Bane of the Wild Hunt (Heart of the Tithriall #2)

27. THIS WILL ENDURE

Chapter twenty-seven

THIS WILL ENDURE

Ornella

S age grew very still, so distracted by what I had revealed that his thumb barely moved over my spine as he tried to keep comforting me.

“But Aodhan was exiled. You are exiled. And he was in the Vale when his blood was spilled. How do you know they would have felt him die so far away?” he asked me. Looking for a logical way out of the coming bloodbath.

“Any warlord can exile you. They can issue a vendetta against you that their house will abide, but only death can prevent a royal-blooded male dryad from competing for the supremacy of their clan and all the Rowan Wood.”

“Then you need not compete at all since you do not meet their requirements, Summer,” he pointed out drolly. And if I was not so terrified, I might have laughed.

“There is no withdrawal until all the eligible males are dead and females are claimed. When a child is born to one of the royal clans, drops of our blood are spilled upon the roots of Danu’s Tree, and a flower blooms for every child who carries the blood of the goddess. Those are her heirs. Remember I told you that the males must all try to secure an adequate female? That is because Danu’s lineage can only be recognized by the tree in the female line. It was meant to keep power in the hands of Danu’s daughters, but it has not worked out that way. Her male heirs cannot pass on their legacy in a way that the tree will recognize, so they resort to using us like chattel,” I tried to explain.

I was rambling nervously, I knew that, but now that he knew the truth about my lineage, it felt like all the secrets I’d been holding onto were aching to come out of me.

“The warlord who manages to seize power from my father will not stop until every flower on that tree withers and falls to the earth. Either by death or by the harness. It’s called An Díothú Mór. The Great Annihilation.”

I felt his chest slowly expand as he drew in a slow, deep breath, and then he gave a soft sigh as he hugged me even more tightly. I thought I felt him press his lips lightly against the top of my head and linger there.

“They cannot have you, Summer. I will not allow it,” Sage swore, but I could not bring myself to answer.

Like a complete and utter fool, I had begun to wonder if I really could have something good, but I should have known better than to crave such things. Peace, security, love , none of those sentiments were something the heirs of Danu could afford to chase.

“I knew that this day would come,” I admitted to Sage. “I just never thought I’d be the one to draw First Blood.”

Sage leaned back and reached up to tilt my head back so he could meet my eyes.

“Rian needs to know about this—”

“He will probably see this as the perfect opportunity to get what he wants!” I disagreed.

“Rian cannot afford for one of his riders to become consumed like this, and even if he wanted this, I will not allow it. He will find another way to get what he needs,” Sage reassured me.

“Neither of you have a choice. The Ruadhán respect no one and nothing beyond their own traditions.”

“They are not taking you,” Sage maintained firmly.

“You don’t know what they are like! You don’t know how ruthless and vile they are, Sage! They will make the Fuath look like nothing but children at play. I cannot ask you to help me. This is not a battle that you or anyone else can try and fight for me. The best thing would be for me to go as far away from you and—”

Sage startled me when one of his gentle hands slipped from cupping my jaw down to my throat. He did not squeeze in a way that was threatening but commanding as he leaned over me with his stunning, purple eyes flashing in the dim firelight behind me.

“You are not going anywhere, Summer. I told you that anyone who challenges you has also challenged me.”

“Sage—”

“It may not be a Wild Hunt challenge, but you are still my anam . I will not allow you to face this alone, so you can forget any notion about running away from me.”

“Please don’t be stubborn, I can’t lose you too—”

“You will not. We just talked about this, remember? This urge to always sacrifice yourself. I need you to value your life and trust me to have your back the way I trust Rian to have mine. My cousin was with Aodhan for many years, he knows your people, and he already had a plan for putting Aodhan on the throne,” Sage revealed.

That gave me pause just as I was about to tell Sage off for bringing up a promise I’d made before my family had become one of the threats arrayed against us.

“I don’t want the throne.”

“I know that. Rian does not actually need to put you on the throne, he just wants a foothold in the Summer Court so we can manage the Rot. The throne was something that Aodhan desired, and it aligned with Rian’s agenda, so that was their agreement. Your pact with him can be different, but regardless of what it looks like, it is not in Rian’s interest for you to be drawn into this battle. Even without considering the more personal reasons that he now has for ensuring your safety,” Sage pointed out significantly.

“What personal reasons does he have to keep me safe? I killed his lover! He should be happy that my people will take care of me for him,” I dismissed.

“You also saved his cousin, his uncle, and his friend,” Sage insisted. “I was not sure before how he would react to the knowledge that you were my anam . But when I… took his power, I forced him to know the truth about you. And it meant something to him, Summer.”

I was silent as I considered this possibility that Rian might now feel… indebted to me. I was under no illusion that he did not still hate me, hate what I’d taken from him, but perhaps I’d made room for acceptance too.

What if Sage was right, and I really could lean on the Wild Hunt for support to face the Díothú? It went against everything I’d learned after all the years of suffering and loss that my family inflicted upon me and my loved ones. But Sage, his brother riders, and his family were unlike anyone that I’d ever known before.

“You are not alone,” Sage assured me more gently when he saw that I was not panicking anymore and was genuinely considering what he was suggesting. “We will find a way together. You and me, and Rian and the Hunt.”

I found myself nodding distractedly as my mind tried to race with all the possibilities, but I would need to speak with the Autumn Prince to understand his position better. There was no use in trying to formulate a plan before I deduced exactly what he would want from me.

My eyes had drifted down to Sage’s chest while I was thinking, but he regained my attention when his fingers slipped from my neck back up to my jaw. He managed to look both stern and gentle when I met his eyes again.

“Are we in agreement? No running away. I will come after you, and I will be very unhappy,” he warned me.

I gave a soft laugh, uncertain whether I wanted to hug him or cry.

“You don’t know what they are like,” I insisted.

“All I needed to know was that they hurt you, Summer. So promise me that we’ll do this together,” he insisted.

He was not budging, and I could not deny the part of me that wanted to lean into him and let him help me bear this terrible burden, so I finally nodded.

“I promise. No running,” I swore, and I felt the tension melting out of his hands as his thumbs brushed over my jawline in immense relief.

“Good. Now, we do not have much time before Rian is expecting us. I want to get some food,” he declared as he stepped around me to open a portal behind me.

Sage and I walked out of his portal with both vargr behind us and stepped into a large, humid tent. I was unsure what I’d been expecting of his home in the army encampment, but it was not the comfortable quarters around us.

It was night, so I could only see the plush furniture around me by the glow from the portal until it closed. Then I stood in the dark listening to Sage move through the room while I took in the familiar sweet and earthy medley of his scent. It was wonderfully strong, so I knew he had spent a lot of time in this tent.

After a moment, a lantern flared to life and relit the tent in a warm glow so I could better see where he had brought me. And it was immediately clear he did spend a lot more time in the encampment than he had in the yurt we had left behind in the village. There was an enormous rack of weapons that spanned nearly the entire wall on the left and was taller than Sage. A plush sitting area took up the middle of the room around the cold fire pit, and there were trunks stacked behind it against the rear wall. On the right was a table, the first I’d seen since the aes sídhe did not seem to have them in the village, and it was covered in maps, books, and scrolls. There was even an unopened bottle of what I hoped was wine.

“I thought your people didn’t write,” I said as I walked over to the table. I did not recognize the language of any of the books he had stacked at the corners of the maps and scrolls spread on the table.

“We do not, but other people in the Autumn Court do, and I’ve learned to read many different languages during our time in other courts,” Sage informed me. I could feel him watching as I wandered toward the curtain that was strung across the right side of the tent.

I brushed my hand through the dark material to find the opening and then pushed it aside to look into a private area where he clearly slept. The bed in the left corner was on the ground, similar to the one he’d allowed me to use in Aes Suri, but this one was much larger. It was draped in thinner silk sheets and pillows that were better suited to the humid air than wool blankets and heavy furs.

“Hmm,” I grunted, infusing my tone with intrigue as I tucked the curtain around the hook sewn onto the canvas wall of the tent to hold it open. “This must be where you bring your lovers. Silk sheets and everything,” I teased, and Sage snorted a laugh as I strode inside and dropped the bundle of clothes Asha had given me on the mattress. I’d been hoping for a bath, but I didn’t see a tub.

“I do not take lovers among the soldiers I command. Some of the other riders do, and it almost always ends up becoming messy,” Sage admitted. He snapped his fingers, using his fire magic to light a small lantern on the trunk that seemed to function as a table next to the bed.

“So you have never bedded anyone here?” I verified, sinking onto the edge of the mattress. I wanted to sprawl across it, but I was still dirty and covered in blood.

Sage leaned against the trunk and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at me with obvious skepticism.

“No, why does—”

“Good. I really don’t want to sleep anywhere that you have fucked someone,” I advised him, and his brows rose at me in a mixture of amusement and bewilderment.

“Are you kicking me out of my bed now?” he guessed incredulously.

“Of course not. I assumed we’d share it,” I admitted, taking him off guard, so I quickly averted my eyes.

“You want to share my bed?” he verified.

“Well, I thought that was what we were already doing. We have been sharing since before the Fuath attacked us,” I reminded him, making sure to keep my voice casual and confident whilst my heart started to pound nervously.

“We shared for just one night before the Fuath attacked and only because I fell asleep when you were having…”

He trailed off, having clued into the true reason for my request just a second too late to spare my dignity.

“Nightmares,” I finished for him quietly, keeping my eyes on the flames flickering in the lantern next to him. “After Ciaran… Your presence is soothing. So is it alright or will I be in the way if you do decide to fuck someone?”

“Romance is the last thing on my mind right now so you don’t need to worry about it,” Sage reassured me.

“Fucking someone and getting your basic needs met is hardly romance,” I objected a little sharply.

I was annoyed with his answer even though I knew perfectly well that I had no excuse. We had not discussed anything more than friendship between us, so I had no right to feel so possessive of him. But I did not like the thought of him sleeping contentedly next to someone else. The notion of him being touched and touching someone else with those tender hands made me feel a little feral.

“I am surprised you want to share, but I understand your reasoning. When you decide you are ready for your own tent, just let me know, but I don’t mind sharing,” Sage said before he straightened. “I’ll go get some food. Get changed if you want. I will not be long.”

He turned away, and the light weight of his armour vanished from my body as if he had dismissed it.

I couldn’t even consider the tantalizing opportunity of having my own tent. Not when I was too consumed by his vague response concerning his basic needs. I knew Sage was much more private than I would ever be about these things, but I couldn’t seem to curb my rising panic about when such needs might arise for him.

“Do you ever fuck people with whom you are not in some kind of committed relationship?” I asked, rising to follow him into the main room of the tent.

He sighed in exasperation with my nosiness.

“We have talked about this, Summer. You must know it is not polite to ask people these sorts of things. I will be right back,” he added to both me and the vargr who were both curled up on a large blanket in the corner of the tent. I was sure it was meant for just Serafn, but they didn’t seem to mind sharing it.

“So no?” I verified with raised brows.

“I did not say that,” he answered over his shoulder, picking up his pace as he headed for the tent entrance.

“But you don’t take many lovers, do you? Why not? You are certainly not ugly,” I admitted as I darted around him and blocked his way by leaning across the entrance.

“You are making me regret agreeing to share a tent,” he informed me, a warning in his voice that I ignored.

“You have command and power, so you surely would not be hard pressed to find willing partners,” I continued. “Is it… Orlaith?” I guessed.

“Orlaith?” he repeated her name, nearly choking on it in his apparent shock.

“Is it because you still love her that you avoid taking new lovers?” I clarified, determined to have my answer in spite of his aversion to the conversation.

“I never said I avoided taking … Ornella!” he snapped at me suddenly. He’d used my real name rather than his nickname for me which I’d grown rather attached to hearing from him I realized. I supposed he was really quite angry with me when a muscle ticked in his jaw.

“That is it then.”

“No, that is not it! I care a great deal for Orlaith, and I have many regrets about how I handled things with her, but ending our relationship is not one of them.”

“Then—”

“Why so curious, hmm? Give me one good reason why you absolutely have to know this extremely private thing about me,” he challenged.

“I… Everyone has needs, Sage. I guess I’m just trying to understand what to expect if we stay together,” I said, although I was not confident that was the truth. There was a part of me that was feeling defensive of something that I’d somehow come to view as mine and mine alone.

But I could hardly explain that to him.

Sage considered my reasoning a moment before his angry posture eased, and he sighed as if in defeat.

“I don’t prefer casual lovers. I have had them on a few occasions, but I’m always sure they are very far removed from my everyday life. You will never be displaced from our bed or otherwise inconvenienced,” Sage assured me.

I didn’t like that response either.

“So you almost exclusively sleep with people you are in a relationship with. Gods, you must go a long time between lovers,” I guessed, and he glared at me.

“I am not dignifying that with an answer.”

“But if you go that long without sex then do you not often need to…” I trailed off as my eyes dipped below his belt briefly but suggestively. “Will I not hinder that ?”

I was astonished when his agitated expression abruptly slackened in shock and then heated with embarrassment. His mouth opened as if he meant to say something but could not find words before he looked away from me, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I am done with this conversation,” he announced, gripping my arms to move me forcefully out of his way. “I’ll be right back! Stay in the tent.”

He was gone before I could reply, and I heaved a sigh of frustration with his prudishness before spinning away to stalk back into the bedchamber.

While I understood that other fey thought differently, and Sage was flustered just talking about it, my people viewed sex similarly to eating and sleeping. So I did not understand his discomfort with such a natural function.

Unless I was missing something? Maybe sex could be something more with someone who knew how to make it feel that way? There was no denying that things with Sage were already different. He was different. I certainly could not see him ever treating me with any of the indifference or irreverence that I’d experienced before. Could sex be just another beautiful thing that my people had managed to ruin for me?

Maybe, and I shivered at the thought, but maybe sex with him would be different too.

Which led me back to his response earlier that had irked me. I was not sure exactly what I had been hoping to hear him say either, but I was left feeling disappointed. Perhaps it was just a growing desire to be close to him and know him, but it felt much more complicated.

I got changed into the clean clothes Asha had given me which turned out to be a simple cotton dress and slippers. I’d thought the bundle was a little small, but considering the humidity, it made sense. There was a saltiness in the air now that I was paying closer attention, so perhaps we were near the sea.

Once I was dressed, I began to wander the tent to look at Sage’s belongings and found many items he had clearly brought back from other courts during his journeys. I was surprised to find a wooden flute and some paintings that I was pretty sure were done in Spring. Sage had not struck me as someone who liked art, although there had hardly been time to learn this about him while we were fending off the Fuath. But considering how much he had said he wanted to see all the worlds, it made sense that he would have so many souvenirs.

And I wanted to ask him about every piece. I wanted to collect little pieces of him the way he had collected all these many treasures.

Sage soon returned with two wooden plates which he took over to the sitting area in the middle of the tent. There was no need for the fire, the tent was a comfortable temperature for me, but I almost missed the ambience.

I saw his eyes trace over my new dress as I came to sit next to him on one of the pillows. I sat close enough that our elbows brushed, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

I looked at the plate he handed me and was impressed. The hour was late, but he’d managed to get sliced meat that smelled sweet and salty, cheese, and honeyed bread. He’d even grabbed the bottle of wine on his way by the table and poured me a cup while I began to eat. The food tasted richer and sweeter than it had in the village, but it still had a flavour that was distinctly Autumn. I hummed my shameless appreciation which made him smile until I tasted the wine and groaned loudly. “Now, that is good.”

“And potent, so take it easy,” Sage warned me.

“I am about to face negotiations with the notorious Autumn Prince. I should be indulging,” I objected, but he merely snorted and shifted the bottle out of reach when I shifted toward it.

Before I could object more strongly, he took my empty plate and cup and set them aside with his before suddenly lifting me onto his lap. My thighs parted around his waist, and I blinked at him in surprise as he drew me near and levelled those gorgeous but serious eyes at me.

“I didn’t like being short with you earlier,” he told me, making my brows rise higher.

“You thought that was being short with me?”

“Something was bothering you. I’m unsure what it has to do with my love life, but I’ve tried to be sensitive when it comes to anything that you would rather keep private.”

“You have,” I acknowledged with a demure nod.

“So I want you to try and tell me what’s bothering you. With some respect for my dignity and privacy.”

Not so long ago, I might have outright denied the fact something was bothering me, but the impulse to conceal my feelings did not even impede me with him anymore.

“I feel…” I trailed off, unsure what word to use that would help me suss out his feelings while staying safely ambiguous about mine. In case he did not feel the same, and I needed to backtrack really quickly.

“Jealous?” he guessed, and my eyes widened as they jolted up to meet his concerned gaze.

“It’s not… Yes, but not in the normal way,” I hedged.

“I know,” he said, shocking me.

“You do?”

“I think it is because we are anam . It is not a romantic jealousy but a primal one,” Sage explained, and I nodded at this description.

“Yes! It is… I don’t know how to understand it, but the thought of you with… I don’t like it,” I admitted.

Sage was thoughtful as he considered my admission.

“You were not wrong. About… needs,” he clarified, his voice bashful. “Even if you were very much out of line for asking the way you did,” he added seriously.

“Sorry,” I muttered, lowering my eyes. “I believe we may think about sex differently. It’s just a physical need to me like the need for food or water or sleep,” I explained.

“Well, it is very different to me. But we will both have needs at some point, and we will have to find a way to navigate them in a way that is… respectful,” he said.

I nodded grudgingly, still annoyed with his response. “Honestly, I don’t think you will need to worry about me in that way for a long time,” I admitted.

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking concerned.

“Aside from the fact that most people here don’t seem to like dryads very much? I think it will be a while before I really want that with anyone.” Else .

Sage tilted his head, and I could tell he was debating with himself over whether or not to voice his questions. Evidently my ruthless curiosity from earlier had rubbed off on him a little.

“There is an army, a few small villages, and the city of Mionlach outside this tent, Summer, so you will have no problem finding someone to indulge you. But are you… Are you alright? Why do you feel it will be a while before you want sex if it is like food or water?” he asked.

I was quiet for some time as I contemplated what to tell him.

“It has been a long time since I’ve had a relationship like what you prefer,” I began tentatively.

“Since Phiala,” he guessed, and I nodded, feeling a spark of astonishment that he knew this. It was a strange thing to have someone who was coming to know me as much as he did. Both freeing and terrifying.

“To be fully honest, it’s actually been a while since sex was really about fulfilling my needs. It has been more of a distraction or a way to be safe. And for the first time…”

I trailed off, a little overwhelmed by the horrible words that had just come out of my mouth. Especially when I felt Sage grow tense, defensive and protective, as he also realized what I was saying.

“For the first time you do not need to do it for those reasons,” Sage finished knowingly for me, and I nodded, emotion threatening to choke me. I could tell he was also a little emotional when he brushed his hands up my arms in a gentle caress that was meant to be unassuming but comforting. “You will never need to do that again.”

“I think… Perhaps I am just threatened by the idea of another female in your life,” I admitted, finally expelling the poisonous truth. “I know it’s selfish of me,” I hurried to assure him. “Obviously I cannot keep you all to—”

Sage touched my chin, the gentlest of cues, but it still stopped me dead in my tracks and made my eyes flick up to his immediately. And there was nothing but complete and utter understanding in his eyes as he made sense of my ruthless interrogation earlier.

“Your safety will always be guaranteed. It will never expire if you heal enough to want someone in your life, and it will never be revoked if I enter a relationship.”

This was what I’d needed to hear from him.

“You are my anam , Summer. Lovers will come and go, probably for both of us if you ever come to feel those desires again, but this,” he said, placing a large hand flat on my chest over my racing heart. “This will be constant through all of it. It will endure through everything.”

Tears stung my eyes as I reached up to clench his hand while the tension in my whole body suddenly unravelled, leaving me feeling almost dizzy with relief.

“But will other people not be threatened by this?”

“I imagine they will be. This is new. I have not yet thought about how it will work or what it will look like in the future. For now, let’s focus on the blight, the Fuath, and your negotiations with Rian. There will be time later to decide how best to balance our connection with any relationships that develop outside it. But rest assured that whatever else comes, this will endure through all of it.”

I nodded and pressed my forehead against his before slipping even closer to bury my face in his neck while he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I breathed in his scent where it mixed with mine over my mark on him and allowed it to seep into me like a balm for my tired soul.