15. Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
A talee helped me out of the dress and makeup before I bathed, allowing the night to soak away. I dressed in my nightgown, still feeling weak from the poison. She cleaned up the room and made sure the fireplace had enough wood.
“Would you like anything else tonight, your majesty?” she asked.
I smiled to myself. “A bottle of whiskey and a bowl of oranges please,” I replied.
She nodded.
Ten minutes later a knock came at the door. I went to answer it, thinking it was Atalee, but there stood Gaelin with both of my guards at his side. I was stunned by the sheer nerve of him to come to my private quarters. I nodded at the guards and allowed him to pass.
I closed the door, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort. He walked through my rooms, taking in the way I now lived. I didn’t know why he was here or what he wanted. Atalee came into the room with her eyes wide as she looked at him. She bowed and then put the bottle of whiskey and oranges on my table before leaving.
He took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace. I walked over hesitantly, sitting down beside him. His familiar scent flooded my senses, bringing back memories both good and bad.
He exhaled and then turned to finally look at me. “It’s good to see you safe,” he said with a forced smile.
“It’s good to see you too. I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to speak to me again after the Otar incident.”
He smirked. “I would have thanked you if I had the chance. You did what you had to.”
“I’m glad you see it that way.” A few moments passed in silence.
“Levos tells me you’ve been able to move past everything. That you are growing and thriving here,” he said.
“Surprisingly, yes. My father is supportive and caring, something I never thought I’d have. I’m with Lily again and I am learning about our history and politics, while learning how to protect myself. Overall, I’d call it progress.”
“And Lyklor? Are you two …”
“No. It was just a dance. He is a friend, that is all,” I confessed. We had gotten the treaty signed, there was no need to torture him anymore.
“Be careful who you call a friend, Gen.”
“Yes, I’ve been warned by everyone, but what can I say? I am an optimist.”
“I’ve missed you,” he blurted. There it was. The phrase I didn’t want to hear. “There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t wondered how you were,” he admitted, looking into the fireplace.
“I’m sorry you were hurt in all of this. I never wanted to cause you pain. Everything I did was to try and support your vision for Urial.”
“I know your intentions were good. I am just sorry you got hurt so much along the way.”
“It made me stronger in the long run. That is the way I look at it now.”
He turned towards me with a soft smile, studying the details of my face. He reached out and gently brushed his knuckles down my jaw to my lips. “I wish things could have been different. I wish I was someone different so I could have given you everything you deserve.” He leaned down and kissed my lips gently. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, nor a seductive one. It was a kiss to say that he was sorry. It was full of pain and regret. He pulled away slowly as we both smiled at one another.
We spent the next two hours filling each other in on the months we had been apart. I told him about my education and the ragamor, how the city really functions and how Lily had fallen in love with Zerrial. He told me how unstable Daealla was. He tried to reason with her, but she threw his position in his face every chance she got. He prayed for an heir just so he could remove her from power.
At the end of the night, he hugged me tightly and kissed me on the forehead before returning to his rooms. I exhaled, glad the awkwardness was over. I walked over to the table and poured myself a glass of whiskey. I peeled the flesh of the orange and twisted it to release the scent. I dropped it into my glass and twirled it under my nose before taking a slow sip.
The proportions weren’t exactly the same, but it was close enough. I closed my eyes, enjoying the flavors. What was I doing? I couldn’t go down this road. It would lead me nowhere. I put the glass back on the table and headed for bed. Gods, I hated human emotions. Why did I have to inherit that part of my mother? Out of all my human traits, that was the one I would get rid of in a heartbeat.
The next morning, I got up and dressed, preparing for the light alfar’s sendoff. I left my hair curly and loose allowing it to travel down the length of my back. I wore a gold dress that covered everything but my cleavage. I figured everyone had seen enough of me the previous night. The door opened as Atalee finished making my bed. Eren stepped inside, dressed in his formal long jacket. He peered around the room.
“Did you lose something?” I asked.
“Heard you had a visitor last night,” he replied.
I rolled my eyes. “I did, and?”
“Oh, nothing. I just didn’t see that coming. I may have a blind spot when it comes to you. I’m going to have to fix that. ”
I snickered. “Nothing happened. We just talked. He kissed me, but it wasn’t that type of kiss,” I confessed, hoping to make him a little jealous.
“I was unaware there is more than one type of kiss.”
“Never mind, it’s none of your business. Bottom line, nothing happened. We had a good talk and then he left.”
Eren nodded walking over to the table where the whiskey and oranges sat. He smiled, tilting his head in amusement. “Princess, if you wanted me to tuck you in, all you had to do was ask,” he said, taking the glass in his hand.
Embarrassment flooded through me so fast I thought I was going to pass out. “Can we go now,” I asked, moving past him towards the door.
He grabbed my arm, pulling me back in front of him. “Not until you tell me why you have a bottle of whiskey and oranges in your bedroom.”
I turned my head away from him. “Can you just forget you saw it?”
“Not likely.”
I exhaled, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Your scent is … comforting to me. I don’t know if it’s because I associate it with peace, or if it’s because of the way it makes my body relax, but I … enjoy the smell, okay?” I said, pulling away from his grasp.
He grinned, laughing softly to himself. “Do you think of me … when you drink this?” he asked, twirling the liquid under his nose .
“No. I think of sleep and that is it. Now can we please go,” I spat, storming to the door.
I made my way to my father’s side as the light alfar exited the base of the mountain. The horses were saddled and already prepared for the journey ahead. Levos came up to us and bowed respectfully. He stopped in front of me and smiled. I threw my arms around him and gave him the biggest hug I could muster.
“Now that we’re on good terms again you should come to see me and bring your ragamor. I demand you take me flying,” he said.
I laughed. “Of course. Anytime you want.”
“Take care, sweet Genevieve. I miss you already,” he said, kissing me on my cheek.
Daealla only nodded in our direction as she passed us to get to her horse. Gaelin bowed in front of my father and then stopped in front of me. His eyes were once again filled with the pain of having to say goodbye.
He reached out, running his hand through my loose hair. He leaned into my ear. “I will always love you. Never forget that,” he said, kissing me on the side of my head before turning to join the others.
A piece of my heart broke in that moment for him. He would never have what he desired. I hoped he would find someone else who loved him in return, because that person would never be me.
“You want to tell me again how nothing happened?” said Eren, coming up next to me .
“It didn’t,” I said firmly.
“ I will always love you. Never forget that,” he mocked Gaelin.
We watched as they took off towards Urial.
“At least he’s capable of love,” I said firmly before storming back into the castle.
Forcing the thought of Gaelin and Eren from my mind, I found myself in front of a door with the carving of an eye in the center. Before I could muster the courage to knock, it opened, revealing Winnow Fellwood on the other side.
“Well, hello Princess Genevieve,” she said in her formal tone. “I’ve been expecting you.”
I took a deep breath and entered, against my better judgement. She shut the door behind me and made her way to a seating area in front of the fireplace. “Tea?” she offered, gesturing to the chair besides hers.
“No thank you,” I answered, taking a seat. “I’ve come to discuss what you think you know about the late Lady Calavi.”
Fellwood stirred her cream into her tea, bringing the liquid slowly to her lip before answering. “I only know what Azeer allows me to see,” she answered vaguely.
“And what did you see?” I asked, taking the bait.
Her eyes turned to me, followed by her lips turning up into a grin. “Princess Genevieve, I’d be lying if I were to say I am not offended by your aggressive tone. Have I been nothing but trusting and supportive of you since you’ve arrived at court? Did I not help reunite you with your family, saving you from a life as a concubine? What have I done to earn this hostility?”
I took a moment, relaxing slightly in the chair. “You’re right, Lady Fellwood. I am sorry for my tone. I just … the entire situation with Lady Calavi is still so fresh and traumatizing. I wish to put the entire happenstance behind me.”
“I think that’d be for the best,” she said, patting my arm with her hand. “Your future is so bright, sweet Gen. It would be a shame for you to waste it. Regardless of what I know or … think I know, your secrets are always safe with me.”
“She was an evil female,” I whispered.
“That, I will not disagree about. My gift showed me long ago how the ambassador rose to his station.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “You knew?”
“I know many things about the members of this court, and of others. Something I am sure you can relate to, but it is not always my place to divulge the secret deals and conspiring’s of others. Only if it harms the throne do I confess what the gods show me. And I only see the benefit of being rid of a predator such as Rismera Calavi.”
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“No need for that,” she said, standing to her feet. “Now, is there anything else you’d like to accuse me of before you leave?”
“I’m terribly sorry,” I confessed, standing to my feet.
Her face softened. “No need for that. Wouldn’t be the first time I was targeted because of my gift. But I do ask, next time, you come and ask me directly first. That way, we can have a pleasant gathering instead of a hostile one.”
“Deal,” I agreed, taking my leave.
As I left her room, I couldn’t shake the feeling Winnow wasn’t being completely honest with me. I wanted to believe the kind and gentle female who was the reason I was now reunited with my family, but why bring up my dealings with Calavi, if not to serve some purpose of her own?
Something wasn’t adding up. My saving grace was that she had no proof of my direct involvement with the setup. It would be her word against mine, and she knew it. So, what was she after? Was this her attempt to scare me? To let me know I was being watched? Regardless, Winnow Fellwood was an alfar that could not be trusted.
The next few weeks passed quickly as I returned to my normal routine. Combat practice, teachings, and courtly matters. I got to go on more of the hunts with Eren and his group of friends, which never disappointed. I was getting better at killing and tracking. Some days I prayed something would come through the rift so I would be able to kill it.
The Jestu celebrations came and went, but this time nymphs and incubi attended. I was shocked to see that the nymphs would even grace us with their presence, but Eren explained that though they were aligned with the light court, we still were on good terms with them, and they were welcomed to the celebration. I read between the lines. They were good fucks, so why not let them join?
Their long bodies swayed to the music. The intrinsic colors of hair and skin shimmered in the candle lights as they allowed those around them to explore their long, thin, bodies.
The Incubi, the perfect combination of beast and humanoid, took anyone and anything that crossed their paths. Once engaged in sexual intercourse, their dark, batlike wings expanded, allowing their chosen lover to stroke and caress the thin material. The sensation seemed to entice the Incubi even more as the groans of pleasure and satisfaction echoed through the cavern.
I only stayed an hour, still uncomfortable by the very public displays of affection. Eren would come and check on me before he retired. I wasn’t huddled in a corner, so I took that as a win. I had Atalee make sure that there were always oranges and whiskey in my room. Even though I refused Eren when he offered to use his gift to ease me to sleep, I still craved it.
The search for the name Narella continued to lead us nowhere. Otar would have brief moments when he would start to remember small details of his past captor, but it would dissipate before he could tell us anything we could use.
Otar got himself killed two more times over a two-week period. Apparently, since I could bring him back, that gave him a pass to be reckless with his body. He had it out for the fairies, which I couldn’t blame him for. They were disgusting little beasts I would have liked nothing more than to obliterate.
I had two visions that helped with hunts we were on. I was recovering faster, but the pain from using my power was still unpleasant. So was the beating Toreon gave me daily.
One evening, after I had just completed combat training, barely making it back to my room for a shower, I grumbled under my breath, knowing I had more training to attend with Eren. I pulled on a loose dress that was lightweight, not caring about my hair, and made my way to his room. I flung open the heavy doors, letting them fall shut behind me as I dragged myself to his couch and plopped down. He was sitting on the floor by the fireplace in his black pants and a loose button-up shirt.
“They work you good?” he asked, writing something on a piece of paper.
“Every day, all day,” I said, turning to see what he was working on.
Drawings were scattered across the floor. Portraits and landscapes done in charcoal surrounded him. I slid off the couch to the ground next to him, picking up a portrait of a young woman. The execution and line work was remarkable. I picked up another, studying the delicate strokes of the hair and the brows.
“Did you draw all of these?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It’s my way to escape. Kind of like you do with your books,” he said, handing me the book he was drawing in. I flipped through the pages. There were drawings of my father, my uncle. Then there were drawings of naked women, some of which I recognized. My cheeks flushed. I continued flipping until I stopped at Icici’s portrait.
The shadows of her face were delicate and well crafted. The detail in her eyes and of her lips were precise and perfect, as if he had studied her for hours. My heart dropped. I forced a smile onto my face handing him back the book, not wanting the next page I turned to be of her naked sprawled out on his bed.
He chuckled, turning a few pages to another drawing.
This one was of me. My face wasn’t as long as Icici’s, but it was defined and well represented. My nose was small and recognizable as were my lips and chin. My eyes stood out on the page, just like they did in real life. My inadequate ears were present with small tips at the ends, hidden beneath my full bushel of hair.
I turned to the next page to see another picture of myself. This time I was smiling. I turned to the next page. I was laughing widely, with my nose crinkled and my eyes shut. I turned again to another page where I was sleeping peacefully in my bed. Eren reached for the book, closing it before I could continue .
“They’re beautiful. You are very talented. Did you take lessons?” I asked.
“Trial and error,” he said, collecting the papers and placing them into his portfolio.
I bit my lip, trying to hold back the question I so desperately wanted an answer to. “Did you draw the one of me sleeping from memory or in person?”
He stopped, turning his eyes up to mine with a half-smile. “Are you going to have a panic attack if I said in person?”
“No, I just ask that you tell me next time. I can at least put some makeup on or do my hair or something.” I giggled uncomfortably.
“Don’t get me wrong, you look striking all done up, but that isn’t really you. When your face is bare, and you can see the natural pigment of your cheeks and lip. When your hair is loose like it is now, curling and waving in all different directions. That is the real you. That is the you I like to draw.”
I felt a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time begin to well up somewhere deep inside of me. I studied his face as he turned away, appearing slightly uncomfortable by his admission. He was vulnerable and real in this moment. He wasn’t hiding behind a mask or having to put on a front. He was himself.
I watched his chest rise and fall with each breath. How his lips pursed together while he continued to collect his drawings. The way his jaw moved and tensed. His black hair was casually brushed to the side. I allowed my eyes to trail down to his strong neck and wide shoulders. I found myself wishing I could touch him and explore him in ways I never thought I would want to do again with another. But with him, it was different. He was my safe place. His touch didn’t repulse me. It comforted me. It always had.
I exhaled a long, deep sigh of sexual frustration. When I breathed in, the need to have him intensified. My body started to ache and throb for his touch. Eren took a deep breath in, closing his eyes as he tilted his head back. He slowly brought his face down and opened his eyes to look at me. The silver swirl of his irises lit up.
“That smell. Do you smell it?” he asked.
I didn’t know what he was asking and frankly, I didn’t care. I reached out in that moment and hesitantly placed my hand on his. His fingers slowly fluttered underneath mine as the palms of our hands traced against one another. I trailed my hand up his forearm to his biceps. I could feel his rippling muscles under his thin shirt.
When I got to the collar of the shirt I pulled it back, revealing the imprint I had wanted to touch for so long. To trace the lines with my hands and then my tongue. He watched intently while I studied the mark. I gently ran my fingers against the bare skin of his neck and then shoulder. His skin felt like velvet. He inhaled at the contact, closing his eyes seeming to enjoy my attention.
I shifted, getting to my knees as I slowly brought my other hand up to his face. I hovered above, straddling him in between my legs tracing the lines of his face. His hands slid up my thighs, firmly planting themselves at my hips as he fought not to lose control. I ran my hands through his thick silky dark hair. He moaned at the feeling. I couldn’t help but smile, taking joy in his satisfaction.
The need was building inside of me with each breath I took. It was almost unbearable. I could feel the warmth in between my legs, and I knew it would only take one touch from him to send me over the edge. I brought my lips to his neck, kissing down his skin while my fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt.
Before I could register what was happening, I lost control of myself. I slammed him back to the floor placing myself on top of him. I pulled his shirt apart to reveal that perfect torso I wanted to devour. I leaned down, placing my mouth to his imprint and he pulled at the top of my dress, taking my neck and shoulder into his mouth with passion. His hand buried itself in my hair pulling my neck down harder into his mouth.
Oh, the feeling of him was more than I could have ever imagined. I swirled my tongue around his marking before I moved to his chest, making sure my hands never left his body. I kissed, licked, and bit my way down his abdomen until I got to his pant line. I slid my tongue along it as he arched and moaned with pleasure. I brought my mouth back up to his neck as I fought with the laces of his pants.
I needed to have him inside of me. I needed it more than I needed to breathe. He kissed my chest and roamed his hands over my heavy, full breasts that were still covered by my dress. My nipples hardened at the contact. He dragged his hands down in between my legs, allowing the fabric of my underwear to act as a barrier. His finger grazed the area, feeling the warm moisture that had already saturated the thin cloth. I could feel his entire body ignite with gooseflesh underneath me.
Before I could get his pants down, I felt his hands tighten around my arms, pushing me back. I stopped, looking down at him in confusion. He took a few deep breaths in, looking at my face with wonder. His eyes were ravenous like a wild animal.
“It’s you,” he said, in a deep and raspy voice, taking another deep breath.
“What?” I asked, annoyed by the interruption.
“Lavender and … sandalwood. It’s your pheromones. You are a manipulator … like me,” he said, pushing me off him to the side.
I leaned against the couch, straightening my dress as he stood from the floor, pulling at his shirt. “I don’t understand,” I said, moving to the couch. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“Your pheromones just now caused that to happen. Yet, somehow, they affected you as much as me,” he said, buttoning his shirt.
I frowned, not wanting the beautiful sight to be taken from me. I relaxed, realizing what I had just done. What I had wanted to do. What almost happened.
“Oh gods, Eren, I am so sorry. I didn’t know,” I said in complete humiliation.
He paced, still trying to regain control of himself. He appeared to be just as embarrassed as I was. “It’s okay. The good thing is, I can help you with this gift. I can teach you how to use it and control it,” he said.
He stopped in front of me, still breathing heavily. His eyes locked onto mine again. Time seemed to stop as he slowly reached to move a small strand of loose hair from my face. His fingers grazed across my cheek. I felt that warming sensation begin to rise inside of me again. He breathed in, his eyes widened with recognition, but he didn’t remove his hand from my skin.
Instead, he pulled my face into his, our lips meeting in the most passionate and aggressive kiss I had ever experienced. I moved onto him, ripping the shirt open with force once again. Buttons went flying everywhere as my hand trailed down his abdomen trying to get inside of his pants. I grinded myself on top of him, feeling the pressure in between my legs build. He moaned inside my mouth while his hands slid under my dress and up my bare thighs. I pulled away to breathe as he took my neck back into his mouth, biting and sucking, tearing at the neckline of my dress.
He yelled in frustration, tossing me to the side of the couch. He stood up putting distance between us. I took a deep breath, so sexually frustrated that I wanted to cry. It wasn’t just the pheromones. I wanted him, now more than ever. He stood off to the side, his shirt parted, revealing his sexy chest and that delicious marking. I fixed the front of my dress, waiting for him to say something— anything. He looked at me, eyes still hungry. I tried to purse my lips, but a smile escaped. I heard him laugh under his breath .
“Okay, we obviously need to figure out a way around … that, if I am going to help you,” he said, tightening his fists. “Mm, your scent is more potent than a succubus, princess,” he said, turning his head away from me while he tried to calm himself.
“Is that a bad thing?”
He laughed, turning those entrancing silver eyes on me. “Not at all. Especially for whatever male or female you are trying to seduce.”
I smiled. “Why were you able to resist?” I asked with disappointment.
“Maybe because I have a similar gift. I don’t know, but believe me, it was hard, extremely hard.”
I stood up slowly, still hungry for more of him.
He tracked my every move. “Princess, remember, the pheromones are controlling you. You need to relax and think.”
“So, you’re saying you wouldn’t take me if it wasn’t for the pheromones. You don’t desire me? You’ve never once thought of bending me over and taking me on my desk in between lessons?” I said, my voice husky and unfamiliar. I let out a long breath as I filled the air with my scent.
He inhaled, trying to step away from me. “I am not a monk by any means, but I would never take you if you weren’t fully in your right mind,” he said, his hands flexing like he was fighting the need to touch me.
“Eren, I am in my right mind. For the first time in a long time, I feel good, but I want you to make me feel better,” I admitted, trailing my hand down the center of my cleavage.
He watched my every move: his breath quickened with arousal. “Listen to me, you need to breathe in and out slowly. Think of Lily, your father. Think of all your friends back in The Frey. Think of flying, and how much you love flying,” he said desperately.
I took a step back as his words started to break through whatever alter ego this was. None of the things he said made me forget how much I did indeed want him. But I suddenly realized that he may not want me in return. All of his reactions towards me the past few moments could have been solely because of my powers. He is sleeping with my cousin, I reminded myself. Why would he want me when he could have her?
I dropped my head, the reality of the situation finally settling in. I took a few steps back, inhaling deep breaths, making sure the scent was gone. I looked up at him as he exhaled in relief. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. The first male I tried to get with after everything had to be the same guy my cousin was screwing. What was wrong with me?
“I’m so sorry,” I said, barely able to speak.
“It’s fine, really,” he said kindly.
Without another word, I bolted for the door. He called after me, but I couldn’t bear to look at him.
The memory of his touch replayed over and over again in my mind. How good he felt. How wonderful he tasted. For the first time in my life, I wanted another, and it wasn’t because I was relying on them to protect me or because I had to keep them happy. No. It was because I truly desired him. I desired a male who would never be faithful. Who would never love me. Who wouldn’t hesitate to use me to elevate himself. I knew what he was, who he was, and yet I still wanted him.