Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

TWENTY-FOUR

Dylan’s already in school—Jake’s courtesy to let me sleep until later. After a good night’s sleep, as I slowly get closer to the kitchen, I hear Nana and Jake’s hushed voices. I know it’s not polite to eavesdrop, but for them to be talking like this, I’m guessing I’m the subject.

“Do you believe that boy is the father?” Nana asks.

“It’s the only option. I mean they do look alike. A lot,” he mumbles.

Oh god. If he knew...

“But something’s not adding up, Nana. I can’t figure out how the hell it happened.” He sighs. “That night, it was excruciating for me. I can only imagine for her. She ran home in such a state that when I tried to touch her, she screamed. It was so loud, from the deepest depths of her lungs, that I had no reaction. Letting her go was the only option, and she went straight to the bathroom.”

I barely hold down a gasp. This is the first time I’ve heard Jake talk about it in detail. With me, he is always careful with his words.

“After an hour and a half of pacing outside the bathroom, I made the decision to go in. Nana, to this day, I don’t know if I am grateful or not because…all of those bruises and bite marks were slicing through me like a knife. And there she was, rocking herself underneath the scalding water with bright red skin.” My heart squeezes at the memory. “I lost it. I thought it had been him. I was going to kill him for it, but when I finally mentioned his name, she broke down crying, and begging me not to tell him, that he couldn’t know…”

“Oh god,” Nana cries. “Our little girl. Life is so unfair.”

“That’s when I realised it wasn’t him. I brought her a towel and helped her to bed—without touching her. The morning after only confirmed my suspicions. He knew less than I did.”

My eyes squeeze shut, and I try to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as Jake taught me back then—a weak attempt to keep the bad memories away.

“From what you’ve told me back then, the boy’s persistence in finding her for so long…he must really have loved her. They probably still love each other, and I can only see this as fate working up to solve this mess.”

Not being in the room deprives me of seeing their expressions, but their soft voices tell me all I need to know. The love and worry they carry are huge, and it only makes me feel guilty about not being able to open up. I wish it were as easy as fate being able to make things right. What they don’t realise is that there are forces so much stronger than that.

What happened back then made it impossible for whatever there was between Liam and me to be mendable. He wouldn’t believe me. He’d hate me.

Hell, I hate myself.

Liam has been hurt enough by my abandonment. I saw it in his eyes when we talked. The pain and the despair were swirling in those blue irises like wildfire. They always turn darker when he’s emotional. It’s uncanny how long has passed by, and I can still pinpoint every emotion crossing him, even after all of these years.

Maybe because Dylan’s do the exact same. The irony of having my baby looking like him grows more and more every day.

The hurt that will come out of knowing the entire truth is not worth it, honestly. To everyone; not just me. Including my baby.

Especially my baby.

Trying to snap out of this mindset, I leave them to their talk and go back upstairs to get dressed. Tomorrow is Dylan’s birthday, and I have a lot to do. All of his school friends, Abby included, have been invited and have confirmed their attendance. I extended the invitation to my college friends, and all of them were excited to meet Dylan. Even Hazel, which was surprising.

It’ll be a day to celebrate. To be happy.

When I’m finally ready, I head back down, finding both of them still in the kitchen.

“Hey, Lolo!” Jake greets when he sees me. “What are we doing today?”

“Preparing everything for tomorrow. First, we make a list, then we go buy and then hide it, so Dylan doesn’t find out.”

He chuckles but stands up to grab a pen and a sheet of paper so we can get down to business. The day goes by in a rush, the three of us busy getting everything we need for the party. By the time we’re done shopping, Jake insists we need to take a break to eat, and what place is better than Shilah’s?

“I’m starving,” he whines, following Shilah to our booth.

“Oh, don’t be such a big baby. I only agreed because it’ll be faster to hide everything before we have to pick Dylan up.”

“Hide what, darling?” Shilah asks, handing us the menus.

“Oh, the set-up for his party. That kid is like a hound. He always finds out whatever I hide. All kinds of surprises.”

“Where are you going to do it? The party, I mean.”

“The only place I can do it, at home, why?” I ask when I see that expression she does every time she’s deep in thought.

“I was just thinking that tomorrow is one of those days where we’ll barely have any movement, and we still have the back room vacant. When we opened, we didn’t have enough time to renovate the other one, and we just kind of left it as a second plan,” she hums a little at the end of the sentence. “You could use the room, hide everything there, set them up there, and surprise the hell out of him.” She beams.

“No, Shilah. I don’t want to abuse your goodwill. You’ve already given me an extra day off to be able to prepare this, now using the diner as well? No.”

“Nonsense, girl! I won’t even accept a no for an answer. Let me just wrap up a few clients, and I’ll bring you the key to the other back door so you can bring everything inside!”

Since Shilah is adamant, I end up giving in. It is, in fact, handy to not bring everything home. As she goes back to get our food, Nana excuses herself, going to the restroom.

“Lo?” Jake calls.

“Hmm?”

“I saw Liam at the supermarket yesterday.”

Automatically, my attention snaps to him.

“Oh no, he met Dylan?”

“I mean, he saw him, but he assumed he was mine. I didn’t correct him because it’s not my place to tell but, sis…he kept looking at him weirdly, and he asked about you. About why you left since you haven’t been honest yet.”

“You told him?” I whisper-yell, panic lurking underneath my skin, heading right towards my heart.

“Lo, who do you think I am?” He glares. “I only told him you need to figure it out and keep me out of it.”

Oh. Oh god. Why am I panicking? I never even told my brother. I told no one.Am I going crazy?

“Sis, what the hell happened back then?” His soft hand covers mine, and all I can do is shut my eyes tight and try to contain a sob.

I feel like I’m suffocating as if my lungs were being filled with stinging water. Everything is just catching up to me, pulling me deeper underwater into this bottomless black void.

Why can’t I just get out of this spiralling black hole? Why?

When his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly, I finally break down. “Why, Jake? Why me?”

He squeezes me closer. “Oh, my sweet girl…I hate that you’re carrying this weight by yourself, Lo. Let us help you.”

I shake my head in his chest, telling him no. I can’t.

With a resigned sigh, he mutters, “You know I am here for you, right?” I can only nod against his chest. “I’ll be here when you find the courage to open up. I will always be here for you.”

“I’m sorry, Jay.” He shushes me before squeezing me tight again. “One day. I promise.”

I barely manage to get myself together before Nana comes back, but if she notices, she doesn’t call us out on it. Instead, she quickly monopolises the conversation, reminding us about Jake’s antics today.

How he got jealous by me saying Nana was the best after reminding me we still had to go look for drinks.

“I was not jealous,” he counters. “But how is she the best if I’m the one who has come a week earlier to help set everything up? She just reminded us we had to buy sugar-based drinks—AKA fuel for the spawns of the devil.”

I can’t help the loud laughter that bubbles from inside my chest. This full-grown man sometimes—more often than not—can act like a kid but still be adorable.

After we’re done eating and preparing some stuff in advance in Shilah’s back room, he isn’t done with the bad jokes yet, “Com’on Lolo, we’re driving in your Polo.”

“Jake, no! No crazy rhyming game.”

“Oh, come on!” he whines. “You used to love it.”

“Yeah, when I was ten. I am twenty-two now. I grew tired of it and your same old childish rhymes.”

“Too bad because Lolo is stuck with this loco.” He smirks, pointing at himself before closing the car door on me and entering the driver”s side.

“That doesn’t even rhyme!” I cackle and he shrugs, unbothered. “If you’re going to rhyme, I am going to sing,” I warn him, and his eyes widen.

I suck at singing. A lot.

Jake makes it much easier, the way he can easily take my mind off of things is magical, and I will always be grateful for the blessing that is my big brother. Forever.

It’s finally his birthday and even though I’m exhausted, I am relieved that everything’s nearly done.

Thankfully, Abby’s mother volunteered to take both of them to the park while Jake, Nana, and I finish everything. All his school friends are due to arrive in the next thirty minutes. Once Dylan arrives, everyone that’s coming will be able to celebrate with him.

This irrational fear that something can go wrong doesn’t let go of me, but I push through for my boy. Since I can’t give him what he wants the most in this world yet, I need to make sure I give him the second-best thing.

This is becoming so messy and complicated that I know it’ll end up blowing up right in my face. I can feel it in my bones. Hopefully, it’ll just be later rather than sooner.

“I’m done,” Jake exclaims exactly when Nana and I finish the last details as well. Doing a quick once-over and confirming everything is in place, I head out of the diner. A few people are already waiting outside, and after greeting everyone, I see Abby’s parents’ car driving down the road.

“Everyone needs to get inside,” I yell as Jake quickly guides them towards the door.

Just shy of the door closing, their car pulls up, right in front of the building. The back door opens, and an overexcited Dylan rushes to me, jumping into my arms.

“Mummy! We played football, and we went for ice cream. I—” he stops himself and frowns. “Why are we here? Are you going to work today?” His face contorts into a big pouty expression and I can’t help to chuckle at the sadness that is trying to force its way through at the simple thought of my working.

“No, baby. I thought you could be hungry after all that exercise. What do you think?”

“Just us?” He frowns. “I wanted more time with Abby.”

“Come on, silly. We’re all going inside.” I put him down and grab his hand before greeting little Abby and her mother.

The few steps up to the back door are enough to have Dylan frowning. Of course, he thought we’d enter the main room and sit at one of the booths and eat so when we don’t, he’s confused.

I slowly open the door and push him forward. At the same time that he appears, everyone inside screams, “Surprise!”

He shrieks for a few seconds before laughing loudly.

In a flash, he starts running towards Jake, then Nana, greeting and talking to everyone at the party. He even introduces himself shamelessly to Ethan and Hazel. Unlike Johanna’s weird behaviour, the rest of my friends are all over him, giving him their presents and doting on him. Watching them interact with him so well warms my heart.

And just like that, my kid spends the entire afternoon running around, playing, laughing, and yelling. Happy and crazy just as he usually is, softening my heart even more. I keep the conversation going with some other parents, but the constant company are Ethan, Hazel, Sofia, and Johanna. She still seems detached but keeps up with her nice, easy-going ways. All along, everyone else seems to be delighted with Dylan and his eccentric and bubbly personality.

Jake keeps Nana entertained, and Shilah and her husband even pop in twice to see the birthday boy and chat a little. I bet they would have loved to stay longer if they weren’t working.

“Well, it turns out the party is a success,” my older brother chimes in next to me while the kids run like crazy in front of us.

I am about to answer him when Dylan’s shout interrupts me. “Mummy!” Dylan beams when I reach him, jumping straight into my arms. “I love the party. Thank you so, so much!”

“Are you having fun, then?” I ask, moving a tendril of his hair from over his eyes.

He’s a sweaty mess but is having so much fun, it brings a wide smile to my face.

“Yes! A lot. Thank you, Mummy!” He hugs me tight.

“How about we sing you happy birthday so you can blow out the candles and play a little bit more? Before it gets too late.” He nods eagerly and I wave for Jake to bring the cake. “Come on, kids. It’s cake time!”

Everyone hollers and some follow me to the table. I set Dylan on the chair, and he sits on his knees, bouncing up and down with excitement. When Jake appears with a huge Avengers cake, he starts hollering yes after yes while clapping excitedly.

With lit-up candles, we all sing him the happy birthday song, and sure enough, Dylan sings along before blowing out the candles.

“I want the first piece!” he demands, stealing the show and making everyone laugh.

If he already eats this much at six-years-old, I can only imagine how it will be by the age of fifteen or seventeen. The thought has me shuddering. I will have a twenty-year-old by the age of thirty-six.

Damn.

“Mwom, you know I wove chocolate cake,” he says with a full mouth.

“Dylan, eat first, speak after,” I scold.

“He sure looks like…” Jake starts, but I elbow him when Johanna’s head swivels in our direction. “Like me. I was going to say he looks like me,” he whines while rubbing his ribs.

“Sure, you were,” I mumble while I glare at him.

I jump in surprise at a sudden movement right next to me, noticing how Dylan has already eaten his piece of cake and is running towards the playing area. Looking around, I notice most kids have eaten their cake, too, and are busy playing together again.

“Be careful, children. No fighting!” I urge before sitting down for a bit with closed eyes.

Damn, I’m tired. One kid is tiring as hell, imagine a dozen. On top of that, entertaining the adults as well.

“If you need a break, I can take over for a little bit,” Jake whispers next to me.

“It’s okay.”

“Sis, don’t be stubborn. I can look over them. Go take a breather.” He gives me a side-eyed warning, and I huff in defeat.

With a last look at Dylan and the other kids, I slip out of the room and cross the diner. Shilah gives me a wave, which I answer back before stepping outside.

The nights are cold by now, and even though I am using a long-sleeve shirt, it still makes me shudder with the temperature drop when I step outside. Taking a deep breath, I lean back on the diner’s wall. It’s particularly calm today, and I bask in it because it means there’s no one outside.

It’s not even six in the afternoon, but the sun has already set, so the party is bound to finish soon. My thoughts go back to Liam and what to do. Because I have to do something; Jake is right. I can’t keep dragging this on. If we had never met again, I could have gone the rest of my life with this part of my life behind me, in the past where it belongs. I guess I need to reopen these wounds just once more so they can finally heal properly.

“How am I going to solve this?” I mumble to myself while rubbing my eyes. I’m exhausted.

“I wonder the same, too,” an all-too familiar but unexpected voice answers.

I look up to face the person next to me.

The first thing my eyes notice are his. The bright blue irises focused solely on me are soul-stirring. With the blatant heaviness of all of our story perched in the front row of the circus. And yet, I know might be mirroring the same.

Sadness, hurt, longing...

“Liam…” I whisper.