Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
ELI
Between Thanksgiving dinner with the family and Friday brunch with our friends, Ash and I don’t get a lot of time to spend alone. The annual holiday game takes place on Friday night and the whole family has seats to watch them play. It’s weird being on the other side of the plexiglass.
Olivia is reffing the game, so Robbie and Alice sit on either side of me and pepper me with questions about the NHL while we wait for the game to start.
I’ve always thought Ash was a great hockey player, but the way he plays now is out of this world. He’s faster than ever, easily stealing pucks away from the opposing team and getting breakaways. His shots are better too, so much so that by the end of the first period, he’s scored two goals and is on the watch for a hat trick.
“He’s been improving a lot,” I tell Robbie during intermission.
“I think he’s dedicated. He’s always been good, but he sometimes lacks motivation. When he encounters a setback, he retreats back into his shell and thinks he doesn’t deserve good things. It’s bullshit, but I think he’s become more self aware recently.”
“Do you think he’ll stay motivated?”
“I think being with you has opened his eyes more. That there’s a future for him alongside you, not just in the NHL, but in life.”
I nod, not knowing what to say. As much as I want him by my side, always, this job is so fucking unpredictable. One of us could get hurt, we could be traded to different teams. What then? The last thing I want is for him to resent me, or vice-versa.
Robbie picks up on my quiet brooding and as always, he always knows what to say. “I know long distance is hard. Hell, I miss Olive all the time when she’s gone on the road.”
I look over at him and expect to see him sad, but he’s smiling, lost in thought. “But do you know what the best part is?”
“What?”
“At the end of the day, she calls me, excited about her job and happy to tell me all about it. And not only that, but she’s excited to hear about what I’m doing too. The key is to listen to one another. And when we do see each other again, it makes it all that much more special. Because we chose each other and we cherish every moment together, even if those moments are sometimes rare.”
“Do you ever worry about Olivia getting transferred to a different region?”
“Sure I do.”
“So what’s your contingency plan?”
“Well, if she has to move, then we move together. We spend the season wherever it makes more sense for her career and come back here for the summer. Look, my point is, if you love each other, you’ll make it work. There will be compromises and things to worry about, but you need to tackle those together.”
I nod and Robbie pats me on the shoulder. I think about asking more but he’s right. Ash and I need to communicate and figure things out for ourselves.
Alice comes back with concessions and shares her popcorn with us. The game picks back up and by the end of the period, Ash scores his third goal. The three of us jump out of our chairs, screaming and cheering, tossing our hats on the ice. Ash finds me in the crowd and points at me. I point back at him and turn around, showing him the jersey I’m wearing. The one that says Meyers #1.
The look he gives me is pure joy and during the second intermission I get a text from him.
when we get home, you’re going to wear nothing but that jersey and I’m going to give you the best blow job of your life
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
oh, I can more than keep it. and when you recover, you’re going to fuck me wearing my last name.
“Damn, Ash has a filthy mouth,” Alice says, peeking over my phone.
I blush and put it in my pocket. “Don’t you know it’s not nice to spy on other people’s conversations, lapsi ?”
She rolls her eyes and lightly punches my shoulder. “Whatever, you guys are adorable together. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks,” I say and smile.
The Manticores win 4-1 and the whole arena is packed with people. As we head out, we wait for Ash and Olivia before heading out to dinner at The Arcadian. Robbie reserved a table for all of us and we put in our orders, but as soon as Ash puts his hand on my thigh under the table, all I want is to get us both out of here and into our bed.
Halfway through our dinner we see Tangela come in and take a seat at the bar. Robbie looks around, confused. “That’s weird, Michael isn’t here tonight. He said he was taking the girls to a movie.”
“Maybe she’s just grabbing some food,” Alice says, frowning.
“But would she drive twenty minutes this way just for some food?” Olivia asks.
“No, that’s weird,” Robbie says. “Maybe I should go talk to her and see?—”
He stops, halfway out of his seat and stares over at the bar, mouth open. We all turn to look at the same time and see Tangela hugging a guy. Not just any guy, but one we know too well. One that's been avoiding our calls and texts since he moved away.
Alice gasps out and looks away, busying herself on her phone. Robbie looks disappointed and Ash—well, Ash looks pissed. I’m shocked to see that Jordan is here and that he didn’t even tell us, but I can’t say I’m surprised. He’s been distancing himself from all of us ever since he got traded and moved to Texas.
Robbie sits back down, resting his elbows on the table and putting his head in his hands. Olivia comforts him and asks, “Do you want to go over and talk to them?”
He shakes his head no, but Ash says, “Fuck that, he owes us at least one fucking conversation.” The chair scrapes loudly on the floor, and before I can stop him, Ash is across the room tapping Jordan on the shoulder.
Ash
Jordan turns around and looks at me with wide eyes. I smile at Tangela as she looks between us and then notices the rest of the group behind me, but when my gaze returns to Jordan, it’s nothing but angry.
“Ash—”
“No, Jordan. What the actual fuck, man? You don’t call or text back for months, and now you’re back in town and you don’t even tell us? Why weren’t you at Thanksgiving?”
My raised voice draws the attention of some of the people nearby and even some servers stop to figure out what the commotion is. I smile apologetically and they move on. I swing back around to face Jordan but he’s not looking at me anymore. His eyes are locked on the table behind me, on a particular girl wearing a jersey with #20 on it—Jordan’s old number.
His eyes trace the number on her arm and he takes a step forward, almost involuntarily, like he can’t help but be away from her for another second. I block his path and cross my hands across my chest. “Don’t even think about it,” I murmur.
Jordan finally looks at me and he nods, stealing another glance at Alice. “I’m sorry, Ash. You’re right, I’ve been a really shitty friend.” He looks down at his feet and the misery on his face makes me pause.
Before I can ask him more questions, he says, “I’ve been dealing with a lot, honestly, and that shouldn’t be an excuse, but I really needed to focus on my mental health.”
“Oh, okay,” I say, deciding not to push him on the topic since he looks to be on the verge of running. “Look man, I know how that is, and I get it, truly. Just—we’re here for you, even though you ditched us for Texas.”
He laughs and pushes my shoulder lightly. “Yeah, like that was my choice.”
“I know, I’m sorry. That was really shitty. If it’s worth anything, our defense kinda sucks without you, man.”
Jordan snorts and says, “Yeah that’ll make me sleep better at night.”
For a moment, we both look over at the table and before I can think better of it, I say, “Do you wanna join us?”
Jordan looks on the verge of running for the hills, but he looks over at Tangela and she nods, grabbing her purse. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch baby brother.” She gives him a hug and heads out, and that leaves Jordan with me.
“Well, come on.”
He blows out a breath and follows me along to the table. For a moment, we’re all silent, just looking at one another. Eli stands up and offers Jordan a hand, which he takes and turns into a hug. Robbie is next, then Olivia. When he gets to Alice, she gives him a half wave and a meek hello and avoids his eyes.
Jordan looks like he wants to say more, but Alice pulls out her phone and ignores him along with everyone else, browsing social media instead.
We pull up an empty chair for Jordan and in a short amount of time, it’s like we’re the same group of people that we were last year. Like nothing changed. Except in truth, everything has. When Eli puts his arm around my shoulder and I put my hand on his thigh, Jordan stares at us for a beat before piecing it together. When he does, he smiles and says, “You two finally figured it out, huh?”
“What do you mean ‘finally’?” I say, indignant.
“Please, you two were always crushing on each other, it was really obvious.”
“Says the most oblivious guy ever,” Alice mutters, but it’s loud enough that the whole table hears. She looks up from her phone and makes eye contact with Jordan. He frowns and she looks away quickly. Olivia gives her a subtle squeeze on her arm and the two of them have a whole conversation with just a look.
“I don’t know about you all, but I’m really tired. We’re probably gonna head out,” Olivia says, giving Robbie a look.
“Right, we should. Jordan, how long are you in town for?”
“I head back on Sunday.”
“How about you come over for dinner tomorrow? Ash, you’re invited too.”
“Gee, thanks for the afterthought, grandpa .” Robbie rolls his eyes affectionately at me.
Jordan looks between Robbie, Olivia, and Alice and swallows. “Sure, that would be nice.”
“Great, we’ll see you then,” Olivia says with a small smile. “Alice, we’ll drive you to your apartment, so you don’t have to walk in the dark.”
“Okay, thanks. Good night everyone,” Alice pipes up and follows them out.
Once the three of them leave, Jordan, Eli, and I stay for another hour, catching up and trying to get Jordan to tell us more about why he’s stayed away for so long. He avoids the topic but tells us he missed Grand Marquee and all of his friends.
By the time Eli and I return to my apartment, we’re both beat, but neither of us makes a move to go to bed. Eli comes up behind me and pulls me into his chest. “What’s on your mind, kultsi ?”
I smile and turn in his arms, kissing him and nipping at his jaw. “Tell me what that word means. Please.”
Eli watches me as I rake my fingers through his short hair, closing his eyes and melting into me. I press my forehead to his and wait for his answer.
After a long moment of humming content, he says, “It means gold. Or golden .”
“Is it because I remind you of a golden retriever?” I joke and he laughs. It’s a tired version of his bright laugh, the one I swear he sometimes has reserved just for me.
“No, it’s because you’re so special to me, Ash. You’re incredible,” he says and swallows, rubbing his nose against my own. When his lips briefly brush mine he tells me, “You’re amazing and I—I love you.”
I pull back slightly, making sure I heard him right. I know he’s been struggling with those words the past few months, but I also knew deep down that I didn’t need to hear them. I can feel how much he loves me through every text, every phone call, every gesture he makes. I’ve known how he’s felt about me this whole time, but hearing him say it after almost a year of this push and pull between us, well—it fills me up with emotion.
My fingers trace all over his face, from his jaw to his cheeks, to his temple, and finding purchase in his hair. I bring him back in for a kiss and pour everything I can into it. All my love and worry and heartbreak. I want him to stay longer, but I know he can’t. That in the morning he’ll leave again for another two months, and that I’ll have to find a way to be okay with that, because every single little doubt I had about us has been blown to pieces.
Because he loves me.
Eli loves me.
I pull back again and breathlessly say, “I love you too, Eli. More than words can express.”
“Show me, then,” he says, voice gravelly and deep.
Our hands grip and tug at every bit of fabric as we make our way to the bedroom. In a rare occurrence, Eli lets me take the lead and I back him up until his knees hit the bed. I push him down and crawl on top of him, kissing his swollen lips and straddling him. When his hands slip under my sweatshirt, I pull back so I can take it off. Eli lifts up, leaning up on one hand and caressing my back with the other, his mouth leaving kisses over my tattoos, starting with the honeysuckle one over my heart. His favorite one.
His lips find my neck and he sucks at my skin, lightly biting down before soothing the sting with a lick. I grind on his stiff cock in response and he groans against me. I push him back down and take off the rest of my clothes, moving to remove his jeans next. Once I’m done pulling them off, Eli sits up to take his jersey off.
“What did I tell you earlier?”
“What?”
“You keep that jersey on and I give you the best blow job of your life.”
Eli smiles but before I can take him in my mouth, he stops me, a serious look on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just—I was thinking maybe?—”
“Maybe what?” I ask confused.
A beat of silence. Two.
Eli bites his lip.
My eyes widen.
Oh.
“Maybe you can fuck me this time,” he says quietly.
I lean down over him and he bends to my will, letting me lead. I press myself flat against him, our cocks aligned and I can’t help but grind on him again. He feels so good, so right. We were fucking made for each other.
My arms rest near his head and I bring our foreheads together. “Are you sure, pretty boy? ”
“Yes,” he says, but his shaky voice makes me pause.
“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. If it’s some attempt to do it just to make me happy, then you should know I’m happy with anything you give me.”
“No, that’s not it. I want to. You know I’ve never done it before though.”
“I get that, but just know, if you’re not comfortable now or ever, really, then we never have to do it. I mean it.”
He nods along, “I know, kultsi . I’ve wanted to for a while now, and I’m ready. Here. Now. I love you, and I trust you.”
I stare at him for a moment. “Fuck, I love you so much.”