Back in the Saddle (Diamond Firetail Farm)

Chapter 25

25

Ciaron

W hen I walked out into the kitchen for breakfast, Callum and Isabelle were sitting next to each other at the dining room table, chatting. They acknowledged my presence with sly grins before resuming their talk.

I wasn’t sure what the grins were all about. I shook my head and started making pancakes. When Taylor entered and got the same grin, I got to thinking. Taylor helped me get the ingredients out. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me before whispering. “What are they smiling about? Did you say anything to Isabelle about us getting back together?”

“No. I thought we were waiting. Although you did kiss me at dinner the other night.”

I nodded, and she went to the fridge. When she came back, I said, “And then you kissed me back. But that was days ago. Maybe they heard us last night.”

“When you showed me a good time?”

I chuckled. “Yeah.”

She thought for a moment. “We weren’t exactly quiet.”

I nodded. “Should we talk to them?”

“Probably.”

We finished making the pancakes and sat at the table with them. We were all quiet while we ate. I glanced at Taylor. Did she want to start?

Callum put down his knife and fork and considered us both. “Are you getting back together?”

I needed to play this cool and not over inflate it. “We’re trying to work things out.”

Isabelle mumbled something to Callum, and he laughed so hard he snorted.

“Is there something you’d like to share with us?” Taylor said.

Callum nudged Isabelle.

She giggled. “I said ‘is that what they’re calling sex now’.”

Taylor bit her lip, trying not to laugh.

“A healthy sex life is important to a marriage,” I said.

Taylor shifted in her seat. “Yes, well, anyway, your dad and I love each other, and we would like to fix what we broke.”

I nodded. “It will take some time, but we’re working on it.”

“Good.” Callum shoved a forkful of pancakes into his mouth and chewed with his cheeks puffed out.

It was good.

“Mum and I are going for a ride this morning. What have you got planned?”

“Nanna said she will help me with some decorations,” Isabelle said. “Mamo can help too.”

Callum shrugged. “I’ll go with them into town. Make sure they buy good food, you know, chips and stuff.”

I laughed as Isabelle rolled her eyes.

Taylor looked at her phone. “It looks like we have twenty coming with staff and friends.”

“That’s good. Not too big,” I said.

Isabelle nodded. “Yeah. It was short notice, and school holidays have just started, so some have gone away.”

Taylor poured herself some juice. “Before you go, can you strip your beds so I can put the washing on before we head out?”

They nodded. I smiled. Things were getting back to normal, back to where we were years ago. First, she helped fold the washing and now she was actually doing the washing. But not only that, she was invested in us as a family again. She was back on track to being the wife and mother she once was.

We finished our breakfast, dropped the kids off and headed out to the horses. Myrtle and Capall glanced at us. They had their ears forward, probably thinking they were going to get a second breakfast. When they saw we didn’t have buckets, they ignored us.

“Bet Capall comes first,” I said to Taylor.

“What are we betting for?”

Now, any other man who’d had a dry spell would bet on something sexual. But I was convinced getting more was a sure thing.

“Winner gets to help deliver the first foal.”

“Deal.”

Taylor climbed in through the fence.

I followed quick smart, then walked away from her. “Capall.”

He swung his head in my direction

“Mrytle.” Taylor raised her arms in the air.

Myrtle looked.

“Come on, boy,” I called out. “We’re going for a ride.”

He nickered. I had him.

“Come on,” I called in the tone all horses in the world responded to.

“Mrytle.” Taylor had her arms in the air and started running on the spot.

Capall, being a gelding, had much more respect than the crazy mare. When he realised we were both calling, he cantered over.

“Good boy,” I said, hugging him around the neck before giving him a treat. His soft muzzle brushed my fingers. I put his halter on and led him to the tack room.

Myrtle, on the other hand, ambled on over like walking slow was the competition. I laughed at Taylor’s exasperated expression.

We saddled up and started along the side of the road toward the river. When I’d first arrived here, the paddocks were so vibrant it was like green on steroids. Now they were lacklustre at best, but mostly brown, and some paddocks were just dirt. Some days, I didn’t even notice the desolate paddocks anymore; it was a part of our norm.

We’d had droughts before, but this was one of the longest. And there was no end in sight. The only thing I could tell myself was that with each day that passed, we were one day closer to rain. It didn’t help the empty feeling every time I paid attention to the paddocks. But it did help to remind me that the drought wouldn’t last forever. If not for that hope, what would be the point of going on?

I glanced at Taylor beside me. How many days had we spent like this early on, when days off were actually days off? Too many to count.

There was no grass here on the verge of the roadway. When it rained, we’d be mowing here every fortnight.

We were lucky we could still irrigate some paddocks. It was one of the reasons we had survived. The paddocks beside us still had horses - ten to a paddock.

Every horse on the farm had to be fed one scoop of feed morning and night, plus six bales of hay every day for each paddock. It all added up. If we weren’t in drought, we’d only feed the pregnant mares half a scoop a day so they could get the vitamins and minerals they needed, and they’d eat grass the rest of the time.

The drought levy we’d introduced was another reason we’d made it this far. We’d had no choice; feed had quadrupled in price, and we couldn’t afford to cover that.

So, the fact that we had client horses was a huge advantage. If it was just our horses, we’d be in a whole world of hurt. At least with clients, we still had some money coming in. It didn’t mean it was easy to balance, though…just easier.

We walked past, heading to the river, lost in our own thoughts. For so long I’d wished we talked, and, in this moment, I was content not doing so.

I loved watching Taylor ride. She was so relaxed, moving seamlessly with Myrtle. I don’t think any other rider could handle her sassiness and moods. Capall was more my type—chill.

Farmers were destocking all over the region. Horses, sheep and cattle. A one-year drought, farmers hedge their bets and feed their cattle. Two years and it becomes harder to sustain as prices of feed goes up. Agistment could be an option, but transporting horses to farms interstate was expensive. Next came destocking. They would start with the steers, move to the cull heifers and they would keep going, holding onto their breeding stock for as long as they could. Same with horses. Breeding stock was what was important in the end.

Non-farmers didn’t realise rain wouldn’t be an instant miracle cure. It would take five years to recover from a drought like this. Five years for farmers to recover financially and rebuild their herds. We were lucky we were not at the stage of reducing the herd yet. Not every stud in the area had been that fortunate.

I took a breath. It was time to have the conversation we were probably both avoiding but should have had long ago. The fact that we hadn’t talked about it had added extra strain to our relationship. We couldn’t keep hiding.

Time to suck it up. “We need to talk about the drought and the farm.”

Taylor’s fingers tightened on the reins. She didn’t say a word, only stared straight ahead. This was bullshit. Apart from our failed marriage, the drought was one of the biggest problems we’d ever had to face.

I squared my shoulders. “We should have spoken about it months ago.”

She straightened her back. “I’m fully aware of that.”

Mrytle’s ears flattened back. Taylor must have tensed. She probably thought I was having a go at her. And if I had to admit it, in a small way, I was. Her closing me out still irked me to this day, even though I’d forgiven her for most things.

“Why didn’t we?” I tried to make my voice gentle because arguing wasn’t going to get us anywhere.

“Need I remind you that we didn’t talk about much?” she retorted.

So much for us not having resentment. How much longer would it rear up for? I pressed my feet down into the stirrups as if I was preparing for a rough ride. We needed time to tame those feelings. This was one of those times I needed to speak up.

“No, you don’t need to fucking remind me. Just like you don’t have to bite my head off for wanting to talk now.”

We walked along in stubborn silence. I lifted my hand to my face and squeezed my temples. This was getting us nowhere. I’d tried to be gentle. I’d tried to be firm. Neither had the result I wanted. Fucking hell. This was my fault.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve stayed quiet for too long and now that I’m speaking up, it feels like an attack or an accusation or anything in between. It’s not.”

Taylor nodded. “OK. Let’s talk.”

I relaxed my legs and feet. Mrytle’s ears returned to a forward position.

“If we don’t get rain soon, we may have to sell some of the foals as weanlings instead of yearlings,” I said.

Taylor sighed. “I know. We won’t get as much money for them. We never do. They look scrawny compared to yearlings.”

“We should probably consider selling a mare or two as well.”

“I think we should see how we go in the January sales first.”

My shoulders relaxed. “Agreed.” Now for the big question. I knew my answers, but we needed to be on the same page. “What will we need to do to survive another year of this?”

“Keep some, agist some, sell some. That’s all we can do. And I hate to say it… but we’ll need to reduce staff again.”

It’s something I didn’t want to hear, but it was the truth. We normally had ten permanent staff with four extra during breeding season. We were down to eight and two. I sighed. “It’s so hard because they’re like family and they have families and it sucks. Who would we even let go?” I couldn’t, wouldn’t, be able to choose. “Salty is the only one working in his family. His wife looks after his ailing mum. Cleo has been saving up for a new car. Fran is planning to have a baby. Rachel is still paying off the debts her husband left her. Everyone has something, everyone needs the money.”

“It does suck. Have you started a list of the mares and foals and what you think we should do?”

“I have,” I said. “But I think we should work through it together. We always make better decisions when we talk about things.”

“Yes, we do.”

I reached out and took her hand.

We rode like that for a while. And for a change, Mrytle tolerated Capall walking right beside her and touching her.

I was glad we’d at least started the conversation we should have had months ago. I was even happier that she wanted my input.

I sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t insist we talk about this sooner. It put all the pressure on you, and you would have felt unsupported.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “That was unfair.” As a result, she’d stopped asking for my input.

Taylor gave my hand a squeeze. “We’re in a different place now. A better place, where we work on things together.”

I smiled and nodded. She was right. There was more than just hope in my heart now, there was certainty for our future together.