Chapter 10
10
Ben
The gym door creaks open as my nostrils are assaulted by the familiar stench of sweat and rubber. The squeaking of sneakers fills the room as I hear the thump, thump, thump of basketballs hitting the vinyl flooring. The door slams shut behind me causing an abrupt stop to the series of drills being run by my former teammates. Slowly, every player on the court turns toward me, forming a line in front of the wall displaying a jersey with the number thirty-two and “Cabot” embroidered in white. Grant moves to the front of the line pushing the corner of the frame with his index finger until it gives. Catching it with ease he pulls the Jersey out and approaches.
“Finally, we’ve been waiting for you man,” Grant says, so earnestly it makes my palms sweat with nerves, the men behind him beaming and clapping as if I had returned from war and not driven in from Boston.
“Cabot. Office— now,” I hear Coach Arthur Wilson’s voice boom from behind me. “The rest of you hit the showers.” Coach Wilson is known for being tough on his players but had won March Madness the past several seasons, so his abrasiveness is well worth it.
I quickly pick up my pace to meet Coach Wilson in his office at the edge of the gymnasium. Jersey in hand, I wrap on the door with my fist, him having already beat me to the office.
“No need to knock son, I called you in, remember?” He’s wearing a smirk on his grumpy withered face, one that he always had up his sleeve but only showed a few of his key players. Don’t need everyone thinking I’m soft, plays through my head as I’m hit with instant nostalgia.
“Right, sorry.” Grabbing the handle, I push the door shut softly and take a seat in front of him.
“What can I do for you today, Cabot?” Coach grumbles but under his tough as leather exterior his eyes betray him, filled with anticipation.
“I heard you gave Will my spot,” I taunt, knowing confidence goes a long way with Arthur Wilson, and that beating around the bush gets you nowhere in this office.
“Your ‘spot’? Ha!” He slaps his knee clearly trying to amplify how humorous he finds my claim. “Boy, that spot was gone the minute you stepped out of the building before your senior year. It wasn’t my fault the best player we had was your little brother.” Coach’s eyes meet mine as if to say he wouldn’t have picked Will if he didn’t have to. I look away not wanting to admit that my own brother was my rival on the team or that the coach carried such harsh feelings about him.
“I want my team back,” I gulp, meeting Coach Wilson’s eyes. His brows furrow as if he is considering my statement.
“Your team?” Coach chides, this time laughing hard.
“I’ll join even if I can’t be captain again, hell I’ll even try out.” I can feel my pulse quicken as what was intended to be a demand to rejoin my basketball team turns to begging.
Coach looks out his office window at the court in contemplation. “You know… I haven’t seen those men out there unify over something as quickly as they did when you walked into this building today. You’re a good player Cabot, but you were an even better captain.”
I feel my smile give away the cool exterior I was trying to put on in the face of my relentless coach. “Cool it, Cabot. You’re a good captain, but you decided to leave. Here’s the deal… I’m going to let you rejoin the team— I’ll even let you be captain. With one condition...”
I tense my jaw having a pretty good idea what this “condition” would be.
“He has to be your co-captain,” his eyes shift to the opening doors of the gym, the ones Will just walked through, “and you have to tell him.”
As I leave the gym a gust of warm air hits my face. It's only September, but it’s surprisingly hot for Massachusetts this time of year. I walk toward Mallard Hall where I’m meeting up with Grant outside the science lab, again thankful that I have a friend on the team. Even with the support of the guys, no one is brave enough to face the impending wrath Will is bound to release when I tell him the news. It was apparent Coach Wilson was afraid to tell Will himself, and thus gave me the job in doing it as some sort of sick punishment. Maybe he thinks Will won’t implode on his own brother, but I know how wrong that assumption is.
I enter through the thick mahogany door of the building and am surprised when I’m met again with one of my framed jerseys. I wasn’t here that long but apparently the several championship wins I brought the team were noted. I let the confidence filter through me, liking how important it makes me feel. Lord knows I haven’t felt this way in a while.
That’s when I see her.
My gaze goes from the white sneakers she’s wearing all the way up her long tanned legs to the hem of her even starker white tennis skirt. My throat feels thick and hoarse as I try to blink, breaking my gaze only to be met by eyes like dictionaries, big and holding every truth I’d ever want to know. I try to remember the confidence I felt only moments ago but as soon as I feel her close in, it evaporates almost instantly.
“Come,” she says, those big eyes filled with something like anger.
I follow, knowing I would follow her to the end of the earth if she asked me to, but trying to up the annoyance on my face to hide that fact. Finally, after following her halfway down the hall, I realize I have my size as an advantage. I slightly elevate the length of my stride, stepping in front of her like a wall. She’s an inch away from my chest and blows out a stream of air before taking a step back.
“Do you need something from me? I’m meeting someone,” I say in an attempt to keep my voice even knowing my palms are sweating with anticipation.
Her face flushes and I feel bad for the coolness in my tone, but steel myself so my eyes don’t betray me.
“When were you going to tell me that Will fucking hit you?”
I squint, trying to make sense of what she’s talking about. I apparently look confused, as she reaches up and softly swipes her thumb over the bruise under my eye. I swallow hard, the touch rippling through me. I feel it in every single cell. She quickly pulls her arm away, biting her lip.
“Don’t downplay your intelligence, Ben. It’s hard to miss.” I know the look she’s giving me is meant to come across as cruel, but her pout draws my attention so intently that it’s hard for me to think straight, much less answer her ridiculous question. “I guess you aren’t ‘downplaying’ after all.” She starts to push by me and I gently grab her arm. Again, electricity shoots up into my neck. I feel my pulse quicken as I let her go.
Her eyes go wide and narrow, but her face is too pretty to look as angry as she’s hoping it will. I finally crack a smile which seemingly makes her more pissed.
“Are you going to talk?”
Laughing, I look down into her dark brown orbital eyes. “You think that Will… Will did this to me?” I shake my head, letting my laugh pick up when I see the pink beginning to fill out her complexion.
“He said he hit someone, and you look like someone who might deserve to be hit.” Her teeth are gritted in anger and embarrassment, somehow making me more attracted to her. I push the thought away.
“Will didn’t do this. Trust me, you would know if he did.”
“And how’s that?” she says crossing her arms over her ample chest.
“Well you saw him today, didn’t you?” I look down at her, letting myself fully assess her body. I smile when she notices, her face flushing harder than before as she shifts uncomfortably.
“Obviously,” she hisses. Her anger grips at my heart in an unhealthy way, her tense face consuming me.
“If he hit me, you wouldn’t have.” For a second I see her anger dissipate, biting her lip and looking up at me like she’s assessing me for the first time. Luckily, before I start shifting uncomfortably under her entrancing gaze, I hear my name chanted across the hall.
“Cabot, Cabot, Cabot,” three of my fellow teammates approach behind me. One of them, Andrew Spellman, throws his arm around my neck jostling me a bit. My eyes don’t leave Olivia’s.
“Ben the Bogart,” Andrew croons, “I forgot to ask when you were in the locker room, but are you comin’ to the bonfire tonight? The whole team will be there, and now that you’re a Lion again you’re obliged.”
My eyes search Olivia’s for any hint of excitement. Instead, I’m met with impenetrable darkness.
“You’re back on the team?” Her eyebrows raise with interest.
“He’s back baby,” Andrew sings, patting me hard on the back. “Will better watch out because what Ben wants Ben gets. We don’t call him Bogart for nothing.” He gives a pointed wink to Olivia and I feel my jaw tense. I know Andy’s good natured but I don’t want Olivia to see the version of me he is referencing. The part left in the past.
I shake Andrew off, finally breaking my gaze from Olivia who seems to be studying me more intensely now. “Give me a minute, will you?” I grumble.
Andrew throws his hands up in defense. “Again, what Ben wants Ben gets,” he states, backing up and shooting yet another wink over my shoulder to the beautiful girl scouring me with her dark impenetrable gaze.
I turn to her, dropping my shoulders in an attempt to look relaxed… vulnerable. “Look, I haven’t told Will yet. Could you keep this between us, at least until I talk to him tonight?” Her eyes continue to scour mine but I see a smile form at the upper right peak of her mouth.
She clasps her manicured hand onto my shoulder looking directly into my eyes. “I guess I’ll give him my goodbyes.” I look back quizzically, raising an eyebrow. Giving me a playful exaggerated pout and then turning it into a demure grin, she pushes past me. “Well he’s definitely going to hit you now.” Again the brush against my shoulder makes my entire body tingle with need.
I turn watching her hips wrapped in that tiny tennis skirt swing. She walks a couple feet tossing her dark chestnut locks, and looks over her shoulder, the glint in her eye letting me know that she’s won the argument she set out for.
“Bye Ben, the bogart , was it?” she taunts, her voice electric.
The fire is huge by the time I arrive at the party and the air is filled with a thick smoke that fills my lungs. Instantly, I’m aware that the police will at some point arrive tonight as I make my way through the yard that is mostly dirt and sand, with small patches of grass scattered throughout.
I’ve been to a lot of parties but somehow these bonfires seem to get bigger every year. There have to be two hundred of my peers in attendance and again I’m shocked by how many recognize me. I was used to this when I was at Astor a few years ago but right now, it feels strange. Like I’m posing as someone I’m not. A school’s basketball star without a care in the world, yet in reality I go to therapy twice a week and have to count my breathing anytime something gives me even a twinge of anxiety.
I approach the team who are grouped around the fire with their various girlfriends and groupies. In the center of the crowd is Will and Olivia. Seeing them from afar, it’s clear why they would be together. Will, the classic golden boy, and Olivia… well Olivia would compliment anyone. It’s hard to think straight when looking at her and I feel myself shift my gaze. Immediately I feel intimidated, as if the crowd didn’t part for me like the red sea when I arrived. I used to run this school and even now I hear the giggling of a group of girls closely following.
I turn and meet the eyes of the redhead in my women’s lit class with a blonde and brunette clamoring at her side. In a past life I would’ve seen the three of them as a total score, but tonight I just feel tired, already knowing I’m going to kindly pass. It’s not that she isn’t extremely attractive— she is; her freckles contrast with some of the fairest skin I’ve ever seen and her red hair is thick and long, glorious even. Her pink top is clinging to her tightly, exposing both her cleavage and her midriff. Some would consider her beautiful. Even so I feel my gaze go cold in their direction, although the three of them seem oblivious to what I hoped was clear rejection in my eyes.
The brunette shrieks, “Oh my god Sara, he’s looking right at you!”
I turn forward letting my eyes privately roll. When I refocus I’m met with an amused smirk that ties me in knots and a face that Sara’s doesn’t stand a chance against. Olivia’s.
As I approach, I hear Andrew call out to me.
“Hey Ben, don’t look now but the ultimate threesome is behind you!”
I furrow my brows in frustration. Olivia’s eyes cast an intense glower at the girls following, her interest piqued. I can almost hear Sara’s audible gulp. She must notice Olivia’s face too. The entire team turns toward me expectantly as I make my final stride into the inner circle. I can feel Olivia’s gaze on my skin, assessing me carelessly considering Will is at her side.
“Interesting you decided to show up considering this event is for the basketball team.” Will is seemingly trying to impress the girls surrounding him on both sides, and to his benefit Gen does seem impressed, her shoulders shaking in quiet laughter. Olivia on the other hand seems irritated.
“There’s over a hundred people here— it seems word got out babe.” She rolls her eyes. I feel my stomach twist, at the awareness that she’s defending me. Her eyes again wander to the girls hovering about twenty paces behind me and I witness her delicate hands curl into small fists at her side. Instantly, her jealousy turns me on as I watch her glower in frustration.
My interest is interrupted by Grant’s buoyant laughter.
“He knows it’s an event for the team Will, that’s why he’s here.” My stare snaps from Olivia to Will as her eyes move from Sara to me.
“And how the fuck does that make sense?” Will spits at Grant. His rage is clear as his entire frame tenses. I catch Grant realize his mistake as he looks between me and my brother. His voice goes small in a way that’s almost comical for such a giant specimen.
“I… I thought you knew Ben was back on the team, man.” Will huffs loudly as he realizes that the entire team is now staring at him due to his outburst. He takes a step toward me. His hot breath comes out in short spurts of anger as he tries to regain his composure.
“Is that it, you're just back on the team?” I feel his glare consume me as he tries to piece together my expression. It isn’t until I meet his eyes that he knows the truth. The message passes through me wordlessly, both guilt and pride blazing from my frame as I look down on my younger brother. Grant must sense that Will understands the full picture now as he somehow is right behind my brother with his massive hand on his shoulder. “You took my captain spot?” Will’s voice is riddled with betrayal. Even Olivia flinches at his tone. The entire group has gone silent all watching to see what will happen next.
“Calm down man, it’s just a game,” Grant’s hushed tone meant to be calming but coming off afraid.
“Just a game?” Will’s hands ball Grant’s shirt pulling him tightly to him. “He stole my seat as captain and you’re telling me to calm down. He fucking left. He gave that seat up.”
“We’re sharing it,” I say firmly, my eyes laser focused on Will. “The spot— we are sharing it.” I let out a breath.
I see Olivia shift uncomfortably, and she seems to have schooled her expression to appear bored, but the way she seems to almost rhythmically tap her fingers together indicates she’s as worried as the rest of the audience. Finally, Grant, who seemingly has had enough, gently plucks Will’s hands from his shirt. Will may be strong and large, but Grant is stronger and larger, and Will knows it.
“This is fucking unbelievable.” Will growls.
“Let’s get a drink, calm you down a bit.” Grant now has Will by the arm, forcibly moving him through the crowd. A couple paces in, Will shakes him off stomping forward to the bar. The crowd seems to watch for a moment longer before Andy breaks the silence.
“Now that that is over, is anyone up for a game of flip cup?” A few people get up to go to the long fold out table to our right while others pick up where they left off in their conversations. I quickly realize it’s only Olivia and I who are still standing there looking at Will.
“That was some show. Do you always steal other’s dreams and aspirations, Cabot?” Olivia looks at me slyly, seemingly unbothered by Will storming off. My adrenaline is still running high. A few years ago I would’ve brought Will to the ground in front of everyone if he had put his hands on Grant like that. I’d have purposefully shown him his place in front of everyone just to knock him down a peg.
“That depends, has Will been dreaming about you lately?” It comes out before I can stop it and instantly I regret what I said. I know it’s wrong, I know that I’m just repeating the cycle that is my damaged relationship with my brother.
Olivia’s eyes widen only slightly. I caught her off guard and the only proof is the heat that has now risen above her cleavage and up her neck. She takes a couple paces forward, closing the space between us. Her fingers flick to my shoulder brushing off an invisible piece of lint and then moving down to lightly press against my chest. The knot in my stomach has made its way into my throat. Tingles multiply up and down the trunk of my body. She stands taller, bringing herself up to her tiptoes, she whispers, “I should get back to my boyfriend.”
My stomach drops as if I threw myself off a thirty story building. I feel cold sweat form at my temple. Not even twenty feet away, three beautiful women are giggling at the idea of taking me back to their dorms and yet here I am entranced and gutted by a girl who I can never have. She walks toward the bar turning at the last minute to peer back at me with a smile that disorients me.
“Don’t forget we’re studying at your place Friday.”
With that she disappears into the crowd.