Chapter 26
Chapter
Vivian
Lola and I had missed Lennon when he’d picked up his dog after the away series, and he’d had a game that next night and another on Tuesday, so all that meant he and I hadn’t spent much time together in nearly two weeks. Nor had he seen much of his mother.
Fortunately, Lola had handled the initial round of chemo rather well, and Lennon finally stopped by this afternoon with a meal he’d made for Lola and me.
“I can’t stay long. I have to go over to Cormac’s to watch film,” he said apologetically.
“I know you’re busy, m’ijo,” Lola said. She hugged him hard but Lennon kept his grasp gentle.
“I’ll come by for longer after our next game,” he promised her. “I want to spend time with you.”
Lola smiled as she patted his cheek. “And you wonder how I know you’re the best son in the world.”
I enjoyed their interaction, even as it made my heart ache. I missed those moments with my mother, and I wanted that type of closeness with Lennon. He was clearly capable of it, and he’d told me he not only wanted intimacy with me, but he was ready for it. I had to decide if I trusted him and if I trusted myself enough to give in to the fall required for a real connection to form between us.
As I pondered this, Lennon came up to me in the kitchen and kissed my cheek. I sucked in a breath, my skin tingling where his lips had touched. The longing in his eyes stole my breath, causing my heart to pound.
“You’re beautiful, Vivi,” he whispered in my ear. “Thank you for caring for my mother. I know she’s doing so well because of you.”
I blinked at him, at a loss even as he turned and headed out the door.
The man had serious charm, and I was in deeper now than I’d been back in September.
“Let’s see what Lennon made us, shall we?” Lola asked. “Oh, yum! Green chile stew.”
I ate an early dinner with Lola and then went over to Hana’s to watch the game. As I drove there, I ruminated on my conversation with her and the girls the other day. They’d helped me see that Lennon had been blindsided by how quickly our relationship had progressed. So he was likely playing catch up, just as I was.
“How are you, Vivian?” Hana asked with a hug.
“Good. I think I’m really good.”
She smiled. “I’m so glad. Grab a drink.” She gestured to the large island that held a variety of bottles and cans. Behind the slab of granite was the most ornate—obviously French—range I’d ever seen. It was show-stoppingly beautiful. I eyed it with a bit of envy before I grabbed a juice-infused sparkling water.
“Get ready for a continuation of our conversation from earlier this week,” Hana said as she poured herself a glass of white wine. “And you’ll finally get to meet Millie and Keelie.”
In no time the other ladies arrived, and both Millie and Keelie seemed very kind. I liked them a lot. As Hana predicted, our conversation quickly turned to my concerns with dating Lennon.
“Loving a hockey man isn’t easy, but it is worth it—if you pick a good one,” Ida Jane said from the end of the couch. She raised her violently pink drink to toast her comment.
“Oh, I have to know how you pick a good one,” Naomi said, clinking her margarita glass with Ida Jane’s drink.
“ Pssh … You got one, Naomi. We all do,” Ida Jane said. “One, they see us, and they still love us, even with our faults. Two, they want us to be happy and fulfilled. How many men do that? And three, they’re elite athletes. That means they have stamina.”
Naomi fell back into the couch cushions, cackling.
I pursed my lips as I remembered how I’d also believed my mother wanted me to be with Lennon—if such a thing were possible. Back in Michigan, I’d grasped my burgeoning feelings with both hands and thrown myself into them with reckless abandon. Lennon pulling away had been a shock, but knowing that he’d done so because he cared about me had eased a lot of my fears.
Not all, but a lot.
Reconnecting with Hana and making these new friends added another layer to the foundation I was laying here in Houston. I liked that. I drove home after the Wildcatter win, feeling fully happy and content for the first time in years.
Since my arrival in Houston, I’d found I loved spending time with Lola, too. She had an acerbic wit and a no-nonsense attitude that must have been a huge asset as she’d pretty much singlehandedly raised four kids. But it also meant she liked getting her own way, which wasn’t always possible for a cancer patient.
By the end of the week, she was practically shooing me out of the house.
“I’m supposed to be watching you—” I began.
“I’m fine , Vivian. You said so yourself. So please don’t take this the wrong way, but I want nothing more than a few hours to myself with my Hallmark movies and the ironing board.”
Lennon appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of cargo shorts and deck shoes. His shirt was a breezy linen button down in a light blue. “Ironing, huh?” He came across the living room and kissed his mother’s cheek.
“Stop. You know you enjoy a good couple of hours at the board, too.”
Lennon nodded. “It’s therapeutic. Almost meditative.”
My eyebrows shot up as I looked at them, so in tune over one of the worst chores ever created. I wore scrubs even here at Lola’s because they required minimal maintenance.
Lola caught my expression and chuckled. “I think you might be the ironer in your partnership,” she told Lennon.
He came over and kissed my lips. “No problem. I don’t want Vivi to have to do something she doesn’t enjoy.”
“Does that include scrubbing toilets? Because I hate that one even more than ironing.” I wrinkled my nose. “And I deeply dislike ironing.”
Lennon smiled as he shrugged. “Sure. I don’t care how we split the workload.”
I stared into his eyes, unsure if I believed him—wanting to believe him. I slowly fell into the warmth of his gaze, the obvious joy he took in looking at me.
“Oh, there’s Belladonna,” Lola said. “I wondered if you’d left her at your condo. You really need a yard, Lennon.”
He kept his gaze locked on mine. “I do. You’re right. I need a house for my family.” His eyes grew heated.
As if I hadn’t fantasized about kids—and how we’d make them—for the past month. Warmth swirled in my chest, but I tamped it down. We needed to discuss what he’d told me in his truck a few weeks ago—about my ambivalence and our fears of abandonment—before I could fully commit to the future I desperately wanted.
I broke eye contact and ducked under Lennon’s arm. “You’re sure you’re going to be okay, Lola? I can stay?—”
“You will absolutely not. I’ll shoo you out with the broom, if I have to. I want you to have fun. And I want to starch the heck out of my jeans.”
We both laughed.
“Am I dressed okay?” I asked.
Lennon’s eyes moved over me, leaving me feeling like I’d been coated in warm honey. I shivered, enjoying my body’s reaction. “You look great, Vivi.”
“All right you two, out you go.”
“But I wanted to get your tea—” I protested.
“I can get my own tea, and I can take my own pills.” Lola held up her hands. “I’ve been taking care of myself since I was fourteen. I’ve been taking care of a family since I was twenty. I’ll manage a few hours today just fine.”
Lennon picked up Belladonna’s leash and latched it to her collar. The dog panted happily as we exited the house. Lola closed the door firmly behind us.
“She’s coming with us?” I asked, scratching Belladonna’s ears.
“Sure is,” Lennon said.
“Where are we going?”
Lennon helped me into the truck. He pulled his sunglasses from his shirt pocket but continued to squint as he met my gaze. “We’re going to a brewery for lunch.”
I smiled. “Sounds fun.”
“I hope so.”
He slid his glasses on, then moved to open the back door of the cab. Belladonna hopped in and settled on her bed. Lennon helped me up, then went around to his own seat and started the truck.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said before,” I began before I lost my nerve, “about using the hallucination to protect yourself from getting hurt.” Too much.
“I have, too,” Lennon said. “I get that it hurt you—why you were angry.”
“And I understand why you felt that way. You didn’t know me, not really. It was all new.”
“That’s true, but I’ve reflected a lot, and it’s because I care so much that I allowed my fear to win. I mean, if it hadn’t mattered what you thought of me—if you’d rejected me for not being able to protect you—then I never would have created such an intense scenario.” He looked over at me at the stoplight, his expression stern. “I was wrong, really wrong to treat you that way. I should have been honest much sooner. I’d apologize again, but I don’t think you’d like that.”
“I wouldn’t.” I pulled in a breath and let it out as Lennon accelerated. “I think intimacy—emotional intimacy—means letting you into my unattractive thoughts as well. Sometimes they’re petty or ruthless or…just not nice.”
“But they’re real, and we all feel them.”
“Yeah,” I said. “And because they’re real, they need to be acknowledged.”
“That’s what I’ve done, Vivi. I had scary thoughts—bad ones that hurt you. I’m not proud of that. I hope you can forgive me.”
“I do forgive you. Now, I need to say this: It’s not your mom, who I adore. It’s not your fame, athleticism, money, or even your hot-as-hell body. I’m here, right now, for who you are, Lennon.”
He snatched my hand from my lap and kissed each of my knuckles. “I won’t let you down, Vivi.”
We drove in silence for a while, and gradually the traffic lessened. “I’ve never been up here. Where are we?”
“Outside the city limits,” he said. “Near Tomball.”
“Still going to the brewery.”
“Yep.”
“Um…Lennon?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t really like beer.”
“I know. The brewery has hard cider, if you want to try that, as well as some wines from the hill country. And of course they have water, sweet tea—there are a lot of options.”
“Thank you,” I said.
He smiled. “Sure. I hope you like this place. A former teammate started it a couple of years ago with his older brother. He was a K-Nine handler in the army before he was medically discharged.”
“Oh, wow. That sounds like a lot to unpack,” I murmured.
“Yeah. Arlo was a great winger, but he kept getting hurt. I met his brother, Tobias, at a cookout we had a few years back. The guys were discussing what business they should go into after Arlo retired, and Stolly suggested making a low-alcohol beer that actually tasted good. Stol was being a dick, but the idea was a good one. Then Tobias asked me if I could help him track down his former K-Nine.”
“You do that for a lot of people.”
“I enjoy the work, and I have help. In fact Camden Grace recently got in touch with me.”
My jaw dropped. “The country music star? That Camden Grace?”
He nodded. “He wants to set up a foundation that focuses on reconnecting retired service animals with their handlers, as well as creating a service-dog program specifically for veterans.”
“That’s amazing.” I touched my chest. “What a beautiful idea. And I’m assuming you’d help with more than just physical ailments? You’d want to work with vets’ mental issues as well. Because there are a lot of those—from PTSD to depression, anxiety, you name it—that combat can cause.” I blew out a breath. “And cancers. War seems to kill even after the bullets stop.”
Lennon gripped my hand. He raised it to his mouth and kissed my palm. “You are absolutely perfect.”
My fingers curled around the lingering warmth from his lips. “No, I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to try to be. It would be exhausting.”
He shot me a side-eye as he dropped our hands to my thigh. “Let me rephrase: You’re perfect for me. I knew it last September, and I’m even more sure now. I saw a Bob Marley quote that said there’s no such thing as the perfect woman, just as there’s no such thing as the perfect man or perfect place. The ocean is beautiful near the shore but becomes murky and dangerous the deeper you go. The moon looks lovely to our naked eye but has craters from where asteroids have pummeled it. Even the sky, which is so big and blue, gets covered in clouds or smog. But all of those things are still fascinating and beautiful. Well, except smog. That sucks.”
I laughed. “Don’t compare me to smog.”
His lips twitched under his beard. “Never even thought of that. Oh, and we’re here.”
He pulled into a spot near a large stone-and-wood building that looked relatively new. It had large windows and a huge, grassy lawn. Live oaks and other trees I didn’t know the names of dotted the space, offering relief from the intense sun.
“Oh my goodness,” I said, pressing my hand to my chest.
Also dotting the huge lawn were dogs. Probably a hundred of them. This was no regular day at the brewery.