Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

FORTY-THREE

Iblink through the piercing bright light coming in through my bedroom window, reaching out for Dylan’s sleeping body. His absence brings me to consciousness way faster than is natural, and I sit up. He’s not here, and I hope Nana has already arrived to be with him downstairs. Otherwise, I’ll freak out.

“Dylan?” I call, expecting him to pop his head in from behind the door.

When he doesn’t, I panic, and without being able to think about anything else, I rush downstairs.

However, once I reach the ground floor, I’m rooted to the spot at the sound of hushed giggles coming from the kitchen. My body relaxes, recognizing my boy’s sounds anywhere.

“That’s disgusting,” Liam’s voice sounds, making me tense all over again.

He gags, and Dylan laughs louder. “It’s delicious,” he claims proudly. “Come on, try some more.”

It’s a quarter past seven. How is Liam here already?

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I peek through the kitchen door. The sight makes my heartbeat skyrocket. Dylan’s on Liam’s lap, trying to force him to taste a pancake with Nutella, syrup, and pineapple in the mix. It’s one of the things he loves to eat, even though it definitely is disgusting.

I’ve tried it and hated it, but hey, we all have a weird food combination we love—mine is chips with yoghurt.

Liam tastes it again, and his face contorts into a deep frown. It’s clearly visible how much he is not enjoying it.

“Hmmm,” he pretends to enjoy it, but I can see the twitch in his mouth and how much his eyes are narrowed. What is he doing? “It’s good.”

I mentally facepalm myself. He’ll force him to eat it every time from now on.

I freeze as my brain just realises what I thought. From now on? Who’s to tell me this isn’t the last time I see them together? He’s probably here to say his goodbyes—for good.

“You’re up,” Liam breathes.

My eyes snap up to his, wide and expectant. Waiting for the moment the shoe drops because…how can it not?

“I–” I stumble over my words, not knowing what to say under his intense gaze.

This is the moment I’ve been dreading, and right now, there’s no way I can escape it.

“Remember what we’ve talked about?” Liam mumbles into Dylan’s ear.

He nods eagerly before jumping off his lap and heading my way. He hugs my hip and quietly tells me he’ll be waiting for us in the living room while watching a movie. Throughout the whole ordeal, I’m speechless. My brain is reeling with questions I’m afraid to ask because it will open the door for a conversation I absolutely don’t want to have.

“Lo?” Liam calls me in a surprisingly gentle and warm tone.

Still, I can’t bring my eyes to his. Focusing on his shoulder, chin, or hands is way easier than the ocean-like irises that keep begging me for attention.

“Can we just get it over with?” In contradiction with my words, my voice wobbles.

“What do you mean?” He stands and slowly walks to me.

His movements are so measured, so slow, that it feels like he is approaching a cornered animal.

“I know you must hate me,” I confess when he takes another step, stopping right in front of me. “You probably believe them, so just…” I cut myself off to breathe, wringing my hands together in stress. “Get it over with.”

“Look at me.” Two fingers gently grip my chin, tilting it up, and I shut my eyes tightly. “Baby…”

There’s a desperate edge to his voice now. I’ve never heard him call me baby this way, and it shatters my resolve. Giving in to him like a kid gives in to candy, I finally stare into his breathtaking eyes. They’re so deep and vibrant, overflowing with so many different emotions. I see concern, guilt, and regret, and I recognise them because I feel them, too. But what strikes me the most is that he isn’t angry or showing hate towards me.

Automatically, my tense body relaxes.

“Never,” he whispers slowly. “Ever,” he emphasises. “In a million years would I doubt you. I know you avoid confrontation like the plague, and I know you’d rather run away than have it all blow up in your face, but if there is one thing I know, it’s that you wouldn’t lie. Not to me and certainly not about this.”

Reeling but not letting his words sink in, I open my mouth to argue—to defend myself—until I realise I don’t need to.

He believes me.

“But your parents said–”

“Fuck what my parents said,” he cuts me off. “I want to know what you say instead.”

“I–”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Pulling my hand towards the kitchen stool, he forces me to sit down on his lap. His hands grip my waist, manoeuvring me until we’re both comfortable, and he places his chin on my shoulder, intertwining our fingers in front of my stomach.

It’s astonishing how easily he knows what I need. The need for the proximity of his body to feel safe, and yet, not being able to face him while I recall the worst night in my life. Taking a deep, encouraging breath, I start, “We were supposed to meet that night, but you weren’t there. I was going to go back home, but your brother said I could wait inside, that you’d be back soon, and I believed him.”

My hands start shaking involuntarily, and he cups them, trying to get them to stop. When they finally cease, his thumbs start to draw little circles over my skin. It calms me down some more, enough to keep track of what I have to say.

“I sat on the couch, watching some TV to kill time while waiting for you. After a couple of minutes, he came and sat down next to me. At first, he was silent and kept his distance, so I let it go, but then he started throwing out some weird comments. How cute I was when I stuttered and how the good girl appearance suited me so well…”

His chest vibrates, and a low growl forms in his throat as his hold on me tightens. Through a shaky whisper, I confess, “He came on to me. I tried to stop him–” A sob cuts off my words. “I swear, I tried!”

“Shh,” he coos when the sobs intensify, his hand finding my cheek. “I am so sorry, baby.” He turns my head to the side, resting his forehead on mine. “I should have been there. I was out to buy us some condoms, but the goddamn shop was closed, and it took me so long. Then when I got home, there was no sign of you, and the house had been robbed. I didn’t even know you were inside the house, I–” He stops himself for a second. “When you told me you had been attacked, I assumed it had happened in a dark alley on the way to your house…”

“How could I tell you that your brother was the one that–”

“I know, baby,” he hushes me. “I know now. I’m sorry I was so angry at you. I had just assumed you stood me up. Then when you started ignoring me for those weeks before you disappeared, I was going crazy; I didn’t know what to think.”

“I need you to believe me, Liam. What your parents said, I...I didn’t want it. I cried and begged him to stop. I even screamed it, but he never stopped.”

His eyebrows twist in agony before his eyes shut tightly. This must be so hard to hear, but he asked me to tell him the truth and it hurts just as much to admit it. The pain was and still is unbearable. I was torn open and broken—not only physically but spiritually.

“I believe you. Always.” Then with a sigh, he continues, “My parents…they’re horrible people. My brother was and is sick, and they keep on enabling him instead of making him accountable for his actions.” His voice rises a little, showing me the annoyance of being reminded of his family.

“I’m sorry for everything. For ignoring you and then leaving.”

“I wish you would have told me back then…” he trails off, half lost in his thoughts. “You wouldn’t have gone through all of this alone. I would have believed you and been there with you every step of the way.”

I can only nod in understanding, but still…while I can’t change the past and make the right decision, I don’t know how I would have been able to face him back then either.

“It hurt, but I understand you, and I forgive you if you forgive me,” he mutters, his thumb caressing my lips. Our faces are so close I can breathe in his exhales. “And we better forgive each other because I love you so fucking much. I never stopped, and I never will.”

“Yeah?” I ask, hopeful.

“Fuck yeah,” he exclaims. “I want to try; we need a chance to have it all, and I’m not going to waste it. There’s no life for me without you and Dylan in it.”

Fresh minty breaths fan my face with a light hint of pineapple. It’s comfortable and familiar. It’s home.

“Neither am I,” I agree with him. “But what about this mess with your parents? They won’t let it go this easy.... And–” I stop myself to bring my voice down to a whisper, “We still need to pick up the paternity test.”

“Well…” He leans back, creating some distance between us, while digging something from his back pocket. “How about we deal with one thing at a time, hmm?”

With that, his hand comes back into view, between our bodies, holding a white envelope.

“Is that...” I trail off, attempting to grab it, but Liam dodges me.

“I need to say,” he chimes in, catching my attention again. “If you want to be sure, I won’t stop you. It’s your choice, and I will understand either way, but I need you to understand mine as well.”

Then, doing the unthinkable and with his eyes set on mine, he tears it in half. I gasp, attempting to grab it. He lets me grab it, but doesn’t let go, holding it between us with his eyes scorching mine in an intense stare.

“Wha–” I trail off, shocked. “How could you do that?”

“Because,” he grits, finally letting the papers go. One of his hands traces my skin, up my arm until it reaches my neck. Gently, he splays it over the nape of my neck, bringing our faces impossibly closer again. “I don’t fucking care what that DNA test says, what’s written on that paper will not define what I feel for him nor my relationship with him. I am Dylan’s father whether blood agrees with it or not.”

Tears flood my eyes, blurring my sight, and my lips and chin tremble with the wave of emotion that hits me. This man, this man right here in front of me, means everything to me, and I love him so, so much.

Without thinking twice, I lunge towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. I kiss the hell out of him because, dang, he deserves it and so much more.

“I love you.” Once again, we breathe the magic words to each other at the same time and end up chuckling.

With a naughty smirk, he holds me up and sits me down on the counter with his hips wedged between my legs. My cheeks blush violently as memories from two nights ago invade my head, mixing with the fact that I haven’t been in this position since we were sixteen and horny.

We’re just not sixteen anymore.

Liam notices and with a smirk, he kisses my cherry-reddened cheeks.

“Repeat with me,” he mutters as his hands slide up my waist. “He’s ours.”

“He’s ours,” I repeat, tasting the words in my mouth.

The heaviness of the meaning isn’t lost on me as tears start to flow freely. How can he be so calm and sure of this? How can he want to move forward without having confirmation?

“Baby, don’t cry,” he coos. “Everything’s alright.”

I stutter and trip over my words, not being able to form anything. His touch, his comfort, only propels me to sob harder. It’s intense, crippling.

“Hey, look at me. Come on.” His thumbs make quick work of wiping underneath my eyes. “There’s no reason to be crying, Willow. Look at me, baby. What did we agree on?” he asks.

“No matter the outcome, it won’t change anything,” I mumble between a couple of hiccups.

“Exactly,” he mutters. “No matter the outcome…he’s ours.”

“He’s ours,” I repeat, trying to sink those words into my mind.

“Are you done talking? I’m bored,” Dylan interrupts us.

We both laugh, and without wasting time, Liam picks him up and carries him to where I am standing. His free hand wraps around my waist, bringing me to his chest, face to face with Dylan. He smiles wide at me, and I can’t help but return it and wrap both my arms around them.

“That’s it,” he hums in contentment. “A family hug.”

We stand there in silence, hugging tightly, enjoying the feeling of being together and the warmth and love that oozes out of us. When we finally slightly let go, Liam looks at me with an emotional glaze in his eyes before turning his attention to Dylan.

“I know I wasn’t here before, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m here now, and I won’t go away ever again. I love you, son, so much.”

Dylan’s bottom lip trembles, and he latches himself onto Liam’s neck.

“I love the both of you, too,” I add before hugging both of them.

After that, our son tries to usher us to the living room to watch the movie with him. However, looking at the torn paper pieces in my hands, something jabs at my heart.

“Go ahead, boys,” I mutter nonchalantly.

They both nod, and Liam gives me a knowing look before directing Dylan out of the kitchen. I rush to the opposite end of the kitchen, hiding from the hallway. As my hands slowly open the envelope and unfold the papers, it heats my skin as if those light sections of the letter had the biggest secret of the world burning their way to freedom.

He wouldn’t be mad, would he? If I took a peek? It is my choice, after all—those were his words. It doesn’t matter who his father is, and the fact that Liam doesn’t care either makes my heart swell with love, but there’s still this little fly who keeps close to my ear, nagging me about it.

Not being able to fight the urge, I place both halves together and look through them in search of the part that has the information I yearn for. It’s silent here—with both of them no longer close by—and it’s deafening as I see the words I’ve been wanting to see for years now.

Words that, even though they change nothing in our hearts, can define everything in court—if needed.

From left to right, my eyes keep going, reading on and soon, they unfocus for the thousandth time today with the emotion of knowing after so many years of doubt, of wondering. After so many years of hoping to have one specific outcome and now being able to read the scientific proof, to see the truth with my own eyes, it’s liberating.

It seems unreal, but it’s pretty much real. That I have my entire heart—and family—here with me. I am completely happy because I am home.

Because home is where your heart is.