7. Lila
Chapter 7
Lila
U rdan left at the end of July and life fell into the same routine as always.
August arrived and I was busy figuring out the new school year. Justin and Lacy were each in a new grade with new teachers. I can’t believe how old they both are now. I have a child in fifth grade and another in third grade. How did this happen and how did they get this old? They needed school supplies and new clothes. The new school year started and I was super busy at work and getting the kids settled.
Of course, I thought of Urdan each day.
And at night I still masturbate to images of him touching me and imagine I’m holding onto those horns while I orgasm. And I pretend he’s doing that amazing dirty talk in my ear. But it’s never the same as his actual touch or the sound of this deep voice.
I sent the get well gift baskets to his father each month and in each one I tucked inside a card specifically addressed to Urdan with a hand written message that I hoped let him know that I wanted to hear from him and how much I cared. I always left my cell number again and even my email.
But he’s still gone. And he hasn’t messaged me, not once.
I remain committed to not being the first one to message or call. That’s my hard line.
September merged into October and the weather got cooler and I remained busy at work and both kids were in sports and had extra activities.
Urdan had to leave because his father was very, very sick and he remains because he needs special care, which is a real reason. In fact, I admire the fact that Urdan dropped everything instantly in order to be there for his dad. But his lack of communication with me solidifies that he changed his mind about us after he found out that I already had two human children.
I assume he's at the commune and can’t imagine how my two original children, from a prior marriage, would fit into his life. I have both a son and a daughter and maybe Urdan’s father hates the idea of fully human grandchildren. Maybe they wouldn’t even be allowed in the commune?
Finally, the fall merges into winter. The holidays are over and it’s January. The dark of winter.
And this is when I hear that Urdan is back in town.
I secretly shed tears because he’s here and hasn’t approached me, even once. Not a message, not a visit, nothing. Our town is not that big and he’s a deputy sheriff, so I assume I’d at least run into him, but there’s not even that.
I think he’s in fact avoiding me, which hurts.
I do my best to carry on with life and mourn the loss of what I thought would be a great relationship. It wasn’t meant to be. But it hurts twice as bad, knowing that yet again here is a man I wanted who wasn’t willing to bond and love my two kids as much as I do. I cry at night, trying to fall asleep and smile in the morning like I’m perfectly fine. But I’m not.
I think I was quickly falling in love with Urdan Overthrow and he never felt the same.
His body was in lust with an available human female and when he discovered I was in fact inappropriate, the distance between us cooled his pheromones and he was able to walk away as if we never happened.
Must be nice. It’s not the same for me, at all.
And now it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m alone yet again.
But it’s not as bad as it sounds. This is a day where we celebrate love in all its forms. Love between friends. Between siblings, parents and family. A day to show how we care about others in our lives. And it’s also the busiest day of the year for our bakery.
Which is why I arrive earlier today than usual. My parents are taking care of the kids and getting them to school so I can be here.
I park and show up at the back door to the bakery before dawn. As I unlock the door a shockingly familiar voice calls out my name.
My whole body locks up with instant fear.