Awkward Date With A Wicked Orc (Sweet Monster Treats)

1. Lila

Chapter 1

Lila

O kay, this is difficult.

“Is this where I’m supposed to meet Urdan Overthrow, or am I lost?”

I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, bite my lip and peer through the windows of the minivan, then glance down again at the clock. The sun dips low on the horizon, leaving streaks of pink and orange. It’s a gorgeous summer evening and this is my first blind date, ever, and I’m nervous as hell.

The GPS says this is the right location, except I can't decide if it’s correct.

Darn it.

I’ve never been to Orc Brews, which is famous for its locally sourced orc ale and a place where orcs from across the state congregate peacefully and humans are welcomed too. I’ve wanted to visit but haven’t had the time or reason, until now.

I glance around again, trying to decide my next steps.

I’m parked in front of a building that could be Orc Brews, or not. The problem is both sides of the street have establishments that equally look like they could be this mysterious brewery and neither have visible signage. I was born and raised in this area, so this road isn’t new to me, but I rarely drive this way. I’m forced to rely upon the GPS in this instance, which said to turn left into this parking lot, but I don’t see a single orc anywhere.

Should I get back onto the road and pull into the parking lot across the street?

My cell phone rings and I glance at the screen. It’s my meddlesome sister, Sadie. The person who set me up on this anxiety-inducing blind date. I tap and accept the call.

“Are you there yet?” she demands.

I take a sip of water. “I think so, but I can't figure out if this is the right place.”

“What do you mean?”

“The GPS says I’m here, but I can’t see any signs to figure out if this is Orc Brews or not… And why are you even calling me?”

“Because I thought you might chicken out at the last second and need a pep talk.”

“Oh please,” I snort. “Yes, this is my first date since my divorce finalized four years ago. It took that long, after lots of therapy, to get over what happened and feel like I could possibly move on with a new relationship. But I'm not afraid. I can do this.”

“Well, then woman up and go in there.”

I flick down the mirror and reapply my lipstick. “I don't know where to go,” I repeat.

“What do you mean, you don't know where to go? Aren’t you parked in the parking lot for Orc Brews?”

“I don’t know.” I pull my cross-body purse over my head, drape it across my chest, open the car door and step out. “I’m scouting the area for more clues.”

A warm, light breeze blows my brown hair off my shoulders and kisses my bare legs. My boho white linen sundress ends above my knees, showing off my long legs. I styled my hair, which, as everyone knows, is completely unusual since I normally let my curls air dry, and I'm even wearing makeup and a bit of jewelry.

A smile spreads across my face, because I don’t get out much, except for work and to take my school-age kids to appointments and play dates, so this adults-only outing feels extremely indulgent and, in fact, naughty. “There isn’t good signage anywhere and I don’t know if I’m parked at the brewery or in front of some kind of bar. So now I’m walking around to find out what this place is called.”

“Oh,” Sadie laughs. “I see what you're saying. You're talking about that new place, Bikers and Drinks, which opened recently. You want to be in the Orcs Brews parking lot across the street.”

“Maybe I’m in front of Orc Brews. How do I know which is which?”

“Do you see any orcs?”

“No.”

“Do you see motorcycles out front?”

“Yes.”

“You’re in the wrong parking lot.”

“Good point.” My high-heeled golden sandals crunch unsteadily on the gravel and finally, the temporary banner over the door comes into view. “Oh, there’s the sign. Duh. Yeah, I’m in the wrong place. Thanks. I’ll get back in the van and drive across the street. The good thing is that I made sure to arrive early because this area is unfamiliar, so I’m not late.” I march back toward the car. “And Sadie, don’t tell Bowen that this happened. I’d die of embarrassment if he knew. He’s always lecturing about…”

“Ooops, too late.”

“I’m on speaker phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Local first responders and the postal service know all the streets,” a deep voice confirms, “because you can’t rely upon GPS. You must memorize all the streets, like we do, so that way you’ll never get lost.”

“Yes, sir,” I mutter.

“I’m telling Urdan that you accidentally parked across the street,” Bowen says. “He needs to know.”

I roll my eyes. “Sadie, you suck.”

Ever since my sister fell in love with and married our town’s new orc sheriff, she’s wanted me to find love too. Preferably with another orc who also has a similar preternatural awareness of maps and never gets lost.

“But you love me,” she answers cheerfully. “And also, you’re the one who essentially set me up with Bowen, so this is only fair.”

“If this blind date turns into crap I’m going to kick your ass.”

“It’ll be good, I promise. You're gonna be fine. I love your sundress and your hair is perfect. Both of your kids are happily watching a PG-rated movie and eating too much pizza. Get out there and kill it, Lila. He’s lucky to be set up with someone as fabulous as you.”

“Have fun, Mom,” my kids shout in unison through the phone.

Warmth spreads across my chest. They’re both so cute I can’t handle the cuteness. I love my son and daughter so much sometimes it hurts. “Okay,” I laugh. “I'm getting off. Bye.”

I shove my phone into a pocket and reach out to open the car door.

“Lila.”

I tense, look over my shoulder and inwardly grown. Heavy boots crunch across the gravel. Oh hell. Jude Jones, a guy I've disliked since the dawn of time, strides toward me. How is this even possible? Why is life playing such a cruel joke on me?

“Lila? Is it you?”

“Jude.” I fake smile. “Yes, it’s me.”

We unfortunately went to the same schools together from kindergarten through high school, and sometime in fifth or sixth grade Jude started bullying me. Eventually, by high school it got so bad my quarterback boyfriend and a group of his friends had to corner Jude off campus and threaten to kick his ass if he ever bothered me again. After that everything stopped. And I moved away for college and haven’t thought of Jude Jones since high school graduation and was hoping to never see him ever again.

Except we’ve both moved back to our small hometown, so I suppose this was going to happen, eventually.

He gives a lecherous look from my chest down to my toes and back to my chest again. “You look just as good as you did in high school.”

Time has not been kind to Jude. We're both thirty years old, but he looks at least ten years older than me. Missing teeth, long, thin blond hair that doesn’t look very clean and a mean expression settles on his face. Uh oh. I’d heard he'd moved back to town after finishing a stint in prison for theft and is living with his mom.

I try to paste on a smile of greeting. It's been a long time. High school was over a decade ago and Jude has served his time for the crime he committed. This could be a man who wants to make amends and start over. I decide to remain optimistic, toss my hair over my shoulder and take a few steps forward. Then I notice two other rough-looking men get off their motorcycles and join him. They are laughing and joking and pointing at me. This does not bode well. A girl who looks like she needs a fake ID strides up next to Jude, with a look of possession. Great. Now there are four of them. A sour feeling settles in my stomach.

I edge toward my minivan and put my hand in my pocket, holding onto my cell phone.

“Where are you going?” Jude questions. “Don't you want to say hi to your old friend?"

I clench my jaw. “I wasn't sure we were friends. I thought you hated me.”

“No, I've never hated you.”

I crook an eyebrow.

“Why would I hate the prom queen? Why would I hate the head of the cheerleading squad?”

“Jude, what are we doing here?” the girl whines. “Let's go inside.” She puts an arm through his and leans into his side. I glance over at her because I’m wondering what she sees in this guy.

“I heard you're divorced,” Jude sneers with a nasty smirk on his face. “That rich lawyer left you and moved to Florida, started a whole new family with someone ten years younger than you.”

I lift my chin, trying to not let the town gossip hurt me further. Jude used to get away with bullying me when we were young because I was shy and didn’t know my own strength. But I’m an adult now and I don’t let men treat me like crap anymore. “And I heard you're out of prison and still living in your mom's basement and don't have a job yet.”

He growls and takes a menacing step towards me.

“Lila,” a deep, melodious voice calls out, basically, the best sound I’ve ever heard. An extremely large, green-skinned orc steps onto the curb. Not as tall as Bowen—a little shorter, but wider, thicker and even more muscular than my brother-in-law, if that's possible. This orc’s black horns look sharper, his white tusks more visible and he's dressed entirely different than I’ve ever seen Bowen dress. Black jeans, an unbuttoned black shirt and heavy black boots, which look good against his green skin, black horns and dark, flashing eyes.

The wicked-looking orc stops right next to me and my mouth drops open. “Urdan?”

His chest rumbles in agreement.

My mouth remains open because I can’t believe this sexy male is my blind date. How did I get so lucky?

“Who is this?” Jude snarls.

“He’s an orc,” one of the other men says, “and he’s got to go. Stay on your side of the street.”

My fists clench. “Why would you say that?”

“Orcs are medieval.”

“You’re the one acting medieval. This is modern times and modern orcs don’t hurt anyone.”

“We hate orcs.”

“Everyone in that bar hates orcs too?”

Jude shifts on his feet. “Not everyone, but the four of us standing here do not put up with orcs.”

I glance over at Urdan, who is remaining surprisingly quiet during this repulsive dialogue. His restraint is impressive. “He’s a citizen and he can go wherever he wants.”

“I don’t care if things have changed,” the taller guy next to Jude says. “I still remember the past like it was yesterday. My great-grandmother was kidnapped by an orc. We never saw her ever again."

My shoulders soften. “I’m so sorry that happened to your family.”

“I am also sorry that happened,” Urdan agrees. “We don’t kidnap anymore, and all females are safe around orcs. But we used to do that in ancient times and it was wrong.”

“I heard the government is trying to fix that and make it better,” I say. “You have the right to track down and find out what happened to your great-grandmother and maybe even get reparations." I look over at Urdan, worried that I overstepped. “Sorry.”

“No, it's true,” he says. “We are trying to make up for the past. All humans who have a valid claim of kidnapping are allowed financial compensation and the ability to track down in our database the whereabouts of their lost family members.”

“Money?”

“Yeah, you can Google it,” I say. “Look up ‘orc reparations’—R-E-P-A-R-A-T-I-O-N-S.”

The man pulls out his phone and starts tapping.

“What the hell,” Jude snarls.

“Hey, if I can find out what happened and maybe get some money, I'm all in,” his friend replies. “Maybe orcs aren’t as bad as I thought.”

“This is ridiculous. You’re not going anywhere with this goddamn orc. You’re coming inside the bar with me.” Jude growls, steps forward and reaches out as if he’s going to grab my arm.

“What the hell are you doing?” the girl demands. “What do you need with her?”

Urdan moves between all of us and towers over the other three men and the girl. “This female,” he thunders, “is under my protection and isn’t going anywhere with you.” He points across the street. “Lila is here to meet me for a date, and we're going to go into the orc brewery. She accidentally parked in the wrong parking lot, and I am here to retrieve her and make sure she gets safely to her destination.” He leans forward, exposing tusk and muscle. “If any of you have a problem with that, you can track me down at the sheriff’s department. I start my new job as deputy sheriff on Monday.”

“Uh, oh.”

The other men put their hands up and back away.

Jude looks pissed but gives a curt nod. Soon the small group walks briskly inside of the bar. The door slams closed behind them and we’re alone.

“Whew.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. That could’ve gone bad.”

Urdan grins. “You’re welcome.”

I glance over and meet his molten gaze. I’m standing in front of a towering orc with green skin, green ears and two black horns. It’s strange how comfortable I feel around him, considering he’s my blind date and we’ve never actually met.

He puts out a huge, rough hand, directing me which direction to walk. “Ready?”

“Yes,” I agree with a wide smile. “Let’s get this date started.”

I take a few steps in the gravel, hit a large stone and start to teeter on my high heels. Dammit. Why did I wear these sandals? They are cute, but entirely impractical. I cry out in alarm because I’m falling fast. Luckily, I tumble right into a curve of grass landscaping and not into the dirt and sharp stones. Soon I’m braced on all fours and my ass is in the air. There’s a distinct breeze on my ass cheeks because of course I’m wearing thong underwear. I look over my shoulder and see Urdan gazing at my rear end and then forcing himself to look away.

Dammit. This is turning into the most embarrassing date of my life. He had to rescue me when I arrived at the wrong location and now I’ve fallen in a compromising position.

He moves forward. “Are you hurt?”

I bounce up fast onto my feet. “No,” I groan, smoothing my dress down. “Just embarrassed.”

Urdan glances around and seems to come to a new decision. “I'm going to carry you over to the brewery because it’ll be quicker and safer.”

“What? No, you don't need to,” I protest.

“Is your car locked?”

“Y…yes.”

“Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes.”

“Let's go.”

He scoops me into his arms as if I'm light as air. No one—no man—has ever held me in his arms like this and I can't believe how quickly we are moving. Urdan stomps across the rest of the parking lot. Next thing I know, we're crossing the street and we’re already in the next parking lot.

Metal gates open and we move into a gorgeous courtyard that wasn’t visible from the street.