Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

THIRTY-EIGHT

“Hey,” Liam whispers when I open the door for him to come in.

He leans on the door frame, looking at me so intensely that it feels like he’s burning me alive from the inside out. That kiss kicked up the tension a lot. So much that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and from the looks of it, he hasn’t either.

“Liam!” Dylan shrieks, cutting the moment off while pushing past me, before jumping into his arms.

He’s no longer the “bad man who made Mummy cry”. He’s done a one-eighty, and my boy loves him, thoroughly.

“Hey, bud. How are you today?” He ruffles his hair with one hand, while the other is holding him close to his chest, half-hugging him.

“You almost missed us making the Christmas tree!” Dylan answers, excited.

“What?” Liam frowns, confused. “It’s the eighteenth, how isn’t it done yet?” Then he steals a heated glance at me and whispers, “Worse, how didn’t I notice that yesterday?”

It makes me blush. My whole body heats up, especially in all of the places he touched last night. The curve of my bum, my lips…all of my front while it was trapped against his chiselled one. For the first time in years, I felt alive again. Completely.

I hadn’t felt this…burning hot from desire—without panicking—for a long, long time.

Dormant feelings and emotions are back, hitting me full force and undoing years’ worth of work.

“There’s only one week left until Christmas,” he tuts, looking around the half-decorated living room. “You’re only decorating now?”

Looking at him, I can see the amusement on his face. A sly smirk and a cocked eyebrow are enough to give him away.

“Yes,” I answer. “Nana refuses to do it earlier, saying it’s a waste of money to have the Christmas lights skyrocketing the bill for a whole month.”

“Damn right,” she hollers from the top of the staircase before coming down. “I don’t care if it was Mandela or Jesus that was born on the 25th of December, I won’t pay more than I have to!”

We all laugh at her words, and I beckon Liam to come inside so I can close the door behind him. It’s freezing outside.

“Well, thanks for including me.” My stomach flutters violently upon seeing his charming smile.

With a deep breath, I try my best to keep my heart rate stable, only nodding in response.

“You do that damn tree,” Nana orders, halfway through the hallway, walking towards the kitchen. “I’ll make some hot chocolate and French toast!” Nana beams at us with an excited Dylan following her.

She loves every excuse to cook those at this time of the year. And like the gluttonous kids we are, we always shut up and let her do it because we love eating it.

“Are those the ones she used to cook us when we were kids?” Liam’s eyes light up at the memory.

Back when she came over to my parents for the holidays, she’d cook us some after school. Those were easy and happy times with a happy and united family. Liam was around for some of those afternoons, eating away like a starved person.

“Yes.” I giggle with the happy memories overflowing in my brain.

“God,” he groans wistfully. “I missed that a lot.”

“A lot, huh?” There’s a tinge of taunting in my voice as I arch an eyebrow.

Liam’s expression sobers when he looks at me, a smirk plastering itself on his face as he moves closer to me. He stops only when his body is barely an inch from mine. The heat that irradiates from his body warms mine, and the moment his lips graze my ear, I can’t help but close my eyes in contentment.

“I didn’t miss anything as much as I missed you,” he whispers, his hot breath fanning my ear, making me shiver.

The slight tremble in the words coming out of his mouth is the only clue of how much he’s effected by the moment. Just like I am. And my suspicions are confirmed when I open my eyes to look at him and see how heated his gaze is. The black pupils are blown wide to the point the bright blue shade of his irises is almost invisible.

“Liam…” I whisper in a plea for him to stop, but it comes out more as a moan because let’s be real…I don’t want him to stop.

Nana and Dylan are separated from us by a mere wall, yet we’re both acting as if no one is here. I can’t help it. That’s exactly how he makes me feel—like nothing else exists or matters in the world.

“Yes?” he says with a nonchalant tilt of his head while his right hand finds its way to my cup my cheek.

“We-we’re not alone,” I stutter, looking around, afraid that Nana or Dylan will barge in at any moment now.

“Lo…” Liam brings my attention back to him. “I can’t—” He takes a deep breath. “I can’t take this anymore.” What? What is he talking about? But before I can ask what he means, he resumes his speech, “Every time we’re together, all I want to do is touch you, hold onto you, and never let go. Every time I go, I’m afraid you won’t be here when I come back.”

The pain in his voice tugs at my heart, knowing the extent of the damage caused by my actions and how much I hurt him.

“I won’t leave,” I whisper back, trying to reassure him. “You’ll be the one who wants to leave at some point. I’m sure,” I mumble, remembering the words still left unsaid.

But he shakes his head, “No. I could never, Lo. I love—”

“Okay,” A loud, little boy barges in, cutting Liam off. “I want to do the tree now.”

The intense tension that was surrounding us is immediately cut off. Liam’s forehead falls onto my shoulder with a chuckle while Dylan wedges his body between the both of us, latching onto my leg.

Liam swoops him into his arms and carries him over to where the boxes are. I follow, and slowly, we start unpacking all the decorations and lights while Liam assembles the fake tree.

My boy is a goofball, and so is Liam. The both of them quickly get into this mood of picking and pranking each other. They continuously make me laugh with their antics, easily looking like two best friends who have known each other for a long time.

This…this is all I’ve ever wanted.

The dream I had of a happy family with my then-boyfriend. This is everything I planned on having until that horrendous night.

And it pains me to think that’ll be ripped away from me, with this sour feeling lurking from the depths of my heart, telling me it’s not meant to last.

“Mummy?” Dylan’s voice brings me back to the present.

“Yes, baby?”

“How does the tree look?”

I assess their work. It’s good—great even—but instead, I decide to tease them a little in hopes of pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind. I need to learn how to enjoy these moments.

“I don’t know…” I trail off with my middle finger tapping on my chin, frowning as I walk around the tree. “I think you’ve missed a few here.” I point to an area that is filled with decorations.

“I see what you’re doing,” Liam says with narrowed eyes.

“What is she doing?” Dylan asks, confused, before looking at me, horrified. “But, Mummy, there are decorations there!”

“You have to redo it, guys; it’s not good enough,” I taunt, and they both gasp, offended.

“That’s it, buddy.” Liam claps his hands, determination resonating in his voice. “She’s mocking our perfect work. She’s got to pay for this. May I?”

Dylan’s eyes glimmer with mischief, nodding eagerly. I look at Liam, bemused until it dawns on me. He’s rubbing his hands together while approaching me slowly, wicked eyes looking straight at me, and subconsciously, I start walking backwards just as he comes closer.

“Oh, no you won’t,” I warn, but he just smirks.

The nerve!

He launches his body forward to try and grab me. I squeal and barely dodge him, running away from both of them. Dylan and I giggle like crazy while Liam chases me around the living room.

He still hasn’t caught me on purpose. I can see in his expression that he’s doing this just to amuse us. It’s working, though.

“You’re supposed to help me catch her,” Liam scolds my boy. “She offended our beautiful work; whose side are you on?”

That’s enough to have Dylan run after me as well. They both reach me at the same time, Dylan latching onto my leg while Liam grabs my waist and drags the three of us to the couch.

Placing me gently there, he straddles my legs while Dylan climbs to the couch, settling on my side, and they lock a mischievous gaze. Their expressions are mirrored, and when they look back at me, it’s like watching the same person.

“Ready?” he asks Dylan but still smirks at me. “Set!” They both raise their hands and lean closer to me. “Go!”

The tickles come before my brain can register them. I squirm underneath both of them, laughing non-stop, but Liam’s weight prevents me from moving too much. They’re everywhere, my waist, neck, and armpits.

Their laughter mixes with mine, and soon, that’s all that can be heard throughout the house. The Christmas tree is long forgotten by now.

“Guys…” I pant in-between laughter. “I...can’t...breathe!”

They stop but keep on laughing, probably mocking me, and I can’t help but join in.

“You devils!”

My heart is racing, but not from anxiety or fear this time. It’s complete happiness. Unrestrained joy.

Creating these happy memories is healing my soul faster than I could ever think possible. And being able to engrave into my brain the wide smiles on their faces, or the blooming bond that is weaving them together.

It’s everything I’ve ever wished for.

“Kiddos,” Nana calls from the kitchen door. “Food is ready.”

“Oh, hot chocolate time.” Liam beams.

He gets up—finally freeing me—before extending an arm to help me up. When I take it, he tugs me against his chest, and with my cheek pressed against it, his rapid heartbeat fills my ear.

Looking up, Liam smirks at the same time my cheeks blush furiously. Clearing my throat and stepping away, I grab Dylan’s hand before walking to the kitchen.

There, I come face to face with a peculiar look on Nana’s face. She looks amused but also like she’s in on a secret no one else knows. Still, she doesn’t mention anything, letting all of us settle down at the table to eat.

Dylan and Liam both serve right on the men’s stereotype of munching down food like Neanderthals, barely stopping to breathe. It’s not the most beautiful sight, but it’s somewhat endearing.

“What?” Liam questions once he catches me looking at them intently.

“Nothing. I just love having you around.”

It slips from my mouth before I can think about what I’m saying. But it’s the honest smile and the twinkle in his eyes that make it worth it.

He’s worth everything.

Sure, he can be hard-headed and hot-blooded, but those traits also add to the way he acts on love because he is so loyal and dedicated. He loves so fiercely and intensely.

He leans in closer, whispering, “I love being around. It feels like things have finally fallen into place.”

I nod shyly, trying not to get Dylan’s attention. It’s already bad enough that Nana is awfully aware of everything.

“I want you guys to spend Christmas with me,” he blurts, and I freeze, not expecting it.

Dylan abruptly stops eating, snapping his head towards us.

Oh god.

“I—”

“Please,” he cuts me off, “I want you guys there with me.”

“I can’t leave Nana alone for Christmas.”

“You can all come and spend it with me. Nana’s your and Dylan’s family thus, she’s my family.”

Dylan’s silent but intently listening, his eyes frantically jumping between Liam, Nana, and me.

Ugh, this is not fair.

I look at Nana, asking for her input, and she says, “I was thinking of paying my daughter a haunting visit for the holidays, anyway.” She smirks. “Why don’t you spend it together this time around, just the three of you?”

“But—”

“No buts,” he interrupts me again. “That’s a deal, Nana.”

I sigh in defeat. Like I can say no to this guy.

“Fine.” I give in.

“Yes!” Dylan’s tiny fist pumps the air as he yells in excitement. There’s a wide smile on his face and a new gleam in his bright blue eyes. It’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.

Right next to him, Liam is sporting the same smile—just as wide.

What have I gotten myself into?

We eat the rest of the food, speaking about random subjects—Dylan’s excitement monopolizing most of it. Nana keeps quiet for the majority of the remaining time, her eyes often swiping over the three of us. Automatically, I do the same in an attempt to engrave this moment into my brain.

“I’m done.” Dylan jumps off his seat. “Let’s go finish the tree.” We all chuckle but finish up and follow him nonetheless. He rules the house, it seems.

When Liam reaches Dylan, both standing by the tree, he crouches down and puts him on his shoulders. I hold the star and hand it to my son, giving him the honour of putting the final touch on the tree.

After that, Dylan refuses to get off his shoulders, and the dummy is happy to oblige, carrying him around until he gets tired and slouches onto his head. I can’t get enough of this day.

“Thank you for this,” I tell Liam.

“No, thank you,” he counters. “I’m loving today.” With that, he tries to look up at a sleepy Dylan.

“Let’s get him to bed; it’s been a hectic day, and he’s tired.”

He nods, following me up the stairs. Dylan doesn’t even fight us on going to bed, that’s how tired he is. If the sun hadn’t set by now, I wouldn’t even have felt that time had passed by today.

“Hey,” Liam whispers when I close Dylan’s bedroom door behind me. His arm wraps around my waist, bringing me closer to him. “Alone at last.”

“It was a busy day,” I whisper back.

“It was amazing.” His hands grab my cheeks gently, and his thumbs caress the skin underneath my eyes.

It feels wonderful—so good I have to suppress a sigh. His touch has always ignited something in me, and this time is no different.

His mouth opens with his eyes locked on mine. He wants to say something, but I can see the internal war going on in his brain. What does he want to say?

But then he surprises me. “Fuck it! I can’t wait anymore,” he mumbles before crashing his mouth on mine.

His hands slide to the back of my neck while mine wrap around his shoulders. He keeps me in place while his lips mould to mine, reviving all of my nerve endings. The bliss takes over like a hurricane, warming up every crevice on my body.

This overwhelming wave happens every time, somehow still surprising me. Every new kiss feels like the first one.

“I need to be around you all the time,” he mumbles in-between kisses. “Touch you.” One kiss. “Kiss you.” Another kiss. “It’s torture to have to control myself at all times.”

“Liam…” I trail off, pushing him away. “There’s still so much to fix yet.”

“I don’t care. I’ll wait.” He nods his head, trying to reassure me. “I want to have everything—not just Dylan— you, too. The two of us together, with our son.”

My chest constricts as the panic slithers into my body. “I—you don’t know what you’re saying, Liam.”

“Let’s try, please.”

“What about Johanna?” I can’t help but ask.

He frowns. “What about her? We’re friends. Just that.”

“Well, she wants more.” He deadpans but I continue, ignoring him, “She does. I can see it in her eyes...the way she looks at you.”

“How is it she looks at me?” He leans his head back with an arched eyebrow.

“I—”

How does she look at him?Like he’s her whole world. Like she loves him. Like I do.

“The same way I do,” I blurt without thinking.

“Hmm.” He smirks, leaning his forehead on mine. “Does that mean you want more, too? Because that’s all I want, all I can think about.”

“Liam…” I need to tell him.

“We’ll work through it. I know we will. I just need you to promise one thing to me.”

“What?” I breathe.

“Don’t leave,” he whispers, his lips impossibly close. “Everything else I can handle. I can wait.”

“But—”

“Promise me,” he insists.

“I promise.”

Upon hearing that word, he kisses me fervently. The same sensations from before flow into my body and cloud my judgement.

I won’t leave him again; I know that. Going through life without him is an endless punishment that I won’t bear to go through once more. But this time around, Liam will be the one to leave.

And when it happens, my heart will be ripped right out of my chest, and there won’t be anything else left to salvage.