And They Had a Great Fall

Chapter Sixteen

chapter sixteen

K at was in the middle of her own reconnaissance of the morning’s situation—as well as gathering some intel about Cindy—when Jake walked into the living room, showered and ready to go back to set for the day. She watched him. He looked the same, but something was different. He methodically packed his backpack as he sang to himself with an unusual air of calm.

She, on the other hand, was anything but calm. He had her on edge and was pushing hard. Pushing her toward a life full of exposure, risks, and uncontrolled elements. She felt more alive with him than she had in years, but she didn’t know if she had enough of herself left to be the kind of woman Jake wanted in his vibrant and open life.

When Jake walked up behind her, she minimized her screen, hoping he didn’t see. She didn’t want to discuss the tweet any longer and just hoped that Cindy was right—it would be short-lived and inconsequential.

“Going into the office today?” Jake asked, opening each kitchen cabinet and drawer, leaving them open as he searched.

“Yes, in an hour.” She was looking forward to going into the office, bringing her back into a world that was built on process and rational thoughts. “What are you looking for?” she asked.

“Coffee cup with a lid,” he said. “I have to leave in five, and I’m not properly caffeinated.”

Kat got up, opened the cabinet under the sink, grabbed a stainless-steel mug and handed it to him. She walked behind him and started closing all the doors he’d left open.

“Cindy … she seems intense,” Kat said.

She saw Jake’s shoulders tense, so she didn’t dare say anything further. He was busy making coffee and she wasn’t sure if he would even reply. The apartment was silent except for the sound of coffee flowing into Jake’s coffee cup.

When the cup was full, he finally spoke, “She can be. She’s good at what she does. She’s cleaned up more than one PR mess I’ve dropped in her lap.”

“How did you choose her?” Kat asked.

“I didn’t really,” he replied. “Roger did. Back when I got my first role. She’s been with me from the beginning, so I’m pretty loyal to her, even though I don’t think she likes me much. I frustrate her.” He snapped the lid on his cup and took a long sip. “I keep telling her I’m only human. I can’t be perfect all the time, but she keeps telling me I need to play a part, a character, in my public life. I don’t want to do that. Public image is one thing, but being someone else entirely.… ”

Kat studied him for a second as he set his coffee down to put on his shoes. She took a deep breath and tried to choose her words carefully. “She isn’t wrong. Your personal image has taken a hit for most of this year,” she mused. “It’s fascinating to me. You’re a business, Jake. I never thought about you that way, but you are. You’re in the business of you … or at least, the version of you they can sell to the public.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Jake said and shrugged. “Seems kinda bleak. I want to focus on playing meaningful roles and letting other people take care of everything else. I don’t like to think about the business side. That’s why I have a team.”

Kat continued, “But do you have a team that respects who you want to be, not just who they want you to be? And can those ever be the same thing?” It was his life and his career, and she didn’t know enough to have a clear opinion, but she wondered. She’d just begun to realize he was a product. That’s what he was to everyone who made a living off Jake’s work and image. The concept intrigued her as a businessperson; as a human, it made her sad.

He stood up and checked his phone. “Good question. Not sure. Can we work on my business plan later?” he asked, winking at her. “Car is here. I gotta go.” He gave her a quick kiss and bounded out the door.

A s she walked into the Path offices, Kat finally exhaled. This was her safe space, and she needed to spend a few hours in a world she knew how to navigate. She could no longer deny that she wanted to be with Jake, and that would mean stepping out of her overly controlled world. Every time she thought about it, her mouth went dry, and her heart raced, but it also made her feel more like herself than she had in years.

She’d sat down in the office when her phone chimed.

J: Hey, Garren’s hosting a cast dinner tonight, please come.

K: Are you sure? Right now? That sounds like a bad idea.

K: Hard pass.

After a small outing on a closed set had made it to Twitter, she wanted to stay in their safe, secret bubble. At least for the next few days.

J: It’s a private dinner, only eight of us. It’ll be okay.

J: Private, not secret, remember?

J: All the moments. ;)

Ugh. Against her better judgment, Kat agreed. He certainly had ways to make her say yes.

K: Fine. Text me the address. I’ll meet you there. We can come and go separately.

J: Great. I’ll send a car.

She busied herself with meetings and her endless to-do list but found herself watching the clock. Despite her reservations she couldn’t stop smiling when she thought of him. She opened her calendar to see if she could run over to the apartment to change clothes before dinner. One glance at her overloaded calendar gave her an answer. She and Emily were knee-deep in reviewing regional launch plans when she received a text letting her know the car Jake had sent was five minutes away.

“Emily, are we good? I have to leave for dinner,” she said, hitting share on the document they were working on. She glanced down at her jeans and black sweater and wished she had worn something more interesting. Her hair was pulled back into a low knot at the base of her neck—a quick hairstyle done earlier this morning, in the haze of minimal sleep. She stared at her own reflection on the video screen and sighed. When she’d dressed for the day, her itinerary did not include a dinner full of famous people.

“Yes,” Emily replied. “Happy hour with the team again?”

“No, with Jake,” she said, packing up her bag. It was nice to be honest with someone, and she trusted Emily to keep her relationship with Jake secret, or at least private. She tried on Jake’s language, and it made sense in her mind. The normalcy of heading to dinner after a day at work made her almost forgot she was in Copenhagen, without Becca, living a temporary life. She indulged herself, leaning into a brief, alternative reality, where she’d made different choices living a different life.

Emily smiled at her. “Oh, good for you. You aren’t ever coming home, are you?” she asked, her voice light and teasing.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” Kat replied, her voice flat as her mind shifted from her alternative reality to the present day.

“Right. That was a fast trip. We’re good here. You should take your last few days with Jake.” Kat went to protest, but Emily jumped in and spoke over her. “Kat seriously, I’ll text you if we need you. Just keep your phone on and charged.”

Kat knew Emily was teasing. She rolled her eyes. “I’ll consider it.”

She didn’t want to count the number of days before she left. More than that, she didn’t want to plan every second. She just wanted to be. Be with Jake.

O nce Kat entered the restaurant, the host wasted no time, escorting her to a door marked PRIVATE . The door opened to a room bursting with wild energy, a decibel that sounded like a thousand voices chattering at once. A waiter held a tray in front of her and she grabbed a glass of red. She assessed at least twenty people in the room, a far cry from the eight Jake had promised. She reminded herself that Jake was trying, but he was nothing if not inexact.

She scanned the room until her eyes landed on Jake. He was holding court with a group of people, some of whom she recognized. His face was dancing as his arm gestured wildly. She hung back and observed him in his element, so at ease, so effortlessly charming, that he quite literally lit up the entire room. Up until this trip, she’d only thought of him as scattered, funny, emotional Jake. She was seeing him in a new light for the smart, dynamic, magnetic man that he was. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.

As he hit the crescendo of his story, the group erupted in laughter. His eyes moved past his audience, and a smile lit up his entire face. He gestured for her to come over, and all of a sudden everyone’s eyes were on her. Her hands shook ever so slightly as she took a sip of wine and walked over. He stepped toward her, grabbed her hand, and gave her a kiss on the lips.

He put an arm around her waist and brought her physically into their circle. He rubbed her hip with his thumb and gazed at her as she met all his fellow cast members. Her hands stopped shaking as he drew her closer to him, but she still felt jittery. She couldn’t decipher her feelings. In her day-to-day life, Kat often felt needed—by Becca, by her job, even by Jake. But the way he was looking at her made her feel wanted. Desired and special. Having a man want her—especially a man as passionate as Jake—stirred up emotions she had long since buried.

She vaguely recognized his other cast members. The conversation turned to the social media chatter. There was a flurry of apologies, but all were dismissive of its longevity. Each person launched into a story of their own of a private moment gone public. The more she listened she became innately curious: why they would choose this life at all? One devoid of privacy and full of scrutiny. She posed the question to the group and received different versions of the same answer. It wasn’t a choice:

“ It was the only thing I was ever called to do .”

“ I don’t know how to be anything else .”

“ It’s the only way I feel alive .”

“ I have to create .”

“ If I hadn’t found acting, I think I’d be dead by now .”

They all agreed that the celebrity side of fame was the hardest part, but the art was inside their soul. It was who they were as humans, and separating themselves from their craft was an impossible task. She watched Jake as they were speaking. He remained silent but nodded along. She was beginning to understand the intense struggle she often felt radiating from Jake. Acting, living with your heart on the outside, would give him a sense of being human, while simultaneously trapping him in a life of public scrutiny.

Jake leaned over and whispered that he wanted to introduce her to Garren, who had just finished a conversation with his partner and the waitstaff. He pulled her out of the circle toward the back of the room. As they approached, she once again felt her hands start to shake. She was officially intimidated by the formidable man in front of her. He towered over her, his shocking blond hair falling over his forehead. His eyes fixed on her as if there were no one else in the room. His role and relationship to everyone in the room was palpable. There was no question he was their leader.

“Great to meet you, Kat, officially,” said Garren, shaking her hand. She cringed inside, realizing he would remember anyone that visited his set, especially one that created a flurry of gossip. It wasn’t the best first impression. Jake tightened his arm around her waist, and she let out a breath as she felt his protection.

“I’m sure you hear this all the time, but your movie, Ticket , just broke me … in a good way. I cried for an hour after I left the theater. Come to think of it, Numb did that to me, too. I’m rambling, but I just wanted to say that I love your movies. I’m hoping Ticket and Numb are part of a trilogy … sorry, I’ll stop now.”

Kat couldn’t keep herself from gushing over the Oscar-winning director. It wasn’t like her to be scattered—she sounded more like Jake than herself. She spied Jake smirking, and she imperceptibly elbowed him. Kat was nervous, and she could tell it amused him.

Garren smiled and bowed his head for a moment. “That’s very gracious, Kat, thank-you. And a trilogy just might be in the works, perhaps next year.” He gave her a wink. “Jake says you’re the head of product for PathMobile. What a great company. I love the new 4.6P. It’s been a game changer. I can stream dailies right to my device,” he said, holding up his mobile phone.

This was a topic she knew well, which allowed her heart to stop racing and her brain to settle down. She became markedly less awkward talking about mobile devices than movies. “Then you’ll love our virtual assistant coming out over the holidays. I’ll send you one. We just launched the pre-orders here in Denmark, and I have my hands on a few. It’ll have all the power of the 4.6, but with a much larger display and increased voice technology.”

Garren clasped his hands together. “Wonderful!”

A wave of relief rolled through her. She really wanted to change her first impression. She knew how important Garren was to Jake. She pulled out her phone and typed a quick note to remind her to get one of the PVAs to Garren.

“So, Kat, what brought you to Copenhagen?” Garren asked.

She didn’t really know how much to reveal, so she went with the truth. “We have a regional office here, so I came for work,” she paused. “Oh, and this guy.” She motioned to Jake, who grinned and nudged her shoulder.

“Well,” Garren started, “this guy is killing it. Really Jake, you’re giving us a brilliant performance. I was watching the footage from this morning, and it’s exactly what I was looking for.”

Kat beamed at Jake. When she’d arrived, she’d found a man with his confidence shaken, deep in a hole dug by his own fear and anger. She’d watched Jake pull himself out and now, judging by what she was hearing from Garren, he’d found his way back.

Jake said a quiet thank-you to his director, and to her surprise he elaborated. “Actually, Kat has been instrumental in helping me find the characterization and physicality of Tom. You know I struggled for a while, but she was key to helping me work through it.”

She could feel heat rising to her face.

Garren raised his glass as if to toast, locked eyes with Kat, and simply said, “Thank-you.”

Kat shook her head and protested. “Not true at all. He’s giving me too much credit. He—” She was interrupted by Garren’s partner’s booming voice asking everyone to take their seats.

They moved toward the tables and Jake grasped her arm, pulling her away from the group meandering to their seats. He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Hey, why’d you do that? Don’t sell yourself short. You did help me find the character,” he said, and she could hear the earnestness in his voice.

But Kat needed him to understand that it was inside him all along. She put her hand on his cheek for a moment and looked at him intently. She felt so much love for the creative soul in front of her. “Jake, I didn’t help you find a character. I’ve been helping you find you .”

He closed his eyes for a moment before he covered her hand with his and took a breath. When he opened his eyes, he took her hand off his cheek and kissed it. “Let’s sit,” he said, gesturing to the table.

They found their name cards and sat down in the center of the long table. Kat introduced herself to Garren’s partner, seated to her left. She spied the name card across from her: Sloan Stevens. She smoothed her hair and tugged at the hem of her shirt, wishing she hadn’t come straight from work. Kat wasn’t used to a world built on physical beauty. Up until now, she prided herself on favoring practical efficiency over anything extra. And Sloan Stevens was all kinds of extra. Looking around the table, she tried to be casual, but honestly, she was starstruck.

Sloan sat down with a flourish, her attention focusing only on Jake. “Hey, here, in case you need it,” she said, and tossed a package on the table. It slid toward them, dangerously close to knocking over Kat’s wine glass.

He didn’t pick it up. Kat looked at him, eyebrows raised. Jake ignored Sloan and turned his body toward Kat. “It’s an edible. It takes the edge off. It’s the oldest actor trick in the books. We’re all anxious and hungry as hell all the time.” He laughed and gestured around the table. “I bet half this room is high on something.”

She rolled her eyes. “Jake, I know what an edible is. I don’t live under a rock. I wondered whether you wanted one because being in this room, I might.” She could hold her own with some of the best minds in technology and the most powerful business leaders, but she was out of her element in this room. “God, I’m nervous as hell in here.”

“Don’t be nervous,” he said, sliding his arm around her chair and leaning over until his lips were millimeters from her ear. He nuzzled her for a split second before whispering, “I think you’re the most impressive person in this entire room.” He picked up the orange package with his free hand and tossed it back to Sloan. Still whispering in Kat’s ear, Jake said, “No, I don’t want any. At least not right now. A very wise person told me to not cloud my mind.” He gave her a quick, soft kiss before leaning back.

His eyes sparkled and he gazed at her as if she was the only person in the room. Kat fought against the heaviness creeping into this moment. She only had days left and her brain would not reconcile with her heart. The brevity of this moment put her on edge, and all she wanted to do was kiss him right there at the table. Instead, she resigned herself to putting her chin in her hands and running her eyes across his face in an attempt to burn the image of this moment in her mind. He brought his hand up to caress the back of her neck and shivers ran down her back.

Jake moved his arm to the back of her chair, and Kat took a sip of wine. She rested her hand on his leg and relaxed into the moment. As if he could read her mind, he leaned over and repeated her own words back to her: “Stop thinking, just feel.” Finally, she allowed herself to lean into Jake.

J ake watched Kat relax into the moment as she leaned her body against his. It was the most at ease he’d ever seen her. She didn’t need to control, manage, or drive this moment and for the first time, he watched Kat just be. Kat was deep in conversation with Garren’s partner, and he caught snippets of their conversation as they discussed the best movies developed since the pandemic. He didn’t join the conversation, but instead found comfort in observing. He was used to being the absolute center of attention, but tonight he only wanted to lean back and take it all in. I want to be in the moment. Not be the moment , he thought. It was a unique freedom he hadn’t realized he’d lost.

He was jolted out of his thoughts by Sloan. It was an unwelcome intrusion. He didn’t enjoy her company, having worked with her on his last film. It hadn’t taken long to realize that although the camera liked them together, they didn’t work well together. During the press tour, they acted like close friends, maybe more, but only to drive further PR for the film. Fans shipped them like crazy, but the reality was very different. Jake could not stand how Sloan seemed to revel in making people’s lives difficult just to show her power. Despite her physical beauty, he found her ugly. He almost grabbed a drink—or an edible—just to make the evening with her tolerable.

He looked at her with a weary face. In Zero Code , they were playing lovers, so they needed to get along, but he didn’t have to like her when the cameras weren’t rolling.

“Jake, we didn’t get a chance to chat earlier. How are you doing?” Sloan lowered her voice and leaned across the table. “Like, really doing?”

“Great, Sloan, never better,” Jake said with a forced smile, giving her nothing. He’d learned the hard way that Sloan always had an angle.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said, her smile a little too big. “I heard there were some bumps early on. You okay?”

Jake paused and searched his brain for a response. “It was fine. I’m fine, Sloan,” he said. He knew better than to give her a centimeter of information.

He pushed the chair back and let Kat know he was going to the bar. He might need that drink after all. At least leaving the table would get him away from Sloan. He was unsettled to hear that she knew anything about the first few weeks of production. He’d put his terrible performance and the cost to the studio out of his mind. He breathed out slowly and stepped up to the bar inside their private room. He thought better of alcohol and ordered a club soda with lime. He took a long drink to calm his nerves and delay his return to the table. When he turned around, Sloan was right behind him.

“Jake, stop avoiding me. I thought at least we were friends, after, you know …” Sloan said, standing too close.

He hated himself for ever sleeping with Sloan. It had been a weak moment, after their last film wrapped. He had been basking in the euphoria of the end-of-shooting wrap party. It was the wildest party in his career with a cast and crew that knew no limits. Sloan and Jake had done cocaine together with the cinematographer—his one and only time doing hard drugs. Said drugs, fueled by expensive whiskey and chased with champagne, resulted in waking up in Sloan’s hotel room. He had never felt so physically wrecked and emotionally charged with regret. Thinking back, the last year, the person he’d been, throwing himself into a self-created black hole of destruction, felt distant to him now.

“I can’t see us ever being friends,” he said refusing to hide the bitterness in his voice. Sloan had been angry when Jake went to leave and had called him a shitty actor and a bad fuck. Later, she’d posted a blurry Instagram post of his shirt on her hotel room floor. She refused to take it down. It had the fans chattering across every social platform for days. They didn’t need to be officially together for her to use him to boost her own public profile. Like everyone else, she cared very little about him unless he could help her stardom.

She let out a dramatic laugh, and Jake turned away from her. He glanced over at Kat, who hadn’t noticed. She was busy debating the artistic merit of the entire rom-com genre. Jake watched the scene unfold as Garren tried to argue against Kat’s well-thought-out and systematic reasons as to why rom-coms brought the world joy, and therefore did indeed have artistic merit.

He listened to her deliver a thoughtful counterpoint at every turn, making the entire table scream with laughter. They were delighting in the sport of watching her take their serious director to task on the subject of rom-coms, of all things. The conspiratorial glances between Garren and Kat told him they were both enjoying this debate, and each other. Jake smirked to himself. He’d been in debates with Kat before, and Garren had clearly underestimated her.

Sloan looked from Kat to Jake. “How long has this been going on?” she asked, dripping with fake sincerity. “Older woman. And a normie too. I’m surprised. How did you two get together?”

Jake gave her a long, hard look. He shook his head, conveying that he would give her nothing. “Sloan, I know it was you who leaked the rumor.” Honestly, he didn’t know, but it seemed plausible. What he didn’t know was why.

“I can’t believe you think it was me,” she said, feigning innocence, but her smug face told him he’d guessed right.

Discontinuing the conversation, he picked up his drink and walked back to the table. When he sat down, Kat did not look over from her conversation, but she slid her hand onto Jake’s leg and rubbed her thumb up and down his knee. It was a small gesture, but the feeling of her hand on him and the comfort of her touch sent waves of calm through his entire body. He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and joined the conversation. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sloan lean against the bar, preoccupied with her phone. He didn’t know what she was up to, but he didn’t trust her.

It seemed impossible, but the dinner conversation got louder and rowdier as the evening went on, and Jake found himself getting hoarse from laughter. He leaned back and took it all in. This was his life, and he loved it. This environment filled with extroverted artists and boisterous personalities gave him energy, gave him life. Kat may not recognize it, but she fits into this life . My life . He couldn’t stop watching how easy it was for her to slip into this tough, loud group. She kept up beautifully with the conversation, and much of the table was enamored with her wit and ability to match even the quickest banter. What he saw was a woman who’d once told him she was broken, but out of her cracks glowed a confidence that drew people to her.

Kat turned to him, her eyes bright and her cheeks pink. He was reminded of their first kiss, and he felt as if his entire body was tingling. Like that night, he wanted to hold her face in his hands and kiss her like nothing else mattered, but unlike that night, he didn’t want to escape. He wanted to be in the present, with her.

She nuzzled the side of his face and whispered in his ear, “Thank-you … this is amazing … you are amazing … really … God, I don’t know how you are so fucking amazing.”

She was giggling, and he could tell from the drawl in her voice, she was sloppy from too much wine. He loved it and in his heart, he knew he loved her. His heart had known before his mind, and he believed that was why, in one of his darkest moments, he’d called her. She was his lifeline, his safe place, his soft landing.

He needed to get out of that room and just be with her. As much as he liked leaning back and observing, he admitted to himself that he wanted her attention. He also realized that, given how much wine, weed, and who knows what else was flowing, the evening was going to get messy.

It was a new feeling to be the most sober and focused person in the room. He was no stranger to the out-of-control dinners and knew the feeling of regret when it tipped over into a state of debauchery. Kat had a core of control and order, and he didn’t want to completely challenge her in one evening. He leaned over and placed a kiss right behind her ear to get her attention. “Are you ready to get out of here?” he asked with a whisper. “I want you to myself.”

She looked over, squeezed his knee, and nodded. He wasted no time in texting Savannah, who kept a car on standby for him, especially for nights like this.

J: Hey, we’re ready. Can you send the driver and confirm when he’s here?

S: Yes, just texted him. He’s about five to seven minutes out.

Jake popped his phone on the table and stood up to signal they were leaving. There was a chorus of protests, but he waved them away. Kat and Garren were hugging goodbye when his phone rang. It was Savannah.

“Hey Savy, what’s up? Something wrong with the car?” he asked, grabbing his coat.

“I just talked to the driver, and he spotted some paps near the front and back entrances of the restaurant. I’m sure someone tipped them off,” she said in a rush. “Stay on the phone but walk through the kitchen. He’ll pick you up in the alley.”

Jake was always grateful for Savannah, but never more so than now. He whispered in Garren’s ear about the paparazzi, said final goodbyes, and grabbed Kat’s hand.

“Slight change in plans: we’re going to go out through the kitchen,” he whispered to her. He kept his voice calm.

“Why?” she giggled, her eyes widening. She steadied herself on his arm.

“Tell you in the car,” he said, picking up their pace. He grasped her hand and pulled her through the kitchen. The photographers knew every trick, and he knew they’d need to be fast. The alley wasn’t foolproof, but it was the best option.

They arrived at the kitchen door leading out the back, and he handed his coat to Kat. “This is what’s going to happen: I’ll open this door, and when I do, look down, put this over your head, and get straight in the car. Got it?” he asked. When she nodded, he pushed the door open. He kept his arm around her and guided her into the backseat before climbing in himself.

When they were successfully in the car, he turned his attention back to Savannah. “Thanks for the heads up, we’re good,” he said breathlessly into his phone. “Have I told you how much I appreciate you?”

“Yes, I think you did twice today already,” she replied.

“Well, this is the third. Thank-you,” Jake said, hitting end on the call.

He turned his attention to Kat, who was leaning against him, similarly breathless. “Was that to avoid the paparazzi?” she asked, her eyes closing, heavy from the never-ending glass of red wine.

“Yes. But our driver here noticed them, and Savannah figured out another exit,” he said, pulling her a little closer. “This is what I mean. I can keep us private, I can.” He was trying to convince himself as much as her.

He drew in a deep breath to slow his heart rate as he pulled her close, happy to have a minute to enjoy the quiet of just each other. Kat leaned over and pushed her lips into his. Her lips on his brought a stillness and calm back to his entire body. He no longer felt like the world was against him. He understood it now. He didn’t need the world to be with him. He just needed her.

He groaned low and soft, trying to be quiet and not alert the driver. He was ready to get lost in the kiss … ready to get lost in her . He leaned his head back on the seat as she trailed kisses down his neck. She moved back up to his ear and mumbled, “I want you, Ben.”