CHAPTER 28
W hen Jonny had asked Bishop Frank Hershberger to stop by sometime that week to visit with him, he’d assumed the man would come to the house one evening or on Saturday morning.
Not show up at the bicycle shop.
When he’d walked in, Jonny had been with a customer. The bishop had waved off his apologies. Instead, he seemed to enjoy hearing about the ins and outs of one of the latest designs.
Ten minutes later, when the shop was empty, he hugged Jonny hello.
And then he dived right in. “How are you feeling about life here?” Bishop Frank asked. “The months are passing, ain’t so?”
“They sure are. I’ve now lived here for several months.”
“You sure seem happy,” the bishop added as they both sat down. “Have you found your feet here?”
It took him a second to catch the bishop’s drift, but once he did, he had to admit that his statement did seem to fit him. At first, he’d felt lost—both about his decision to become Amish and about his future in general.
He realized now that he’d been running away. Running away from school. Running away from his parents. Maybe even running away from his life. Dr. Mason’s warnings had hit him hard. He’d lived so much of his life being the easygoing child and not letting too much affect him.
But maybe he’d simply been fooling himself? Perhaps things had bothered him as much as they might bother the next person. He’d needed a reason to finally deal with them.
Then, little by little, everything had fallen into place. He’d settled in with his grandparents, finding a way to help them as much as they helped him. Then there had been Alan and the bike shop. The job he’d picked up out of necessity began to mean something to him. Now Jonny couldn’t imagine working anywhere else.
Finally, there was Treva. She was the biggest surprise of all. Everything about her appealed to him—and for some strange reason she seemed to like him just as much. Calling on her at her house didn’t feel as much like courting as it felt like coming home.
She made him better.
Studying the older man, with his scraggly beard, faint wrinkles around his eyes, and kind expression, Jonny spoke from his heart. “I like my life here.”
“Your grandparents are enjoying your help very much. Why, just the other day, a group of us men were talking and your dawdi came mighty close to bragging about you.”
“Really?”
“Oh, jah . Josiah sang your praises well and loud. He told everyone about how you help with the chores without asking, brighten the rooms, and work hard.” Looking more serious, Bishop Hershberger added, “He also happened to say he hoped you would never leave.”
“My grandparents are good people. Dawdi would probably say something like that even if I wasn’t helping out so much.”
“I don’t think so.” He crossed his legs. “Son, I came over to catch up, but also to ask about your heart. Because you already knew a lot of Pennsylvania Dutch and were very familiar with our ways, I haven’t wanted to counsel you too much. But I feel it is time to talk about things.”
“I understand.”
“Jonny, have you been reading our books and contemplating our faith?”
“I have.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“Not at the moment.” Taking a deep breath, he added, “Bishop, the Lord has given me many blessings here in Walden.”
“Such as?”
“I feel this as if He gave me this bike shop to manage as a way to prove that I could be happy living Plain.”
Bishop Hershberger took a moment and thought about his words. Then he blurted, “That’s a funny word, ain’t so?”
The older man had lost him. “I’m sorry, but what word are you referring to?”
“Plain.” He waved a hand. “Outsiders use it all the time. They describe our buggies and horses and pins in dresses and reserved manner as Plain. But, to my mind, our way of life ain’t very ‘plain’ at all. It’s filled with friendships and family and community and love.”
Liking that description, Jonny added, “You’re right. It’s filled with all those things. And work and faith.”
“ Jah . Always faith. But there’s also a belief in the Lord’s will and that we need to be on His schedule, not ours.”
“And forgiveness.”
The bishop nodded again. “ Jah . That too.” He raised one eyebrow. “Have you been thinking about forgiveness, Jonny?”
“I think I have. Forgiving myself when I make mistakes, but also when others make them.”
“ Jah . I reckon that’s a gut start.” Staring at him intently, he added, “What about when someone makes a lot of mistakes?”
“Are you asking if it’s possible to forgive someone then?”
“Yes.”
Jonny’s voice had come out thick and scratchy. Pulled from his insides because he hated to admit to how complicated his relationships were with his mother and father. “Bishop, I’ve been starting to talk a lot with my father. I’ll be honest. At first it was because I had a health issue and wanted to stay on his insurance, but now it feels as if we’ve reached a new point. We’re able to talk easier, and about real things, too.”
“All of this sounds positive to me. Do you see it that way?”
“I do. I mean, I want to be Amish.”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes.” He wasn’t lying. But always in the back of his mind were his siblings. He wasn’t sure if he had been honest enough with all of them about the changes that had happened in his life.
Bishop Hershberger clicked his tongue. “You might as well spit it out, Jonny. No good is going to come of you sidestepping the issue.”
“Fine. I don’t know what to tell Martin, Beth, and Kelsey. Or my mother.” Realizing he needed to be completely honest with both the bishop and himself, Jonny added, “I feel like things could go either way. I could tell everyone that I’m ready to be baptized and they’d think that was enough.”
“Or?”
“Or I could finally be completely open with them. I could tell them about what the doctor said and the reasons I originally reached out to Dad. I could tell them that I’ve forgiven him and Mom for not being perfect.”
“How do you think they’d respond?”
“Well, they could be just fine with it . . .”
A touch of amusement entered the other man’s eyes. “Or?”
“Or it could just set off a string of disagreements and then everything between us will turn worse.” Thinking about that reality, he felt like shuddering. Things between the four of them could get pretty bad.
“I can see why you’re worried.”
Jonny wondered if Bishop Hershberger actually could. The man was a straight talker and had a strong faith. In contrast, Jonny felt like he’d been aimlessly rolling from one goal to the next. He couldn’t imagine the older man being so torn about things that might happen. “What do you think I should do?”
“First, tell me why you feel you need to share your doctor’s visit with the rest of your family.”
“Because I’ve been keeping my reasons for becoming close to my father private.”
“So?”
So? “So, I think if they don’t understand, they might not support my decision. Eventually, it might put a strain on both my relationship with them . . . and our dad.”
The corners of the bishop’s eyes crinkled. It was like he was amused but trying not to laugh at Jonny.
He didn’t appreciate the man’s amusement.
“Look, I know my problems might seem like nothing to you, but they’re weighing heavy on my heart. I need to figure this out.”
“Why?”
He was getting angry. “Because I love them.”
“Hmm. And do ya think they love you?”
Why was the bishop playing this game with him? “Of course they do.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?” He waved a hand. “They love me because they’re my siblings. We share the same blood. We share the same roots. They’re my brother and sisters.”
“Jonny Schrock. There you go, son. You just answered your own question.”
Now he was completely confused. “Bishop . . .” He shook his head. “No. I—”
“Jonny Schrock, you are loved. You are loved by God and by your grandparents and by your parents and by Martin, Kelsey, and Beth. No matter what you do, they will still love you.”
“But what if they can’t forgive me?”
“That is something you can’t control. If you choose to let them into your life and be honest, then you are making that choice. If each of them decides to be mad at you, then that is theirs.”
“You make it sound so easy.” And yes, Jonny’s tone was probably full of resentment, but how could it not be?
“I don’t think being honest is ever easy. But I do feel that lies are even harder to live with. I don’t know about you, but my lies always seem to get tangled up in the truth.”
“Mine do the same.”
“Jonny, I’ll tell you one more piece of advice before I visit Virginia and take her up on a piece of apple pie.” He leaned forward. “Opting to live a life of unforgiveness is a miserable way to live. One sees hate and hurt and neglect and jealousy everywhere. It eats into one’s heart and taints other areas of one’s life.”
He took a deep breath as he continued. “But that said, if someone decides to live that way, only they can decide to view the world differently. And I’m using the word ‘can’ on purpose. You can’t change their viewpoint if they don’t want to change. All you can do is be in charge of your own.”
“I understand.”
“Do some praying, come to a decision, and make peace with it, Jon. Then move on.”
“I will.”
“ Gut . Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a piece of pie calling my name.”
“Of course. Thank you for counseling me.”
“It was my pleasure,” the bishop said as he shuffled toward the door.
Just when he opened it, he turned back to Jonny. “I almost forgot. I believe there’s a pretty young woman running a coffee shop who might have feelings for ya, too. Don’t forget to add her to the list of important people in your life.”
And with that, he walked out.
Sitting in the empty bicycle shop, the bishop’s words ringing in his ears, Jonny realized that he already had made up his mind about what to do. He’d asked the bishop for advice, but maybe it had actually been reassurance.
It was time to make some phone calls. He was going to tell everybody in his family about what the doctor had said—and about his feelings.
And then, later on that afternoon, he was going to pay a call on Treva, hopefully sit on her front porch or in her living room, and make another formal call.
Like the bishop had said, it was time to make peace with himself and move on.