CHAPTER 24 #2
My brows furrow as I replay the scene in my mind.
Is that what happened? “Perhaps I did,” I concede.
“For a moment, I guess I did hesitate. I was so shocked by the gall of the woman that she’d actually say these things to me on her wedding day.
After everything she’d done. But I did push her away.
And I told her in no uncertain terms that I was over her.
That I didn’t love her. That I lo—was with you.
” I stumble over my words, wanting to say them to her, but not in this moment. Not when she’s staring at me like…that.
She leans away from me while I’m desperate to have her lean into me. “I feel like I’m going crazy here, Nathan. You’re making me doubt my own eyes.”
Too restless to stay seated, I get up to pace again.
“I’m not trying to do that. I’m trying to tell you that what you saw isn’t how it happened.
Yes, I was in that chapel with Victoria, and I let her get too close.
I indulged her too much. That’s on me. I should have left the minute she arrived with that calculated look on her face.
The minute I laid eyes on her, I knew I’d been manipulated by her, by my mother.
That they were up to no good. And I let it happen.
Again, that’s on me. By doing that, I let them hurt you.
But you have to believe me. When she asked me if I loved her, I told her no. I don’t love her…”
She sits up tall, holding her hand out to halt my steps. “Are you sure?”
I nod and step closer to her, crouching before her again and steeling myself for what I’m about to say next. What I should have said yesterday and all the days before. “How can I love her, Kitty Kat, when I’m all the way in love with you?”
She freezes and her eyes squeeze shut. “I can’t hear that right now,” she whispers, standing to move away from me.
My chest aches, and I rub it, clearing the lump in my throat before asking. “Okay, what do you want to hear?”
“What happened next?”
“Next?”
Streaks of pink highlight her cheeks as her chest heaves. “Yes, Nathan. Next. I left you in the arms of your ex-girlfriend hours ago.”
I clench my jaw. “Right, yes. I was gone too long.”
“Too long?” she echoes. “You were gone for hours. Where did you go?”
This is not going well; she still doubts me.
“After I pushed Victoria away,” I force out through gritted teeth. “I went to find George. To tell him what happened.”
She deflates. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” I step closer to her again, hating this dance we’re doing. One step forward, two steps back. Literally. “When I got to him, he was already a few drinks into his bottle of whiskey, and it was a…messy conversation, to say the least.”
“What happened?”
“First, he didn’t believe me. He ranted and raved. Even took a swing at me.”
She gasps. “He didn’t?”
I huff out a bitter laugh, replaying the image in my head. “Don’t worry, drunk George’s aim wasn’t great. He ended up falling over instead. Then he started crying.”
“He didn’t?”
“He did,” I confirm, feeling sorry for the state my brother was in. Even if he was the master of his own shitty future. “He confessed he’d been worried this would happen. That Victoria still had feelings for me.”
“And he’s still going to marry her?”
I shrug, equally baffled. “It’s not for me to judge. The two of them have stepped so far over the line of what is decent and kind that they’ve lost sight of their humanity. It’s like they’re a caricature of themselves at this point.”
“And then what?”
“Then he had another drink and calmed down. It didn’t matter what I said after that; he is going to marry Victoria because that is what he is expected to do.”
She takes two steps to stand next to me, leaning into my side as the anger seeps out of her. “After everything, he still wants to marry her?”
“He does. They’re getting married as planned later today.”
We stand in silence; Katie staring straight ahead, my gaze stuck to her perfect profile.
“Tell me what’s going on up here.” I tap on her temple after a drawn-out pause, desperate to know that I’ve done it. That I’ve fixed the mess I made.
She sighs, turning to stare back at me, her expression filling me with dread. “I’m thinking, perhaps, we’re moving too fast.”
I grasp her hands in mine. “What do you mean?”
Her nose scrunches as her eyes fill with tears, and she draws in a long breath.
“Nathan, I believe you. That nothing happened between you and your ex-girlfriend. But after what you said after the Stag Do and then finding the two of you together like that, when I thought something had happened, that you were still in love with her…it hurt me. A lot. And that scared me.”
I pull her closer, so our chests are touching. So she can feel how hard my heart is thumping. How hard it’s thumping for her. “Tell me how to make it better.”
She draws back, her lips pulled down in a sad frown.
“I need some space. To get my thoughts in order. This morning was a wakeup call for me. Everything has happened so fast. I mean, we only just reconnected a few weeks ago, and now we’re…
here. I’m having all these feelings, and it’s frightening.
I’m not sure I can handle my heart being broken, not so soon after everything that happened with my mum. It’s not healed enough for that.”
“But Katie, I won’t break your heart. I’ll treasure it. I love you.”
She places her hands on my cheeks and presses the softest kiss on my lips. “I know you think you do, Nathan. But right now, I’m confused. I’m overwhelmed. I need some space.”
The air deflates from my lungs. She’s running away from me. From us. “I can give you space. I’ll move to another room, I’ll move to another resort, I’ll give you all the space you need.”
Her lips tip into a small, sad smile as she smooths my hair back from my sweaty forehead. “I’m going home, Nathan. I need a minute to figure out how I feel, what I want and whether I’m ready for whatever we have here.”
My hands fall away from her as she walks back inside the bungalow. “Can’t you figure that out here with me?”
Her steps falter before she marches forward to where her packed luggage is waiting for her. She’s really leaving.
“Please, Katie.” I rush after her. “Please stay and let’s work this out together.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t. I need to figure this next part out for myself. I have to go.” She stands on her toes and kisses me goodbye, her lips salty with tears.
My head spins as I watch her go, unable to trust in my eyes that she’s actually leaving.
“Katie—” I call out. “I’m sorry.”
She doesn’t turn this time, her back straight and her shoulders set in a stubborn line. “I’m sorry, too.”
The door closes, and I sink onto the floor, hanging my head in my hands, as my brain begs me to follow her. To not let her go. To make her love me enough to stay.
“Nate?” Theo’s voice startles me a few minutes—hours? days?—later, and I glance up to find him standing over me, his normal stoic expression wavering. “What happened? Rosie saw Katie at the helipad.”
I stand slowly, my insides quivering as I stare at my manager and friend. “She’s leaving.”
He frowns, tilting his head like he’s trying to compute my words. “Leaving? Where’s she going?”
“Home. Back to London. She says she needs space.”
“And you’re giving it to her?”
I bark out a laugh. “What would you have me do? Force her to stay and love me back?”
He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh. Instead, he stalks towards me, stopping mere inches from me. “You don’t let her go. You make her listen and make her understand. Believe me, man, if you let her leave without fighting for her with every breath you have, you will regret it.”
The passion and the certainty in his voice give me pause. He sounds like he’s speaking from experience. “She wants to go home to figure this out. She asked for space.”
“Then you give her the flight home. And then you follow her back to London, and you make her understand just how much you love her. You do love her, don’t you?”
“More than anything.”
A small smile tickles his lips. “Then go fight for her.”
Something a lot like hope blooms in my chest. Katie had asked for space, for time, to figure this out.
I’ll give her the nine-hour flight to think about what she wants, and then I’m going to beg her for another chance.
I’m going to beg her to figure it out with me, rather than by herself.
I’m going to lay it all on the line one more time. Katie is worth it.
“You’re right. I need to tell her again how much I love her and how all-in I am with her.”
He nods, and like a man on a mission, I grab a suitcase and start throwing my clothes into it, stopping only to draw in a breath and ask one more favour of him.
“Theo, I need you to get me on the next flight out of here.”