Back in the Saddle (Diamond Firetail Farm)

Chapter 27

27

Ciaron

W e sat around the table at brunch, talking about the party. Everyone seemed to have had a good time.

“Did you give Dan a goodnight kiss last night, Nanna?” Isabelle asked.

“Adults don’t kiss and tell,” she said.

Isabelle and Callum looked pointedly at Taylor and me. I rolled my eyes. It’s not like we’d kiss and told. We’d only forgotten to use our ‘the children are home’ sex voices. After they’d mentioned it, we’d tried not to be so loud.

Taylor’s phone rang. She got up and grabbed it from the bench. “Excuse me.” She took the call outside. When she came back in, she said, “Sorry, I need to go. An owner called and said he’s in the area and would like to visit.”

“Do you want to finish your brunch?” I asked.

“No. I’m going to head to the office and familiarise myself with our breeding suggestions before he arrives.” She leant down to give me a kiss. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

I watched as she headed out the door and to her car.

“Do owners normally visit on a Sunday?” Mam asked.

“Owners like to visit any time,” I said.

“And Taylor always meets them? Even if you are doing something as a family?”

The kids shifted in their chairs.

Lorraine looked at Mam directly across the table. “When you own a business like this that relies on clients, especially during a drought, you make time for them whether it’s convenient or not.”

Mam nodded. We finished our brunch, and the kids made themselves scarce.

Lorraine stood. “Thanks for brunch. I’ve got some things to do today. Enjoy the day together.”

I got up to wash the dishes.

“I thought the dishes were Taylor’s job,” Mam said.

“Usually, yes.”

“Why don’t you leave them, and we can go for a walk?”

I shook my head. “Taylor is at work. It won’t hurt me to do the dishes.”

She patted my cheek. “You’re such a good boy.” She followed me to the kitchen and started sorting the dishes for me. “What about all the times she works late? Do you cook and do the dishes then?”

Before we’d split up, the answer had been yes. But she’d been better since we’d gotten back together. Her priorities had changed. Mam was staring at me, waiting for an answer.

“She doesn’t really work late anymore.”

“Mmm.”

An unfamiliar electric car drove past the house. The owner, I presumed. Mam and I finished the dishes and left the house to go for a walk. The maiden paddocks were beside us, and I watched as three of them ate hay under the shelter.

“How long did you and Taylor split up for?”

There was no point lying.

“Two months.”

“And you got back together when you knew I was coming?”

That was a leading question. “Yes, I guess the two coincided.”

“You don’t think she will go back to the way she was before I got here?”

“No.” At the start I had worried exactly about that, but I wasn’t as concerned anymore. “Is that what you were talking about last night at the party? Our separation?”

Mam nodded with exaggerated head movements. “Yes. Yes. I was telling her how happy I was.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Mam.”

We continued walking, stopping every now and then so I could point something out to Mam. Half an hour later, when we were heading back home, the owner drove past us. When we got home, I expected Taylor to be there. All she had to do was meet with the owner and he was already gone. I shrugged it off even though Mam’s lips were a thin line. One small thing didn’t mean she was falling back into old habits.

But it took another half an hour for her car to pull into the carport. I couldn’t ignore my sinking heart and Mam’s ‘I told you so’ look. When Taylor put her keys on the hook, Mam said, “That was a long meeting.”

Taylor looked between us. “I went back into the office to get a couple of things done while it was quiet.”

That made sense. Maybe she had to note down some info from the owner or he asked for something and she had to help with that while it was still fresh in her mind. Or was I making excuses because I was too scared to face the truth?

A frown tugged at the corners of Mam’s mouth. “You should enjoy your first weekend off in months with your family.”

Taylor’s nostrils flared. “I’m here now,” she said, beating me to it. “What would you all like to do? Watch a movie? Play a board game?” Her voice showed no indication of the irritation I’d seen on her face.

Mam looked at me. “A mhuirnín , what would you like to do?”

“Let’s play Scrabble.”

She smiled broadly. “You sit with your old mam and help her. Some Australian words may be confusing.”

Taylor spun around. “Maybe Isabelle or Callum would like to help their Mamo. I’ll go get them.”

When Taylor was out of earshot, Mam shook her head and said, “One hour to sort out some paperwork. I don’t think so.”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to admit that she was right. I went and got the box of Scrabble off the shelf. Taylor came back with Isabelle and Callum. Mam arranged the seating so that I was sitting next to her and Taylor was at the opposite end. Fear had me wondering if our priorities had become opposites again as well.

I stood at the front of the morning meeting and let everyone know the plans for the day. “As you all know, my mother is here visiting from Ireland. I’ll be here for the next couple of hours and then I’ll hand over to Lorraine.”

Everyone glanced at Lorraine and nodded. After the meeting, I headed off with her. We went to the foaling unit to do a stocktake on the milk and colostrum in the freezer.

“You and Taylor seem to be in a good place,” Lorraine said as she pulled the bags of milk out.

“I think so.”

“Do you think so or know so?”

“At the moment, we are in a good place.”

“Ciaron, stop being so cryptic.”

“I don’t know. She spent a lot of time at work yesterday and that made me doubt how far we’ve come.”

“From what I see, you’ve both come a long way. You seem to have a deeper appreciation of each other.”

I smiled. “We’ve been trying very hard.”

“And Taylor has been home more and is sharing tasks at home, so the weight is more even,” she said.

“Yes. Because she’s home for dinner every night, she does the dishes so I’m not cooking and doing the dishes. And she’s been doing cleaning and laundry.”

“All I can see are positives.”

I nodded. She was right. All of it meant she was spending time with us as a family. I had no reason to doubt Taylor’s love or dedication.

“What about you, Ciaron? What have you changed?”

I wasn’t sure that I’d changed anything at all. And that was a problem. “I told her that in the end I resented her because I was doing so much, so I started leaving the decision making to her.”

But that wasn’t nearly enough. A few hard conversations weren’t all that was needed from me. I needed her to know she had my full support. I needed to make sure she wasn’t feeling alone in our marriage or the business. I needed her to know that she was appreciated. Fuck, I was an idiot. Why was I leaving everything up to her?

I counted the bags and put them in date order.

“So, you’re communicating better?”

“Yes.”

Lorraine gazed at me over the plastic bags of milk. “Taylor seemed upset after talking with your mam at the party. What was that about?”

I cocked my head. “Mam said she told Taylor how happy she was for us.”

Lorraine shrugged. “It didn’t look like that from where I was standing.”

I thought about what Lorraine had said while we finished checking. Mam had been smiling a lot when Callum and I got back with the pizzas. Taylor not so much. Mam had said they’d spoken about her being happy for us. But now I wondered what Taylor’s quick reply and the way she wouldn’t make eye contact really meant.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have accepted that answer.”

Lorraine nodded. “You need to learn to speak up more.”

I ran a hand over my face. “I thought I had been.”

Fuck.

I started handing the bags back to her, newest first, so they could go on the bottom.

“I don’t think it’s just about me speaking up. I think I need to question more and not accept answers on their face value.”

Part of our problem was that I didn’t question enough. I let things slide until they became problems the size of Clydesdales.

We finished packing the freezer. “Thanks for your help. I’m going to head off now.”

“Have a good day with your mam and the kids.”

“Thanks.”

I walked out and called Taylor to let her know I’d finished for the day. When she told me to have fun, she seemed less sincere than normal. Her relationship with Mam had always been strained. I thought it was just typical mother-in-law, daughter-in-law behaviour. I thought Mam had improved after I spoke to her about her comments. But it didn’t seem to change Taylor’s attitude.