5. Madison
”Are you excited for high school graduation?” I run my fingers through Braydon”s brown shaggy hair.
We are laying on the carpeted floor of his basement looking up at the ceiling. He turns to face me, and I bring my hand to rest on his chest. His heartbeat pounds against my hand. His emerald eyes look like a storm of sadness, and love as he gazes back at me.
“Yes and no.” he shrugs.
I know he doesn”t like this question, because he doesn”t want to think about what comes after graduation.
“Well, tell me some things you are excited about.”
Braydon intertwines our fingers and raises our hands up between us. He studies them intently for what feels like a small eternity. I wait patiently for an answer. It”s a tricky subject for him, and I am trying to be understanding of that. He didn”t take it too well when I told him I was moving to New York for law school. Braydon rests our hands back on the floor between us.
“I”m looking forward to being done with school.”
I chuckle at his response. Braydon has never really been a school person, and somehow, he still has straight A’s.
“And?” I gently nudge him with my shoulder.
“I am excited to have more time to focus on my music.”
I smile to myself. Braydon pours his whole heart into his music. That is, when he has the time. He”s very talented, and I have always been immensely proud of him. I just know that he is going to make it big someday. I just hope I am there to see it.
“What are you looking forward to about graduation?” Braydon asks.
I turn to face Braydon. We have had this conversation more times than I can count, but I think it helps Braydon to work through things in his head. He can”t bring himself to talk about the hard stuff though, like what me moving away is going to mean for us. It may not be the healthiest way to do things, but it works for now.
“Well, I can”t wait to see you in that silly, pointy, little hat.” I ruffle his hair on the last word.
“I think that hat is my least favorite part about graduation.” he rolls his eyes, but I know he is only joking.
“I”m also looking forward to the after party.” I add with a shy smile, and a wink.
“Ah, of course the secret high school graduation after party.” Braydon shoots me a sly smile.
The after party is really just a fancy dinner at a new Italian restaurant in the next town over. It is just going to be the two of us, and if you had asked me a month ago I would have bet you the farm that Braydon was going to propose at this dinner.
“Braydon?’ I sit up and look down at him.
He meets my eyes, and he instantly knows that something is off. I swear he has always been able to read me like an open book. No matter how well I think I may be hiding my emotions, Braydon has always seen me. He sits up on his elbows next to me.
“What are you not looking forward to about graduation?”
A cloud falls over bradyon”s face. I feel a little guilty for asking, but we have to be able to talk about it. I know his answer already, and Braydon knows that. He drags a hand down his face.
“Mads, please.” I pull Bradyon”s hands into my lap.
“Bray, we have to be able to talk about this. Graduation is in three weeks.”
He pats my thigh, and I can already feel him shutting down. I know by the look in his eyes that this conversation is already over, but it was worth a shot, I guess.
“Bray?”
He checks his watch, clearly avoiding this conversation.
“We should probably get ready to go. We don”t want to be late for the movie.”
I let out a sigh, this conversation isn”t over, but I really don”t want to be late to the drive-in. We are going to see “Grease,” one of my favorite movies. The drive-in shows it every summer, and I have never missed it.
“I guess you are right, but Bray this conversation isn”t over.”
He smiles at me weakly before he jumps to his feet. Braydon reaches down his hand to help me up. He settles his arms around my waist, and pulls me towards him, brushing a gentle kiss on my nose. It sends shivers down my spine. He knows it is one of my favorite spots to be kissed. I settle into him and let his musky scent of pine trees and leather surround me. This is where I feel the safest, right in Bradyon”s arms. I smile against his chest. Moments like these are the moments that make it hard for me to leave. Just as that little feeling of doubt starts to settle in, Braydon loosens his grip around my waist. Pulling back to look into Braydon”s eyes, I place a kiss on his jaw. That is his favorite spot to be kissed. Because of our height difference it is the only spot I can reach without standing on my tippy toes. He leans down to plant a kiss on my forehead, and his hot breath is a whisper against my skin.
“We really should get ready to go.” His words are barely a whisper, as they brush across my face.
I nod, still not ready to break the trance of this moment. We gently begin to sway back and forth to the music of our breathing.
“Just one dance.” I whisper against his chest.
Braydon hums into my ear as we continue to sway in tiny circles around his basement. We come to a stop on the opposite side of the room. I place my hand over his heart, and feel his heartbeat quicken with just that simple touch.
“Let”s get ready.” he squeezes my waist once, before dropping his arms and releases me.
“I guess.”
Braydon reaches for my waist again, but I sprint up the stairs before he can tickle me. He knows that being tickled is my weakness. I make it all the way to the top of the stairs before two firm hands grab my waist.
“Hey, that”s not fair.” I try and fail to wiggle out of his grasp.
Braydon tightens his grip on my waist. All the air whooshes out of my lungs when he pushes my back against the doorframe. His two uncut emeralds look at me. Not just in the literal sense, but like he can truly see who I am, and who I am going to be. Before I can say anything, much less form the words, his soft lips are crashing into mine. A smile spreads across my lips as a familiar rush of butterflies explode in my stomach. Braydon pulls back, a little breathless, and rests his forehead against mine.
“I love you with every fiber of my being, Mads.
“I love you so much more, Bray.” I say, bopping the tip of his nose.
“Now, you really do need to let me go, because I don”t want to be late for the movie.
He reluctantly removes his hands from my waist, and I retreat down the hall into his bathroom to get ready. We go to the drive-in every summer on opening night. They always play the classics. Tonight, they are showing grease. Braydon is less than enthused about watching it, but I am thrilled. Grease is one of my favorite classics, and I”m hoping tonight will be the perfect start to our summer. That is until I leave for law school at the beginning of august. I push the thought of leaving out of my mind and turn my attention to tonight with Braydon.
I unzip my backpack and pull out my favorite sweatshirt that I have ever stolen from Braydon. It”s a faded hunter green sweatshirt with “Utah”” spelled out in old school university lettering. Although it is a few sizes too big for me, it is perfectly worn in from him wearing it. It was in the backseat of his truck after homecoming last year, and it got a little too cold out. So, he let me “borrow” it, and it has proceeded to stay in my possession ever since. There is a soft knock on the bathroom door that pulls my thoughts back to the present.
“Mads, are you almost ready to go?”
I open the door, and I am immediately greeted with Bradyon”s biggest grin. It is actually my favorite one of his smiles, because it is my smile. It is the one he gives when he thinks I”m not looking. Or when we are in a room of people, and he is talking about me. It”s the smile he gave me on the first day I met him, and it”s the smile I hope to wake up to every morning. Although I doubt that will happen. His mouth is quirked a little higher on the right side, and it brings out my favorite dimple. I smile back at him as big as I can and poke my finger into his dimple.
“All ready to go, handsome.”
His eyes twinkle at the nickname.
“You”re right.”
“About?” my eyebrows lift in question.
“I am pretty handsome.” he winks at me, and I swear if I didn”t have my hand braced on the sink my knees would have given out.
“Ok, let”s go before your head gets too big.”
I pat his chest, as I brush by him and head for the front door. I slip on my faded yellow converse and retrieve his truck keys from the hook by the door.
“Am I driving this time?” I ask, dangling the keys in front of Braydon.
He snatches them from me with a chuckle.
“Absolutely not! You know what happened the last time I let you drive my truck.”
I jut out my bottom lip and try to make my best pouty face. It doesn”t work though, because Braydon breezes past me landing a soft kiss on my nose.
“Maybe next time.” he calls over his shoulder, already halfway to his truck.
I pull the front door closed behind me as I follow after him.
“In my defense I only killed it four times.”
“Yeah, in a matter of two minutes.” he responds, holding the passenger door open.
He places a firm hand on the small of my back and helps me into his truck. I hoist myself into his old ford truck and settle into the worn leather seat. Less than a minute later we are headed to the drive in. Bradyon”s hand casually rests on the center console. I seize the opportunity and intertwine my fingers with his. He brings our hands to his lips and brushes a gentle kiss on my knuckles before he sets our hands back on the center console.
“Mads?”
“Yes Bray?”
Braydon absent mindedly rubs his thumb back and forth across my hand. It”s a sure sign that he has something on his mind.
“You.” he lets out a heavy sigh and tries to regain his thoughts.
I squeeze his hand once, encouraging him that I am here. Whenever he is ready.
“Madison Harmony Hale, you feel like home. That means that wherever you are, is exactly where I am supposed to be. Whether that is in the next town over, or all the way in New York, or in a small third world country.”
“Braydon, what are you trying to say?” tears prick the back of my eyes, as I ask the question, I think I already know the answer to.
“Mads, Love, what I am saying is that I am willing to move to New York with you. I am willing to move anywhere as long as I am with you.”
My brain can”t form words, and all the air that was in my lungs is now gone. The cab of this truck suddenly feels too small, and really hot. I knew this moment was going to come eventually. But how do you let the only boy you have ever loved down easy? The answer is you can”t, because there is no good way to break up with the person who is your soulmate. But I know in my heart that I need to leave and have my own experiences. I need to chase my own dreams, and I can”t hold Braydon back from chasing his. Braydon doesn”t push me to respond, so I don”t. The rest of the drive is quiet, the only sound filling.
the cab of his truck is the sound of our breathing. Braydon traces lazy circles with his thumb on my knuckle. I don”t think Braydon will ever understand just how much it kills me to leave him, but just how much I want to be a lawyer. Maybe if I am lucky we will get a second chance, but I doubt it. A love like ours is once in a lifetime.