Backcheck Heart: An L.A. Crush Hockey Novella (Nashvellas & Novels)

Chapter 17

The incidentwith Ralphie’s ‘Naked Nancy,’ as Tabby calls it, rattled me more than I let on. I know if he wanted to cheat, he could, but the reality of how easy it would be for him leaves me unsettled. I’m not surprised people are throwing themselves at him. I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees him wants him. He has that ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe and BDE that ruins my panties. It’s not a stretch that other women would want a taste.

I see the way people sneak peeks when he visits me at Clamatis or on the rare occasion we go out to dinner. They don’t think I’m enough for him. He should be with a model or actress, not a ‘wannabe social climber,’ as one gossip channel kindly put it.

Even if I wanted to avoid the mean things they say, it’s hard to do when they tag me. My comment section has been brutal the past few weeks. On the plus side, I had a brand I have been trying to work with for months finally get back to me. I know they only want me now because I’m connected to an NHL superstar, but I am not dumb enough to pass up an opportunity due to pride. I’ll prove my worth with the content I create.

It doesn’t help that the hate is also coming from those close to him. Andre’s digs, whenever Ralphie can’t hear, are not missed. Neither are the long calls that just happen to coincide with the times our schedules align or the stressing Ralphie out about the importance of his performance this season. The man is getting under my skin. He wants me to throw in the towel, but I won’t.

Ralphie treats me better than anyone ever has, and I am not going to give that up easily. I’ve been tempted to tell him what his agent has been saying, but I don’t want to add more to his plate. He is already working harder than ever with two of the team’s top scorers out. He doesn’t need the pressure of Andre and me not getting along. Plus, the sneaky agent never does anything that leaves proof of his disrespect. If Andre thinks I’ll take his rude behavior out on Ralphie, he’s wrong.

It isn’t simply the way Ralphie treats me that I love, but he has helped me shift my priorities, too. Not in the selfish, manipulative way Chet did, but by showing my worth. By making nights in with him so much more appealing than partying with ‘friends’ who only show up when it’s convenient.

My social life exploded with the news of my relationship. All of a sudden, I was hearing from people I hadn’t talked to in months. Casual friends were now acting as if we were long-lost besties. It’s shedding light on my lack of genuine connections outside my family. I never realized how hollow those relationships were until I had something real with Ralphie and Tabby. That pint-sized powerhouse bulldozed her way into my life. Despite not remembering when I agreed, she convinced me to make her a beanie with Fitz”s number on it.

She and Ralphie are the same in their overwhelming presence. The man came into my life like a tidal wave. He rushed past my defenses, and I never looked back. It should scare me how quickly he’s become my safe place. Despite my desire to be loved, I never let another man get this far under my skin, knowing it would hurt like hell when they left. But with Ralphie, it’s different.

His kindness, unceasing support, and praise make me feel almost worthy. He validates my emotions, listens to my ideas, and never looks annoyed when I drone on about my latest project or a crazy passenger interaction. He is genuinely interested in my thoughts and emotions. All I can do is hope it”s enough to hook him because I am falling fast.

All of this has put into perspective how I have allowed other people to mistreat me in the past due to my insecurities. Being treated well has given me the confidence to ignore people only interested in me for clout. I deserve better, and it’s time I demand better from the people I spend my energy on. Why waste it on self-indulgent takers when there are people in my life who genuinely value me?

Setting down the top I’ve been working on, I realize it”s time to pack for my next flight. I traded with a coworker who wanted to surprise her boyfriend for their anniversary. It should be a quick overnight to Denver and back home tomorrow morning.

Ralphie asked me to attend his game tomorrow night. With no reason not to, I agreed. I’m nervous about facing the WAG firing squad again, but Tabby assured me she would be there. Andre is supposed to attend, too. Yay. Thankfully, he will be in a different suite.

Speak of the devil, and by the devil, I mean Andre; an email notification pops onto my screen as I confirm my travel details. Blowing out a raspberry, I hit open.

Ms. Becker,

Attached you will find yet another article bringing negative attention to Radek. Neither he nor the public need to be subjected to pictures of you hanging over Kings players. I don’t care about your image, but I do care about his. If you could try to play the part of doting girlfriend at tomorrow’s game, that would be much appreciated.

Though I’ve never had to tell a grown woman how to dress before, Radek does not want to be embarrassed. Please wear the correct jersey and pair it with whatever you deem appropriate as long as it isn’t too attention-seeking. The more subtle, the better. I would prefer any team material be licensed by the league and not homemade. I think we can all agree you’ve gotten enough attention lately.

The Crush are doing great in the division standing, and we want all press coming from tomorrow’s game to be about Radek’s performance, not what his girlfriend was wearing or any antics she gets up to.

Please be on your best behavior,

Andre Svoboda

SVBD Management

I know I shouldn’t let his words get to me, but they are a kick to the gut. The email is written in a professional tone, but I can sense the underlying snark. The attention-seeking comment hits particularly hard. It isn’t the first time I’ve been called that. I love sparkling things. I know my height, blonde hair, and generous rack attract stares, but I can’t help that. I don’t want to hide myself and not wear things I enjoy because of it.

Sure, my clothes and overall appearance used to be a tool I utilized to catch men’s eyes and fit into the circles I wanted to be a part of. But at the end of the day, I like who I am and how I look. I like me. It’s taken me a long time and generous reassurance from Ralphie to come to that conclusion, but I do.

I won’t dim my light for Andre or even Ralphie. I was under the impression Ralphie would never want me to. Was I wrong? This message is pure Andre, but he mentioned wearing the ‘correct’ jersey. Did Ralphie tell Andre about the first game I attended when I didn’t wear his name?

The email also said Ralphie didn’t want to be embarrassed, not Andre. Have I embarrassed him at past games? I know the first one was a toss-up, but I thought the other with Carina went much better. I ended up on the jumbotron a couple of times, but I don’t think I did anything that would embarrass anyone except myself. In my defense, they can’t put me on the snack cam and not expect me to house my hotdog.

Shame roils in my stomach before I shut it down. Since being with Ralphie, I have become more and more assured of myself. I won’t let one email from a jackhole undue all the internal work I’ve done. I’ll talk to Ralphie about all this tomorrow after his game. I should have come clean to him about Andre’s comments a while ago, but better late than never.

And if he agrees with his agent, I don’t know what I’ll do, but he’s never given me an indication that he does. I’m going to hold on to believing his actions until his words tell me otherwise.