Ten

H e doesn’t care.

And it hurts.

I can pretend that it doesn’t.

But it does.

All Lenny ever does is hurt me.

Yet I can’t stay away.

But last night, when I saw him and Gianna, that hurt turned to something else.

I wanted to hurt him how he hurt me.

I wanted him to want me how he does Gianna.

But all I’ve done is make a fool of myself.

These two guys, whose names I’ve already forgotten, were here tending to the gardens when Gianna invited them to join us in the pool. I was surprised she even offered, but when she suggested we ask Lenny to bring back some snacks, I jumped at the chance, hoping to make him jealous.

I wondered if she too was hoping to achieve this because, knowing Lenny, he probably hasn’t spoken two words to her after spitting on her pussy and watching her play with herself for him.

I am angry and disgusted at both of them because I feel like the third wheel.

Gianna can have any man she wants, so why Lenny?

Something competitive and primeval has come over me because Lenny is mine. I don’t recognize this emotion because it’s one I wasn’t taught, but I don’t think this can be learned.

I don’t know if I want to scream or cry.

All I know is that the ache between my legs won’t go away. And it only seems to grow when I think about Lenny and Gianna since I wish it were me.

The guys bored me after twenty minutes, but I stayed in hopes that maybe I could find those butterflies girls my age do with boys their age.

But I didn’t find anything other than wondering who would scream the loudest if I kneed them in the balls.

Gianna left with the younger out of the two, leaving me alone with Ashton.

Or was it Adam?

I don’t even know or care because when he tried to kiss me, I acted on instinct and punched him in the face.

He left after he nursed his bleeding lip and bruised ego.

So I did the only thing that I’ve read about and makes sense—I drank the beers Lenny bought and am now a little drunk.

Well, I think I am.

It’s well past midnight, and I’m sprawled out on the lounge bed, peering up into the skies and tracing the constellations with my finger.

Gianna has taught me how to be book smart, but I’m still the same naive little girl I was when I arrived here all those years ago about life.

Why would she do that?

I thought I didn’t care, but now, I think I do.

I think I care that I’m not like everyone else. I care that I’m obsessing over a boy who is a complete and utter asshole when I had Ashton/Adam, who was more than interested.

But he gave me the ick just by…breathing.

Groaning, I gently thump my fist to my forehead in hopes of knocking some sense into me.

Deciding to shower and go to bed, I make my way inside. No lights are on, but I know this place like the back of my hand.

Or so I thought.

I bump into a wall, which wasn’t there before, I swear it wasn’t, and that’s because the wall is actually a hard chest; Lenny’s chest because I know that scent even tipsy it seems.

“Lurking in the shadows like the creep that you are?” I say, my eyes taking a few seconds to focus in the darkness.

He doesn’t reply, which infuriates me even further, if that’s possible.

“I hate you so fucking much.” I know the consequences of my actions, so I reach out with the intent to slap his cheek.

But he’s quicker than I am.

He’s also sober.

I don’t stand a chance.

He doesn’t speak.

He doesn’t need to.

The anger radiating from every inch of his glorious body burns me and ignites the desire between my legs to an unbearable degree.

I attempt to slap his other cheek, but he snares the other wrist.

I’m now held prisoner by him, but am I really a prisoner when I come willingly?

He’s breathless.

So am I.

He’s in control, and for once, I like it.

There is a second of clarity before he yanks my arms behind my back, holding my wrists captive in his hand. The other is free, and he uses it to pull my hair, forcing my head back.

It hurts, but it hurts so good.

I can’t help myself as I rub my legs together because I’m suddenly so wet.

“I thought you were different.”

“I don’t care what you thought. Let me go.” I try to break free, but he walks us backward, slamming me against the hallway wall.

“We both know you don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I do mean it, though. I’m so tired. Ashton really knows how to show a girl a good time. Perhaps he can give you some pointers.”

An animalistic growl slips past Lenny’s lips, and my God, nothing has sounded hotter.

“Say his name again. I dare you.”

“Ash—”

I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence, or breathe, for that matter, because who needs air when Lenny’s mouth is on mine?

We freeze, both knowing if we cross this line, there’ll be no return…but we don’t care.

Lenny forces my mouth open with his, and when I surrender, he slips in his tongue, seeking out mine. I match his ferocity even though I’ve never kissed this way before, but I’m a quick learner with Lenny as my teacher.

He bites my lip, and when I gasp, he sucks over the sting before sweeping it over with his tongue.

He isn’t gentle. But I don’t want gentle.

He dominates my mouth with his—licking, sucking, and biting. I never knew a kiss could feel this way.

I bite his lip hard, so hard I taste blood, and the taste does something to us.

Lenny grabs my throat, choking me as he kisses me with ferocity. I can’t keep up with his passion, so I surrender because the way he fucks me with his tongue has me desperate for him to do the same with his fingers.

Lenny is pressed to me, so I can feel he’s hard. It doesn’t scare me like I thought it would.

What happened in my past, I’ll never forget, but it’s shaped me into the person I am. No child should ever have to endure what I did.

I was abused.

Molested.

Raped.

I was forced to do and watch horrible things.

But with Lenny, I feel those things don’t have to rule me. I can replace the hatred with…love? Or something like it.

I just don’t know how to ask for what I want for fear of rejection. And I’m also afraid.

I rub my breasts against his bare chest in hopes he can read my body language. I can’t move because my arms are still pinned behind my back, but I mold my body to his, needing more before I explode.

Lenny doesn’t speak when he releases my arms. But he’s giving me the option to show him what I want, and what I want right now is to feel him inside me.

I place his hand over the front of my bikini bottoms with our lips still locked.

“Are you sure?” he asks, and his kindness touches me.

No man has ever asked permission before, and that is why I place my hand over his, coaxing him to be a memory I want to remember always.

He never ceases kissing me as he glides two fingers up and down the front of my bottoms. Even that feels incredible. I can’t imagine what feeling him skin to skin would be like.

I open my legs wider, a silent invitation that I’m okay with more. That I need more.

Thankfully, he doesn’t make me beg.

He slows down the kiss, it’s languid and hot, and when I relax into the way his tongue strokes mine, he walks his fingers into my bottoms and runs them along my sex. A hiss leaves him when he feels how wet I am.

He continues this for a while, and I find myself getting wetter and wetter. I’m so turned on, and he hasn’t even done anything yet. But I’m also impatient.

He chuckles, reading my annoyance.

With one finger, he circles the top of my pussy, and I shudder, and on my exhale, he sinks that finger into me.

A moan escapes me because it feels so good. But that pales compared to when he commences fucking me with that finger.

He kisses from my mouth to my cheek and down to my neck, which he commences kissing as he fingers me.

All I can do is yield because I want this so much. But I know Lenny is an alpha in every sense of the word and wants a submissive girl he can please.

He bites my neck, sucking and licking away the sting. His other hand is on my hip, steadying me because he wants me to relish the feel of him all over me.

When he inserts another finger, my eyes roll to the back of my head because he picks up the speed and is far from gentle. I buck my hips, riding his fingers as he bites my neck.

“Fuck,” he says against my neck, his breath hot.

I take that as a cue as him enjoying this as much as me, so I place my hand over his, and we finger fuck me together.

Even in the dark, I can make out those hypnotic eyes, watching me closely, just how he always does. Suddenly, an epiphany hits; I love Lenny, but I also hate him in the same breath. I want to strangle him, but I also want to kiss him until we can no longer breathe.

I don’t know if this is what love should feel like, but I do know that I don’t want to be without him.

He is the only light in my perpetual darkness. And I fear without him, the darkness will forever eclipse the light, and I will be alone in the shadows for the rest of my days.

“I want—” But I can’t say it because I’m mortified I sound so needy.

“What do you want, tesoro mio ?”

That phrase, I’ve never understood. It means my love. I always thought he was being sarcastic, but spoken this way, I now see it was always spoken with love.

Not many things in life scare me, but matters of the heart do.

Thankfully, Lenny understands me better than I do myself and takes control. He unties the strap of my bikini behind my neck, pulling down my top and exposing my breasts. He doesn’t wait for permission because I’m his…and he knows it.

He takes a breast into his mouth and sucks and licks.

I.

Die.

He’s still fingering me as he circles my nipple with his tongue before cupping my breast and doing things with his mouth that have my body trembling, about ready to explode.

Everything is heightened.

I can’t control a thing…and the submission, there is a freedom in it. There is liberation in letting go.

Lenny kisses from breast to breast before planting kisses down the middle of my chest. He removes his fingers as those kisses lead farther down.

Over my stomach.

My hips.

Before he circles my belly button with his tongue.

He is soon on his knees before me, peering up, now the one to surrender to me.

The moonlight from the kitchen window is the only light we have, but in the glimmer, it’s easier to hide.

He places his fingers into the waistband of my bottoms and slowly takes them off.

I’m standing naked in front of the boy I’ve loved since I was a child, and nothing has ever felt more right.

However, I stand corrected when he places a single kiss over my sex.

His stubble is coarse, but the sting intensifies my craving, a craving I need fulfilled right now before I explode.

He begins kissing my sex like he did my mouth, slipping his tongue in and out and sucking and licking. On instinct, I grip his hair and use it as reins to move him where I need him to be. He goes willingly, appearing to like it when I take control.

As he is fucking me with his tongue, he slips in a finger and fucks me with both. I’ve never felt so full.

I want to let go, but a part of me is afraid, and I know that has to do with my past.

Feelings of shame suddenly overcome me as they once did because my innocence was robbed and replaced with depravity, which forever taints something that should be paved with feelings of joy.

I try to block it out, refusing to allow those men to ruin me any more than they already have.

I grind on his face, my bashfulness long gone, but I can’t find my release.

I pull on his hair, shoving his face deeper and deeper between my legs, and I can feel the tears approaching.

My high soon fades because all I can hear is that fucking nursery rhyme.

Ring around the rosie…

Anger triumphs and eats my happiness whole.

Am I to be forever broken?

I attempt to push him away, but something happens, something happens to my heart…

“Siamo solo noi. Sempre e solo noi.”

Lenny’s words of comfort, of him telling me it’s only us, it’ll only ever just be us, has the wrath subsiding and giving way to a warmth I want to embrace forever.

“Tu ed io…siamo destinati. Sei mio. Say it,” he orders, demanding I tell him who I belong to.

He sucks over my clit, making my knees buckle because I’ve never felt this before.

“Say it,” he repeats, and when I hesitate, he slaps my ass.

The pain is incredible and echoes where he hit, which has the sadness ebbing away.

“Io…sonno tua,” I gasp as he begins eating me out with intensity. “E tu sei mio.”

I’m his, but he needs to know that he is also mine.

My words evoke a feral possession, and Lenny is everywhere—hands and mouth, he doesn’t give my body a reprieve. He pushes me to the point of everything constricting and clenching in pain because I need to explode.

He circles his tongue inside me so deeply, I feel as though he has taken my breath away from me. I ride his face. I yank his hair. I run my fingernails down his back, relishing the feel of his warm skin and hardened muscles.

He licks my entrance up and down. Side to side. He draws the alphabet with his tongue while I ride it out, feeling my climax approaching.

He uses two fingers to spread me wide and fucks me with his tongue and face, ensuring no part of me is unloved.

It’s a heady combination of pleasure and pain.

There is a tenderness to his passion. I want to eat him whole.

Holding him prisoner against my sex, I close my eyes and push out everything but this moment with Lenny. I fuck his face as he fucks me with his tongue. I lose myself to the way he holds my waist, encouraging me to take from him like his mere purpose is to please me.

And please me, he does.

He does something with his tongue, and when he hooks one leg over his shoulder, opening me wider to his touch, I cry out in utter ecstasy, coming hard.

My entire body is rocked from the inside out, and I’m unsure when it’ll end. The bad memories are pushed aside and no longer at the forefront because, for the first time in my life, this experience is one I wanted.

I never thought I could enjoy being this way with another, but I’m not afraid.

I feel safe.

He never lets me go.

He never stops.

He allows me to chase my release, ensuring this is a memory I will want to remember for the rest of my life.

And I will.

My heart is beating so fast, I’m afraid it’s about to burst from my chest. But the thrill reminds me of the excitement I felt when I ended that asshole’s life. Perhaps sex and violence do go hand in hand. Is that what I need to feel something other than nothing at all?

Only when my body stops trembling does Lenny stand, and he does something that touches me so—he presses his forehead to mine, and we bask in this incredible closeness that only we understand.

But I soon realize I’m a selfish lover because Lenny has needs too.

I reach down, finding him to be exceptionally hard against his jeans. I rub over his erection, but he surprises me when he attempts to shift away.

Am I doing something wrong?

I guess he’s had more experienced girls giving him a hand job. The thought of another girl’s hands on him has me wishing to replace anyone who dared touch what is mine.

“This was for you,” he clarifies, as if reading my insecurities.

“What about you?”

“Trust me, that was for me as much as it was for you.”

“I highly doubt that.”

When he reaches down to stop me, I flick open the button of his jeans and reach inside. I’m not surprised to find that he isn’t wearing any boxers.

A heavy exhale leaves him as I rub over his thick, hard cock. I don’t know what I’m doing. My strokes also feel untrained, attempting to maneuver around something so big. But I think I’m doing okay as a string of profanity spills from Lenny’s lips.

But his jeans are in the way. I want them off.

Lenny is now the one to surrender to me, and the hunted is soon to become the hunter. I remove my hand from his jeans and spin him, slamming his back against the wall.

I want to eat him alive.

I start at his neck and bite over his throbbing pulse. A groan passes his delicious lips. It’s all the encouragement I need.

I kiss my way down to his collarbones, then I lick a path to each across his broad chest. I can smell the sunshine on his skin.

I lick down the middle of his chest, and when I reach his abs, I find myself getting turned on again. Dropping to my knees, I trace each ridge with my tongue, which elicits a moan from Lenny. I use my fingers to scratch down his stomach. When I get to his V-muscle, I bite over it, sucking away the sting.

He threads his large fingers through my hair, using it as reins, directing me where he wants me. He never lets go of his dominance, which I love.

His cock is huge, and I’m worried I won’t be able to please him as he did me.

But I have to at least try.

With my hands pressed to his stomach for balance, I take his dick into my mouth and begin to suck.

“Oh, cazzo!”

His cursing spurs me on.

I take as much as I can of him, but soon, he hits the back of my throat, and I gag.

I pull away to catch my breath for a second but go back in now that I know what to expect. I relax my throat and take as much of him as I can, and I use my hand and mouth in unison for the rest. He fists my hair, thrusting his hips to deepen the angle and increase the tempo.

Saliva spills from the corners of my mouth, but this just adds to the intensity of it.

I relax my throat, and when he hits the back of it, he groans.

“You’re going to make me come so fast at this rate.”

And I’m so okay with that.

I stroke his shaft and match the rhythm with my mouth. Something is incredibly powerful about this. An alpha like Lenny surrendering this way is a heady aphrodisiac. However, I realize if this were any other man, I would happily bite off their dick and feed it to them.

But Lenny is once in a lifetime, and I know I’m ruined forevermore.

He fucks my mouth harder, faster, and I take it. I bend to his wild thrusts as he pulls my hair, and when I reach down and fondle his balls, he explodes.

He quickly attempts to pull out, but I latch onto his thighs and suck hard. He has no other choice but to come in my mouth.

I swallow happily because we’re now forever joined.

The last spasm rocks his cock before he grips my throat and yanks me up. I don’t have time to swallow him all, so his cum spills into his mouth from mine. We kiss like starved lovers, both our tastes lingering on the other’s lips.

Something I’ve associated with feelings of hatred and shame has now been replaced with this.

Does that mean I’m “saved”?

As Lenny presses his forehead to mine, no words need to be spoken. We both know this changes everything, but I just don’t know if that change is for the good.

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