Astor Hill

Chapter 1

1

Olivia

Two years ago

I force a smile as I look across the crowd of people clasping their red cups, and watch Lily. The air is warm and the music is slightly too loud, but there’s a buzz of excitement, particularly from the incoming freshmen. I can’t lie—I feel it too— and so do the other underclassmen trying to get my best friend's attention. I’ve always admired her patience when crowded by people wanting to absorb her magnitude, the way she radiates goodness and light, all golden curls and soft smiles. In our sixteen years of friendship, I’ve never seen Lillian Newhouse want for anything, whether it be boys or friends. Things always seem to work out for her. She’s poised like a first lady, if the first lady looked like a starlet with great taste. Her aura in general makes it easy for her to fit into the crowd at Astor Hill, the private liberal arts college known to the masses for its Division 1 basketball team and the elite, moneyed families who ship their adult children there every fall.

I feel a pang of jealousy as I observe Lily shifting her Chanel double flap over her jean jacket covered in patches of her favorite things, from a random song lyric to the number thirty-two, which she declared was lucky this past summer. The feeling quickly dissolves when my friend finally seems to notice me. We have a way of communicating that’s so unspoken it feels like we’re reading each other’s minds. She slides her hand up the strap of her bag, tucking her hair behind her ear signaling that she needs an out.

I start to make my way over, immediately noticing William Chapman standing directly behind Lily, as if he’s protecting her from the mob of desperation. Again, a surge of jealousy rises in my stomach. They had to have met in the last fifteen minutes , I think in an attempt to satiate my need to be the prettiest, the smartest, the best. I don’t really know Will apart from the eavesdropping Lily and I did on a few upperclassmen girls in our dorm's bathroom the night before.

“Did you hear about the younger brother joining us this year, ladies?”

“You’re kidding, there’s a brother? How God has blessed us with another man from that family is beyond me.”

“I am forever and always team Ben.”

“You must not have seen Will yet.”

The jealousy dissolves as I remember Lily letting out a loud huff after the snickering girls departed. Lily is beautiful and fragile, the perfect girl for an alpha male to set his sights on, yet she claims she’s no longer interested in “popular jocks.”

“I want a man of substance,” she had said sprawled on the floor of my parent’s beach house, frustrated with the lack of summer conquests the year prior, “not just a boy who can throw a ball and open a beer.”

As I approach the inner circle of the crowd, I immediately feel self-conscious of my height. Even in flats, my 5’8” body towers over Lily’s petite 5’4” frame, her delicate features and porcelain skin even prettier up close.

“Oh… hey,” Will clears his throat, and I can’t tell if he’s nervous about meeting his new conquest’s best friend or upset by my interruption.

I choose to ignore him, as is my way when I feel nervous. My father, a big-shot lawyer, told me at age six, “If anyone ever intimidates you- make them feel small.” I like to think of that as my origin story.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Genevieve, Lily’s new friend and the current bane of my existence, mutters. Lily apparently met the interloper at her orientation, which was scheduled the day before mine. Clearly, they got rather close because over the past week I’ve walked into countless hushed conversations that came to an abrupt stop the moment I was spotted, Gen fleeing the scene like I’m scum she can’t bear to talk to. The only way I can even think to describe Genevieve is pointy, from her personality to her lanky frame. She’s all bones and no feelings.

I send her my signature smirk— the one that says without saying, I’m sorry but, do I know you?

“Jessica, right?” I say, allowing my face to take on a friendly demeanor, wanting her to buy how unimportant I think she is.

“It’s Gen. We’ve met multiple times,” she says with a sneer, a blush spreading across her face. To be forgotten in front of Will Chapman must really have hurt her pride. I have never seen someone’s cheeks turn that particular shade of crimson.

I finally give myself a moment to take in the towering male to my right. He’s tall, probably 6’2”, which I guess is necessary considering he is a basketball player. His dirty blonde pushed-back waves look effortless, but too perfect to be accidental. With blistering green eyes, he smells like only a boy could: Tide, salt, and some drugstore deodorant I can’t quite remember the name of. He looks over my shoulder and I realize he’s making eye contact with someone. I turn around to check but whoever it was must’ve been on their way out.

“Livy, your cup is completely empty. Now that just won’t do.” Lily gives a tsk tsk, indicating this is apparently her escape plan.

“You’ll have to excuse us, we plan on enjoying our last night before classes begin,” I say, pointedly glaring at Gen.

“Mind if I tag along?” Will asks as he slides his long arms over Lily and I’s shoulders.

“Thanks, but I think we can handle this. Why don’t we catch up later?” Lily is nothing if not always polite, even though I can tell this Will guy is making her skin crawl. It’s hard to imagine why.

Simply put, Will is one of the most attractive men I have ever seen, much less spoken to. It dawns on me that Lily might be avoiding his advances for my benefit, thinking back to my college vision board, plastered with pictures of attractive men and homecoming crowns. Lily refused to partake, claiming it was childish to plan out your year via magazine cutouts.

“It’s cute— your quest to be the most popular girl in college. I thought college was the time to stop caring about that,” Lily had chided, picking at her cuticles that day.

“That’s easy for you to say. Weren’t you prom queen, homecoming queen, class president— shall I go on?” I’d teased.

“I’m excited to escape those titles Liv, not continue them.” She seemed to zone out after this, almost like she was lost in the memory of her high school self. I’d rolled my eyes and continued cutting out the abs of the Calvin Klein model.

Looping her arm through mine, she uses her entire tiny body to steer me around toward the makeshift frat house bar. If she wasn’t so graceful, it would look comical. I allow her to lead the way, which isn’t hard since the crowd parts like the Red Sea as soon as Lily makes her destination clear. She attempts to parade us to the back of the line, but I decide it’s time to use my obvious physical advantage to pull her to the front.

“Lily, please. We have never been and never will be line people.”

It was meant as a joke, but it’s true. As we approach the bar I recognize Grant Fielder, my guide during orientation. He’s easy to spot as he’s quite literally ginormous. His shoulders are so broad they almost cast a shadow on Lily and I as we approach.

“Olivia god damn Beckett,” Grant beams, as if we are old friends rather than two strangers who met days earlier on a guided tour. Something about Grant makes me feel cozy and new like clean sheets during a rainstorm. Lily likes to refer to it as old money kindness: a person who never has to worry therefore has no reason not to be anything but warm.

“Grant!” I shout, feeling the ice wall I put up for Gen immediately melt in the presence of his megawatt smile.

“I’m still shocked the girl in the Harvard hoodie decided on a small school like Astor Hill,” Grant chuckles.

“Oh this smart ass got into Harvard, but we are way too codependent for her to leave me at little old Astor Hill alone.” Lily flips her loose curls over her shoulder, color rising to her cheeks. “I’m Lily, by the way.” I instantly recognize the look in Lily's eyes, the one that mesmerized every boy at our high school for the past four years.

“Well hey there Lily, what would you like to drink?” Grant seems instantly enamored, taking in Lily’s thickly lashed blue eyes. His cheeks flush as he glances down at his Converse caked in the mud of the backyard. I feel that familiar pang of annoyance as another boy I’ve come to know falls for my best friend.

“I’ll take that,” Will’s long outstretched hand plucks the red solo cup out of Grant’s. Turning toward Will, Grant’s face goes from charmed to annoyed almost immediately.

“I actually have strict orders to keep you away from the bar. In fact, I was specifically told not to let you serve these two in particular.” Grant tilts his head in my direction and Will steps a foot closer to him.

“You always take orders from your captain?”

While it’s apparent that they’re relatively the same height, Grant’s muscle mass somehow doubles that of Will’s, making him seem almost scrawny in comparison. I lightly place my hand on the bar in a gesture that I hope shows I have something to say. I don’t think I’ll get a response, but both boys instantly turn toward me.

“While this little display is flattering, we actually would like a drink.” My eyes flit to Grant as I give him what I hope is a friendly and not flirty smile. I can practically feel Lily perspiring just staring at the guy. “Not into athletes” my ass.

Grant finally hands us two cold beers from the keg behind him.

“Maybe I’ll catch you guys later?” It doesn’t take a scientist to know that Grant’s not asking me.

“I hope so,” Lily winks, squeezing my hand as she turns her back on a sulking Will and wistful Grant. “So a captain has his sights on you,” she whispers, surprised, pulling me to her ear.

“I’m pretty sure Grant said, and I quote, ‘these two’, meaning a captain likely has his sights set on you ,” I say with a hint of annoyance.

The night sits on my skin as we sip our drinks, the humidity making me feel cold and dewy. I watch a blue buzz-cut bob against the lit-up backyard, the owner of said buzz-cut chatting with a girl who looks older, maybe even too old to be in college.

“Lily, I hate to abandon you but—,” I point towards Ian Rivers, his gold watch falling down his slender arm, his boyfriend, Jean, who I recognize from my hours of internet stalking, smoking a cigarette beside him.

“No, please do not leave me for those gross hipsters. Seriously. I can’t do this without you.” She gestures at the crowd behind us, a few of whom are clearly waiting for a window to approach her.

“Lily, you will be fine. These people are, quite literally, in love with you. Besides, you know I have to stick to the plan,” I say, referencing the carefully mapped-out future that I laid out via mood boards covering the walls of our dorm. Step 1 of the plan is to make Ian Rivers my bitch.

“Fine, good luck with that, I guess,” she says, rolling her eyes and mumbling something to herself. I make out the word pathetic but choose to ignore her.

I feel bad leaving Lily in the waiting hands of Gen and Will, but I know she isn’t edgy enough to introduce to Ian’s crowd right out the gate. They glower as I approach, Jean cocking his eyebrow at me, clearly impressed with my outfit as his eyes openly assess my single-breasted Saint Laurent leather blazer. Ian is simply the person to know if you want to be connected to the most elite circles at Astor Hill. Despite only being a sophomore, he quickly climbed the ranks of both the paper and Astor society. Editor of the newspaper, apparent journalistic wizkid, and notorious party boy, his parents are new money, and he has no problem spending it.

The Astor Hill newspaper is a league of its own, run more like an underground magazine. Ian makes sure his reporters are free to write about the most slanderous of gossip. This means they need open access from events, to school board meetings; they’re somehow invited to everything. Being that Astor Hill is home to some of the most elite families on the East Coast, every person here knows that no press is bad press.

Ian plays with the gold chain above the neckline of his crushed velvet button-down. His eyes almost dare me to speak.

“You’ve approached?” he mutters. It’s obvious he was going for disdain, but I sense the curiosity in his tone. I ignore him. With a roll of my eyes, I give Jean a bone-chilling glance that makes its way down to his shoes.

“Can’t go wrong with a vintage loafer,” I say, confidently holding out my fingers for his cigarette. He hands it over, in awe that I’ve made Ian feel somewhat invisible.

“You’re Olivia Beckett, right?” the older girl asks as she peeks out from under her sunglasses. I take the bait, even though people who wear sunglasses at night are almost always tacky.

“None other,” I say with a tight smirk, trying to keep my cool under Ian’s scrutiny.

“Ah, Olivia… your name has been on everyone’s lips this evening,” Ian finally gives in, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“Whose lips specifically?” I wink at him, giving a mischievous grin that I hope I can pull off. This seems to work as his face breaks into a smile.

“I can see why you’re the talk of this extremely small town. What do I owe the pleasure?” I hand Jean back the cigarette, coolly fixing my stare on Ian.

“I want to work on the paper.”

Ian cackles. “Aren’t you a freshman?”

“Yes, but believe it or not, even freshmen gossip. Plus, you knew who I was before I even approached you. That kind of notoriety will have a way of getting me into some of the more exclusive events this school has seen. Not to mention… you were a freshman not too long ago.” I try to make my voice sound nonchalant, even though I am aware that I am begging him for this position and comparing myself to him. He appraises me, taking a step back and hitting me with a judgmental smirk.

“You’re interesting, I'll give you that. Plus, I love your jacket,” he continues to ponder, glancing at his phone. “Look, I have to be somewhere. Why don’t you send me over some of your work? I’m assuming you have written something before…?” he raises his eyebrows and I can’t suppress the smile I’ve been trying to hold in.

“Of course.”

“Cool— Jean will give you my details.” He nods toward Jean before walking off.

I get the credentials from Jean shortly before I break from the group, ready to reunite with Lily.

Footsteps crunch behind me as I make my way across the lawn.

“Hey, wait up,” a smooth deep voice calls out to me. I turn and meet Will’s dimpled grin.

“Hi,” I chirp. Did I really just say hi in that octave? I try to regain my composure, forcing the blush that formed on my cheeks to disperse. “Looking for Lily?”

Will’s eyebrows knit above his pine green eyes, the kind of eyes that are dark and light at the same time.

“Lily? Why would I be looking for Lily…?” Will seems genuinely confused. “Olivia, I’m clearly looking for you.”

Never in my life have I allowed myself to melt in front of a total stranger, but with the way Will is looking at me, I have no control over the grin that flourishes on my face, my blush rising from whatever deep pit I forced it into less than two minutes ago. Sensing my shock, he takes charge of the conversation.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you all night. I gotta admit, it hurt my feelings when you ignored me back there.”

His smirk is obliterating all my defenses and I feel discombobulated and sweaty under his gaze. He pushes his golden hair out of his emerald eyes and it suddenly becomes apparent that he’s nervous too.

Nervous? To be talking to me? I quickly push down my inhibitions and force forward the carefully cultivated Olivia Beckett I know and love.

“I didn’t know I was capable of hurting the feelings of someone like you,” I spar.

“Someone like me?” He smiles playfully, like he knows exactly what I mean. My stomach flips as I bite my lip, trying to figure out how I can regain control of this conversation.

I move closer to him, lowering my voice as if I don’t want others to hear.

“I mean, this may come as a shock to you, but I’ve overheard probably twelve girls at this party claim to be your soulmate.”

He smiles this heart melting smile, the kind you’d tape up on your bedroom wall.

“I don’t know if I believe in soulmates.”

I feel my cheeks heat.

“Did someone go and break your heart Will Chapman?” I quirk a smile and poke him playfully in the shoulder. He looks down at our shoes, making it hard to read his face.

“You could say that.” He lightly bumps his shoe into mine, a blush creeping up his neck, surprising me. There’s a vulnerability to him that I get the feeling he doesn’t let most people see.

“And you do? Believe in soulmates?” he clarifies, that mossy green gaze on mine. I consider whether I do or not and decide that in that moment, under the market lights at my first Astor kegger, with this perfect boy, that maybe I do.

“I think?—”

“OLIVIA!” I hear Lily shout my name across the lawn. I squint, my eyes trying to spot her and when I finally do, I see clear frustration in her eyes. I sigh and look back at Will, an indistinguishable expression on his face, like a mix of angry and sad. A twisted sense of excitement fills me at the prospect that he could be this upset that our conversation was interrupted.

“I’m guessing you have to go.” His voice is quiet, but I can hear a pang of something like disappointment.

I smile and bite my lip shyly. “It appears that way.”

We stare at each other for a minute and I feel like my stomach is a tidal wave inside me. He seems to be contemplating something.

“Give me your phone.”

I look at him with suspicion, but ultimately hand it over.

He types something in and hands it back. “Now you can call me later… if you want,” he says, giving me that shy smile again.

“Sure– I mean, maybe,” I say entirely too fast, feeling my face on fire.

He chuckles. “Nice to meet you Olivia.” I watch him walk away into the crowd.

I utilize the length of my legs to speed walk over to my friend, feeling like I’m floating on air. I can’t believe how well tonight is going, I think to myself as I hurry over to Lily. It’s like everything I set out to do has somehow fallen into place without me having to really exert any effort. As I approach Lily, I notice our attitudes are in complete contradiction to each other and feel myself dim a little.

“Why were you talking to him?” Lily spits, taking me by surprise.

“What? Who— Will?” I feel the confusion written all over my face.

“Clearly, Olivia…” she says in the voice she uses to make me feel like an idiot.

“I—” she cuts me off, sighing dramatically.

“Look, I know he’s like the exact type of guy you’d have a crush on, but I just don’t think you guys would be a good fit. Not to be a bitch, but I just don’t want to see you get hurt or embarrassed. I get the feeling you're not his type.”

She twirls her hair like this is something she’s nervous to say to me, but it isn’t something I hadn’t heard from her before. I feel my throat thicken thinking about the boys I’ve liked over the years, all too popular, or too into her, for me. Tears prick in my eyes and I do everything in my power to keep them from falling.

“Oh… I?—”

She quickly cuts me off again, staring off into the party, not even noticing the effect her words have on me.

“Liv, I’m just over this party and my head is killing me.” She smiles tightly. “Let’s go home.”