Barry (Hollister #5)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

B arry Marks sat in his truck outside Dr. Wheeler’s office. His scarred hand stroked the thick fur of his little Sheltie dog. He wasn’t going to leave her at the ranch alone, and it was too hot in the truck to leave her unattended, so she was going to the appointment with him. If Doc Wheeler didn’t like it, he’d walk out.

“Ready, girl?” He whispered the question, and Honey was on her feet. The fact she’d been poisoned recently didn’t seem to bother her at all. Well, it sure as hell bothered him, and that, plus a multitude of other reasons, was why he’d made the extra appointment with Doc Wheeler. “All right. Come on.”

He opened the door, and the dog jumped out of the seat and waited for him as he took the time to lock his truck. It wasn’t something that was done around Hollister, but he was over some fuckwad out there messing with him.

He glanced up at the bluff behind the town where a murder had taken place not long ago. It wasn’t the first dead body he’d seen. Unfortunately, it was, however, the first murder scene he’d helped investigate. And what he found there … well, that was the real reason for talking with the doc today.

He and Honey walked up the steps, and when he opened the door, Doc Wheeler turned to look at him with a smile. “Well, look at that. You’re on time.”

That comment hit Barry wrong, and he reacted. He snarled at the doctor and shot back, “You say that like I’m not punctual at other times.” Barry sighed. “Damn it. I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t what you meant. I’m on edge. A sharp edge.”

Doc Wheeler glanced down at Honey. “You’re always on time, Barry. I was making a joke. Your defenses are up today, aren’t they? The exercises I’ve given you aren’t helping?”

“Yeah, none of it. That’s why I’m here. I’m drowning.”

“No, you're doing exactly what you need to do. You made an appointment. You recognized your tipping point and made a positive choice. Who do we have here?”

“My dog. This is Honey.”

“Ah, the famous little fighter.”

“Yeah, some bastard tried to poison her with anti-freeze. Doc Kate saved her.” His blood pressure spiked at the thought of what some bastard had done to her. He clenched his fists and jaw, trying to let the anger dissipate the way Doc Wheeler had been teaching him, but it was hard.

The doc bent down and extended his hand. “Hello, sweetie.”

Honey’s rear end nearly wagged off as she tentatively walked up to the doctor. “I couldn’t leave her unattended at the ranch, and it's too hot to keep her in the truck outside. If she can’t be in here, I’ll come back another time.”

“She can stay. I’ll just make sure to close the door that goes to the clinic. Zeke and Stephanie wouldn’t be happy with a critter running loose in that portion of the building.” Doc Wheeler stood up after giving Honey a couple of scritches and motioned into his office. “Have a seat. I’ll meet you there in a second.”

Barry headed into the office with Honey right beside him, and when he sat in the chair, she jumped up onto his lap. A moment later, Doc Wheeler came in, shutting the door behind him. Then he sat down across from him and leaned forward. “So, tell me what’s going on.”

Barry kept his eyes on his dog as he talked. It was a lot easier having her to pet while he dumped all his shit. “I told you about people thinking I destroyed the stockyard, right?”

“You did, but it wasn’t you. You were with Ryan and Rusty when someone attacked Kate at Tegan’s place.”

Barry snapped his eyes up to the doctor. “Doesn’t stop them from thinking it, though. Hell, even Tegan thought it was me who trashed the stockyard.” Tegan was as close to a new friend as he’d made in that town, and it had felt like a knife gouge when Tegan had admitted he’d suspected Barry at first. It was logical, given the circumstances. He’d been framed. Someone had taken the sledgehammer out of his truck and used it on the stockyard. But who? No one knew. That was another flash point for him.

“Ken and Tegan know it wasn’t you. Who is it you’re concerned with?”

“The people here in town. I walk into the diner to talk to Corrie, and everyone shuts up. I can tell. Corrie says it’s my imagination, but it isn’t. I’m the plague, and they’re letting me know they don’t want me around.”

Doc Wheeler sighed. “First, you are not the plague. You are a man. Second, some of the gossips in this town have nothing better to do than speculate on things they don’t have enough information on to make a logical conclusion. Your perception may be skewed, but I don’t doubt people are trying to make sense of what has been happening. How long have you been with Corrie?”

“Since the service. She and Gunny, her husband, adopted me. I told you that. They took me in and gave me the only stable home I’ve ever had. Well, until now. Until Hollister. After Gunny died, Corrie came up here with Andrew, and well, you know what happened then. I spiraled. ”

“Has she ever lied to you?” Doc Wheeler cocked his head.

Barry rolled his. The doctor was keeping him on point, not letting him stray from the conversation the doctor wanted him to have. “No, but damn it … I didn’t do anything. I’ve been working hard, Doc. I got to be a better man.” Barry closed his eyes and shook his head. “Kathy needs me to get better. Hell, for that matter, I need me to get better.”

Doc Wheeler smiled a bit and leaned back in his chair. “That’s the first time you’ve admitted that.”

Barry opened his eyes and stared at the man across from him. “What? That I need to get better for me?” The doctor nodded, not saying anything. Which was par for the course with the guy. The doctor always waited for him to talk, which was irritating as fuck for a person with anger issues, which he had. He had major anger issues, among other things, as he was finding out. “I told you Kathy and I are talking, going out and such. She’s a good person. Nice to the bone, you know? My anger never fazes her. She waits it out, but not without boundaries. She’s set limits, and I would never cross them. That is a sacred promise I made myself. She and Corrie are the only ones who do that. Set limits and expect me to keep them. And they do it with care. They’re strong women. They both deserve someone they can be proud of.”

Corrie, he considered a mother, and she told everyone in Hollister he was her son, and she was proud of that fact. The woman had been through absolute hell, but she kept on loving him. She was sure as shit more of a mom than his bio mother ever was. That waste of space packed up and left him to fend for himself when he was fifteen. Life got harder really fast. To survive, he’d done things he wasn’t proud of. Things he’d never mentioned to a soul, and he prayed those acts would stay in his closet of horrors. His hand that was petting Honey stopped. “I need to be someone I can be proud of.”

Doc Wheeler crossed his legs at the ankle and leaned back into that big leather chair of his. “Your mom and Kathy both care for you. When people care for someone, they’re willing to deal with the baggage we bring into a relationship. Tell me why you can’t be proud of yourself.”

Barry drew a deep breath and started stroking Honey’s fur again. “You’ve read the information Andrew gave you.” Andrew Hollister was his commander overseas. They were out on a mission and had been hit hard by insurgents.

The attack happened without any warning. Andrew and Jose were about twenty paces in front of him and Pip. Fish had peeled off to take a leak, and Toker and Razor were bringing up the rear. Frisco, as always, was on point, not too far ahead of Andrew and Jose.

The first explosion was nothing but a percussion that happened about the same time as Pip shoved him forward, and he lost his balance and fell to the ground. That was when the flashes started like a stop-action film. He saw Fish come running from the buildings, heading back to them. Then it was Jose screaming at him. “Get up! Move, you have to move!” He tried, God, he tried, but … Next, he saw Andrew and Jose, both bloody and battered, firing at the insurgents. His fucking M4 was in his hands, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t make anything work. His hands … they were covered in blood. The flesh was peeled off the insides. He knew they were his; they were attached to his body, but they wouldn’t fucking move. He panicked and tried to scream. His vision tunneled again.

Sulfur … the stench hit him, and his eyes opened again. He felt like he was floating. The rotors of a helicopter circled above him but in slow motion. He tried to lift his arms, to move, to get up. A jerk sent his head sideways. That was when the real nightmare started.

“I saw Fish,” Barry said, wiping the tears from his eyes. He didn’t look up; his memories were front and center, and the one that haunted him the most was playing over and over like it always did. “When they were loading me on the helicopter, I saw him, or I think I did. His hand was raised toward me. I couldn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t do a damn thing.” And the rage that always came from that inability filled him again. He hated himself more than anything. One movement, one word, anything that could have drawn the men’s attention to Fish … but he couldn’t even fucking manage to do that. That anger gnawed at his gut day in and day out. If only he could have said something, moved … indicated anything to the people carrying him …

“According to the reports, everyone but you, Andrew, Jose, and Pip were killed that day. ”

“Pip died from his injuries sometime after we got to the hospital.” Barry tapped his head with the hand that wasn’t petting Honey. “But up here, Doc … Up here, I see Fish stretching his arm out to me. Our eyes met. He mouthed, ‘Help me.’ It was real. I swear it was.” Silence reigned for several long moments. Barry didn’t mind it that time. He stroked his dog and sorted through his memories. He finally said, “We left him there. I left him.”

Doc Wheeler nodded. “What remained of the bodies were recovered. Fish’s dog tags and some clothing were all that were found. The explosion was that violent. According to the investigation, there was no way he survived.”

“That’s what everyone says,” Barry conceded. He finally looked up at his therapist. “But I know what I saw. When I came out of whatever stupor I was in, I told them. It was the first thing I said.”

Doc Wheeler shook his head. “It wasn’t a stupor. They performed surgery to reduce the pressure of swelling of your brain and repaired fractures in your skull. It was a miracle you survived that explosion. Your traumatic brain injury was severe, and that is where the aggression issues and the PTSD originate. These memories of Fish could be your brain trying to reorganize thoughts of that time.”

Barry glanced at Honey, who was sleeping on his lap. “Or there is a chance they could be real, Doc. They didn’t recover his body.” And that was one of the truths no one could deny .

Doc Wheeler leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. “What is causing you to believe that?”

Barry frowned, immediately confused. “That they didn’t recover the body?”

“No, that your recollections are not a part of the PTSD and TBI. When we last talked about this, you were doing all right with that portion of your journey.”

“Journey. It’s a trip I never wanted to be on,” Barry spat out, waking Honey. The dog stretched and settled again. He stopped and closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing, repeating the things Doc Wheeler had taught him to say to calm down. He looked like a fucking fool doing it, but it was better than going into a rage. He hadn’t had an uncontrolled episode in months, but it was hard to keep under wraps. Finally, his heartbeat and breathing slowed, and his jaw unclenched. He once again felt the fur under his hand and could hear the ticking of the large clock on the doctor’s wall. He spoke quietly. “The murder. You heard about that, right?”

Doc Wheeler replied, “I did.”

“Before the sheriff found out about it, Tegan and I were pinned down at the stockyard by a shooter.”

“I heard about that, too. No one was injured at the stockyard, right?”

“No, thank God. Came from high ground. A position that was defensible and one the shooter chose in advance.” Barry patted his dog. “The sheriff asked Tegan and me to come with him. There was a campsite.” Barry looked up. “ Someone in the military set it up. Someone from the military was the shooter.”

“Why would you think that?”

Barry had to consider that for a moment. “The way the camp was built, the setup, shielding the camp from the wind and sight. It was a tactical position to scope out the stockyard.” It was evident to anyone with any training. Trying to explain his rationale was more difficult than assessing and knowing he was correct. “Ask Andrew if you don’t believe me.”

“This isn’t about Andrew, and I have no reason not to believe you. What happened at the campsite?”

Barry narrowed his eyes. “Well, a murder, for one. That crackhead from up north was deader than dead.”

Doc Wheeler blinked and then shook his head. “I meant, what made you think Fish could now be alive?”

“The sheriff asked if Tegan and I could look around some more. There were several things I saw that he didn’t at the scene.” Barry shrugged, playing it down, but being useful was a huge boon to his frazzled ego. “Tegan was with me when we found the pylon.”

Doc Wheeler’s eyes narrowed. “Which is?”

“It was a signaling device we trained on and used. It was a specific stack of stones that we would wrap in grass or reeds and tie, so they looked like they were clumped. I saw one. Inside was the exact pylon we used. The sheriff took a picture of it. It was there.”

“Okay …” The doctor waited for him to continue .

“When I told Andrew about it, he went out to the site. Someone had removed it. It wasn’t there anymore.” Barry looked at the doctor. “The entire place was swarmed with cops. State cops, so they weren’t any Barney Fife wannabes, you know? No one saw how the pylon was removed.”

“So, you think Fish is alive, signaling you, and he’s killing people here in South Dakota?”

Barry blinked and then shrugged. “When you say it like that, it sounds like I’m crazy.”

“I don’t use that term, nor did I suggest you were. I’m trying to understand your thought process.” Doc Wheeler smiled at him when Barry shot a look at the guy.

“It was a Flying H sledgehammer that was used at the stockyard. One I had in the back of my truck. No one can explain how it got from my truck to the stockyard. Other pieces of evidence point to me, and yet someone is trying to hurt me by poisoning my dog. Then there are the shots fired at Tegan and me and the missing pylon. None of that can be explained unless you factor in the fact Fish could be alive, and he could be coming after me.”

“I can’t explain what happened to the marker.”

“Pylon,” Barry corrected.

“Pylon,” Doc Wheeler amended. “Or the other things. How would Fish know where you are?”

Barry shook his head. “I don’t know.” He’d floated around the country and ended up in Hollister as a last resort. Andrew had given him that chance, and he’d be damned if he’d fuck it up. He wouldn’t get another one .

Doc Wheeler spoke, “I can tell you these types of incidents would concern me if I were in your shoes.”

Barry snapped his head up and looked at the doctor. “Really?”

“Hell, yes,” Doc Wheeler said. “Even if the pylon wasn’t meant for you, who took it down, and how did they do it with all the cops on top of that bluff? The entire town watched them swarm the area. The fact someone took the sledgehammer out of your truck is concerning. Who and how? You have every right to be concerned, as do the rest of us.”

“Those are the exact questions I’m asking myself. Do you see now why I question if Fish is actually dead?” Barry hoped like hell that last bout of doubts and self-hatred wasn’t something he’d manufactured.

The doctor opened his mouth and then closed it. He repositioned in the chair before speaking. “I can see why you have questions. But … whoever did this can’t be Fish. The man is dead. The government has buried him.”

Barry lifted an eyebrow and cocked his head. “And the government has never gotten anything wrong before. Right?”

Doc Wheeler’s laughter wasn’t what he expected. “Has anyone ever told you that you are a very smart man?”

Barry flinched. “No.” He swallowed hard. He’d been called many things in his life, but smart was not one he remembered.

Doc Wheeler pointed at him. “We’ll talk about that reaction on another visit. But for now, we’ll admit there are too many questions to be answered. You understand the fact that what has been happening around here, all the suspicions and activities, have been, for some reason, pointing the blame at you. The people who matter know it wasn’t you. The others are noise. With this in mind, there are a few things I want you to work on until our next appointment.”

Barry dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I hate this part.”

“I know.” Doc Wheeler chuckled. “But it is the part that gets you out of that pit of anger.”

“Then hit me with it, Doc.” He had a beautiful woman he was falling in love with who deserved to see him like he once was, not the freak show he was currently. She was his to lose, and he’d make damn sure he never did a thing to make her walk away.