19. Chapter 19
Vox took her briskly out of the engine hall and down to a crewmember’s room. Not the one that she had stayed in off of navigation. This one held the sterile look of a room not used for a long time, the air stale and a layer of dust on the cabinetry.
Ava walked in and turned around, watching Vox.
He shut the door behind him and turned around to face her. He inhaled heavily. “I can smell your pheromones.” He cocked his head. “And need.” He walked closer to her until their chests were touching and angled his face down to hers. He put his nose in her hair and inhaled again. “It is a maddening scent.”
Vox’s arms went around Ava and pulled her against him. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, then kissed him in the spot where his neck met his shoulder.
He growled a low sound that reverberated in her core and glowed a dark purple color before taking one of his hands and putting it to her head. He pushed gently, angling her head upward. “I also read in the Phor logs about kissing on lips. We do not do this in our culture, but I would like to try now.”
Not waiting for an answer, he angled his head down toward her, but hesitated.
It was Ava who bridged the gap. Standing on her toe tips, she reached up and pressed her mouth against his.
Ava hadn’t experienced much kissing before. Certainly, none on the Phor ship. The only romantic feelings here came from the books she read. Before she arrived on the ship, she had a few liaisons, but nothing that went far. Just enough for her to have a taste with the few Human males that were kept at her facility. She had been pulled after she matured for manual labor instead of being selected as a breeder herself. After she was classified as a worker, they kept her separated from the males. They only made female Humans after a while anyways, using stored sperm to do so as the males were always sold soon after maturity. Females were more desired and easily controlled. Ava only ever had sisters, never a brother.
The few stolen kisses she remembered were nothing like this one she shared with Vox. His mouth was possessive and all-consuming and evoked a passion in her she’d never known before. She was hungry for more, though she had to break away to breathe after a moment.
He nudged her neck and kissed her there as she looked over him, breathing heavily, running a hand over the delicate frills on the side of his head. They felt soft, like the skin around her ears. Her inspection ended as he moved up and claimed her mouth again, and Ava matched his passion.
Vox broke free the second time, kissing Ava tenderly on the forehead like she did to him earlier. “It is time we stop. It was probably foolish to even start at all.”
Ava’s insides felt all bundled up with want and frustration. She felt wetness between her legs and wanted more. She reached for Vox, but he kissed her forehead again instead and stepped back.
“Little bird, if I start again, I won’t be able to stop. In addition to your mating rituals I looked up how we would fit together, and it would be easy. So easy.” He stepped back farther, breathing heavily. “So very easy. I won’t be able to send you away if I don’t stop.”
“What if I don’t want to stop?” Ava asked, stepping forward. She wanted him, and it made her bold.
His firming on an action was taking place again before her eyes. Already the mood had passed, and she felt him close off. He took a lock of her hair in his hands and ran it through his fingers, trailing the length. “What comes between us must happen after this mission. This will give me a reason to work faster on Torga and find you again.”
“I could go with you,” Ava ventured.
Vox flushed purple briefly. “I would not risk you like that.”
Ava bit her lips. They were tingling from Vox’s attention. His eyes followed the movement.
“I do not want to be sent away, Vox.” She took a deep breath and continued, “If I leave, then there’s a very good chance I will not see you again. That I will never see any Vorbax again. Nuor will try her best, but there is a lot that can go wrong trying to get to your planet, or any place with communications.” She didn’t add that he might change his mind after seeing the female he had a contract with. Or if the worst happened and he didn’t make it back at all. She would be just another Human adrift when she had a chance to make a difference.
Vox listened to her with intense focus. “I will not forget you, Ava. I can allay some concerns. I will send a communication to our planet in the next cycle, before we get closer to Torga, letting them know to expect you.” He moved a hand and cupped her under the chin. “I will reiterate. The battle will be very risky. I will not chance your safety there. You must go.”
Ava understood a closed avenue when she saw one. She didn’t respond to Vox, but inside, her own resolve firmed. No, I won’t go.
She didn’t argue with him further but stepped forward to give him a hug. Ava understood his need for safety, but he didn’t see the big picture she did. She held him regardless. He would just have to learn through her actions.
She felt two heartbeats under her cheek as she laid her head on his chest, confusing her. She put her hand up to her own chest and compared. Nothing was exactly the same, but they also weren’t too different either.
There was no point in arguing further with him. He wasn’t the one who had final say in the mission anyway. Hopefully Rhutg had less qualms about her safety and more ability to see what she could offer.
And if he didn’t . . . well, she would worry about what to do then.
Vox held her for a minute. It was Ava this time who broke it apart.
“Where are the others? Is Erox still needing me in the med bay?”
“Yes, he would be grateful if you could assist. He has tapped into the medical logs and has been researching the Phor’s healing technology. In some ways it is more sophisticated than ours. We might try to harvest some of the biologics before releasing the ship to study them further.”
“And Rhutg? Is he in navigation? Is there anything I could help with?” Ava asked innocently.
“Rhutg is not in need of assistance. He is in navigation and it would probably be best if you steer clear of that area.”
“Okay,” Ava lied.
She pressed into Vox again, soaking up his warmth. Vox hummed and held her tightly. It felt right. Hopefully he would still want to hug her like this after she met with Rhutg.
“Vox? Before I sleep I will go to see Erox.” Ava broke apart from Vox to look him in the eye. “I want to help, especially since I will have to leave soon.”
Vox didn’t move beyond tugging Ava to rest against his chest again. “That is probably best. I could stay like this with you forever. After this mission and we reunite, we will resume.”
Ava rubbed the fabric of the jumpsuit he wore absently, her hands trailing over the front and feeling his firm muscles underneath her cheek. It would be so easy to forget everything else. To just rest here with him and let events unfold.
She forced herself to step away, leaving the warmth of his body. “I will go now. Can we stay together after?”
Vox nodded. “After the scans I do not want to separate again until it is time to go.”
Ava agreed, hoping that sentiment held. It would hurt her now if he pulled away. Another abandonment.
She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “Until later then.” Vox looked after her, bemused, but Ava moved quickly, without lingering and risking a discussion of having him escort her. She hoped by moving fast he would not follow, and thankfully it looked like he would not as she exited the room and started down the hall alone.
She didn’t go to the med bay after leaving Vox. Instead, Ava went to navigation, walking down the halls hesitantly even though she had been assured they were cleaned. The empty halls still held ghosts. Not that she fully believed in ghosts, but the passages felt haunted regardless.
At the juncture between the mess hall and navigation, Ava stopped. She hesitated, fear racing up her spine. Would Rhutg attempt to hold her down again? She wouldn’t have Vox as a shield this time. Would he even listen to her? He terrifies me. Her stomach twisted every step toward him she took. Is this the right move?
Her feet brought her to navigation much too quickly. She stood outside, sweating, pulling on the length of her hair and replaying the speech she had hashed out in the shower not long ago.
“Human. Your mind is distracting. I can hear your thoughts. You want to meet with me. Come in here now.”
Ava startled, giving a jerk. She’d forgotten that Rhutg felt no reservations about probing her mind. Being so close, he could probably feel everything she did, and all her thoughts. She quieted her mind and fixated on the scenery to block him out. She wanted to get a chance to talk with him and persuade him herself.
Taking a deep breath, Ava walked through the hallway opposite of the mess hall and into the navigation room.
She blinked a few times after entering. Ava had only come in here a few times during her time on the ship. Only when Ebel sent her on an errand to relay messages to Wert or another of the crew. Back then it had been filled to the brim with lights and screens. Now? It was dark. The lights were turned down low and only two screens were projecting. The glass panels across the front offered a dizzying sight of open space, not tethered to any nearby planets. The asteroid belt was long gone.
On the most prominent screen was a display of a zoomed-in map of Torga’s capital city, also named Torga, with an estimated time to arrival. Just over two full cycles. The other was a live-action view of the outside behind the ship. The communication panels along the side were powered down at the moment, not allowing transmissions. The locator was still on, broadcasting their location to the Phor to keep away suspicions anything was wrong.
Underneath the screens, Rhutg bathed in shadows. Ava walked up to him, shuffling her feet cautiously. He was the only vibrant light in there, glowing a deep blue hue. He didn’t bother turning around. Instead he sat stiffly looking forward, obsessively staring at space whizzing past.
She could feel him in her mind intensely now that she was closer, causing a wave of anxiety within her. She breathed rhythmically to help quell her fear, mindful of her steps in case he tried to hold her down again. He didn’t say anything or engage, so she took the first step.
“I would like to make an offer to you,” Ava said hesitantly, clearing her throat.
Rhutg didn’t respond. The pressure on her mind became heavier. If he didn’t let up she would soon have a headache.
“I can not infer what you mean. But your intentions are pure. Speak more.”
It was off-putting to speak aloud while he talked in her mind, but she wasn’t about to argue.
She brought up her hands and took out the picture of Joy she had in her shirt, holding it out in front of her. “I do not want to leave the ship like Vox has planned. I want to help you in your mission. I want to show that Humans can be useful to you so that maybe you could also help me. Help us.”
Ava fingered the worn magazine cutout and let the silence build. Rhutg turned around and looked at her. His gaze traveled over her, top to bottom.
Ava broke the silence again, speaking bolder. “In the city, Torga. I don’t know your full plans, but the women don’t know you’re coming. How do you know where they are located? I can . . . I can go ahead, maybe with a tracking device. They might take me prisoner and put me with them. I can warn them and give you their exact location.”
When he didn’t respond, she panicked and threw out more options. “Or I can help you with the biologics. The ones on this ship know me and seem to like me. I won’t just be a mind to tap into to gather technology. I can reconstruct this ship and the engine. I know how it fits together. I will work for you, willingly.”
He still didn’t respond. Ava cast her mind and thought of anything else she could offer that would be useful. Maybe she should have taken more time in the mess hall, with food, to think it over before coming here.
“You would sacrifice yourself for our cause? I can see you are truthful. Your plan could help us, but contains too many maybes to be logical. It could easily turn into an issue where we need to rescue you as well as our females, and you would be a burden.”
That wasn’t a firm no. Ava spoke excitedly, encouraged. “Then keep me with you and I can be a distraction for the Tuxa, a shiny new toy, while you figure out where your females are.”
“Why?”
“Because it could give you more time?”
“You misunderstand. There is a very good chance you could become injured or die doing what you are proposing. Do you not have any self preservation?”
Ava stuttered, “I am scared. Witless. But I also know that if I just run away, then nothing will happen for my mother or sisters. Or Humans in general, like her.” She held up the picture of Joy. “I have to try. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to get help for Humans and the people I love.”
Rhutg turned to the screen and sighed, posture slumping as silence filled the room. “You do raise a valid point about our females being unaware on Torga. My own mate is there. I worry the Tuxa will retaliate and harm them before we can get to them once we begin the attack.”
“You can control the Tuxa here on the ship, right? How far is the range?”
“The breaking does not work like control of a sentient creature. Until they break, we can control physical movements and scan thoughts for information, but the mind constantly fights us. When we break them, they become a husk. We can order them to do a task, but beyond that they sit like a puppet waiting to be used again until they expire. They expire fast.”
Ava thought quickly. “They can communicate, I mean talk, even if they’re broken? Can the husks send a picture of me over and arrange for me to go in where the other females are once I leave this ship? Is the one on here high enough ranking?” She was grasping at straws to try to formulate a plan with only part of the information. It was like trying to put together an engine piece and not having a manual, but she knew he was considering it.
“The lead one here knew their general location and that they are still alive. But we knew that before choosing this ship and coordinating this whole event.”
Ava didn’t push him further, letting him stare at the map of Torga and think.
Finally he turned back to her. “Human. I am interested in what you have to offer. On both counts. Help with the rescue and then further help with the biologics as a technological benefit. I cannot, however, promise to speak for all Vorbax regarding becoming an ally to such an impoverished species.”
Ava’s heart fell. She lowered her eyes to the picture of Joy, feeling defeated, and crumpled the image in her hands.
Rhutg continued, “I can, however, say that I will speak for you when we are back on our planet. I will make sure your cause will be heard.”
She thought for a moment before nodding affirmatively. It was probably the best she would get. A chance for someone, anyone, to listen. “And if something happens to me, can that still happen?” she asked while she held out her hand, looking to shake on it like she did with her family. If he was anything like Vox, she knew he would keep his word. She had to believe he would.
Rhutg looked at her hand and then her face. “I swear it.” Then slapped her hand as if that was what she expected.
Ava closed her open hand into a fist, feeling it ring from his smack and shaking her head. She was dumb to think he would understand what a handshake was in the first place.
“Why Ava cares for you, I cannot comprehend,” Vox said to Ebel. He left to come down here to have a moment alone with this Phor while Ava went to the med bay. He did not want her around to hear this conversation.
The Phor Ebel didn’t respond, only kept staring ahead. Ebel’s misery coated Vox’s senses. He was sad for his queen, but not devastated, more in shock than anything. The queens were interchangeable for these drones; there was no true love there. He hurt being without one but not like Rhutg felt being separated from his mate.
The silence stretched before Ebel responded in a soft voice, “I don’t understand it either.”
The truth in that statement and the genuine feelings he had behind it allayed some of Vox’s anger. “Why was she kept like this? Why was this her life?”
Ebel turned and looked at Vox, shame coating his feelings. “I wish it were different.”
“Yet you had control over her and did nothing to make it different. She cares for you and you kept her locked away.”
Ebel flinched. “I tried. Nuor . . .”
“The Vali was the only one on this ship that showed her what life is like outside. Her I find honorable. You I do not.”
Ebel’s antennas lowered, but Vox felt no forgiveness within him, thinking of the life Ava had lived. Trapped in this room with only a patchwork blanket and an image of an unknown Human to show for her life. The sadness she’d felt when she came to that realization earlier herself still hung heavy on his soul.
“I will be taking her. She will come to Xai and live like a creature of a planet should,” Vox finally said. “I will put her in that transport but not in your care. In the care of that Vali. She will not return to the Phor. You will let her go.”
Ebel nodded slowly, sitting curled up in a defeated posture. “Don’t let her return. Take her far away. I let her . . . off the ship with Nuor when I could.”
Vox nodded, but did not attempt to sooth the guilt he felt coming from the Phor. “You didn’t do enough.”
He turned away, ready to go find Ava in the med bay now that he had his say with this Phor when Ebel answered, “I did what I thought was right to keep her safe.” He met Vox’s eyes. “In an ideal world, she should have been someplace like your planet. But there was no place I could think of like that for her where she would be protected. Here, she was safe. I took care of her the best I could. When she met Nuor, I took down barriers to let them be together. I did that at least. She was not harmed here, she always was fed. I did what I could.”
Vox’s lip curled slightly as he considered his words. The Phor believed what he was saying, he could feel the truth in that. It mollified Vox slightly that he had not just selfishly kept her contained for his own enjoyment and help.
Images came to Vox’s mind, Ebel’s memories as he reflected on a time in the past. Through his mind, Vox saw a much younger Ava. Hair shorn close to her head, ribs exposed on her sides, eyes dull and listless. It was all layered in the compassion Ebel felt when he first met her so many cycles ago. The image changed to the Ava he knew today, the one who smiled, laughed, and was well nourished, with hair that came down below her shoulders. Ebel did try.
Ebel continued in a flat, monotone voice, “The facility on Cipra was closed very soon after she came here. Humans were not a profitable venture. They are willful and unpredictable. Some would work out well, while others were unmanageable and would turn on their owners. There was no way to predict the outcome. The slavers moved on to different species to breed that were more consistent.”
“Why did the Phor purchase a Human then, if that was their reputation?”
“I had another, before. She got hurt in the engine. But from her, I knew Humans were . . . different. The Phor left it up to my discretion when I was in need of another helper. They had moved on to only hiring contractors at that point. Ava would have gone to auction with the rest of the Humans in a few cycles had I not come in with a purchase request right then.”
Ebel continued, meeting Vox’s eyes and nodding curtly, “If you are able to protect her. I would . . . I would be grateful. I know you don’t believe me, but it would be one good thing to come out of all of this.”
Vox and Ebel regarded each other and came to a silent understanding. “She will be mine to protect, if she chooses me, but regardless will live in a way that allows her to truly live life,” Vox said finally, crossing his arms firmly. “As any sentient creature should.”
Ebel nodded, letting out a shuddering breath. “If you do that, then I would thank you.”
Vox left him there with his thoughts, leaving Lirell to stand guard outside. He couldn’t change the past for Ava, but her future would be different.