20. Cane
20
CANE
O kay, I can do this. I have to do this. I owe this not only to Archie but also to myself. And to Evie. She’s a good person. I know that. I would never have been with her if I didn’t know that.
But I still can’t shake the nerves as I park my car in her drive. Her car is here, so I know this is going to happen. There won’t be any momentary reprieve because she just happens to not be home.
I woke up in Archie’s arms this morning, and I smile, thinking about it. He set his alarm for five a.m., just so he could sleep at my house and still make it to work in Hayes at eight. I’m not sure how long we can sustain this, but all I know is I want him in my bed every night.
We parted with a kiss and a promise that he’d be back at my house tonight after work. I went to my store and just closed up, seeing a text from him that he’s heading my way. Which gives me about two hours.
I climb out of my car and make my way up the front porch—which was expertly done by Oakley’s Crew. The place looks amazing. I’m glad she had it finished. I take one deep breath and let it go before I ring the doorbell, my hand shaking as I do.
It takes a few moments, but then Evie answers the door. The woman is still breathtaking, even though it’s obvious she hasn’t been sleeping well by the dark lines under her puffy eyes. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s wearing one of my old shirts from high school that goes down to her knees. I cringe when I see the way her face lights up when she sees me, and I feel like a total asshole. “Cane?”
“Hey, Evie.” How do I let her know that I’m not here for anything that should be making those eyes so bright right now without doing more damage? God, I’m so tired of hurting her. “Can we please talk?”
“About us?” She sniffs, wiping at her eyes but looking hopeful.
“Not to get back together, Evie,” I say softly, trying so hard to walk that line. I don’t want to give her hope in that way. I want her to have hope in other ways. To know it’s going to be okay but not between her and me.
Her entire face falls, but she moves out of the doorway, making a sweeping motion with her hand for me to join her inside. I do and close the door behind me before following her to the living room and sitting on the opposite end of the couch from her. “Then why are you here?”
“Because I have something to tell you. Something I probably should have told you a long time ago, but I didn’t think it was necessary.”
Her brow rises, and she looks like she’s losing patience. Can’t say I blame her. Just spit it out, Cane.
“I’m bisexual.”
She freezes for a moment, processing. Her eyes widen a little, and her lips purse as she cocks her head to the side and stares at me. “Bisexual?”
I nod, swallowing hard and taking another deep, centering breath. “I’ve known for a long time that I was attracted to men and women.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It’s not really accusatory. It sounds more like she’s just trying to understand.
I shrug. “You know my dad. You know this town.” It’s really all the explanation I need, and she seems to accept that pretty fast, nodding her head slowly.
“But me? I mean... we were lovers. You didn’t tell me you were attracted to men.”
“It didn’t matter.” I shrug, “We were together. I was faithful, and I wanted to be with you, Evie.”
Her eyes are full of sadness when she looks across the couch at me. “Until you didn’t.”
“I wanted things to work between us. I did. It had nothing to do with my sexuality. Something was just...”—I look away, unable to take the heartbreaking expression on her face—“off.”
“Cane, look at me.”
I reluctantly pull my eyes up to meet hers, and I see that she’s offering me a small, although sad, smile.
“I wanted it to be right between us too, but I think you were maybe the only one with the courage to realize it wasn’t.” I cock my head to the side, slightly confused because it seems like she gets it, but I didn’t mistake that look of hope earlier. “You’re safe for me. You always were. We fought and stuff, but you were my best friend.”
“I’m still your friend,” I say quietly.
“Are you in love with someone else?” Her question shocks the absolute hell out of me, but I came here to be brave, not a coward. I won’t lie to her. It’s not helping anyone if I do.
I nod my head slowly. “I am.”
“Archie?”
Again, thank God I’m sitting down because I’m pretty sure I would have fallen over from surprise if I were standing. “Yes.” She nods her head, like she already knew the answer. “How...”
She smiles. “Denise.” I silently curse her friend in my head, but Evie just laughs—a sound kind of between a laugh and cry actually—but she’s smiling. “She told me she saw you at the corn maze. That you were with a good-looking redheaded man.”
“I didn’t cheat on you.” It’s important for me to tell her.
She nods her head again. “I know that, Cane. You’re a good man.”
“You’re going to find the right person for you.”
She smiles. “I hope so.” She looks around the room, with a look of contentment on her face I’m not sure I’ve ever seen. “But hearing that you’re actually in love with someone else... it helps somehow. Sets me free, and maybe I don’t need someone else to make me happy.” Her smile gets brighter, and I like seeing her this way. “I did this on my own, you know? Well... with help from Oakley’s Crew. But this house, it feels like home, and I’m doing well.”
“Good,” I say earnestly.
We talk for a little longer, walking outside in the cool night to look at some of the landscaping that was finished after I left. We wind up hugging pretty tightly, and I give her a kiss on the top of the head with a promise to get together soon before I head to my house.
By the time I pull up to my house, I see Archie is already here, his truck parked in my drive, but he’s not on my porch or anywhere I can see him. I grin to myself because I know where my man is.
I head to the barn, and sure enough, there he is, giving all his attention to my animals. He looks over at me when I open the barn door and grins, wide and proud, surrounded by animals. “Hey.”
I make my way over to him, grasping his face and kissing him hard because he’s all I ever wanted, even though I didn’t know what I wanted. “Hey,” I breathe against his lips, reluctant to let him go.
He looks slightly worried as he pulls back, letting me hang onto his face. “How did it go?”
“Really well,” I say, a sense of hope sliding through me. Evie’s going to be okay. I can feel it, and it’s really the final piece for us to be together. Really together. No obstacles. “She’s going to be okay. And I told her about us—well, she kind of guessed because of her nosey-ass friend.”
He chuckles and kisses me softly before grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit on the barn floor with him, putting Cookie on my lap and holding Peach in his arms. “The guys gave me shit today.”
“For what?”
“Saying the relationship word.” He shudders playfully, and I nudge him with my shoulder.
“Is that so?”
“It is.” He turns his head to look at me, and I do the same, swept up in the beauty of the raw, sweet love I see in his eyes, even if he can’t say the words yet. I feel it in every look he gives me. “I like being in a relationship with you.”
I’m beaming now, knowing I’m not hiding it and not wanting to. “I love being in a relationship with you.”
“I love you.” My heart stutters in my chest, fluttering hard at his words, and I’m grinning from ear to ear.
I lean in and press a hard kiss against his lips. “I love you too.” I look around at the barn, my animals—that let’s face it are pretty much his animals too—and I think about that two-hour drive back and forth. About his place and mine. “Maybe I can sell this place.”
“What?” He looks startled, but I think it could be okay.
I shrug. “My boyfriend lives two hours away. I kind of hate that.”
He looks troubled by that, like maybe it was on his mind too, but he shakes his head. “No. You can’t sell this place. It’s home for Baby, Dolly, Peaches, Cookie, and Reba.”
I smile at that, losing even more of my heart to this man—him putting the animals before everything. A man after my own heart really. “They’d be okay. I can find a place closer to Hayes with a barn.”
He scratches Peach’s ears and seems to be thinking it over, but again, there’s a stubborn set of his jaw, and he shakes his head. “No. You have a business here.”
That does give me pause. That shop is the only thing I did for me. The only act of rebellion against my father that actually stuck because I wanted it, and it felt right. “But I want a real life with you, Archie. I don’t want us driving two hours to get to each other, and I want you in my bed every night.”
“Me too,” he says softly in a sweet whisper as Peach falls asleep in his lap, and he looks down at her. “Maybe I could find another job.”
Even as he says it, I can see how badly the thought pains him, and I immediately give a shake of my head. “No. Oakley’s Crew is your family. You aren’t leaving them.”
He scoots a little closer to me, careful not to jostle Peach too much and leans his head on my shoulder. “Then what do we do?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly and pet Cookie, who isn’t nearly as tired as Peach. “We’ll figure it out.”
He nods against my shoulder, but I can feel the doubt there. I feel it too. Not about us, never ever about us, but I don’t know how we can make it so we both get everything we want.
All I know is the only thing I’m not willing to sacrifice is us.