CHAPTER 30
T reva wasn’t sure why God had woken her up at four in the morning, but she didn’t try to fight it. She was too awake, and her skin felt like it was tingling. Even if she was exhausted, there wasn’t a chance that she’d be able to close her eyes and drift into slumber when her limbs were so determined to move around. For better or worse, she was up for the day.
Pulling on her most comfortable dress and the soft zip-up fleece that Jonny had given her as a surprise one evening, Treva padded downstairs and put on the kettle. She’d make a steaming cup of herbal tea instead of her usual strong brew. An unusual decision, but she didn’t try to fight it.
While the kettle heated, she dug in the laundry basket for a pair of socks and slipped them on her feet. Five minutes later, armed with a steaming cup of tea, a flashlight, and one of her mother’s Better Homes & Gardens magazines she’d found on the kitchen table, she was ready to go outside.
The early morning air felt as brisk as it had the previous morning. Even under her new fleece, chill bumps formed on her arms. A hint of grass and fallen leaves scented the air. It smelled like fall.
Due to the early hour, the scent wasn’t accompanied by the hint of an approaching sunrise. Stars were out and the moon was still high in the sky. Faint bird calls and cricket chirps floated around her.
It might as well have been midnight.
She hesitated. Why was the Lord compelling her to do so many things out of the ordinary? She should be snug in bed. Or, at the very least, drinking her first cup of coffee at the kitchen table.
Knowing that it did no good to second guess His will, she sat down in her aunt’s favorite rocking chair, cradled the cup between her hands, and stared out into the darkness. Attempted to find something within the shadows that meant something. That would allow her to understand why she’d felt so compelled to start her day in this way.
She didn’t see anything, though.
Treva felt as if she might as well be sitting in a dark tunnel. She felt completely surrounded by the darkness and the cool night air.
She shivered.
And then she heard it. A faint rustle. Every nerve in her body went on alert. What was out there? She studied the bushes, the pair of pear trees, the almost worn path leading to her coffee shop barn. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
The rustle came again.
Her mouth went dry, and her hands shook a little as she set the half-filled mug on the ground. When she heard the rustle again, her heart started beating faster. Hard. If she was fanciful, she would believe that someone could hear her heartbeat.
Or maybe someone actually could?
A bird screeched, accompanied by the flutter of its wings.
“Hello?” she whispered. Was anyone out there?
A twig snapped. She heard something scurrying down a tree branch.
And then she saw the culprit. The ringed tail. It was a raccoon. She nearly collapsed in relief.
Seeming to sense her—or maybe it had noticed her far earlier—the raccoon met her gaze and froze. They studied each other for a brief second before it darted off.
Leaving her alone once again.
It took her a minute, but finally she relaxed. Pleased, she picked up her tea. The morning air had cooled it. The liquid was merely warm now. Its comfort had dimmed.
Instead of rushing back into the kitchen for more hot water, she settled for curling her feet under her legs and closed her eyes.
“Lord, why did you wake me up? Why did you want me to sit outside in the dark? Why did that raccoon come out to see me?”
What had brought her to this moment, where she’d stared into the night, letting her mind jump to fanciful ideas instead of remaining firmly in reality?
What were you afraid of?
“That someone was here,” she replied without hesitation.
Is that what is truly burdening your heart? What is the worst thing that could happen?
“ Jah .” She paused. Forcing herself to be honest. She had to be—after all, she was currently having a conversation with herself, completely alone in the dark. “I’m afraid of getting hurt.”
You broke your arm. You’ve been hurt.
“That wasn’t the same. That was only bone. A cast fixed it.”
You haven’t ever experienced anything worse?
“Reuben,” she blurted.
If his betrayal was your greatest hurt, what is your greatest fear?
Goosebumps appeared on her skin as she forced herself to think about her private worries. About the kinds of things that kept her up at night.
The kinds of things that woke her up at four in the morning.
Then she knew. “Reuben leaving me was bad, but it’s not my greatest fear. It’s that Jonny is going to decide that I’m not worth sticking around for as well,” she whispered into the night air. “I’m afraid of the best man I’ve ever met, the one man I’m sure the Lord meant for me to have, is going to turn his attention to someone else.”
Or to leave Walden.
Treva exhaled. At long last, she could admit it. She shifted. Perched on the edge of the chair, waiting for the Lord to speak to her again. To prod her in the direction she needed. Instead, only silence greeted her.
Treva leaned back again, disappointed. Except she realized that she was relaxed now. She’d finally, finally faced her biggest fear, and it wasn’t her past or the possibility of some stranger attacking her in the wee hours of the morning. No, it was that she’d fallen in love with Jonny and was afraid he might not love her back.
Okay, he wouldn’t love her as much as she loved him. That she wouldn’t be worth the sacrifices he’d have to make.
“Treva?”
She turned as the door opened. Her father was looking tired and sleepy and rumpled from sleep. Same as he always did when he went to the barn early in the morning.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked around a yawn. “When did you wake up?”
“A while ago.”
“How long?”
She shrugged. “Four.”
Stuffing his hands into his coat, he said, “That ain’t like you. Is your arm hurting?”
“ Nee .” She’d gone to the doctor just the week before. They’d taken off the cast, done more X-rays, and elected to put her arm back in a cast. The new one was smaller and lighter, though. Sometimes she forgot it was on. “Daed, I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I woke up early. When I realized I was wide awake, I decided to make some hot tea and come outside.”
“Ah.” To her surprise, her father sat down on the chair beside her. “I know all about that.”
This was news to her. “You wake up with a head full of worries?”
“From time to time, I do.” He kicked his legs out. “I reckon everyone does from time to time.”
“I guess they do.” She hadn’t really thought about that, but it did make sense.
“So . . . is everything all right?”
“ Jah . I’ve been talking to God.” She smiled slightly. “And watching a raccoon dart through the yard in the bushes. He scared me half to death for a minute or two.”
He chuckled. “Those raccoons. They’re always on the prowl, searching and scavenging. They’re a nuisance, that’s what they are.”
“I’m surprised I’ve never noticed them before.”
He grunted. “Lots of things are around us that we don’t notice. Some good and some bad.”
She smiled. “And some are just raccoons.”
“ Jah . Did your chat with the Lord help?”
“It did,” she answered. “He helped me find some answers. Well, he helped me understand some of my questions .” Some questions she hadn’t even been aware that she had.
“Ain’t that something? Here, we’re always so worried. Afraid to face our fears or get help. Even imagining that the Lord is so busy with floods and plagues and war and what have you that our own concerns shouldn’t be bothering Him none. But He still has time.”
“He’s bigger than all of us.”
“To be sure.” Her daed gazed at her for another long moment then stood up. “I’d best get to the barn. Dottie won’t milk herself, you know.”
The air was chilly. “Do you need some help?”
“ Nee , child. It’s almost time for you to start your day, too, ain’t so?”
She knew he was talking about so much more than just her morning routine. “ Jah . I suppose it is.”
“Glad to hear it,” he said, as he strode out to the barn, his boots crunching on the frost-covered blades of grass.
What she didn’t know was if she was as ready as she needed to be.
On the heels of that question was the obvious conclusion: If she wasn’t ready to face her future, when would she ever be?