Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jeremy
“ S hould we do Halloween specials?”
I look up from the computer where I’m working on adding a couple of specialty drinks to our fall menu. In the two weeks since I got back on the ice, I’ve had a burst of energy in almost every part of my life. I’ve created new fall drinks for the bar, been skating with Maddy and also on my own, joined in on some of the more advanced hockey practices, spent almost every night with Emma, and, just this morning, finally emailed Brian telling him I want to meet. It was the hardest email I’ve ever written, but with Emma next to me on the couch and Maddy sprawled on the floor with markers and a sketch pad, it felt like the right time. The only place I haven’t had extra energy is in my office at the foundation. I’ve spent some time pondering that fact too.
“Halloween?”
Ben comes into the office and flops on the couch we have shoved up against the wall. “Yeah, you know the holiday that’s on Sunday? Where kids dress up and trick or treat and college students dress up and get drunk? The college kids end up here anyway, so I’m thinking we should maybe do special drinks or something. We don’t usually, but there’s a first time for everything.”
“Way ahead of you. I came up with five new fall drinks. We can debut them on Halloween night.”
Ben quirks a brow at me. “Who the fuck are you?”
I shrug a shoulder, looking back at the computer. “I had a burst of inspiration.”
Ben nods, knowingly. “I just bet you did. A couple of redheaded girls on your mind?”
I could say it’s the girls and I wouldn’t even be lying, but it’s not the whole truth either. Ben deserves some of that.
“Kind of but not completely. I…uh…I’ve been skating.”
Ben sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. “You never go skating. You said it was too hard on your knee.”
I wince, remembering that particular lie. While I could never play professional hockey again with all the contact it requires and the stress it puts on your joints, regular skating is fine.
“That’s not…entirely true. It was easier to say that than to tell you the truth, which is that I missed hockey so much that getting on the ice made me anxious. It made me miss everything I lost, so I avoided it until two weeks ago when Emma kind of forced it on me. I went skating with her and Maddy and, shit Ben, it was like a piece of my soul clicked back into place. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you why I was avoiding the ice before now. It felt too hard to talk about.”
Ben studies me. “And now?”
I grab the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I brought with me to use as brain food and dig in, tossing a handful of the cinnamon sugar goodness in my mouth. Maybe I should wait and tell Emma what I’ve been thinking about first before I tell Ben. But I’m here and so is he, and it feels right to tell him, especially since there’s other stuff I’ve been keeping from him that I’m nowhere near ready to talk about with him. Like how I’ve never been able to totally trust his friendship because my brain is fucked. Or how I might have a brother out there I might be about to meet.
“Now I don’t know how I ever lived without it for fifteen years. I’m considering stepping down as executive director of the foundation and taking over as coach of the foundation hockey camps when the current coach leaves at the end of the year.”
My breath wooshes out as I finally say out loud the thing I’ve been turning over in my head for weeks.
No one is more shocked than I am when a broad smile spreads over Ben’s face.
“I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
“Seriously? No questions? No, why didn’t you tell me about skating? You know this will free me up to spend a lot more time here with you too, having opinions on shit.”
“It was your thing to tell me when you were ready. And Jeremy, we started this business together. More time here together is a good thing if it’s what you want. I think you’ve been bored out of your mind at the foundation for a while now.”
“You’re damn right I have,” I mutter.
“So, this is a good thing. Life’s too fucking short not to do the things and get the girl and all that. And speaking of getting the girl, I have to go meet Hallie at home. Date night’s starting early tonight.”
“Where are you going?” I ask absently, checking the margins on the menu.
“We wanted to go to that fall fest at the Point, but it’s supposed to storm all night so we’re staying in. Movie night.”
My head shoots up at the same time my hand reaches for my phone.
“It’s supposed to storm?”
“Yeah, bad thunderstorms all night, why?”
I open my weather app and yep, severe thunderstorm warnings starting in an hour and lasting until well after midnight.
“Emma doesn’t like to drive when it storms. I’m texting her to see if she wants a ride home.”
Ben smirks at me. “You definitely love her. I recognize that look. It’s the same one I had for eleven years.”
It wouldn’t even be worth the protest. “I do. And by the way, you might have the girl, but you still get that look.”
Ben shrugs as he stands and walks to the office door. “She’s my whole damn world. You should tell Emma how you feel. That’s a forever kind of look.”
It definitely is, and for once, the idea of forever doesn’t scare me.
I start typing out a text telling Emma I’ll come pick her up and then I think about Ben and Hallie’s movie night in and get an idea.
Me
Hey Ems, what’s your schedule like tonight?
Ems
Prepping for a big client meeting tomorrow. I have another hour or two here. Rachel’s keeping Maddy for an extra hour so I can finish.
I’m finishing up at the bar now. I’ll pick up Maddy and take her to your house.
That would be amazing. I hate leaving her with Rachel for too long even though I know they both love it.
Consider it done. I’ll make dinner. Call me when you’re ready to come home and Maddy and I will come pick you up. It’s supposed to storm tonight.
Don’t take Maddy out in the rain. I’ll be fine.
Like hell. I get a memory of her trembling in a restaurant bathroom while thunder crashed outside and open a new text thread.
Me
Hey Mol, can you drive Emma home? She doesn’t like driving in storms. I would pick her up, but I’ll have Maddy. I know Emma would drive herself home before she would let me take Maddy out in a storm.
Molly
I see we have entered the swoony portion of this relationship.
I’m always swoony.
Nah, you weren’t, but Christ, you are now. I’m here at the office so it’s no problem. I’ll drive her home when she’s ready.
Thanks, Mol. I owe you.
You really don’t. Emma has never been this happy and I’m just glad to see it. You’re so good for her. For both of them.
My heart does a slow roll in my chest at Molly’s words because all I’ve ever wanted was to be good for her. Some days I still feel like I’m not, but I have more days where I feel like what we’re building is the good and strong and forever kind of love, and that’s more than I’ve ever had before. I flip back to my messages with Emma.
Me
Molly will drive you home. Maddy and I will be waiting. Don’t rush.
Ems
You made those plans for me?
I know you hate driving in storms, and I know you would worry about me taking Maddy out in one. I made it so you didn’t have to do either of those things.
I’m going to motor past the fact that you made logistical plans for me I could have made by myself and just say thank you for thinking of me.
I know you can make all your own plans, but why should you have to? I like making your life easier when I can.
Molly’s right. You really are a swoon machine.
Just for you, Ems.
Satisfied, I click off my phone and get ready to put the rest of my plan into action.
“I can use this knife myself?”
Maddy stands on a low stool at the counter, studying the special knife I bought her. Was it ridiculous to spend fifty dollars at a specialty cooking store on a set of knives designed for kids? Maybe, but the look on her face when I handed her the set was worth it.
“Yep. It’s made for kids. It’s a little smaller to fit better in your hand and the tip is rounded instead of pointed. It’s still sharp, so don’t forget what I taught you about using knives safely, but this way you can have your own knives for when we cook together. A chef’s knives are very important.”
Maddy nods seriously. “Can I cut the avocados?”
I smile, knowing she would ask. It’s her favorite part of taco night.
“Absolutely. How about you make the guacamole all by yourself tonight?”
Her eyes open wide. “And you won’t help at all?”
I run my hand over her hair, charmed by her. “Not unless you need me to. Do you remember the ingredients?”
“I do, but I’m not using tomatoes or onions because those are gross.”
I laugh as I hand her a cutting board and a bowl. “You’re the chef. That means you get to do it however you want.”
I keep an eye on her but am filled with pride as I watch her cut the avocados, use the garlic press, juice a lime, and use the perfect amount of salt, all by herself and just the way I taught her. Her brow is furrowed in concentration as she uses a fork to mash it all up, so I’m surprised when she speaks.
“What does your house look like?”
I’m surprised by her question but try not to show it. “Why do you ask?”
“I mean, you’re always here. I guess I was wondering why we never go to your house.”
I lean my elbows on the counter so I can be at eye level with her while she keeps mashing.
“I come here because I like it here. I guess I’ve never really liked my house that much because it’s just me who lives there. You and Emma live here, and you’re my favorite people. I like to be where my favorite people are. It feels like home here.”
I feel the truth of the words as I speak them. I bought my house when I was still playing. I was young and cocky and had mountains of disposable income, so I bought a big house and only kind of furnished it and never really thought much of it because it was just a house. A place to sleep at night and keep my shit and that’s it. Emma’s house is a home, and it occurs to me that this is the first time I’ve ever really had one of those. Even though it’s not exactly mine, maybe one day it could be.
“It feels like home to me here too.” Maddy’s voice is so low it’s almost a whisper, and she’s concentrating very hard on her guacamole. “I like it here more than anywhere I’ve ever lived. I don’t want to leave.”
My heart cracks at the tone of her voice. At the memory of knowing that moving on is inevitable. I can’t tell her yet that she most likely won’t be leaving, so I tell her the truest thing I can.
“You know Emma and I both love you, right?”
Maddy nods, finally making eye contact with me.
“So do Rachel and Steven and all of our friends. No matter what happens, we will always be family to each other.”
“Promise?” Maddy’s lower lip trembles, and the hope in her tone has my heart breaking clean through.
“I promise, Little Red.”
She turns and wraps her arms around my waist, and I hold onto her, another piece of me sliding into place at this lost little girl who is not so lost anymore and the ferocity I feel to keep her forever. To be her person who stays.
When Maddy lets go, I crouch down so I’m eye level with her.
“Everything for the tacos is done and Emma should be home soon. Want to help me set up a surprise for her?”
“Yes! What’s the surprise?”
“It’s easier if I show you. The first thing I need you to do is help me get as many pillows and blankets as you can find, and bring them to the living room. Can you do that?
Maddy nods seriously, eyes wide. “Definitely.”
Half an hour later, the living room is covered in blankets and pillows, dinner is set up on the coffee table, and Maddy is bouncing around inside what is a pretty impressive blanket fort if I do say so myself. I’m just setting down a tray of drinks when the front door opens.
“Emma’s home!” Maddy jumps up and runs into the foyer. I stay in the living room, listening to their reunion.
“Maddy! Sorry I’m home a little late. Did you and Jeremy have fun?”
“So much fun! He bought me knives so I could be a chef, and we made dinner, and we have a surprise!”
“A surprise, huh?”
“Yes! Come into the living room so I can show you!”
“You got it, girl. Lead the way.”
When Emma walks into the living room she stops short, taking in the scene. When her eyes meet mine, the look on her face has butterflies swarming in my stomach and my heart stuttering. I could live a thousand lifetimes, and I will never forget the way she looks right now. Red hair tumbled and damp from the rain, bright blue dress that hugs every single curve, and heels that make me want to run my hands up her spectacular legs. And her face. God, her face. Mouth set in a soft smile, green eyes fixed on me, bright and glossy with unshed tears and an emotion that has my heart thudding against my ribs as if it’s trying to leap out of my chest and right into her hands.
I knew I loved Emma. I’ve known for a while. But it’s only in this moment that I realize how deep it goes. It’s the soul-deep, earth-shattering kind of love. The kind of love that changes lives and hearts and futures. The kind of love I never thought would be mine but is here, standing in front of me, in a living room full of pillows and blankets and tacos and an excited seven-year-old on a rainy fall night. It’s not at all how I imagined it, but it’s better than I ever could have dreamed. Now to grab onto it and find the courage and trust to never let go.
I run a hand down my face and try to rein in my emotions.
“You made us a blanket fort.”
“Isn’t it cool?” Maddy’s voice is high-pitched with excitement.
“It’s the coolest.” Emma speaks to Maddy, but her eyes stay on me.
I grin at her. “I remember you told me it was something you used to do with your parents, and I assumed you hadn’t made one in a while. I thought Maddy would like it. We’re watching Harry Potter because I promised her we could watch the first movie after we finished the book. I know you used to eat pizza with your blanket forts, but Maddy got to decide what was for dinner and she chose tacos, so I thought maybe we could make a new tradition. One that was ours. I know you usually like to take some quiet time at the end of the day, but I was hoping maybe you could make an exception for movie night.”
Emma crosses the room, and her arms around my waist halt my nervous rambling. When I wrap my arms around her shoulders and press a kiss to the top of her head, everything inside me settles and my word rights itself again. She leans up, kissing my cheek and bringing her mouth to my ear.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “For remembering and for giving me back this memory. I love it so much. This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I don’t need quiet time. I only need you.”
“Anything for you,” I whisper back, my heart thudding at her words. “Anything for both of you. All I want is to make you and Maddy happy. The two of you are my world.”
I lean back and put a hand on her cheek, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, and I feel her sigh into my mouth.
“Ugh, gross. Can you guys kiss later? I’m starving!”
We break apart, both of us laughing.
“I’ll show you gross, Little Red.”
I scoop her up and smack kisses all over her cheek until she’s shrieking with glee, then put her down and walk over to the coffee table, handing plates to Emma and Maddy.
“Let’s get down to business. It’s time to go to Hogwarts.”
I wink at Maddy, and she giggles, going straight for the guacamole. Emma picks out her chicken tacos with intense concentration, and it’s comforting to know both of them well enough to predict their choices.
It feels like home.
It feels like family.
It’s everything I ever wanted, and everything I never thought I could have.
It’s right here in front of me, and all I want to do is keep it.
So, with a plate full of tacos and flanked by my red-haired girls, we settle into the pillow fort for movie night.
And it’s perfect.