Chapter 15
The monitor rhythmically continued to remind Grant of Julia’s life force. She’d been touch-and-go for a few days as they waited to see if the swelling in her brain would reduce.
No longer in a medically induced coma, it now became a waiting game to see if she would wake up. With every passing beep, the doctor’s words echoed in his mind. It’s not a matter of when she’ll wake up…but if.
He heaved a sigh as he stared at her unmoving form. He’d spent the past few days wrestling with the idea that he may lose her. He couldn’t stomach it.
She’d been such a force in his life, he couldn’t imagine her being gone. So, he’d chosen not to accept that. He’d will her to live if he had to. He wouldn’t lose her.
He’d stayed with her, sleeping at the hospital, too afraid to leave her. Even his son, Kyle’s constant hovering over her hadn’t bothered him as much as it normally would.
He sucked in a breath as he glanced across the bed at his daughter, Sierra. She’d sat vigil with him, only going home once to rest. He could read in her face the fear she had of losing the woman, too.
In the quiet moments by her bedside, his thoughts had wandered to their past, to how Julia had shifted from a contractual obligation to someone he deeply cared for, a change that both surprised and scared him.
His finger tapped out the rhythm of the heart monitor on his forearm, counting each beat. Each pulse echoed a tumultuous mix of hope and dread, love and fear. As he flicked his finger against his arm again, he missed the beat.
He snapped his gaze to the monitor. Her heart rate increased. It made his do the same. He leapt from his seat as Julia gasped. Sierra did the same. His heart leapt as her eyes fluttered open.
She seemed disoriented. He leaned closer to her, clutching her hand. “Julia?”
She didn’t respond, squeezing her eyes closed. She contorted her features as though she was in pain or sick. He rubbed her forearm. “Julia, it’s okay.”
A nurse hurried into the room, followed by Dr. Gray. “Can you give us some space?”
“But–”
“Just a few minutes while we get her settled.”
Reluctantly, Grant let go of her hand and backed from the room.
Sierra studied him as they stepped into the hall. “She’s awake.”
“Yeah. Hopefully for good,” Grant said. Something bothered him about her reactions. She’d woken up, but she had seemed to struggle. He recalled his own disorientation when he’d awoken from surgery. Maybe that was all.
He paced the floor as they waited. “What’s taking that doctor so long?”
“I guess he’s just being thorough,” Sierra said with a shrug. “Or he’s incompetent.”
“Who’s incompetent?” Kyle asked as he approached them. “I heard the page for Dr. Gray. Is it Julia?”
“Yes, she’s awake.”
His son”s expression shifted, revealing a sense of relief. “That’s good.”
“Maybe. She didn’t seem to be doing too well,” Grant said as he raked a hand through his hair.
“What do you mean?”
“She seemed sick or in pain. She had trouble keeping her eyes open,” Grant answered, the words sticking in his throat as his worry ramped up.
“That could be anything. It’s good that she’s awake,” he said as a transport person arrived and disappeared with Julia a moment later as Dr. Gray emerged from the room.
Grant stared after her as though his oxygen was disappearing.
“Derek? Is she okay?” Kyle asked.
“Yes. She’s doing well, all things considered. Complaining of a headache and sore ribs. We’re just going to do some standard tests to make sure there’s no underlying cause outside of the general toll her body’s been through.”
“MRI and CT?” Kyle asked.
“Yes. Other than that, the disorientation and nausea she experienced as she awoke seems to have passed.”
“That’s good, right?” Sierra asked.
“Yes, it’s very good. You can see her as soon as she’s back from the tests. We’ll talk again after her results are back.”
Grant nodded as he took a steadying breath, counting the minutes until she returned. He wanted to see her for himself and make sure she was okay.
“Call me when those test results are back,” Kyle said.
Dr. Gray nodded, clapping him on the shoulder. “Of course. This is a good sign. You should all rest a little easier now.”
Grant clung to the words, trying to believe them, but something about the way she’d reacted to her first moments of being back with them bothered him. He worried they’d find something in the tests that would set them back to square one. They’d fought so hard to get to this point, that he couldn’t bear to take a step backward.
As Sierra leaned against the wall, he paced the floor. The sterile hospital walls seemed to close in around him while the antiseptic smell mingled with his rising anxiety. The tension in his shoulders didn’t lessen until they wheeled her back into her room. He glanced at her as she passed, hoping for that soft smile to show that she’d recovered, but she only offered him a blank stare.
The transport woman dashed from the room, offering them a smile. “You can go on in.”
“Thanks,” he said as he hurried into the room with Sierra behind him. He rushed to the bed, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “Oh, Julia, it’s so good to see you awake.”
He rubbed her head as his heart fluttered, waiting for her to answer.
“Yeah,” Sierra chimed in, holding her other hand, “we were so worried about you.”
Julia flicked her gaze between them, her features pinching. She seemed tense. Was she still in pain? Was something wrong?
“Julia? Are you okay?”
Sierra echoed his question.
Julia’s breathing turned erratic as she glanced between them. Something was wrong. He prayed it wasn’t anything serious. “Julia?”
Julia shook her head, her features filled with a mix of concern and something that resembled fear. “No.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked as his stomach flip-flopped.
She yanked her hand from his. His chest tightened. Was this the event that would push her over the edge? Was she leaving him?
She answered, her features pinching, and the words stopped his heart. “Who are you?”
Heat washed over him as he stared at her before he snapped his gaze to Sierra. Had he heard right? Had she just asked him who he was? The words hit him like a physical blow. His fear of losing her was now compounded by the harrowing possibility of her not remembering their shared life.
He tried to speak, but no words would come. He stood paralyzed by her statement.
Sierra fielded the question for him. “Julia, what do you mean? It’s Daddy! Your husband, duh.”
Julia’s eyes widened as she glanced at him again. “My what?”
“Husband,” Sierra said, her voice slowing. “He’s your husband. I’m your stepdaughter. You can’t actually tell me you’ve forgotten me.”
“I…” Julia began, shock apparent on her features.
Grant saw the overwhelm building within her. He’d seen it several times on her features before. “Sierra, easy.”
“Well, obviously she’s just confused, she just woke up. She’s probably half out of it from all the drugs.” Sierra patted her hand and grinned. “It’s okay, Julia, we’ll forgive you.”
Maybe she was still feeling the effects of the drugs in her system. He gripped the railing of her bed, softening his tone. “Julia, just take a breath. It’s me. It’s Grant.”
Her heart rate ramped up as she shook her head. “I don’t know any Grant. I don’t know you. I don’t know her.”
The words sliced at his heart, and his features melted as alarm filled him. “Okay, okay, take it easy. I’m going to find the doctor.”
He strode from the room, his stomach in knots as he searched for Dr. Gray. The doctor sipped his coffee as he studied a chart. “Dr. Gray, Julia’s…experiencing some kind of issue. Memory loss. She says she doesn’t remember a thing.”
The man’s features pinched as he set his coffee down. “Okay, I’ll be right in.”
“Thanks.”
Grant hurried back to the room, a mixture of worry and fear swirling inside him.
“Did you find him?” Sierra asked.
“Yes, he’s coming right in.” He rubbed her shoulder, trying to set her at ease. “It’s okay, Julia. We’ll get this figured out.”
The doctor strode in a moment later. “Okay, Julia, I hear you’re having a little trouble remembering things.”
“Apparently,” she answered.
“Okay, let’s take a look at your test results, first.” He tapped on the tablet before he paused, studying something. “Looks great. Do you still have a headache?”
“It’s dull, but still there.”
“Okay.” He pushed past Sierra and smiled down at her. “Let’s talk about this memory issue. Do you remember that your name is Julia?”
She shrugged. “I guess. Everyone’s been calling me that. It feels right, I guess.”
“Okay, how about your last name? Do you remember that?”
She chewed her lower lip before she answered. “Stanton.”
The doctor flicked his gaze to Grant. Disappointment filled him as he answered, “That was her maiden name.”
“Okay, so that’s not terrible. You remember some things. But…you don’t remember this guy.” He poked a finger at Grant.
She stared at him again. The expression on her features broke his heart.
“No.” Her voice broke as she choked out the word.
“Okay, there’s no reason to get upset. This is not uncommon. I’m just going to step outside with your family for a second, okay? You just try to relax.”
She nodded, her features pinching.
“Relax, don’t try to force anything with your memory, okay?” The doctor ushered them from the room.
Kyle strode down the hall as they stepped into it. “Something wrong?”
Dr. Gray answered, “Julia’s suffering from retrograde amnesia. We’re still assessing how deep that goes. It’s important to remember that this isn’t uncommon, and that, in many cases, it does reverse.”
“When? Like in a few hours?” Sierra asked as she clung to her father. The panic lacing her voice betrayed how much she cared about her stepmother.
“It’s difficult to tell. It could be hours, it could be months.”
“Months?” Sierra repeated, her eyes wide, as Grant’s heart clenched again. “How many months?”
“That’s difficult to say. And you should know that sometimes…it never reverses.”
“What?!” Sierra said with a stamp of her foot. “You’re saying she could never know us?”
“No,” Dr. Gray said. “No, she will re-learn everything. But in some instances, the lost memories never return fully.”
Grant slid an arm around his daughter as she reeled from the news. He did, too. The idea that Julia may never remember anything about the year they’d shared was not the news he wanted to hear.
“I’d like to try to probe her memory to see if there’s anything that she does remember. That can help us determine how deep this goes and how much she’s lost. It’s really important that you try not to react. I know this is hard to watch, but just let her take her time, okay?”
Grant nodded, unable to formulate words as they shuffled into Julia’s room behind the doctor. Kyle followed them, leaning against the door jamb.
“Okay, Julia, I want you to try one last time,” Dr. Gray said. “Just…let your mind relax and let me know if there’s even a vague hint of recognition for your family. It doesn’t have to be a solid memory. Take your time.”
His heart pounded against his ribs as she studied him. Memories of her floated through his mind–their shared laughter, quiet moments of connection, the easiness of their relationship.
She narrowed her eyes at him, her eyebrows pinching. Was she remembering? Come on, Julia. Just one little memory. That’s all we need.
Her eyes flicked to the side, and she did a double-take as she stared at Kyle. The crease between her eyebrows deepened as she stared at him. “You.”
Grant flicked his gaze to Kyle.
“That’s Dr. Carter. He took care of you when you came in. And if I’m not mistaken, he’s also family?” Dr. Gray slid a questioning glance at Grant who nodded.
“Kyle,” she said.
“That’s right, yes.”
“I remember you. I remember Kyle.”
Grant’s stomach tumbled at the news. She remembered Kyle? How could that happen?
“What?” Sierra shrieked. “You remember Crazy Kyle, but not me?”
“Okay, easy,” Dr. Gray said, holding up a hand. “Do you have a specific memory of him?”
Julia stared at him for another moment before she flicked her gaze back to the doctor and shook her head. “No, just…a vague recollection.”
“Okay, vague recollection is better than nothing.”
“Vague recollection? But no memory of us?” Sierra continued. “Julia, I can’t believe this. I am your loving stepdaughter, Daddy is your husband. Kyle is–”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Dr. Gray said. “The purpose of this was just to see if she had any memories after her marriage to you. She does which is a good sign.”
“Will my memories come back?” Julia asked.
“That I can’t answer for sure. There is a very good chance you will, but you may not.”
She let her gaze fall to her lap as she sighed. “When will we know?”
“That’s hard to say, too. Your memories could come back in the next few hours, days, weeks, or months. Or not at all.”
Grant’s stomach clenched at the words. Would they be starting from scratch with their relationship?
The doctor continued, “They may come back all at once, they may come back in bits and pieces. Amnesia is a difficult thing, and it’s really individual.”
She sighed at the news.
“For now, I just want you to take it easy. Don’t try to force anything. If your vitals continue to look good, I’d like to get you home. You may have an easier time remembering there where you’re more comfortable.”
“Will that help? We’ll take her home now,” Sierra said. “We’ll hire nurses round the clock. We can take Kyle. He’s a doctor.”
Dr. Gray held up a hand. “Now is a little premature. I’d like to monitor her for another twenty-four hours, then we’ll talk. No matter what happens, I want you to take it easy, okay? Not too much excitement.”
“What, that’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” Sierra asked as the doctor strode from the room.
“Sierra,” Grant said as he followed her out.
Dr. Gray spun to face them. “That’s all I can say. I’m sorry. The hope is that she will recover her memory, but that could take time. Until then, try to be patient. Trying to force her memory may do more harm than good.”
Sierra’s shoulders slumped as the doctor spun on a heel and walked away. She glanced up at Grant, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. “Daddy! Do something!”
Grant rubbed her arm. “We’re going to. We’re going to be as supportive and patient as we can, okay? She’ll remember.” He added under his breath, “She has to.”
He hesitated a moment before he squeezed Sierra’s shoulders again. “Come on, let’s go in and sit with her. She probably feels really lost right now.”
“Whoa, I don’t think so,” Kyle said as he blocked them from the door.
Anger flared in Grant, and he clenched his jaw. “What?”
“Not until we’ve discussed a few things.”
“Such as?” Grant growled.
“Such as what you plan to tell her.”
“I don’t think you have anything to say about what I tell my wife. And you can’t stop me from seeing her.”
Kyle scoffed at the statement. “She’s your wife in name only. I hope you’re planning on telling her that.”
Grant’s jaw tightened at the words. “Do you really think that’s a wise idea? She’s just woken up from a coma. The last thing we need to do is try to explain our complex situation. Just let us support her.”
Kyle offered him an icy glare. “I don’t think so. I’m not going to let you walk in there and lie to her about what’s going on between you. You’ve done enough damage to her already. No, either you tell her about what a sham this marriage is, or I will.”
Grant’s fingers curled into fists at the threat. He had no desire to explain their complicated relationship to his memoryless wife. He’d planned on allowing her memory to return naturally. If it didn’t…well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. But this ultimatum…it could change everything. It could cost him Julia.