Astor Hill

Chapter 19

19

Ben

“So, here’s the plan—” I say as Olivia looks up at me, hands on her hips and her game face on, like she’s one of my teammates ready for the next drill. “You’re going to go up to those women and start singing my praises.” She crosses her arms, shooting one eyebrow up, which makes me laugh. “Trust me!” I say, chuckling.

“You really think they are going to donate just because of your charm and good looks?” she says, eyebrows still raised.

“So you’re saying I look good?” I wink and she bursts out laughing. Her laughter radiates through me, not for the first time tonight. I somehow feel whole with her, complete. Like she is the cure to every ailment I’ve ever known.

We’ve been playing this game since we left the dance floor. Anytime one of us gets a donation from one of the alumni for over ten grand, we take a shot. So far we have taken two, both awarded by her.

“Isn’t there another group you could try and get money from?” Her back is now turned to me as she stares daggers at the aging divorcees.

“Are you jealous?” I say as I move closer, my chest against her back and my mouth mere centimeters from her ear. I feel her shiver in front of me, instantly making me hard. I laugh to shake it off as she whips around lightly slapping my chest.

“You’re a real narcissist, you know that?” She’s grinning like she has been all night and I’ll never get used to that real unbridled smile. I catch her hand as she hits me and feel engulfed by her wide eyes.

“I have never been more jealous than I was watching you rob these men blind the past two rounds.” I see her throat bob as she nervously licks her lips and I can’t look away as I stare at them. It takes everything in my power not to kiss her right here in front of the entire student body. We’ve definitely gotten a few glances tonight, but Olivia seems to not give it a second thought, and after hearing the rumor circulating about Will and the coat check girl, my conscience hasn’t taken a single hit. She moves closer to me, now standing on her tiptoes.

“Fine,” she whispers, then gently pushes me away before striding to the divorcees. I signal the bartender for another beer as I watch her approach them, unable to tear my eyes away from her, even for a second.

She really is a natural. I’ve never seen someone more charming or who could so easily get the eyes and ears of everyone in a crowd. It took almost everything in my power to not tear off the limbs of each man she got a donation from in the past hour. To their benefit, they were both in their early seventies, but the way she let their eyes glide up her body— my fist clenches around my beer at the thought and I take a long drink.

Her schmoozing seems to be working as the divorcees scan the room for who I assume is me. Olivia gives me the ‘signal’ we’ve been using all night when it’s time to move into the next phase of our plan. I feel myself smirk, watching her pull at her ear, her eyes wide as if to say “Can you hurry the hell up?” I push off the bar standing to my full height and begin making my way toward the group. It's obvious a few of the women notice me, their faces flushed and eyes wide, sizing me up as if I’m their prey. I move my eyes back to Olivia’s though, and her smile beams. Her eyes, the dress she’s wearing, hugging her in all the right places, make it impossible to acknowledge anyone else as I finally get to the group.

“Hey.” My eyes are trained directly on her, not even glancing toward any of the other women. Her gaze shifts uncomfortably, glancing at the other women who want my attention, a flush creeping up her neck.

“You must be Benjamin. Olivia here has been telling us so much about you,” a fifty something blonde woman says to my right. Her voice is low, the seductive tone forced.

“In the flesh,” I respond. My eyes don’t leave Olivia’s which causes her to turn a brighter shade of red, the blonde woman letting out a low hmph at my snub.

“We’d love to hear more about the basketball team’s endeavors this year. We hear you are quite the star,” a dark haired woman with a slight European accent says somewhere on my far left. I barely hear her as I lick my lips absorbing the way Olivia’s hair is glistening in the light of the chandelier, her earrings grazing the nape of her neck. I meet her eyes and Olivia silently urges me with her gaze to follow through with our plan.

I sigh, finally giving the group the most charming grin I can muster. “Sorry ladies, I’m just not myself today.” I give them a sort of manly version of pouting, causing Olivia to cover her smile with her hand. “I think I might be in a sort of unrequited love situation…” I put a hand on my heart and hear a few of the women sigh, one audibly awww -ing, while the blonde from before squeezes my bicep.

“Oh sweetie, tell us all about it.” I glance at Olivia, giving her a conspiratorial look as she rolls her eyes trying to suppress a grin, her face completely pink.

“You see, my dream girl— she’s with another man.” The blonde gasps, squeezing my bicep tighter which causes me to inwardly cringe.

The European woman moves closer, her hand cupping my face. “But who could be more handsome than you?” Her slight accent adds to the dramatics of the interaction which causes Olivia to give a low giggle and the snarkier women of the group give her a dirty look in return.

“Alright ladies, I think his ego has had enough for one day,” Olivia says, squeezing between myself and the blonde woman, causing her arm which was previously squeezing my bicep to fall to her side. They all look very frustrated by Olivia’s interruption and I can’t help but be amused by the bombshell beside me, seemingly jealous of a few divorcees. “Please make your checks out to the Astor Hill Alumni Foundation,” she calls over her shoulder while pushing me forward, back toward the bar. I grab her hand, leading her to one of the outdoor terraces.

It’s October, and the northeastern air has cooled significantly since the sun set a few hours ago. The breeze caresses her bare shoulders and, before she can even shiver, I shrug off my jacket and drape it over her. She looks up at me in a way that makes my stomach somersault, like I could have her, like should could be all mine. I can’t help but stare back, mesmerized by her, feeling the same pang I did the night of that kegger all those years ago.

“You look the way you looked the night I first saw you.”

Her brows furrow in confusion. “You mean that morning in the courtyard?”

“I—” I sigh and I know I need to tell her. I know that this truth is the only thing standing in the way of what I really want. I want her to know. She deserves to know exactly how I know Lily.

“I saw you at that party. I saw you with Lily and?—”

“You saw me and Lily?” she cuts me off, her body going rigid against my touch.

“Yeah. I mean mostly, I saw you. You were on a mission. You looked so determined, like you knew exactly how you would get everyone in this school to fall for you. You were breath taking, Liv. You still are.” I huff a nervous laugh, my face burning. I’m scared if I meet her eyes she’ll push me away.

“Yeah well, that’s ‘best-friend confidence’ for you,” she says, smiling sadly now.

“Best-friend confidence?” I feel my face scrunch up. There’s something about the way she talks about Lily, the way she seems to always put herself down in the process, and I want to wash that away.

“Yeah, like… everyone has someone who’s like their touchstone. And if they don't, that's a tragedy.” Tears brim at the corners of her eyes and I reach my hand out to swipe them away. “Lily was like… a siren, minus all the negative stuff. She just lured you in, lured me in, but kept you there with all her goodness. Like, obviously, Lily was gorgeous. Perfectly petite, hair out of a freakin fairytale.” She’s smiling now, but it’s just a different version of that same sad smile, the one I’ve seen her wear when Will belittles her, the one that says I’m not enough . “She was the ideal everything. And when I was with her I was so close to that. She bolstered me. Every horrible thought I had, every awkward moment, every disgustingly mismatched outfit, she had an antidote.”

I can’t help but lift my eyebrows because the way she perceived Lily and the way she continues to perceive herself don’t line up at all with the Olivia I know.

“What?” she says, her breath hitching, my sleeve brushing her bare skin as I duck my body over hers, shielding her from the gala guests around us.

“It’s nothing, I just...”

Our eyes meet and a blush creeps up my cheeks. I stand there rubbing my lips together trying to figure out how I can tell her I love her without telling her I love her. How can I kiss her in front of all these people knowing she’s still somewhat with Will.

“You describe Lily the way I see you,” I say, pausing. I rub my hand over my face willing myself to say the words I’ve been thinking since I met her, to put caution to the wind and just say what everyone should have told her all along.

I take her hands, peering back down into her eyes. “You're magnificent, Olivia. Breathtaking. Every time I see you… every day I get to speak to you, is my best day. You don’t need a touchstone, you are the touchstone. You are the ideal, the antidote, the siren— all the goodness in the world that you’re so quick to see in others. You are Olivia. Not Lily. Not anyone else. Just you.”

Her eyes brim with tears. I can’t tell right away if I said something wrong, but the way she seems to be absorbing my words tells me she needed to hear that. I wipe the tears away from her cheek, brushing a kiss over her forehead so slightly that it barely resonates and let my body do what it needs to by embracing her.

“I’m sorry if that was the wrong thing to say,” my voice comes out, almost a whisper my head sitting on top of hers.

“That was the perfect thing to say,” she says into my chest.

I pull back peering into the dark orbs that haunt my dreams and give her the faintest hint of a smile. There's a gleam in her eyes, as if she’s daring me to make the next move. I move ever the slightest bit closer, the alcohol fueling my bravery. She tilts her head up slightly, almost an invitation. I’m just about to move in when I feel a massive hand on my back. I close my eyes, taking my hands off the girl of my dreams, the girl I was so close to finally kissing, and catch Grant’s head tilt and brows furrow as if to say “Are you insane? ”

“Where have you two been?” Grant’s deep voice has some levity but in a way that says he’s not going to ask any questions and continue looking the blind eye.

I take a step backward realizing I'm still way too close to Olivia for Grant to even attempt to pretend he doesn’t know what’s going on. My mind is reeling, with what that could have turned into, what that would’ve meant for my relationship with Will and the truth I ultimately failed to expose. Olivia quickly tries to recover, rubbing at her flushed neck but I catch the look she gives me with a ghost of a smile.

“The real question is where have you been, Grant? I definitely would have seen you towering over this crowd,” Olivia says, cocking her head to the patrons scattered around the balcony. There are very few, none even looking our way, most being our more elderly donors.

“It’s a secret,” Grant says, almost giddy, smiling from ear to ear.

“A secret, huh…?” Olivia grins at Grant, poking his abs playfully. I’ve noticed she acts differently around him, more open, the way she’s been acting with me all night. I wish she let more people see her like this.

“Does someone have a secret girlfriend?” Olivia asks in a sing-song voice, one eyebrow raised.

Grant turns beet red for a minute. “A man can dream,” he says, his expression almost wistful. I clap my palm over his shoulder.

“Alright loverboy, who is it?” I scan the crowd.

“Like I said, it’s a secret,” Grant says again, a sly smile on his face now. “Besides, what are you two doing over here all alone?” He raises a knowing brow.

I pointedly look at Olivia, signifying the ball is in her court with this line of questioning and I notice her expression has changed, her lips in a tight line. Her eyes seem almost panicked but it’s apparent she’s trying to reign it in. I’m just about to ask if she’s alright when I feel a presence approaching behind me.

“I should’ve known I’d find you over here with him . Is this why you wanted a break?” I hear my brother slur, grabbing Olivia around her waist as he pushes past Grant and I, giving me a look of disgust. I instantly feel the guilt crash into my stomach. Olivia does too, apparently, as she won’t meet my gaze, but it’s mixed with something like fury, her jaw clenched and her posture rigid.

The environment shifts and I watch as Olivia’s walls slide back up, completely closing herself off to all of us and becoming that impenetrable fortress I was first met with. Her dainty hand grabs his fingers, pulling them off her waist and dropping them with disgust.

“ This is not why I wanted a break,” she gestures to Grant and I in a hushed tone. “ This however,” her hands gesture at him and he pushes them away. “You are full of shit.”

His voice is all venom and I take a step forward, the blood flooding my ears.

“You thought you could end things with me and I wouldn’t move on?” he says through gritted teeth.

“Take it easy man. Don’t make a scene,” Grant puts a hand on Will's shoulder trying to pull him back from Olivia and Will shoves him off. His eyes are dark as he shoots Grant a glare.

“Touch me again and the scene I will make will ruin both of our careers.” My brother is serious and Grant and I both know it.

Olivia’s eyes meet mine full of emotion. My ears are ringing now and I feel my hands form fists, every muscle in my arms tensing.

“And you,” Will sneers, his drunk face morphing into someone I barely know and yet am all too familiar with, as his glare redirects to me.

“If you want to fuck her so bad, do it.” He nudges Olivia forward into my chest. “Take my sloppy seconds bro, please I’m begging you. Heads up though man, she’s a lousy liar and a lousy lay. That’s why I have to fuck cocktail waitresses in coat closets whenever I get the chance.”

Without thinking I move, my fist meeting Will’s face with such force it causes him to fall backward into a cocktail table, knocking it and himself over onto the floor. I move to hit him again when Olivia stops me. I feel her hands on my chest and she’s yelling something, but I can barely hear her, just see her eyes so full of tears waiting to fall. My stomach bottoms out and all I hear is the blood rushing through my veins until finally I hear her.

“BEN, STOP.”