18. Lisa
CHAPTER 18
LISA
I was nervous as I stepped out of my car. Nervous to the point that my body was shivering lightly, but it wasn’t because I was cold. Capri wasn’t in his Denali, so I didn’t know he had already arrived until he stepped out of a red Genesis. I hated the fact that my pulse quickened at the sight of him in a black leather coat with black fur around the neck. He donned black loose-fitting jeans and wheat colored Timbs. Even if he could be an asshole, there wasn’t one thing about Capri that wasn’t sexy. Not one damn thing. Even the glowers that he frequently wore were attractive. I was still irritated with him and extremely nervous, so I cut the way I was admiring him real short. Fuckin’ jerk.
He waited for me by the door and as I neared, he held it open for me. I mumbled a thanks and walked past him to check in. When I was done, I contemplated whether or not I wanted to sit beside him. Finally, I decided to just take the seat next to his. I picked up a magazine and tried to appear indifferent, but I was nervous, and it felt like I had to throw up.
“You good?” he asked in a low, gravelly tone that made my kitty purr.
“Yeap.” I flipped one of the magazine pages aggressively and refused to look at him.
“Lisa.” He called my name soft but stern. I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. I wanted to ignore him but almost against my will, my head slowly turned in his direction. “I won’t make excuses for my behavior. Can we please just call a truce? I’m sorry.”
The urge to stick my middle finger up at him was super strong. Stubbornness was one of my personality flaws anyway, but it was worse when I was pregnant. I was going to chill out, however. I had no plans of kissing Capri’s ass or dealing with his disrespect, but if he wanted to act like he had some sense during this process, I would appreciate it. So, rather than flipping him the bird, I simply nodded. The nurse called my name, and my nerves went into overdrive again. I was on the verge of hyperventilating the entire time I drove to the appointment. I couldn’t help but to be worried.
The nurse was polite and made small talk, but all I could do was give her nervous smiles and head nods. She was obviously good at reading people, and she picked up on my anxiousness. “Don’t be nervous, hun.” She gave me a wink and rubbed my arm. “You got this.”
I nodded and tried to ignore the lurching of my stomach. I stared at the posters on the wall as she drew my blood. Six vials. I then gave a urine sample, and Capri and I were directed into a room to wait. He stood outside while I took my jeans off, and he came into the room when I was on the table covered with a sheet. We sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke up.
“Are you cold or scared?”
I wasn’t even aware that I was trembling. “Scared,” I admitted.
Capri leaned forward and grabbed my hand. He locked his fingers through mine and ran his thumb back and forth over my hand. Just as my nerves started to settle, the doctor entered the room, and my shit went haywire again. I attempted to calm myself down because my heart was racing like I’d just run a marathon.
“Hello, Lisa. It’s nice to see you again,” Dr. Boyd smiled at me then looked over at Capri. “Hello, I’m Doctor Boyd. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Capri.” He extended his hand for a shake and gave a head nod.
Dr. Boyd gave me a reassuring smile. “I’m sure you’re quite anxious, so I will get to the results of the blood work before we do the ultrasound and listen for a heartbeat. There are a few tests where we won’t get the results back for a day or two, but everything else was normal.” I breathed a sigh of relief as she passed me a piece of paper that had all the tests, they ran on it and the results. “I didn’t put the baby’s gender on the paper in case you want to give it to someone else and have a gender reveal.”
“I’m too antsy to wait for a gender reveal. I want to know now.” I glanced over at Capri, and he simply nodded.
We both looked at the doctor, and she smiled brighter. “It looks like you’re having a boy.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply through my nose. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to be nervous. All I wanted was to be happy. I laid back, and Dr. Boyd put the doppler on my belly. When that familiar sound of my baby’s heartbeat filled the room, the nostalgia made me smile through the tears that had formed. God couldn’t have given me another chance only to crush me again. No way was He that cruel. My baby was going to be okay. He had to be. As I listened to the sounds of his heart beating I also promised myself that I would release any shame attached to the way he was conceived.
Yes, I had just broken up with Sintonio. Yes, I had just been engaged to him and pregnant by him. Yeap, I had just lost a child. But I was pregnant again, and there was nothing about my son for me to be ashamed of. If God blessed me with a healthy, breathing child, I was going to love him loud and proud. Fuck the opinions of other people. When the appointment was over, I walked to the front desk with ultrasound pictures in hand to schedule my next appointment.
“Do you want one of the pictures?” I found myself holding my breath while I waited for him to answer. I couldn’t force Capri to be excited about this pregnancy. He had to go at his own pace. If he said no, I would try my hardest not to be offended.
“Sure. I’d like one.”
I passed one of the photos to Capri, and we walked toward the exit. He held the door open for me then walked me to my car. “Thanks for coming.” I wasn’t sure of what to say. The moment was kind of awkward.
“You don’t have to thank me. Drive safe.” Capri nodded his head at me.
I got in my car and watched him walk off. It was insanely hard being in his presence and not lusting after him, but we had to make the effort to get co-parenting down pact. I knew I hadn’t slept with anyone else, so I had no worries about what a paternity test would reveal. If sex was going to overly complicate our parenting relationship, then maybe we needed to fall back from blurring the lines. Being that I was pregnant, the frequent use of alcohol had come to an abrupt end. I was forced to face my reality each day with a clear and sober mind. It wasn’t easy, but I was making an effort, and that was all I could do.
Capri, like me, had a habit of drowning his sorrows in alcohol. I didn’t judge him but while I was on the sober side of things, I couldn’t help but to wonder if he would be able to keep control of his drinking or if it would be a problem down the line.
I was curled up on the couch in my new place watching TV when my phone rang. With a deep sigh, I stared at the screen as it lit up with Sage’s name. Reluctantly, I answered. It had been almost three weeks since I was at the lounge when I saw Capri. It had been over a week since I saw Capri at the appointment. He’d called me twice, but we didn’t speak every day. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was about to have a baby. Another boy.
“Hello?”
“I’m just doing a welfare check. For someone that loves my catfish, you haven’t shown your face in a minute. What’s good? You eating somebody else’s catfish?”
I laughed out loud. “No. I haven’t been eating anybody else’s catfish. I’ve been a little under the weather. I’ve also been working, and I just moved into a new place. But I promise to stop by and get some catfish soon.”
“Or, I can bring you some. I swear I’m not a stalker. I’d never pop up at your home uninvited.”
Some catfish sounded delicious, but I wasn’t sure I should go there. “Um…”
“I don’t have to stay. I’ll just drop your food off and leave. I hope I’ve proven by now that I’m not a creep.”
“Yes, you have. It’s nothing personal against you. You don’t have to go out of your way to bring me food but if you do, I’ll gladly accept it. I’ll text you my address. Let me know when you arrive because I have to let you in the building.”
“Bet. I’m wrapping things up at the lounge now. I’ll put your order in and be on my way.”
Even if I wasn’t pregnant, I knew I wouldn’t be ready to deal with Sage on a serious level, but I had to wonder how things would have turned out if I had given him the energy that I’d given to Capri. Sage seemed more together mentally, but hell, I wasn’t even all together mentally. I was trying to find balance between grieving one child while being happy about another. The shit was hard. There was even a small part of me that felt guilty for getting pregnant again so soon. But it wasn’t like I had planned it.
I alternated between Instagram and TikTok until Sage made me aware that he was at the entrance of my building. I let him in and waited for him to get up to my floor. When he rang the doorbell, I opened the door with a smile on my face.
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
He handed me the bag. “Anytime. Don’t tell anybody else, but you’re my favorite customer.”
“I’m flattered. You don’t have to pass me the food and leave. You can come in for a bit.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Sage entered my condo, and I closed door behind him. “Damn this is a nice view. I rode past here a few times when they were building these joints. They’re pretty new right?”
“Yes. I’m the first person to ever live in this unit. The building was just completed like four weeks ago.”
“Nice,” he nodded as he looked around.
I led him over to my plum leather couch and sat Indian style before untying the knot in the bag. The aroma from the food wafted into my nostrils, and it smelled so damn good, I prayed I didn’t throw up. I had only thrown up twice since finding out I was pregnant. Some days, I didn’t have an appetite, but I wanted the fish bad as hell. My mouth watered at the three huge pieces of fish that were laid over a bed of fries.
“Thank you. This looks so good.”
“You been good though? You still under the weather, or are you good now?”
I paused as I thought about whether I wanted to share the news with Sage. I would feel bad if I did because I hadn’t even told Gwen, Gemini, Ariyana, my parents, or Malik. But I felt like I needed to tell somebody.
“I went and got myself pregnant,” I confessed in a low tone.
Sage’s brows lifted. “It’s none of my business and feel free to curse me out, but are you pregnant by Capri?”
My heart drummed in my chest, and I remained silent. He gave a slight head nod.
“You two have a lot in common.”
“Yeah, we do, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing. We aren’t like that. We just,” I shrugged.
“No need to explain. Are you happy?”
“Yeah, I am. And a little sad. And a little scared.”
“All of those are valid emotions. Just take your time and feel whatever it is that you need to feel. No emotion is right or wrong.”
I smiled as I studied Sage’s handsome face. “Handsome, wise, smart. Aside from your head being a little big, what are your other flaws because the good attributes seem to outweigh the bad,” I jested.
A good hearty laugh escaped Sage’s throat. “Not you roasting me about the size of my head after I brought you food.”
“I know. That was wrong of me. I apologize.”
“No, you don’t.”
Again, I laughed. Louder. Sage was good at easing my spirit. I wasn’t sure what it was about him, but most times I was in his presence, he gave me what I needed. Normalcy. A listening ear. He didn’t try too hard to push up on me. His presence wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward. Sage was a really good guy and from what I could tell, he was going to make some woman very lucky.
“I’m still kind of in shock about being pregnant. Aside from Capri, you’re the only person that I shared the news with. Please don’t say anything. And if Gemini finds out I told you before her, I’ll never be forgiven.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
Sage and I had a brief stare down. I wouldn’t completely count him out just yet, but maybe another time another place, we could have been. Anything was possible, but I didn’t see him waiting nine months for me to have another man’s child.
“I can’t have kids.”
My brows pinched together from Sage’s random confession. “Why not?”