Chapter Twenty-Four
chapter twenty?four
S IX M ONTHS L ATER
A fter a morning of hopping on and off double-decker buses, Kat and Becca lounged in their Airbnb overlooking London’s Regent’s Park. Becca played on her iPad while Kat relaxed on the couch and scrolled through the news from MyLondon and the BBC.
They’d been in London for three days already and had settled into the foreign city with the comfort of seasoned travelers. Becca was most in love with the British sayings she heard during their trip. When they first saw Buckingham Palace, Becca shouted to her mom that she was “positively gobsmacked” and then doubled over with laughter. Kat was enamored with watching Becca absorb and react to foreign cities.
A headline caught her eye: JAKE LAURENT VISITS LONDON ON A PRESS TOUR FOR Z ERO C ODE . She didn’t read the article, but the headline made her heart quicken. Her eyes wandered to the date and saw it was posted only yesterday. Zero Code had just been released, and the early buzz was phenomenal. She hadn’t brought herself to see it, but the chatter surrounding the movie was about awards and accolades coming Jake’s way. His prominence had skyrocketed, and he’d risen into the space that only a few actors ever reach. He’d truly done it. She swelled with a pride tinged with sadness.
She tossed her phone down and let out a loud sigh.
“What, Momma?” asked Becca, looking up from her iPad.
“I have a friend here also visiting London,” she said. “Do you remember Jake from next door? He used to bring you orange Tootsie Pops?”
“Kinda,” Becca said with the ambivalence of youth, and she went back to her device.
Kat smiled at the simple response. Before she could overthink it, she swiped opened her phone, pulled up her messaging app, and scrolled to Jake’s contact information. She winced re-reading the final text chain between them. Jake had texted her daily to say he was sorry and tried to get her to talk to him.
She breathed out slowly as she read her response to his repeated apologies:
K: Jake. Please stop. Even if you weren’t trying to hurt me, you did. If you loved me, you never would’ve used me. When we were an us, were you just playing a part? I know you’ll have a great career. You’re the best actor I know.
He didn’t respond and at the time, Kat was relieved. Leveraging their relationship in the press was the largest betrayal he could have enacted, and Kat was in a panicked anger. Her anger was warranted, but her panic subsided as she realized that social cycles are indeed short.
Although embarrassing, the Twitter boycott of PathMobile devices was short-lived. In fact, sales eventually went up due to the extra exposure. More embarrassing were the endless memes circulated via company email and slack at her expense.
The most hateful was the vitriol she received on social media, but those accounts were easily shut down and that echo chamber could be ignored.
It turned out to be a frenzy that started fast but burned out just as quickly. She often wondered, if she had not been so afraid, if they could have managed it long-term. Probably , was her answer.
Months later, her anger had faded, and panic turned into perspective. She’d done a lot of thinking and breathing in the time away from PathMobile and from Jake. During that time, she’d begun to learn about who she was and how she wanted to navigate the world—not as a widow, not as a mom, or even a professional, but as Kat: a mixture of all and none of those labels.
Before she could convince herself not to, she hit send on a text:
K: Hi. It’s me. Kat. In case you deleted me from your phone. I just saw on the news that you’re in London. The universe works in funny ways, Becca and I are here right now. Just for fun.
J: …
J: Hi. It is good to hear from you.
J:…
J: Can I see you while you’re in London? Both of you?
J: And for the record, I would never delete you.
Kat hesitated before responding. She needed to see him. Her life had changed course since those eight days in Copenhagen, but the transformation felt incomplete without gaining closure with Jake.
She waited for the sadness to creep in, but she only felt at peace. It felt good to no longer hate him as she understood her role in his betrayal. Her unbending nature had kept him from bringing her into the storm he was facing. She wished they could’ve figured it out together, all the while knowing she would’ve tried to unsuccessfully control an uncontrollable situation. She would’ve been fine with any outcome that pulled Jake out of the public eye, which would’ve stunted his art, and suffocated him in the end.
At the time, she wasn’t strong enough to commit herself to him if it meant making any sacrifices for herself. He must have felt so alone , she thought. He’s a good person who made a tough decision. Taking a deep breath, she responded:
K: Yes. We are staying across from Regent’s Park. We could meet near the Marylebone Green playground.
J: Perfect, 4?
K: That works. I’ll drop a pin. Text me if you get delayed.
J: I will be there on time. See you then.
Kat set down her phone and nudged Becca with her foot. “Hey, we’re going to hang out with my friend this afternoon, at the park. Before then, do you want to go to The Wall Café to drink tea and eat lots of pastries?”
K at’s hands shook as she waited for Jake to arrive. Out of habit, she found an open patch of grass, devoid of people. She spied a playground down a path, but the field was isolated. Becca was climbing a nearby tree, her growing athleticism on full display.
At 3:58 p.m., she saw him jogging toward them, waving. Along with the prerequisite cap and sunglasses, he was wearing casual joggers and a nondescript sweatshirt. He had an orange backpack and, in his hand, a soccer ball still in the packaging.
Kat called for Becca to climb down, and they both walked toward him. She surprised herself with her inability to stop smiling as he approached. He looked good, healthy. She wondered for a second if she should hug him, or maybe shake his hand? Surely not shake his hand!
When they got close, Jake did neither of those things. He gave them both a wave and started to rip the ball out of the package.
“Hey, Kat,” he said with tentative smile, turning his attention to Becca. “Hi, Becca, I’m Jake, in case you don’t remember,” he said, reaching down and shaking Becca’s hand. She shook it hard, which made him laugh. He tossed the ball to her. “Your mom told me you play soccer, huh?” Jake said, leaning down to face her. “Want to kick around with me a bit? You can shoot, I’ll be goalie.”
Becca erupted with an enthusiastic “Yes!” and ran toward the open space. Jake ran after her, turning around to jog backward. “Kat, want to join? Although, I’m afraid to let you shoot soccer balls at my face.”
She laughed and all of a sudden all the tension was lifted. She shook her head and motioned for him to go ahead without her. She sat down on the grass near a water fountain and watched the two of them play.
Jake set up two water bottles from his backpack to mark goal posts, and Becca was thrilled to try to score goals against Jake. At first, he was letting her kick past him and then he started to block her attempts. She protested and ran down the field kicking the ball. Kat was struck at how free Jake seemed, and she saw joy on his face as he ran after Becca. Kat, putting her face to the sun, soaked up the carefree laughter coming from the field. They chased each other until they were both breathing heavy, and they ran over to her.
“You are so fast,” Jake said to Becca as he tossed a water bottle her way. She caught it with both hands.
She looked at him very seriously and said, “You are too … for an old person.” Jake’s eyes opened wide, he clutched his stomach and fell to the ground.
“You wound me with your words!”
Becca giggled in response and tossed the ball up in the air. “Momma, can I go to the playground?”
Kat nodded. “We’ll be over here, honey.” She gave Becca a kiss before she ran down the path toward the swings. Kat repositioned herself so she could see the play structure from where they were sitting. She thought about how, six months ago, the answer would have been “no,” and certainly not where Kat was not within arm’s reach of her. She’d come a long way in giving her daughter freedom and was rewarded by watching Becca’s confidence soar.
Jake sat up and moved diagonally from her, so as not to block her view. His legs were crossed, knees almost touching hers. “Kat, I didn’t think I would ever hear from you.” He leaned forward and whispered, “Seeing your text … knowing I don’t deserve to hear from you …” he paused. “Thank-you.”
“I wanted to see you,” she said. “You look good, Jake, really great … happy.”
She looked straight in his eyes, clear and sparkly. She felt a surge of genuine affection for him, as everything else melted away. She’d found happiness and, in her quest to understand and heal herself, she’d had a persistent fear that Jake surfaced from their relationship more broken than ever. But she could feel a stillness and contentment radiating off him.
Defaulting to small talk, she asked, “How long are you in London?” He looked away, and she saw him stifle a smile.
“I was in London yesterday. I was in Paris when you texted me,” he said, grinning.
Kat couldn’t keep the stunned look off her face. “Jake, you didn’t need to come back here just for this. We could have talked over the phone,” she chided.
“Quick Eurostar ticket, and I’m here. I’ve missed you,” he said. He turned to her and his face became serious. “Kat, you once traveled three thousand, eight hundred, sixty-four miles for me. I figured I could return the favor.”
Kat laughed out loud and shook her head. She found herself still so enamored by the sweet, impulsive soul sitting on the grass in front of her. Out of habit, she deflected the moment, changing the subject. “ Zero Code is getting great buzz. Things are going well for you?”
He nodded. “I have a whole new team, except Roger, and of course, Savannah. I’ve finally taken control of my career. I needed to grow up and take control of my life.” He paused, looking as if he were about to elaborate, but he didn’t. “Thanks … the movie finally … ” he stopped speaking and shook his head.
He leaned back on his palms. “Kat, I didn’t come all this way to sit here and talk about myself. I’m not going to run away from this … what I did … it wasn’t fair to you … to us … I am sorry I wasn’t strong enough, and I wish—”
She stopped him. “What you did,” she said as tears started to burn her eyes, “after getting past my initial anger, I’ve come to realize it was the best thing that could’ve happened to us.”
“I disagree,” Jake said, and Kat could see his jaw tense as he sucked in a breath. His face was a mix of confusion and sadness.
Kat fought to blink back tears. “No, really. I think, no matter what would’ve happened, I was certainly not ready. We wouldn’t have worked. I know that in my heart. Once I got back, I realized my time in Copenhagen was me taking a vacation from my life. I wasn’t prepared to do the work to be with you. One of us would’ve blown up our relationship. You just beat me to it.”
Jake looked up to the sky, and Kat could see him blinking back tears as well. “You are being too kind and too forgiving. I don’t deserve it.”
Kat reached out and rubbed his knee with her thumb. “Jake, what you did pushed me so far out of my perfect, controlled world. And you know what? I was okay. I survived. Until this, I was so afraid to let something happen out of my control that I stopped living. You reminded me that I don’t need to be so afraid of life. Becca deserves a mom who is alive.”
Jake nodded with a look of attention and understanding, communicating that he was fully processing her words. “Becca … she’s one great kid,” he said.
“She’s incredible, and it’s a privilege to guide her through part of her life. I love showing her the world. So, every chance we can, we hit the road and explore somewhere new. Over the holidays, we went to Austria to see the Christmas Markets, which I’ve wanted to do my whole life.”
“That sounds amazing,” Jake said. “But I have to admit I knew that. I was home this past December for the holidays. I was hoping to run into you, and I nearly broke down when my mom told me you weren’t in New York.” He gave her a weak smile. “I can’t let you keep saying nice things to me, letting me off the hook without telling you I’m sorry. And if I could go back, I would do a lot of things differently.”
“I quit my job,” Kat blurted out. She registered the surprise on Jake’s face.
“Please tell me you weren’t forced because of me?” Jake asked, looking down. “I know things got weird for a while. I never meant to hurt your career.”
“No, no,” Kat said. “I did take a leave of absence right after, but taking that break made me realize I just wanted to stop—stop being in a job that was so all-consuming. God, that job ran my life. I wanted more flexibility to be with Becca. My time with her is short. This moment, when I’m the absolute center of her world, will be gone sooner than I want. In a blink, she’ll be off living her own life and I didn’t want her entire childhood to be with a mom that looked at her as a task to be completed.”
Jake looked at her with a smile. “So what are you doing?”
“I found what I love. I love helping a business grow. I’m consulting with tech start-ups who need a solid business plan and financial projections but aren’t ready for a full-time finance officer.” She was proud of the financial stability she was able to create without the umbrella of an oppressive corporation. “Also, I balance the books for Ben’s old precinct, in exchange for putting Becca and me on their health plan. It helps to keep a foot in that world, for her. I need to allow those who loved him to love her. It gives her a sense of her dad, and as she gets older, that’s become even more important.”
Jake took a breath. “I’m coming back home … at least to New York,” he started, “and not just for a visit, but for the next six months. At least.”
She raised her eyebrows. It was a surprising move. He’d often expounded that he didn’t want to build his career in the US, as it centered around Los Angeles—a city he hated.
“Yeah, I even got my own place finally. I move in next week, but as you can imagine, there’s not much to move,” he chuckled. “My next project is Joe Island, a play by Tania Wells. It’s a four-month run minimum and two months of rehearsal.”
Kat was even more surprised to hear that his next project was live theater. It was an interesting sidestep for someone who had their pick of films.
He let out a sigh. “It just felt right. This past year, past eighteen months, haven’t been easy. I got lost in this chase of fame.” He took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. “I was so focused on it, I blew up the best thing in my life.” He blew out a breath. “Kat, I called you and asked you to fix me, to clean up the mess I was making of my life, and then I shattered us, too. It will be the biggest regret of my life.” Jake quickly wiped a tear from his eyes.
Kat reached over and placed her hand in his. She didn’t say anything, but physically connected to him as a sign of understanding and forgiveness. He smiled at her tentatively. His thumb lightly caressed the back of her hand.
“Jake. We were both trying to fix each other. That’s not a way to build a relationship.” She was dangerously close to tears herself. She desperately wanted to focus on something other than their dramatic implosion. Taking a breath to beat back the tears, she said, “Talk to me. Are you excited to do theater again? Be back in New York?”
Jake’s face brightened. “I really believe I need to be back in the theater, really hone my craft, get out of the rat race of movie productions. I’ll figure it out after that. I told Roger no back-to-back projects. I’m playing the long game with my career.”
Kat shot him a smile. She was taking in this new Jake, centered and focused. She looked away to gain sight of Becca. She spotted her on a swing, talking to another girl who looked to be her age.
Kat reached her hand up and waved at Becca for a few seconds and returned it to take Jake’s hand once again. “I want to be angry about what happened, but I’m not.” Her voice softened. “You called me, I came to you, and it changed my life.”
Jake lifted her hand up to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. “You stole my line.” He shot her a smile and just like that, she was transported back to a small apartment on the Nyhavn canal. Her mind lingered and indulged in the memories.
Kat felt the buzz of her watch bring her back to the present. She stood up and waved Becca over. “It’s getting late, and we have theater tickets to see Six tonight.”
“You’ll love it,” said Jake. Becca ran over and Jake threw her the soccer ball. “Hey, do you have room for this? It’s for you.”
Becca nodded and thanked him. Kat suddenly didn’t know what to do with her hands. Jake took over when he high-fived Becca and then gave Kat a half hug and a sweet, quick kiss on the cheek.
“Bye, Jake,” she said, and turned to walk away hand in hand with her favorite girl.
“Hey!” she heard him yell. She and Becca turned around to face him.
“When I’m back in New York, can I ask you out?” He was standing there, looking so earnest with a full smile. Kat saw a man who knew what he wanted, no longer an unsure human, searching for anything to escape himself.
Given all that they had experienced together, it was a ridiculous question, but a perfect question all at once.
It took all her resolve not to run back to him, feel his arms around her, and exist once again in his orbit. But she would play the long game too. They needed time to really know each other if there was a future for them. She knew that it wouldn’t be simple—nothing ever was—and she couldn’t predict what future they could find together. Exploring a future with Jake was a risk she was wanted to take.
“It’s a date. Text me when you’re back,” she said, shooting him a big smile. “We’ll figure it out.”