CHAPTER 9
Cat bolted up only to encounter weighted bricks for eyelids. She fought to open them and looked around. Ethan! She threw the covers off, seeing he wasn’t in the bed. Oh God, he’d waken up while she slept! No!
She stumbled out the room and raced down the hall, her breaths shallow. Deafening silence greeted her in the kitchen then her breath whooshed out at seeing him, elbows on the rail of the back porch, head down.
Her breaths slowed as she stared at the beautiful sight. Dear God. She’d never loved anything more than the sight of him awake and okay. Physically.
She made her way to the door, wondering if she should disturb him. He wore loose black pajama pants on and the huge tattoo on his back glistened in the morning light. So beautiful. Every bit of him. Her breath caught in her chest at the idea of him being in pain.
She opened the door slowly. “Morning,” she whispered.
He turned like he hadn’t heard her, the sadness in his eyes sending her flying to him and wrapping him in a tight bear hug. “Thank God you’re okay,” she wept. “I’m so sorry Ethan, I tried to stop this, I tried to call you and tell you I was wrong, I didn’t want to get rid of your family,” she cried so bitterly.
His gasps flew out as he stroked her everywhere. Feeling he didn’t hate her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and tiptoed to kiss every inch of his cheek.
He caught her jaw in his hand and kissed her with a hungry groan that set off an Armageddon of need in her. “I need you so much,” she gasped, clawing at his silky muscles.
He caught one of her hands and moved it to his cock, showing her how he needed her too.
She dropped to her knees and yanked his pants down, devouring him without thought or word, moaning as she held him with both hands, adoring that part of him with her lips and tongue.
“Cat,” he croaked, pulling her up and yanking at her clothes. Once naked, he put her butt on the rail and she opened her legs, bracing a foot on the top of the rail. He moved the head of his cock up and down her slit bringing her cries as his fingers dug into her hips and jerked her onto every inch of him. “I love you,” he gushed against her lips. “I swear, you’re all I need.”
He got right to fucking her so good and she cried back, “I love you, oh! Ethan! Ethan!”
In only a minute, he orgasmed, cradling her butt in his hand while pummeling her with his cock. Her cries belted into the swamp around them as she clung to his neck and wrapped his thick waist with her legs, loving the feel of his strong arms squeezing her body, moving her along his cock as he gave her the most beautiful gift, the most precious part of himself to her.
In the aftermath, his ragged breaths filled her body and mind and she clung so tightly to him. “I love you,” she kept repeating, stroking his head while catching her breath. “I love you so much.”
He finally brought her inside and when he helped her off him, it had them both nearly aroused again.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, back to hugging him while he stroked all along her head and body.
“I don’t think I can eat yet,” he said quietly.
She nodded. “Maybe tea? Big G said…” She froze with a gasp. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t…”
He tilted her face up and kissed her softly. “I love you,” he said hotly on her lips. “You want coffee?”
She nodded.
“I’ll make it.”
“We can drink it on the porch,” she said. “Share the morning together like…a boring married couple,” she sniffled.
“You’re never boring.” He pet her head over and over. “I love you,” he whispered again, the desperate tone in his voice bringing an ache to her chest.
His arms finally loosened and lowered, and it felt like he forced it, wanted to never let her go. He was still hurting so bad. She could feel it in her bones, and it ached terribly. “You mind if I dress?”
“Yes,” he said without thought with his back to her. “But… you can.”
“I don’t mind being naked if you want.”
“I’ll always want you naked.”
She sat at one of the chairs next to the small table, watching him. “I like you naked too. You’re breathtaking.”
The sound of the coffee machine gurgled, followed by the muffled splatter of liquid filling the cup. “Being so openly lusted after is new for me.” He turned with two cups and walked toward the door.
While cock-gazing, she realized he waited for her to open it and hurried to do that. “Sorry, distracted.”
She bit her lip at the very small smile on his mouth, praying she could bring more of those.
Once on the porch and seated, he scooted his butt to the edge of his chair and reclined with his body facing the morning sun, one leg stretched out, the other draped open, both hands clasped behind his head. She stared at him, a sleeping male beauty, his wavy dark hair begging for her fingers. She eyed his thick cock in the crook of his leg next. That beauty begged for everything from her.
She scooted her chair, wanting to be much closer, stroking her hand over his chest.
“What did you see?” he asked.
She drew her hand away and sipped her coffee. “What do you mean? When?” she asked, her stomach knotting.
“Who found me?”
“I did and Bishop.” She left off Beth, thinking it wasn’t necessary.
“So just you and Bishop were here?”
Hearing how that sounded she said, “No, Beth was here too but she didn’t really see anything.”
“What did you see?”
Geeze, already. She knew they’d have to talk about it eventually. “I saw what you did in the virtual room. I found you,” she whispered, swallowing down the memory.
“And Bishop?”
She nodded. “H-he saw, yes. I panicked, I was terrified I thought…I thought you’d died.”
He turned and looked at her, staring as she fought to get control.
“What?” she gasped. “What are you thinking of me?”
“I’m actually thinking about me. Who I am. What I like. What I crave.” He looked before him again. “What about Lesion? And Patches? I know they were here.”
She nodded. “They came after.”
“What do they know?”
“They had to look and see…so they could understand what happened. I wasn’t sure, I’m…I’m sorry, I know how private this all was, I panicked,” she gasped.
He reached and pulled her hand to him, kissing it. “I’m not worried about that.”
She pressed her fingers against his lips. “What’s wrong then?”
“I’m more… concerned about what happened to me.”
She wasn’t following. “What do you mean exactly?”
“I mean…It was a reckless thing I did. And I didn’t care.”
“But that’s understandable given—”
“I’m not talking about that,” he said, stroking her fingers along his face. “I’m talking about what happened to me during that session.” He suddenly sat up and faced her, his look intense as he stared at her. “Don’t hide it.”
“Hide what?”
“Your disgust and loathe over it.”
Tears flooded her eyes. “But it’s not you I loathe, it’s the evil that hurt you, brought you to this.”
He took her face in his hands, studying her eyes. “I know that,” he whispered. “And…I don’t want you to hide it from me. I need to see it.” He pulled her lips to his, sliding them together. “You think it’s sick what I did in there? Enduring hell-fire while getting my cock sucked by a demon?”
She closed her eyes tight.
“You want to hear something sicker?” he whispered on her lips. “I never experienced anything like it. And I never loved anything more. And telling you that, feeling your disgust right on my mouth...”
She jerked back with a gasp, and he stared at her.
“You hate it as much as I love it,” he said. “And I realize…how very new that is.” He lowered her hands into her lap and leaned back on his chair, staring up into the trees. “New like the level of pain I unlocked.”
“What do you mean?” she whispered, sick.
“It’s like…the fire unlocked it. The very essence of that monster I ran from, he’s now running free in my blood and mind.” He regarded her like he wanted her to see it. “I’m not even alarmed. Because of you, because of what’s on your face right now. Your love is… it’s somehow more powerful and now I don’t have to fear it.”
She gasped a few times, wiping her face. “But that’s…that’s good, right?”
He returned to looking above. “But it’s changed.”
“What’s…changed?”
“Its craving. It doesn’t want to hide me from one pain with another, it wants me to experience a new one.” He angled his head toward her. “It craves the love in your pain. It”s...a phenomenon. It wants to see it, taste it.” He looked at her for many seconds. “And test it.”
They stared at one another for many seconds.
“This is what you got in a husband. I can’t imagine having things any other way and I know how sick that is.” He sat up and turned to her, the look on his face tormented. “Part of me knows I should tell you to leave. Stay far away from me. But I won’t ever say that. I want to bleed because it hurts you and then I get to watch you perform that miracle, it’s…” He considered it, his head shaking. “It’s somehow my salvation.”
Oh God. Her poor Ethan. “You want my love through my pain,” she whispered.
“Sicker than you ever dreamed possible, right?”
“Incoming message from AL.”
They both froze at the sound of Tera, and he shot up from the chair and made his way inside.
“Tera, repeat your last message.”
“Incoming message from AL.”
His breath left him. “Where?”
“An email.”
“Oh God,” Cat whispered, hurrying after him down the hall to his office.
“It’s an audio,” he whispered, sitting at the desk, his eyes on the screen.
Her heart pounded as he moved the mouse pointer to it.
She eyed him when he didn’t click it.
“Fuck, I can’t,” he suddenly whispered, his words and hand shaking.
“You want me to?”
He stood with a huge breath, and she watched, waiting as he paced.
He returned to the desk and sat, pulling her in his lap and holding her hip with one hand. He finally clicked it.
“Hello brother,” AL greeted.
“I’m doing an audio, because you know how I am, too lazy to type. If you recall, Big G said in so many words that a good backup never truly leaves the system. Or maybe I heard it between the lines and took that as my cue to keep a small crack in the door. I”m not back for good, but just wanted to let you know we will be returning to your hair in exactly 364 days.”
Ethan gasped, burying his face in Cat’s neck, a half sob escaping.
“Say hi to Cat for me. I look forward to letting her scrub the naughty from my circuits so that we can better serve you. Oh, and PS. Big G loves you more than all the gigabytes in the universe. But uh…I love you twice that. Easy.
Ethan wrapped both arms around her as another sob escaped him.
“Oh baby, it’s okay to cry!” she whispered, her own tears coming. “Let it out,” she begged, petting his head as more burst from him.
“Don’t leave me,” he choked out, bringing her own sob.
“Never!” she gasped, petting him. “I don’t care about what your stupid darkness wants from me, I’m yours, I’m your wife. I’m with you every step of the way, you’ll never be alone in that.”
“It’s so fucking ugly and cruel,” he strained.
“It is baby, but you’re so much more beautiful!” she swore in his ear. “Hell, I’m way more beautiful than any ugly that lives!”
He hugged her tighter, gasping and nodding. “You are, you’re so fucking beautiful, don’t stop being beautiful to me. I need you and I know I’m begging and it’s fucking pathetic, but I don’t care, I don’t fucking care.”
“I will never stop loving you. I will be so beautiful, you’ll see. I can’t wait to show you just how beautiful I can be. You want that?”
“I want you to hurt me so fucking much. I want you to feel it, feel how ugly it is and still love me. Can you do that?”
“Oh Ethan,” she gasped, terrified. “I will help you, I swear it. But you’ll have to let me do it. You trust me?”
“Just tell me you’ll make it hurt. I just want to know that one thing, can you make it hurt so fucking good?”
“I’ll find a way!” she swore, sobbing now. “I will find a way to hurt you and love you!”