Chapter 20
20
Taylor
I t was dark by the time Ciaron and I got home. When we walked in together, the kids were cooking with Mary. Isabelle did not give me her usual irritated look because I was late. Funny that. It seemed like it was OK for me to be late if I was with Ciaron, but not if it was me alone.
“Ciaron, can you swap with Isabelle, please? We need to get some birthday stuff organised,” I said.
Isabelle’s eyes widened. She washed her hands and dried them hesitantly. Then she joined me in the lounge room.
“What plans do you have for your party?” I asked her.
She glanced at Callum, who was too busy to notice.
“It must be something special seeing you have both grandmothers here.”
She clasped her hands in her lap. “I didn’t really plan anything beyond that.”
“So your grand plan was to get them here in the hope of what, getting your dad and I back together?”
She pursed her lips. “Yeah.”
Why would she think Mary would help with that plan? Because there was no way Mary would ever help put us together if she knew she could tear us apart. How could I ask Isabelle without sounding rude?
“What was Mamo’s part to play in this?”
“Dad can only stand her in short bursts. Remember what it was like when we visited Ireland a few years ago?”
I nodded, although I was surprised she could recall what it was like. She was ten at the time and I’d tried to shelter her from any negativity. We’d stayed with one of Ciaron’s brothers under the premise that it would be good for the kids to spend time with their cousins. And we didn’t spend an extended amount of time with Mary. One of many incidents came to mind. One where she managed to have a go at me yet again. One of the many times I should have stood up to her over the years.
We sat around the table eating lunch at Ronan’s house. Seamus’s girlfriend was clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. I went to help her, but Ciaron told me he wanted to do it. He wanted to have a quiet talk to her about Seamus. He had a feeling he was getting into trouble. And he wanted to use his brotherly powers to determine if she was leading him astray.
Mary watched the exchange between us with interest. My skin crawled. I ignored her the best I could. Seamus was her son. She should have been the one checking in on him. But we knew she wasn’t. When Ciaron walked off, she said to Ronan’s wife, “Ciaron was always the best out of my boys. Then he went off to Australia and left us all to fend for ourselves.”
Ciaron’s steps faltered, and his head dropped. I shifted in my seat. Imagine saying that in front of your other children. A parent shouldn’t have favourites and even if they did, they shouldn’t pronounce it like that. And it wasn’t Ciaron’s job to fend for all of them. He was also her child.
The boys all had different reactions, from shaking heads to swearing under their breath. They were like horses chomping at the bit. Ciaron wouldn’t have said anything if it was just about himself, but it wasn’t.
Ciaron faced Mary. “I wouldn’t say I was the best. Tommy got top marks in school. Ronan was best and fairest year after year in football. Seamus always made us laugh. And Billy was the first of us to buy a house.”
Mary smiled her fake, placid smile. “Yes, yes. I meant at home.”
Everyone knew she said it to save herself. Ciaron continued to the kitchen.
“I’ll never understand what’s so good about Australia,” Mary whispered loudly as he walked away.
Ronan’s wife stared at me wide eyed. I turned my attention to the boys.
Because she didn’t get the reaction she wanted, she added, “He could have had his pick of good Irish women here, found one that would fit in better.” She snickered. “I’m sure he’ll come home soon. He’ll realise his mistake.”
I closed my eyes. That woman was a complete bitch. Only five days left before we went back home, and I couldn’t wait.
Isabelle shifted in her seat, bringing my attention back to her. “Well, we figured if Dad had to spend a lot of time with Mamo, it would turn him off wanting to go back to Ireland.”
They were more cunning than I gave them credit for. I didn’t tell her that their plan for us to get back together was working. Ciaron and I hadn’t discussed further about whether we were going to tell Callum and Isabelle that we were trying to reconcile. I didn’t want to tell her until we agreed. It wasn’t a good idea to play with their feelings.
“Nice plan,” I said. “But I think Mamo is going to get suspicious if we don’t do something.”
“I guess.”
I rested my hand on her leg, hoping she would find it reassuring. She didn’t move away.
“Maybe we can do something small with us and some close friends. What do you think?”
“Yeah. OK.”
“We can have it in the staff dining room. Maybe order some pizzas.”
She nodded. “That will make it easy. Dad won’t have to spend all day cooking.”
And it would be cheaper. We didn’t have to buy from the most expensive range of pizzas; the value range would suffice.
“Nanna said she would help pay as part of your birthday present.”
Isabelle’s shoulders relaxed. I hated knowing that she was thinking of the expense.
“It will be easy to clean up too,” I said. “Is there anyone you want to invite? Nanna has invited vet Dan for their first date.”
Isabelle giggled. “He told me yesterday that for every date he gets, he will pay me a day while on work experience.”
I rolled my eyes. And held my laughter in. I can’t believe he was bribing Isabelle to set him up with Mum. “Let’s get them through this one first, huh?”
“At least that’s one paid day,” she said.
I glanced at Ciaron. He was watching us. My stomach lifted when he gave me a smile. How on earth was I going to hide my feelings from the kids when I got giddy from a smile?
I turned back to Isabelle. “Would you like a theme for your party?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Should I?”
“You don’t need to. It’s been so long since we organised something together. I wasn’t sure what you would want.”
She bit her lip.
I kept my hand on her leg. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been here for you when you needed me.”
She gave a small shrug, but I could tell she was holding back tears. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I can’t fix what’s happened, but I can try to be a better mum.”
She nodded.
I didn’t know what that meant. That she wanted me to but didn’t believe I could. Or that it would take more than one promise to rebuild our relationship. Or that she was happy I admitted I’d fucked up. It didn’t matter. I had to prove that I was going to be a better mother, like I had been before it all started falling apart. And this was the start.
“OK. Figure out a list of names so we can get some invites out and I’ll order pizza.”
I didn’t know who her friends were, so I didn’t throw any names out there. What a disgusting thing to admit. It was those friends that would help shape her life. And by what had been said during parent-teacher interviews, she’d chosen better ones this year. I couldn’t help but wonder if other working mums had this problem too. Most were probably like Ciaron. He had much more involvement than me.
“All sorted?” Ciaron asked as he set the table.
I stood and went to help him. “Getting there. Just a couple of last-minute things.”
He gave my hand a squeeze. I held on for a moment longer than necessary. I wanted him to know I appreciated his support.
We sat down for dinner, Ciaron and I next to each other as usual and the kids opposite us. Mary sat next to Ciaron, touching his arm and looking up at him whenever he spoke. I stabbed at my potatoes. I doubt she’d paid him this much attention to him growing up.
“Do you need us to help with dinner again tomorrow, Taylor?” Mary said. “Isabelle and Callum said you get home late a lot.”
The tongs of my fork clinked on the plate. Isabelle and Callum shifted in their seats. I stared at the space between them. I didn’t want them to feel bad for stating a fact, even though I wished they’d said it to anyone else but Mary.
“Ciaron usually does the cooking,” I said.
“Oh.”
I’m sure she knew that, but she’d still found a way to have a dig at me.
“Dad’s a better cook,” Callum said lightly.
Another pat on the arm from Mary.
“Mum makes the best spag bol though,” Isabelle said.
I smiled at her and gave her a silent high-five.
“The agreement in our house is that one cooks, and the others do the dishes,” Ciaron said. “I hate doing the dishes.”
“Probably as much as Mum hates cooking,” Callum said.
“That’s why we are a perfect match.” Ciaron lent over and gave me a kiss.
I tried to hide my surprise. Yes, we were trying to show Mary that we were still a strong couple in love. And that is exactly what we were working towards. But I didn’t know we were going to be so open in front of the kids. Not when we’d agreed to shelter them from our healing until we were more certain.
Callum and Isabelle didn’t miss the kiss, judging by the small grins on their faces. Neither did Mary, as evidenced by her not so quiet grunt. And just for her viewing pleasure, I gave him another one. I didn’t care how petty it was. Or how poor Ciaron was feeling being stuck in the middle. He put himself there by kissing me first.
“Ciaron said earlier that Ireland is much better for farms like this,” Mary said.
Did he just? Why would I want to leave the family farm to start another one in another country? To be closer to her? No, thank you.
I gave him a sidelong glance.
“What I said was that I’d sure like some of Ireland’s rain right now,” Ciaron said.
“Yes, yes, same thing. You wouldn’t need to worry about droughts or bushfires.”
I pressed my feet firmly onto the floor, directing my frustration there. “There was a drought in 2018.”
“One year doesn’t count for much of a drought. I think it would be easier for you both, and you wouldn’t have to work so much, Taylor. You could be with your family more. I’m sure the children would like that.”
Did Callum and Isabelle agree? I snuck a look at them both. Isabelle was frowning. My stomach dropped. I didn’t want our talk earlier to be wiped out by Mary. I thought we’d made some progress.
If only stabbing someone wasn’t illegal. Because I’d sure like to stab her with my fork right now.
“Farms are hard work everywhere, Mam,” Ciaron said, almost like it was an afterthought.
He wasn’t wrong. But the delay in his answer made me wonder if he actually believed it. Maybe he thought farming in Ireland would be easier than here. For fuck’s sake, everything that involved Mary had me overthinking, doubting, reacting. But I couldn’t help it. I needed to, though. If I ruined these two weeks because of my attitude towards her, I could wipe out hope for our future.