Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Five Months Ago
Ash
Eli was right. Hooking up, even if it was just once, helped a little. It centered me somehow and gave me a glimpse into what I could have one day. My attraction towards him didn’t go away though. I still want him, like all the fucking time, but at least I know now, without a doubt, that he’s meant to be in my life. Even if I’m destined to love him from a distance, I can’t imagine a world where he’s not in my life—a world where we’re not friends.
I haven’t hooked up with anyone since two months ago in Anaheim and my sexual frustration is at an all time high. Even though Eli and I didn’t go all the way, I feel like nothing and no one will compare to him. His soft dominance, the way he had me panting, almost begging for him was enough to have me obsessed. Enough to have me replaying that moment again and again—in the shower, in my bed, all the while touching myself and finding my hand lacking compared to Eli’s.
I’m obsessed with Eli.
Is it healthy?
Absolutely not.
Do I care?
Not in the slightest.
While nothing else sexual or romantic happened between us, our friendship did go back to some kind of normal. We’ve been driving to games together and going to the gym at the same time, which has helped me a lot in terms of staying active and getting a good sleep schedule in place. We’ve spent most of our free time hanging out with our group of friends and playing video games at Eli’s apartment where I set up my PS5.
I get antsy if I’m left to my own devices for too long, and while Eli likes his peace and quiet, he tolerates me enough to keep me around. I worry that I’m too much and that he’ll get tired of me crashing his place all the time, but so far he seems to enjoy my messy company.
Our last game of the regular season is tonight and the energy is at an all time low in the locker room. After Robbie retired a month ago, Trip stepped up to take on the role of captain. While he’s a good guy on and off the ice, it’s just not the same and I get the feeling he doesn’t like me very much. I never get invited to any of his gatherings, even though lots of my teammates do. It’s not like I need to be liked by everyone on the team—because I already know I’m not—but I don’t understand what his deal is.
Robbie isn’t the only reason I’m bummed out. This morning we got the news that Jordan is being traded to the Texas Coyotes, which is fucking bullshit. He might not be the best defenseman out there, but he was our best defenseman. The team is making room for new recruits that will get called up from the ECHL team, but Jordan leaving is going to crush us— especially since we made it to the Calder Cup playoffs. Our first playoff game is in about a month and we need to get our shit together unless we want to embarrass ourselves.
The last time the Manticores made it to the playoffs was six years ago. I wasn’t on the team back then, but I’ve heard stories about how great they used to be when Alex Dionis was the captain. Not that Robbie didn’t do a great job, but there’s only so much one person can do. Back then, Alex had an incredible group of guys on the roster, some of which are still playing at the NHL level today and making history.
I was hoping we would be the same one day. Me, Robbie, Jordan, and Eli—a hockey powerhouse, meant to leave behind an amazing legacy.
Instead, we’re drifting apart.
Eli
The atmosphere of the arena tonight is more somber than usual. The team is on the ice and we’re showing a highlight reel of Jordan’s career on the jumbo screen. He’s standing at the edge of the tunnel, in full view of everyone as we give him a standing ovation. He waves at the crowd before walking down the tunnel and likely out of the arena. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t stick around for the game.
The fact that he couldn’t even play tonight due to the timing of the trade sucked. We’ve had such a great season, clinching a spot in the Calder Cup, and he can’t even enjoy that with us and celebrate.
We take our spots and the game begins, but it’s clear none of us are at our best tonight. The passes are sloppy and the guys can’t manage to score even once. Our defense is also laughable and I get screened so much, I let in four goals, which is totally going to fuck up my save percentage.
By the time we’re out of the arena, I am angry and disappointed. But there’s nothing I can do about it except suck it up and go to Jordan’s farewell party. I don’t understand why he’s choosing to leave so quickly after being traded. Since his new team didn’t make it to the playoffs, he doesn’t need to report for any kind of training until September.
And yet, we’re having a combined end of season and farewell party for Jordan tonight. He plans to head to Texas right away and look for housing and check out the area before coming back to move all of his stuff from his apartment.
I’m in my head about it all when I hear someone calling out my name.
“Eli, wait up!” I spin around and see Ash coming out of the building, looking dashing in a white button-up, dark green slacks, and his hair all damp from the shower.
“I thought you were going to stop at the apartment before meeting up at the party,” I say, waiting for him to catch up. I greedily take in his forearm tattoo as he rolls up his sleeves, the black vines peeking out.
“Changed my mind. Can I ride with you?” he says, stopping right in front of me, closer than we usually get when we’re in public. And yet, I don’t have the strength to move away. Ever since Anaheim, I’ve wanted him near me a lot more. I don’t know what that means, but I’m starting to regret ever saying no to his friends with benefits suggestion.
“Of course, rakas .” He looks up at me, eyes sparkling, left eyebrow slightly raised.
“You know,” he says, leaning into me, “the last time you called me a foreign name, we ended up in some very compromising positions.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. Compromising indeed. After sucking each other off in the hotel room, we had a repeat of it in the shower.
It counts as being “one time” if we do it the same night, right?
“I remember,” I say, making a show of checking him out, head to toe. He pulls back in surprise and grabs my upper arm, dragging me to my car.
Once we get inside, he says, “Are you flirting with me?”
“Maybe I am,” I say, letting out a frustrated sigh.
“What’s going on?”
“I’ve just been—I don’t know.” I say, gently smacking the steering wheel.
“Frustrated?” he asks.
“Yeah…”
“Sexually?” he prods, and I peek at his face to see he’s biting back a smile.
“If you laugh at me right now, I will throw you out of my car and you can walk to the party.”
He makes a show of zipping up his mouth and schooling his features in a neutral expression. I narrow my eyes at him and say, “Yes, sexually.”
Ash nods along, searching my face for…something. For a moment I think I’ve rendered him speechless but then he says, “How can I help?”
I close my eyes and sigh again. “I can’t ask you to hook up again when I was the one to push you away the first time around. It was also my idea that it should only happen once. I’m not in the business of being a hypocrite.”
He laughs, bright and beautiful. “Eli, I don’t give a shit about you being a hypocrite. Things change, we can still consider a friends with benefits arrangement. Besides, you’re not the only frustrated one.”
“Tired of all the one night stands?” I say, and it comes out with more bite than I intended. While I might be jealous, I don’t want him to know it.
Ash’s hand grabs my forearm and squeezes lightly before he softly says, “I haven’t been with anyone since California.” This takes me by surprise, because he’s not the type to stay celibate for long.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he mumbles, and the car gets a little too silent. Before I can come up with a reply, Ash says, “I just couldn’t get over your giant cock. I told you it would ruin me.”
I burst out laughing and he joins in. Maybe this friends with benefits thing could work, if we can joke about it and still be friends.
“Are you sure you’re fine with just sex? No other labels or feelings involved?” I ask when our laughter dies down, making sure he knows what he’s getting into. As much as I like him, I can’t focus on a relationship right now.
He swallows and gives me a shy smile. “Yeah, pretty boy, I’m sure.”