8. Lisa
CHAPTER 8
LISA
My mother called Sintonio after her and my father arrived at the hospital. I had only been there for about an hour before they gave me the medication to induce my labor. It seemed as if almost immediately, the contractions started. The nurse came in and gave me an epidural. I kept the information that I gave my parents short and sweet. The situation with my son took precedence over everything else. Even where I’d been for the past few days. Capri could have killed me, but he didn’t. For that reason, I was going to keep his name and the truth about what happened our little secret. I had a job, so I damn sure wasn’t going to pretend that I abandoned my own car and ran off by choice.
I didn’t possess the mental capacity to concoct a believable story, so I remained silent. It was assumed that I was too traumatized to recant the details, and that worked for me. I knew after I gave birth, the police would eventually make their way to the hospital, but I had to worry about later, later.
I had already planned to describe my kidnapper as six feet, blonde hair, and medium build. Hell yes, I was going to put it on a white man. White women did that shit all the time. Everything about my kidnapper would be a lie from his description to his vehicle. I didn’t even care to get the police involved, but I knew I had to. I was worried about my son and didn’t want anyone making a big deal out of the kidnapping. No one would ever understand Capri snatching me or me protecting him, so that he didn’t get arrested for it.
Sintonio rushed into the room just as a contraction ripped through me causing me to grit my teeth and moan as all kinds of foul names ran through my mind. My epidural obviously hadn’t kicked in, and I was feeling everything. The sight of Sintonio infuriated me. I didn’t feel he had the right to be present for the birth of my child, but I couldn’t get into everything in front of my parents. No matter how I felt about Sintonio, I couldn’t just go around telling people that he’d accidentally shot a child.
“Lisa, what happened? Where have you been?” He actually had the nerve to appear frantic. His eyes darted back and forth across my face as he waited for an answer.
I didn’t have anything to say to him, but the pain of the contraction was a good distraction. As soon as the pain subsided, my brother walked into the hospital room and went over to Sintonio. Me and my parents gasped as Malik punched Sintonio in the face.
“Malik!” my mother cried out with one hand flat on her chest as my father rushed over to grab my brother.
I had no idea why Malilk hit Sintonio and while I was shocked, I was far from pissed. Had I not been so on edge about delivering my son, I might have smiled.
“Fuck wrong with you?” Sintonio spat as he placed his hand on his lip while looking Malik up and down. My father was holding my brother back and from the glower on Malik’s face, he was contemplating punching Sintonio again.
“My sister was missing, and there’s pictures of you on a local gossip page out at the bar flirting with a bitch! You knew my sister didn’t just leave on her own. Her car, cell phone, and purse were found on the side of the road. And rather than being out looking for her, you were out drinking and talking to other women.” Malik’s nostrils expanded from anger. He was pissed and rightfully so. He was my brother. I was so focused on my son that I couldn’t find it in me to care about anything Sintonio did. He’d already hurt me as much as he’d ever be able to.
“It wasn’t even like that.” The fire blazing in Sintonio’s eyes made me aware that he was thinking about taking it there with my brother. Of course, I didn’t want security to toss my brother out, but I couldn’t care less if they made Sintonio leave. “You really going off what a gossip page says?”
Sintonio was a regular person. Ordinarily, no one would care where he went or what he did but since my disappearance made it to the news, eyes were on Sintonio. I was sure that before I was found, someone had tossed out the narrative that he had something to do with my disappearance. Being out in a bar after I’d only been missing for a few days wasn’t a good look on his part. I didn’t doubt it for one second. In a matter of months, Sintonio had turned into a totally different person. He wasn’t the man that I fell in love with and while it was disheartening, my primary focus was my child and his situation. I had shed enough tears for my son that I refused to cry one tear for Sintonio and his antics.
“I’m not going off what they said . I’m going off what they showed! You didn’t look like a man in distress, and that told me everything that I need to know about you.” Malik’s gaze shifted to me. “Sis, this nigga isn’t shit.”
“Malik, this isn’t the time. Please stop,” my mother begged while my father simply shook his head.
“He’s already shown me who he was,” I spoke up. “I didn’t call him here. Mommy did. Since he found out about our son’s disorder, he hasn’t been to the doctor with me or even took a moment to ask how I was feeling. When the doctor told me I might want to terminate the pregnancy, he basically agreed.”
My mother looked on in horror while Sin’s eyes widened. “You really gon’ do me like that? You know it wasn’t his diagnosis. I have a lot going on right now. What you’re doing isn’t even fair.” He had the nerve to appear hurt.
I couldn’t even respond because the nurse walked in. “I’m sorry, but I can hear shouting all the way down the hall. I’m not sure what’s going on, but someone has to leave.”
“I’m the father.”
“He can go.” Sin and I spoke at the same time as I nodded in his direction. He looked like he wanted to slap the shit out of me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want him there.
The nurse pushed out a sigh like she was wondering how she got caught in the midst of BS. “This is a very sensitive situation, and it can be very stressful. In order to keep mom as calm and safe as possible, what she says goes. I’m sorry sir. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“You really gon’ do me like this, Lisa?” Sin’s face crumpled. “You’re not going to let me be here to say goodbye to my son?”
“Would you have been able to say goodbye if I had terminated him like you suggested?” I snapped.
Sintonio’s jaw slacked. As his mouth hung open, the nurse cleared her throat and repeated herself. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Sintonio stared at me with a look of contempt on his face for a few seconds before he turned to leave. My head was pounding. This was undoubtedly going to be the worst day of my life, and I didn’t need him making it any worse.
“What in the world is going on, Lisa?” My mother rushed over to my bed after the nurse checked me and the monitors and left the room. “When did you and Sintonio start having problems?”
“It’s a long story.” As much as I hated him the same way I protected Capri, I was somewhat protecting Sintonio even if he didn’t deserve it. “I don’t even know all the details, but he got caught up in something with a friend, and he’s been stressing. Since he’s been going through whatever he’s been going through, he hasn’t been here for me. The wedding is off, and we haven’t been on the same page. I just haven’t had time to dwell on it because I’ve been thinking about the baby.”
My mother wrapped her arms around me, and the tears came out of nowhere. I cried into her chest the same way I had cried into Capri’s. If I had to choose between my son and Sintonio, I would hands down choose my son every time. But it looked like I was going to lose them both. It was just another testament to the fact that life wasn’t fair. The doctor came in the room, and my mother released me. I wiped my tears and took in the empathetic smile on the doctor’s face. I had started back praying because I felt that was the only choice I had. For the past few hours, I’d been begging God for a miracle, but I didn’t think it was going to happen. So, I had to prepare to give birth to my child and say goodbye to him.
I stayed in the hospital for twenty-four hours. When I was discharged, my father and Malik took me home to get some of my things. The police had come to the hospital to question me about the kidnapping, and I was so upset that they didn’t press the issue too much. I made up a quick story about a white man forcing me out of my car and into his. I was then blind folded and taken somewhere. I heard him speaking Russian a few times, and he asked me in very broken English if I was pregnant. At one point, I managed to free my hands, take the blind fold off, flee from the house, and flag down a stranger. Whether they bought my story or not I wasn’t sure, but I really didn’t care. I was home safe and sound. I got to hold my son after he was born and say my goodbyes. I had cried for so long that my voice was pretty much gone, and my eyes were dry as hell. Blinking hurt, but I didn’t even have the strength to ask the nurse for eye drops.
Sintonio’s car was in the driveway, but I told my father and brother not to come in. I didn’t want things to get any worse than they had to be. Using my key, I unlocked the door and found Sintonio sitting on the couch with his cell phone pressed to his ear. The moment I stepped inside the house, his eyes ballooned out of his head like he’d seen a ghost. Immediately, he ended the call he was on.
“That was fucked up what you did. When your mother called me, she told me the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. You really had him and didn’t let me be there?” Sin’s voice held an angry tone, but I could see what appeared to be pain in his eyes. I didn’t feel guilty about not wanting him there. It was done, and it couldn’t be undone.
Ignoring him, I walked into the bedroom. I wanted to sleep for days. Facing the reality of life was too much. A social worker for the hospital visited me and offered me free therapy sessions. I wasn’t sure how talking about the loss of my son would make me feel better, but I did accept a prescription for anti-depressants. The nurses and the social workers had seen me pretty much crying nonstop and not eating, so it wasn’t an issue for me to be prescribed medication even without having completed a therapy session.
Sintonio followed me. I could feel him right up on me, so I whirled around. We were face to face as he glowered at me. “Lie and say what you did wasn’t fucked up. None of my family was even there. You’re a selfish ass bitch.”
“And you’re a child murderer,” I spat with venom lacing my tone.
Both of Sintonio’s hands ended up wrapped around my neck. I clawed at his hands not because I had a fear of death but because it was a natural reflex. Being choked didn’t feel good, and I had to fight back in some sort of way even if I didn’t care about living. All I could think while I was in that hospital bed was that I wished Capri would have just killed me. I was miserable as hell but still too much of a coward to take myself out. It would have been easier if he’d been the one to do it. Clawing at Sintonio’s hands proved to be futile. If anything, his grip tightened. Just as I was becoming lightheaded and my lids were fluttering, Sin’s grip loosened on me.
I saw nothing but floaters, but from what I could hear, there was a fight taking place. When my vision cleared, I saw my father and my brother both hitting Sintonio with a barrage of punches. He was trying his best to stay on his feet. He couldn’t get any licks of his own in, but he was still on his feet for longer than I expected. The moment he dropped to the floor, my father took a step back, but Malik lifted his Timberland clad foot and stomped in Sin’s midsection.
I eased from the room, so I could pack my things. I wouldn’t be able to grab anywhere close to half my stuff, but I wanted to get enough things that I didn’t have to come back for a while. There might not even be anything to come back to. I could see Sintonio throwing my belongings in a dumpster or doing something childish. As fast as I could move, I walked around the room and in and out of the closet grabbing things by order of importance. My favorite articles of clothing, favorite bags, shoes, and jewelry. There were no more tears left to cry. I’d literally been crying for months, and it hadn’t changed a thing, so what was the point? Releasing was sometimes necessary, but I was tired of releasing.
“Stay your bitch ass right here,” I heard Malik bark from the other room. “Let my sister pack her shit in peace.”
An angry chuckle fell off my lips. Pissed was probably an understatement. It was the second time Malik had punked Sintonio in my presence. As I tossed a pair of jeans into a bag, my gaze landed on my engagement ring. With a disgust laced scowl and a kiss of my teeth, I pulled the ring off and tossed it on the bed. The money that had been wasted on the wedding didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Finally, I grabbed my suitcase and an overnight bag and walked out of the room. My father who was in the hallway with his back against the wall rushed over to me.
“I got this, baby. Go on out to the car. Me and Malik will get your things if you’re done packing.”
I nodded my understanding and walked out of the house with a sigh. As a nurse, I knew anti-depressants shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol. I also knew that the medication would take some time to kick in. I was craving immediate relief. My mother didn’t drink, but she kept wine around for guests. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the seat. I just wanted life to be over. Tears stung my closed lids, and I balled my fists while clenching my teeth together. Frustrated and pissed were two of the main words to describe my state of being. Defeated was the third. Silently, I begged God to take me out of my misery. If He hated me enough to keep letting all these terrible things happen to me, why not just take me out? I had no more fight in me.
Giving up. I was officially giving up. My parents welcomed me into their home. Of course, they told me not to be in a rush to find my own place, but I knew being there would only agitate me further. They would mean well, but I knew they would crowd me and be overly concerned. All of it would more than likely be too much. I just wanted to isolate and be able to sulk in peace. Constantly asking me questions and not wanting me to be alone would agitate me further, and the last thing I wanted to do was snap at my parents. But no matter how long I’d been gone, their house was home. I would rather curl up in a ball in my old bedroom and drown the world out there rather than in a hotel room. I would give myself two more days to sulk. Two more days to hate my life and then I would get up and start looking for places to live. All I wanted was to be alone.