And They Had a Great Fall

Chapter One

chapter one

J ake Laurent forgot how to be afraid. It was the one thing his director wanted from him, and he couldn’t convey even this most basic emotion. He tried to channel the dread pooling in his stomach into his performance, but even that wasn’t working. He inhaled deliberately to slow his heart palpitations as his mind raced. This was the big one—the most commercial film he had ever done. The one that would catapult him to megastardom. The one with Garren Christensen, an Oscar-winning director. The one he was screwing up.

“Jake, you’re up,” called the assistant director motioning toward the cameras. Jake took another deep breath to stamp down the panic rising in his throat and reminded himself this was the last scene of the day. Garren just needed him to run up a steep hill and look afraid. This should be easy , he thought to himself. Why isn’t this easy? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Garren walked over as they were finishing the final camera placements. “We're going to CGI the Hunters in later. I need you to convey the absolute fear that, if caught, these monsters will literally tear you apart. Make sense?”

Jake nodded and cleared his throat. “How many will be chasing me? Are they right behind me, or down the hill a bit?” He looked down the hill to visualize where to look when he turned around. He wished for visual cues or at least other cast members to help his performance. He was just starting to realize how hard it was to act to eventual CGI.

“They’re about three feet away,” he said. “So, they aren’t right on you, but you wouldn’t have time to pause when you turn around. Got it? We have to go … now.”

Jake walked over and took his mark. He tried to summon the Hunters from a deep multiverse, along with the terror they would cause. It still wasn’t coming to him—in fact, he couldn’t focus on anything but the deafening ringing in his ears. The last few weeks had not been going well. It was clear in rehearsals that he was not giving Garren what he wanted, but he’d hoped it would click when they actually started filming. It didn’t.

Garren yelled “Action!” and Jake sprinted up the hill as if his life depended on it. He threw a look over his shoulder to see what was behind him, contorted his face attempting to communicate sheer terror, and then finished his run. Garren yelled “Cut!” and Jake walked back down the hill.

“Hey,” Garren started, “your run was perfect.” Then he paused. Jake had seen that face before. Garren was displeased.

Jake looked at him and furrowed his eyebrows. “But.…”

“When you turn your head around, you need to look terrified. You looked … bored. At best, you are giving me annoyed.”

Jake could hear the frustration in his tone. He’d been hearing it for days. He let out a sigh and nodded. He understood the directions but didn’t understand how he was expressing “bored.”

“Stupid face,” he muttered as he walked over to his mark to start again.

Eleven takes later, his legs were burning, and he wished for this night to be over.

“Dammit. Reset and try again,” he heard Garren yell. Jake could hear murmurs from the crew. One hundred people were working late just because he couldn’t get a fucking glance right.

He took his time walking down the hill, stalling. Jake was beginning to think Garren was going to punish him and make him run up that hill ten more times, even if he nailed the next take.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, putting his hands up to indicate that he did not want Garren to give him any notes.

“Listen,” Garren said, the tension evident in his voice, “we’re going to do a take where you don’t turn around. It’s late, we’re running into overtime, and I need to get this crew off the clock. We’ll try to work it out in editing.”

Jake felt his hands shake with nervous energy and exhaustion at the same time. He felt small for the first time since he’d stepped onto his first movie set at a mere fifteen years old. Performing was the one thing that came easily to him, but not on this film.

At least this was the last take, and he could go back to his trailer, clean up, and go to his temporary apartment. Alone. He took his mark and waited for Garren to call, “Action.” For the thirteenth time, he sprinted up the hill, this time without looking behind him. About two-thirds of the way up, his legs gave out and his knees buckled. He let out a loud grunt and somehow kept moving forward, scrambling rather than running. At the top of the hill, he hung his head.

I can’t even get this right , Jake thought to himself. I almost fucking fell . He turned around to face the tired, overworked crew and the director who just wanted a good, seven-second scene from his lead actor.

Garren, however, was all smiles and gave Jake a thumbs-up as he ran up the hill. Jake met him halfway. “Yes Jake,” he said. “That’s what I wanted. You embodied the fear with that fall and grunt, and that desperate scramble to get away. Really nice way to play the scene.”

Jake just gave him a weak smile and a quick head nod. He didn’t have the heart to tell him it was an accident.

He felt Garren’s hand grip his arm, pulling him to the side before they reached the crew. Jake reluctantly turned to face the man he was desperate to impress. Garren spoke first. “This is what I need, Jake. You are the lead and the entire film rides on the audience believing in you. When I watch you through the lens, I can see you’re holding back and it’s not working.”

Garren’s eyes were fixed on Jake, and he couldn’t look away. He let out a sigh. “Yes, I know I’m not connecting the way I want,” he said. “I’m trying to figure it out. Maybe I’m having trouble acting to nothing. I think the heavy CGI is tripping me up.” He put his hand up quickly to dismiss the comment before he let on the extent of his inexperience. “Actually, no, that’s no excuse … I will figure this out. I’m sorry.…” Jake hung his head and slowly shook it side to side, trying to come up with an explanation of what was going on in his mind, and why he couldn’t translate it to the character. He wasn’t used to being a disappointment.

“Jake,” Garren started. His tone softened. “Go back to the book, the source material. Get connected to your character. Take a minute to understand Tom and what makes him tick. It boils down to a simple arc of an unexpected hero.”

Jake gave him a slight nod of understanding but didn’t speak. Garren returned to his commanding tone. “After we finish out this week, I’m giving you a few days off. We are moving things around and shooting material that will not require your presence.”

Jake raised his eyebrows. “I’m that bad? You’re shooting around me?” He knew he wasn’t feeling it but was he that terrible? He believed the next day or scene would be the one where he’d find his groove. He could feel panic rising back up in his throat. He swallowed hard to keep from vomiting.

There was an uncomfortable pause before Garren responded. “I thought starting with your scenes first would give the CGI artists enough time. But we’re moving at a snail’s pace, and we’ll run out of budget if we keep this up. I need to get this film on track in less than a week—before the other principles arrive. If we don’t get on schedule, I’ll be forced to make another plan.”

Jake opened his mouth to ask him what he meant by another plan , but before he could get any words out, Garren was pulled away by the assistant director. He watched Garren and the AD walk away. Crew swirled around him as he walked back to his trailer. Despite being surrounded by people, he’d never felt more alone. He yanked open the door, stormed inside, threw his phone on the table, and collapsed into a chair. He was officially freaking out as his mind raced through potential scenarios. He knew in his gut what another plan could mean. What if he fires me , was a question on repeat in his mind.

He glanced down at the table and his eyes landed on a magazine with his picture on the cover. He scoffed when he read the text just below his smiling face. “An up-and-comer leading the future generation of entertainment.” He picked up the magazine and threw it across the room. It made a satisfying clang as it hit the trash can. If they could only see me now , he thought. This is the most important film of my career, and I’m completely fucking it up .

W hen Kat Green opened her eyes, she was disoriented at the darkness of her bedroom. Why is my alarm going off? she wondered. It’s too dark for morning. She tried to refocus her brain to orient herself. Her eyes landed on her phone, which was now illuminating the room like a flash of lightning. It wasn’t her alarm. She grabbed the phone off the nightstand and her heart raced. Middle of the night phone calls are never good . As she swiped to answer, she saw Jake’s name lighting up her screen. That realization did little to calm her nerves. Kat answered, sleep heavy in her voice. She barely said “hello” before Jake’s voice burst on the call.

“Hey. Shit, you were sleeping, I didn’t think about the time. I’m an ass. Of course you are asleep. I didn’t wake Becca did I? What time is it anyway?”

“Whoa … can you slow down, Jake?” She asked him, rubbing her eyes as if she could forcefully eliminate the slumber fogging her thoughts.

He began again, at the same speed, without taking a breath. “I needed to call you. I know it’s been a while and I’m sorry. I feel like you’re ignoring me. But … I think I just needed to hear a familiar … no, not just that, I needed to hear your voice. I know I’m not making much sense … Damn, I don’t make sense to myself . I’m not okay. I mean, I am okay, like not in trouble. I’m just struggling here in this goddamn city, on this goddamn movie, with this goddamn director. Well it’s not the director, he’s great. I’m not … I suck … I’m not sure why I called … well, yes, I do know. I guess I’m hoping and asking … can you come here? I need something … someone , I think … I need you .”

Kat leaned back against the pillows. She had trouble processing how sad and small he sounded. Although she recognized his voice, this didn’t sound like Jake. The Jake she knew was confident—sometimes maddingly so—charming, and full of life. She’d once called him the human equivalent of Friday.

“Jake,” she started, speaking in a whisper so as to not wake her daughter, Becca, who slept next to her. She adjusted the covers as she sat up and rubbed Becca’s back when she stirred. She marveled at how such a small human could take up so much space in a king-size bed.

She tried to refocus her tired brain. “You’re asking me to come see you? Where? Are you back in New York?” He must be in New York if he’s asking me to come see him . Her brain couldn’t keep up with him. She had no idea what city he was living in at the moment.

“Right. That would help. I’m shooting in Denmark. In Copenhagen. I’ve been here for a few weeks. I passed the PathMobile office last week and thought of you. You haven’t left my mind since.”

For a moment it was silent. When he finally spoke again, his voice was low and quiet. “Kat, I miss you. I wish you were here. I want you to be here. With me.”

“You want me to fly thousands of miles to Denmark?” she asked, suddenly getting clear on what he was asking her. She almost laughed but the fragility in his voice stopped her. It was clear he was dead serious. “What’s happened? Are you okay?”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I am okay,” he said. “All I know is I need you. I feel … I need you.”

Hearing the phrase “I need you” surprised her and she sucked in a sharp breath. By his own admission, he never “needed” anyone. And neither did she. She’d always felt comfort in the want and desire she felt with Jake, but him throwing need on her was brand new. She felt unsettled in the pit of her stomach, but she tempered her unrest by reminding herself that she was talking to Jake. By now, she should be used to his flair for the dramatic—it frequently manifested itself in a barely controlled panic. In the past, it humored and charmed her; in the middle of the night, it unnerved—even irritated—her.

“I don’t see how … Jake, it’s a lot to ask. Insane … even for you. And last time—” she started, apprehensive about his ask. The last time they’d tried to meet up, she’d rearranged her entire schedule to return early from a business trip while Jake was on a rare visit back to New York. She’d landed only to find out he’d already left the city. She’d never felt so stupid.

“I know. I said I was sorry,” he interrupted. “I hate that we still aren’t talking. This is different, Kat. I wouldn’t have called if I wasn’t serious.”

“The timing.…” she said, beginning to process what he was asking. “Becca starts kindergarten in two weeks, and PathMobile is finalizing the virtual assistant launch. This is a big launch and I’m in charge. Everyone is watching … including our COO, who’s looking to recommend his replacement to the board when he retires, and—”

“Wait. Kat. Is that another promotion? Are they considering you?” Jake asked, jumping in, sounding more like the Jake she knew. “That’s incredible. Damn.” He paused. “I get it. It’s too much to ask. I’m an idiot. I just feel so lost here and.…”

“Jake, I can’t figure this out at 4:15 in the morning. Give me tomorrow—I mean today, to think about it.” She didn’t like to operate on the spur of the moment and this request made her mind race. She couldn’t believe she was actually considering it. Why am I considering this , she chastised herself. This is not possible and definitely not a good idea . She most certainly would not be running to Denmark to reignite a casual affair that started during the pandemic lockdown and ended silently due to time, distance, and, frankly, Jake’s inability to prioritize anything above his own schedule.

Once they hung up with a promise to connect later in the day, she knew she wasn’t going back to sleep. She scooped up Becca and carried her back to her own bed. At five years and ten months old, she was getting almost too heavy for Kat to carry. She’s getting too old to keep sneaking into my bed, Kat mused. She took great care not to wake her as she covered her with her favorite unicorn blanket.

She padded through the dark to the living room and flopped down on the couch. The silence in her apartment was deafening. She had gotten used to being alone at night since the day her husband, Ben, had taken his final breath. It had just been her and Becca from that day forward. Becca filled her life in ways that gave her a specific kind of parental joy, but at night, the silence persisted.

She had lived in silence at night for four years until she’d met Jake, the only son of her next-door neighbors. He’d been home for a rare, extended period of time when the entire world locked down due to a global pandemic. Once they’d met, their relationship moved unexpectedly fast. He was so different than her. He was impulsive and impatient and lived his life out in the open; she found solace in control and privacy. Beyond the contrast in their approach to the world, there were nearly eight years of age separating them. His twenty-five-year-old expectations lived in stark contrast with her thirty-three-year-old perspective. When Jake had gone back on location a year ago, she’d lived again in the silence.

Kat hugged her knees to her chest, took a deep breath, and realized her face was wet with tears. His call had rattled her. On top of her frayed nerves, she was tired of hearing a roaring silence and feeling alone. She hadn’t let herself think about how much she missed the energy Jake had brought into her life. Until tonight.

He was asking her to go to him. What did that mean to him? What did it mean to her? Jake means complication and messiness , she thought to herself. To say Jake was complex didn’t begin to describe him. It wasn’t just that he was complicated; his life was complicated.

Why did he call me? Why now? What are we? When he’d left, they had agreed not to put a definition on what they were to each other. To define it would be to put it in a box, full of expectations neither of them could sustain. Kat’s only priorities were her daughter and career. She did not have room for the complication of a relationship—especially with someone with a life and schedule as unpredictable as Jake’s. She refused to confuse Becca, who was already growing up without her father. Kat wouldn’t have her daughter define her life by father figures who left her. In turn, Jake admittedly was not prepared to add consistency to a fully formed life such as Kat’s. So, they kept just far enough away so as to never acknowledge anything other than the moment they were in. Him calling tonight and “needing her” was decidedly different.

She looked out the window at the city lights and let an exasperated sigh. She was annoyed at her inability to stop obsessing about his phone call. Why was she even still thinking about this? It didn’t make rational sense, and there was no way to figure out how to swing a trip right now, of all times. It was unfair of him to ask , she concluded as her irritation became tinged with anger. When her phone alarm blared again, she pushed the call out of her mind. She would text him later in the day to let him down as easy as possible.