sweet. ‘I was protecting myself – my feelings. I’m sorry I hurt you. It is true that we were both different, when we first got together. You said you weren’t ready and I probably wasn’t either.’
He smoothed her hair back from her face. ‘You’re right, we’ve both changed. I love who you’ve become, Fini. I love that you see through me and stand up to me and maybe you needed to get there by yourself. But still, if we’d got married back then, we might have had problems, but we’d have made it work. Because I loved you. I love you. And I still think we’ll make it work – somehow.’
Her lip wobbled. ‘I don’t know if I could have believed you if you’d suddenly got down on one knee and claimed you wanted to put on a suit and stand at the altar with me, but you being you – being honest – I want to make it work too. We can sort out the details as we go along and being together doesn’t have to mean marriage. I won’t push you off a cliff you’re not ready for.’ She nearly choked on her words. ‘That was a terrible metaphor, but you know what I mean. That’s the mistake I won’t make again.’
‘I appreciate the graphic metaphor. But you won’t push me away again, no matter what wild ideas you come up with. You’re a wedding planner after all. I realise being your life partner might come with certain adventures.’
‘Life partner? Those are big words from you.’
‘I have been saying big words in every way I can think of for the past ten minutes. After everything we’ve been through, it’s all or nothing. I won’t take a risk on anything in between and “nothing” isn’t something I even want to imagine.’
‘Andreas, you—’ She took a moment to drop her head between them, taking deep breaths. ‘Phew,’ she said, straightening slowly. ‘I thought I was an idiot to still love you so much.’
‘Oi, Sophie, I made a mess of this.’ He tucked her head into his shoulder and wrapped his arms more tightly around her. ‘I don’t know how we’ll work out the details, but it’s just another mountain to climb. Up on a summit or down at sea level, I want you to know that I’m yours . I want to come back to you. If you really think that’s enough for you.’
Her hands lifted to his face.
‘ You’re enough for me,’ she said softly. ‘Just the way you are. I know your drive to go up. It’s part of you and I can’t separate that bit. And there’s something you don’t realise about yourself.’
‘What?’
‘Yes, you take risks, but you also take responsibility. You keep yourself safe because you love your family. I know there are no guarantees, but there are no guarantees of anything in life – even the promises we make ourselves. I trust you and you’re allowed to trust yourself too, the way you taught me to.’
Simple words, but they contained more meaning than anything anyone else had ever said to him. And it was fitting that they were on an adventure, about to make a summit push, if the storm ever let up.
But she wasn’t finished altering the foundations of his existence. ‘I love you,’ she whispered in his ear. ‘And if we ever have problems, I’ll climb a mountain with you until you can talk about it.’
There was only one way he could respond to that: he kissed her.
It was clumsy like a first kiss but also hot and charged with all of the mistakes they’d made and all of the years they’d waited. Catcalls and cheering made Sophie pull back too quickly for his liking. ‘I knew I didn’t like weddings,’ he grumbled, but he spoke around a smile.
‘I thought you might have made peace with sentimentality. You certainly came through with the romantic speech.’
‘It wasn’t romantic. It was real.’
Pressing another light kiss to his lips, she said, ‘And so is Lily and Roman’s marriage.’
‘Your confidence is restored?’
Her smile was precious. ‘It turns out I was right after all.’
‘About loving me?’
‘ And that you’d cry at this wedding. You’ll have to get your own Foo Fighters T-shirt.’
* * *
‘Well, this is the strangest wedding breakfast I’ve ever attended!’ Mrs Welbon sat perched on a damp rock, surrounded by bushes, as she unwrapped her energy bar.
‘Cheers!’ her husband said, clinking his water bottle with hers.
‘It’s not the wedding breakfast when we haven’t had the wedding yet,’ Adelaide pointed out.
‘I never understood why people call it a wedding breakfast anyway,’ Mr Tran piped up. ‘Are we supposed to eat bacon?’
‘God, I could murder a bacon roll right now,’ Lucia said with a groan.
After nearly an hour of holing up, the wedding party had cautiously emerged up the long ladder out of the tunnels and into bright sunshine that might have felt as though it were taunting them, if anyone had any cynicism left. But despite the smudges of mud, the limp hairstyles and Lucia’s bandaged knee, everyone was in high spirits.
Sophie listened to the contented voices with a smile as she fussed over Lily with the help of her mother. The photographer would have to remove the speck of blood on Lily’s blouse with Photoshop, but it was near the hem and it wouldn’t show up in all the photos. Her face was clean, however, with subtle make-up, and Sophie had fixed her hair and fitted the short veil they’d smuggled up in Lily’s rucksack as a surprise for Roman. The floral wreath Sophie had carried was a little wilted, but Lily’s bright smile more than made up for the hints of browning on the white rose petals and the odd crushed carnation.
Behind the rocks on the other side of the summit cross, Andreas waited with Roman and the groomsmen. Sophie couldn’t stop shooting glances in their direction, wondering what Andreas was doing with the groom, what they were talking about. The photographer had set up her equipment, the drone ready to take group shots from a wide angle after the ceremony.
‘I can’t believe we made it,’ Lily said softly.
Sophie gave a dry laugh. ‘I can’t either. This has been without a doubt the most memorable wedding I’ve ever planned, right from the beginning.’ She gave Lily an approving smile. ‘Mostly because you and Roman are so much in love that you wanted something unique. It’s been inspiring working with you.’
‘And you worked magic to make it all happen,’ Lily replied earnestly.
Remembering Andreas using the same word, Sophie bit her lip against fresh tears. ‘Don’t start. I’m already emotional.’
‘It’s a wedding. We’re allowed to be emotional, right?’ Lily gripped her hand tightly. Leaning close, she whispered, ‘If it’s a girl, we’re going to call her Sophie.’
There was no more resistance. Sophie’s hand clapped over her mouth to muffle a sob as tears made tracks through the dust on her cheeks. ‘I would give you a hug, but I’m filthy and we just got you all dressed up for your wedding.’
‘But if it’s a boy,’ she hesitated, ‘we both thought Andreas doesn’t really work in England.’
Sophie snorted a laugh. ‘I’m sure one Andreas is enough.’
‘Did you really think he didn’t love you?’ Lily asked with an amused smile. ‘Ever since we met him, he’s stared after you with these burning looks. It makes sense now I know you have so much history.’
‘Sometimes, you know something with your heart before you accept it with your head. That, and he’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.’ After giving the bride one last critical once-over, she stepped back. ‘Right, give me a minute to fix myself and then let’s do this summit wedding!’