Any Kind of Life (Hush Liverpool #4)

Chapter 4

Paige rested against the window frame, looking out at the city lights. She adored being here with Juliet; their apartment was their safe space. But tomorrow morning, that would end for the next month. Paige had considered whether she could come home for a few days between shows if they had an extended break, but it depended entirely on where in the country those extended breaks took place. Travelling back and forth was tiring without wondering if she’d make it back in time.

“All packed up?” Juliet’s gentle voice floated through the silence, sending the hairs on Paige’s neck standing on end.

She spun around, her arms wrapped around herself. “Yeah. All done.”

“Could we spend the rest of the evening together, or do you have anything else to prepare?”

Paige held out a hand, pulling Juliet to her. “I’m all yours.”

Juliet turned Paige, her arms wrapped around Paige’s waist from behind. They watched the flickering lights, the traffic below them, Juliet’s chin resting on Paige’s shoulder. “In case I don’t say it enough, I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you, too.”

“Me? What is there to be proud of?”

Paige angled her head and kissed Juliet’s nose. “Everything. All of you. Does there need to be one thing in particular?”

Juliet’s arms tightened as she nuzzled her face into the side of Paige’s neck. “I don’t think you realise how much I’m going to miss you. I’m dreading it.”

“Me too, babe.” Paige settled her hands over Juliet’s, wanting to remain in this position and pretend tomorrow wouldn’t come. “How about I run us a bath and we relax together?”

“Can I bribe a film and snacks out of you too?”

Paige twisted in Juliet’s arms, drawing her into a kiss. “You don’t have to bribe anything out of me. You know I’ll give you anything I’m capable of giving.”

Juliet kissed the tip of Paige’s nose, holding her as close as she possibly could. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

Oh, Paige was the lucky one here without a doubt. Leaving her marriage had felt like such a harrowing experience before she landed in Liverpool and felt that connection with Juliet. The mere thought of being alone, even though it would have always been the right decision, didn’t stop Paige from worrying about the future. It didn’t stop her from staying in an abusive relationship. To be here like this, holding Juliet before she went off on a UK tour with one hell of a performer…she had never imagined this life. Surely, that was all luck.

“Before I leave, I want to thank you for never giving up on me. On us.”

Juliet drew back but still held onto Paige’s waist. “How do you mean?”

“I tried to walk away from you on a few occasions, babe. I couldn’t see past the idea of James coming in and ruining everything. You persevered, you supported me, but most of all, you showed me that I could have a good life here.”

“It was important to me that you didn’t feel pressured.”

“And I didn’t. Not once. But it was that day when you promised to help me leave that really set my future in stone. I could see the torment in your eyes; I felt it, too. Deep down. But you would have let me go, wouldn’t you?”

“I…yes,” Juliet said quietly, lowering her eyes. “But I hope you know it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I just…didn’t want you to feel frightened for your future. I also didn’t want you to feel terrible about any decision to leave, so I played along and hoped that, in time, you would come back to me.”

Paige smiled as she dipped her head and found Juliet’s eyes.

“Only, you never left. You didn’t walk away from me.”

“That period of time was one of the most terrifying parts of my life. The ache in my chest when I thought about not being with you anymore, even though it was for my own safety…I wondered if I’d survive breaking up with you.”

Juliet lifted a hand and brushed Paige’s hair from her face. “You would have.”

“Maybe. But I wouldn’t have been happy. I’d have just been existing for the sake of it.” Juliet looked at Paige with confusion. She likely wondered where Paige was going with this conversation. “What I’m saying is…that time in my life could have broken us. It almost did. If you think I’m going to leave you while we’re at our highest, you’re wrong. All I want every day is to do life with you, babe. I don’t care about the fans or the amazing reviews from my sets. I don’t care about how much I could be making one day. All I care about is my home.” Paige pressed a hand to Juliet’s chest. “Here. With you.”

“I want to share this experience with you, Paige. I want to cheer you on and enjoy every second of your success. Whether that is together or apart, I’m never not going to have your back. Just please remember that. I know we have an incredible relationship, and deep down, I know that we’ll be standing here like this for many years to come, but don’t ever feel as though you have to have this life. If you want anything different, you grab it with both hands and adore every moment of it. If that thought ever crosses your mind, please don’t consider me in it. Only think about yourself and what’s best for you. Okay?”

Paige clenched her jaw, forcing back a swell of emotion. If Juliet really thought there was the potential to break up, she really needed to give Paige more credit. This life— their life—was only just beginning. “I’ll be here. That’s all you need to remember.”

Juliet fisted both hands in Paige’s T-shirt, pulling her close and burying her face in Paige’s chest. “ You are extraordinary.”

There had been many moments in Juliet’s life when she had been taken aback by something. Whether that was in her career, her social life, or simply by something she had come across on the street. But here, tonight, Juliet found herself entirely speechless. Because of Paige and her maturity. Because of their relationship and how she knew Paige would fight for it until her very last breath. Because of love…and just how unbreakable theirs was.

When she had uttered her fears to Paige last week and again tonight, Juliet hadn’t known what to expect. Paige could have flown off the handle and taken offence, she could have walked away from the conversation and told Juliet not to be so ridiculous, but instead…Paige had quelled those thoughts and fears. She had held Juliet against her and allowed whatever she felt to come and go when it was ready to. That spoke volumes as to who Paige was as a person. And as a life partner.

Paige sat between Juliet’s legs in their deep bathtub, lavender calming Juliet as Paige sat forward in the hot, soapy water. Juliet reached out and traced her fingertip along the tattoo covering Paige’s back. She studied the intricate lines, smiling when Paige moaned lightly, then leaned forward and placed a kiss on Paige’s shoulder.

“Tell me about this tattoo.”

Paige eyed Juliet over her shoulder, shrugging slightly. “I got it to make myself feel better after a particular episode in my life. When he…first started to hit me.”

Juliet nodded slowly, stroking her palms up and down Paige’s arms as she lay back against Juliet. “We don’t have to talk about it if it’s not something you want to remember.”

“It’s hard not to remember it at times. While it initially made me feel better, it’s something I now look back on, and it reminds me of why I got it, you know?”

“I see.”

“We’d been married for a few months. James had started to turn on me.” Paige sighed as she lay her head back on Juliet’s chest, her eyes closed. “I got out of the shower one day and dropped my towel in front of the mirror. I…realised I had bruising in quite a few places on my body.”

“Paige, we don’t have to do this. I’m sorry I asked.”

Paige lifted a hand from the water and held onto Juliet’s. “My thighs were black and blue, my stomach had started to yellow, and when I turned around…the most recent bruising was really beginning to show.” Paige cleared her throat. “You know, I can’t even remember why he’d beaten me that time. I think just because he wanted to.”

“Baby, I’m sorry.” Juliet’s voice threatened to betray her, but this wasn’t about Juliet or her emotions. This was Paige opening up and trusting Juliet.

“The tattoo, for me, was a way of hoping I wouldn’t see those things in the future. That it would take away from any further bruising down the line. God knew there would be more.”

With her jaw clenched and her nostrils flared, Juliet remained silent. She wasn’t sure there was a response for something so despicable.

“I considered having it removed, or some of it, at least. But then I remember that it’s a part of me…my past, and it shows me how far I’ve come. That I’m not in that situation anymore. And the reason I’m not in that situation now is because of you.” Paige squeezed Juliet’s hand. “If it hadn’t been for you, I probably would have gone back to him at some point. Yes, I’m strong, but I’m only strong because you’re by my side. Without you, I feel weak.”

“You’re the strongest woman I know. With or without me, Paige.”

“Trust me, it doesn’t feel that way when we’re apart. Being like this with you, warm and safe, is where I feel strong. When I wake up beside you, I feel strong. When we’re sitting across the island from one another, having dinner and discussing our day, I feel like I could take on the world. But when I’m not with you, when I’m alone in a hotel room or preparing for a set…I feel wary and unsure of what I’m capable of.” Paige brought her other hand to Juliet’s thigh, stroking a thumb across her skin. “But then I hear your voice in my head, and I see your smile when I close my eyes…and I know that I’m okay. I don’t fear for the rest of the night so much.”

Juliet frowned. “You…feel that way when I’m not with you?”

Juliet really hoped Paige was exaggerating slightly. It hurt her heart to know that Paige was out there alone, frightened of what each day could bring.

“Yes.”

“Baby, why didn’t you say something sooner? You know I’ll drop everything to be whatever you need.”

Paige turned slightly, freezing when the water almost sloshed over the edge of the tub. “Because I’m getting stronger each day. I can’t expect you to hold my hand forever. And honestly, you make me believe that I can do anything I want to.”

“Because you can.” Juliet leaned down and kissed Paige’s forehead. “You’re capable of far more than you realise.”

“Being with you has given me a sense of freedom I wasn’t sure I’d ever have. But it’s not a freedom to go out there and discover myself; I already did that when I met you. It’s a freedom to not fear putting one foot wrong and receiving a smack for it. It’s a freedom to speak my mind if we’re not quite in agreement with something that doesn’t result in a hand around the throat. It’s a freedom to simply exist in my own skin…without any bruises.”

God, that hurt far more than Juliet expected it to.

“You’ve given me a life, Juliet. The most beautiful, unproblematic life.”

“I want you to know that no matter what the future holds, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. I’d never raise my voice to you…let alone my hand. I just want to see you smiling and hear that infectious laugh that makes my heart skip a beat. Nothing else matters to me, so long as you are happy and living a life you’ve always wanted to live.”

“I am, babe. I’m living that right this second. I have been since the day I came clean and told you why I kept running from bar to bar. You created a space where I felt safe, and honestly, I’ve never looked back.”

Juliet trailed a thumb across Paige’s bottom lip, smiling with tears in her eyes. “I only ever want to look forward with you.”

“God, I’m so excited for my future with you, Juliet. I’m not sure you understand just how much.”

“I do. I see it in your eyes every time you put my mind at rest.” Juliet may have been feeling out of sorts with the sudden addition of the UK tour, but when she sat alone and realistically thought things through, she knew Paige was coming home to her time and time again. Whether that was a month-long UK tour or a year-long world tour really didn’t matter. Paige was hers. And she was Paige’s. “Are you happy with the direction of everything right now?”

“Mostly.”

“Mostly?” Juliet asked, a brow quirked.

“Yeah. I’d rather be here getting the bar ready with you. You probably look ridiculously hot with a paintbrush in your hand, and I won’t be here to see it.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll send you a picture.” Juliet winked as Paige shifted onto her stomach. “Naked, of course.”

“Now you’re talking.” Paige grinned where she rested against Juliet, their breasts pressing together. “I know people claim that sex in the bath is sexy and all that, but it’s bullshit, and I’d rather have you naked on our bed for the rest of the night. So, are we done here?”

Juliet adored that. The way they could discuss intense pasts and heartache…then switch it back to what they enjoyed the most. One another. “Mmhmm. I thought you’d never ask.”

Paige managed to scramble from the tub without breaking her neck, her dripping wet, taut body glistening for Juliet. “I’m about to be without you for a long time…if you think we’re sleeping at all tonight, you have another thing coming.”