Chapter 30
THIRTY
ASH
After packing up and leaving the cabin up north, we’ve spent the last week back in Grand Marquee, getting ready for the pre-season. Eli and I have avoided any big conversations about the future, and instead we’ve spent every waking moment together, torn between staying inside my apartment and going out on a few dates—dinner, movies, bowling.
We spend our days in my apartment, except when he needs to call his family or start packing up his belongings. Since he’ll only be gone for a couple of months, he plans to keep the apartment and sublet it to Alice, who recently has had issues with her roommates.
“Ash, can we talk for a moment?” he asks me right as we get back from grocery shopping. I fidget with the last paper bag and fold it down until it’s small enough to fit in one of the drawers and I take a steadying breath before giving Eli my full attention.
“Yeah.”
“I’m mostly done packing. I’m not taking that much with me since it’ll only be a couple months,” he says, leaning his arms on the kitchen counter, looking down at my fruit bowl.
“Makes sense,” I say quietly. I don’t know what to say or what he wants to hear. Should I tell him that everything will be fine? I don’t know that.
Eli lifts his head up and looks at me with a sad smile. I blow out a breath and walk around the island to meet him. I wrap him up in a hug and say, “I can’t wait to see you kick ass out there.”
He laughs, his breath tickling my neck. “I’m going to miss you, kultsi. ”
“I’ll miss you too. But you know, phones still exist, and you can text me anytime.” I give him a smirk, knowing he usually hates being on his phone. “I know our schedules won’t line up, but I’m still here for you.”
“I’ll be there for you too, always,” he says and kisses me. “Any chance you’d want to drive me to Detroit tomorrow?”
I swallow and nod, trying my best to stay excited for him instead of feeling sorry for myself. “Of course, I need to see your apartment.”
He scoffs, “It’s just a studio downtown. It’s not going to be anything fancy.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“Could you do me one more favor?” he asks a little sheepishly.
“Anything, pretty boy. ”
He bites his lip. “Can you give me a haircut?”
“Absolutely NOT!” I rear back like he’s burned me or something. Eli just rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his long blond hair.
“Come on, it’s killing me. I get too sweaty during games and it looks gross.”
I groan, “But you look so hot with it. Like a Nordic viking or something.”
“Please,” he says, giving me what I can only assume is his version of puppy dog eyes. They’re big and wide and damn it, I can’t help but give in.
The corners of my lips twitch. “Fine, but I’m not happy about it,” I grumble.
I groan and sigh and mumble my complaints the whole time we get set up in my bathroom. Eli takes a seat on one of the counter stools we dragged in here from the kitchen. He takes his T-shirt off in one smooth motion and I can’t help but admire his body. He’s hard and soft in all the right spots and all I want is to feel the warmth of him on top of me. But I focus on the task he’s given me instead.
Eli wraps a towel around his shoulders and I use a spray bottle to get his hair damp. I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to giving him a haircut, but he trusts me enough to let me do it.
I grab the scissors and thread my fingers through his hair, from his scalp to the ends, repeating the motion. Every time my fingers linger on his scalp, Eli leans into me and melts a little, and I think my heart does too.
“Are you sure about this? What if you end up looking ridiculous?”
He chuckles and places his hand on top of mine where it rests on his shoulder. “It’ll be fine. Worst case is you end up giving me a buzz cut.”
I choke and sputter as I say, “But you have such nice hair.”
Mournfully, I let go of the argument, knowing he won’t back down on this, and I start cutting the longer strands of his hair. I sigh as they fall to the bathroom floor and shake my head.
“RIP sexy viking Eli.”
“If it makes you feel better, maybe I’ll look more like Charlie Hunnam.”
“He is one sexy guy,” I say and Eli narrows his eyes at me. “Not sexier than you, of course, my little viking.”
“Little?” he asks indignantly.
I don’t give him a reply as I grab the clippers and turn them on, carefully readjusting his head so I can better see what I’m doing. When his silky hair falls to the floor, I die a little bit inside.
By the time I’m done, he still has hair left on his head—thankfully. His haircut now resembles mine, with a bit of a fade on the sides and more hair on top. I run both my hands through as much as I can and sigh, catching his eye in the mirror.
“Not much for me to grab, but you’re still a sexy motherfucker.”
Eli’s smile is wide and in one swift movement, he swivels around in the chair to face me and pulls me in close. I step in between his legs and let my hands fall from his hair to his face, tilting his head up. I kiss him tenderly, trying to memorize the taste and feel of his lips on mine. I don’t know when we’ll get to be this close again.
Eli
The two hour drive to Detroit passes by way too quickly, Ash entertaining me with stories of his past, while I do the same. Before we know it, we arrive at my new apartment downtown. The good news is that it’s within walking distance to the arena; the bad news is that it’s busy as hell. The building has twelve floors and plenty of people are coming and going or hanging out in the common areas.
There’s a gym, a lounge area with lots of TVs, an indoor pool, and a coffee bar, all available for tenants to utilize, which is why this place was the most appealing of the bunch. From what I could tell by looking at the pictures, the apartment is small and has minimal utilities but I could see myself here, swimming and sitting at the coffee bar with Ash.
We make our way up to the 8th floor, Ash carrying my suitcase while I carry the other one and my backpack. The place smells like potpourri and I immediately miss home. I want to be back in Ash’s apartment cooking something together or watching something stupid on the TV. I’d even play one of the video games he likes so bad right about now. I look over at him and smile, even though it must look more like a grimace. He smiles back, just as awkwardly and as I’m getting ready to tell him what’s on my mind, the elevator dings. We shuffle out and make our way to apartment 805.
The place is small, just like I thought, but thankfully it’s furnished. There’s a queen sized bed near the large window that overlooks the city, a small desk with a chair, and a TV mounted on the wall above it. There’s a small kitchenette with no more than two counter cabinets, a fridge, stove and dishwasher, and a closet the size of the bathroom—which is again, small.
“No washer and dryer?” Ash asks and I deflate, dropping my backpack and sitting down at the edge of the bed, hands gripping my hair.
“Hey, no, I didn’t mean that as a critique,” Ash says, voice sounding concerned. I feel the mattress dip next to me and right as I let my arms drop between my knees, Ash’s hands come around my shoulder, giving me a hug.
“I know, I just feel off about all of this. I didn’t expect it and I don’t know what to think about it.”
“Are you talking about the apartment or the job?” he asks, rubbing circles on my back while his chin rests on my shoulder.
“Both.”
“Well, the apartment is temporary.”
“So is the job,” I say quietly.
“Maybe.” I look up and Ash straightens up, one hand holding my shoulder firmly. “Maybe not. You are really good, Eli. And Nadison is fine, but he’s also old, in hockey terms at least—he’s thirty-five and he just sustained a pretty major injury. Chances are that even if he does come back this season, he might not be around for much longer anyway. So you need to accept that this is happening. You are the future of this team. And when Juuse inevitably retires, you’re gonna be the primary.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He’s right, of course he is. But how can I do this on my own? I know I’ll have a team, but I don’t know any of these guys like I know Ash and the rest of the AHL players. Like I used to know Jordan and Robbie, how they played and how great we all were as a team. But he’s right, I need to accept this.
“I don’t want things to change between us,” I say. “I—” I love you, I want to say. Why does my throat always close up when I want to say it? I’ve never said it before, not to anyone that wasn’t family, and the thought of being so vulnerable when I know he has such a strong hold over my heart is terrifying. Tears well up in my eyes and I blink them away, but a traitorous one escapes anyway.
Ash catches it with his thumb and brings his forehead to mine. “I know, sunshine. I know . Nothing will change, I promise.”
I look into his deep blue eyes and this time, I believe him.