Chapter 2
“You should stop making all those lists,” Jasmine shot me from the stove.
The air in our kitchen smelled like eggs and burnt toast. I had offered to make breakfast, but Jasmine wanted to do it herself. Just great. Hence the original arrangement: I cook, and Jasmine does the dishes. It has always been a win-win situation, as I have a real hatred for washing the dishes, and my best friend has always been a terrible cook.
“I might forget something,” I answered without looking up.
There were so many things to do this week, and I had to make a new batch of kimchi, which would take me quite some time.
“You never forget anything. Plus, no one is going to die if you don’t do groceries at 3 PM on a Tuesday. Live a bit on the wild side.”
Yeah, how about no? The store would mostly be empty at that time of day. Going later would mean more people. More people in the store would mean having more annoying parents holding up the queue with their kid while they are still roaming around the place. And I had better things to do with my time than to spend thirty minutes in an endless queue. Like, I don’t know, studying. I’ll have some leftover time when I die.
“You know I just want to graduate and get a job. Then I can stop worrying.”
“We both know you’ll never stop controlling everything.”
I also hated the word “controlling”. It sounded so harsh, and so wrong , like it’s bad to have some control over your life. I wouldn’t have survived college if I didn’t know how to manage my study sessions, cooking time, and gym workouts. I finally looked up, seeing the very sad breakfast that she was putting on a plate for me. I accepted the soggy eggs and burnt toast with a polite smile. People might call me a cold-hearted bitch – which I was not, just to be clear – but I actually didn’t like giving critique to people who tried their best.
“You’re wrong.”
Jasmine sighed loudly, and I knew she wasn’t ready to give up yet. I shoved some egg in my mouth. Oh my gosh, that’s way too salty. Smile, Evy.
“And then what, Evy? You find a nice job, a boring but nice guy, and get married? You guys will buy a little house in a little suburban area and only go on holiday to Gran Canaria? Is that the life you really want?”
I closed my agenda with a loud thud, getting irritated myself. If I had to choose a destination, I’d rather go to Japan or South Korea and learn how to cook their cuisine. Those people eat a lot, but what they eat is all so tasty, yet so healthy. I had no doubt I would learn a lot of interesting things that I could implement in my career. That detail was beside the point here.
“Where is this coming from?”
Jasmine sat in front of me, also chewing on her breakfast. She made a face but kept eating. So did I.
“You are listing what you need to do for the whole week, per day.”
“And that is bad because?”
Seriously. I’d been making lists since I was thirteen. Why was it an issue now?
“You only do those intricate plannings when something happens.”
“Nothing happened though?”
She just gave up on her breakfast and pushed the plate aside. Her big, worried eyes were roaming over my face. I tried to stay as still as possible.
“Is this because of Danté?”
My stupid, traitorous heart did a flip at the mere mention of him. I did my best to keep a straight face. Jasmine knew I liked him. At one point, I had just stopped talking about him. It had just become too pathetic. And if I stopped talking about him, maybe people would think I had finally moved on. Then it was just a matter of time before my stupid heart understood too that it was time to get over it.
“Why would that be?”
“We all know you are crazy about him. Instead of compartmentalizing your life whenever you feel like you aren’t in control, just ask the damn guy out. I am sure he wouldn’t object to it.”
I snorted. As if. And what was that phrase? “He wouldn’t object.” That wasn’t good enough. I wanted Love with a capital L. The sweet kisses and holding hands while walking home from a date, and the wild sex that left you breathless. I wanted it all. I’d always been in love with the idea of being in love. What some considered unrealistic, others found romantic. I, however, saw it as my most fatal flaw. But why, you may ask. The answer was quite simple. While I loved thinking about loving someone, or even better, being loved by the person I love, real life was a tad bit different. Because being lost in my own head wasn’t really doing anything for me. My name was Evelyn Somers, and I had had a crush on my neighbour for the last two years. Just that. Ridiculous, I know. The fact that I kept hoping, kept imagining how things could be, well, let’s say it was getting sad. Even for me. But here was the thing: I had wanted to ask the guy out. I almost had, until a ginger girl had sat on his lap at a club. When he had taken her home that night, things had become rather clear. Yes, I liked Danté more than it was sane to admit. And no, I would not be just a one-night stand for him. Even if I had no doubt that the night would get, well, loud and very enjoyable.
I took another bite and washed it down with a big gulp of water. Then I pushed my plate away. This conversation had taken my appetite away, even more than the salty eggs and blackened bread. I grabbed my agenda, and Jasmine shot up from her chair, her palms flat on the table.
“Evy, please consider asking him out.”
“I don’t have the time to talk about this.”
Nor did I want to. It had been hard enough to swallow back my pride when the ginger girl had kissed Danté in front of me. She had represented just one night. Many nights had passed, and so had many girls. All beautiful, none looking like me. And Danté had never shown me any interest, so I had accepted the reality. But accepting and moving on are two different concepts. Especially when you see each other all the time.
The time on my phone indicated I had to hurry up if I didn’t want to be late for classes. I looked at Jasmine over my shoulder. She was pouting, so I stuck out my tongue.
“I am still not doing the dishes.”
***
Theo and Jasmine were bickering over which one was the best at painting. They had been making some board games for the children Jasmine was student teaching, and it was a messy evening, to say the least. As the best friend stuck in the middle, I tried to stay out of it.
Jasmine groaned in annoyance. “Babe, there are too many streaks on the board.”
“It adds a nice texture.”
“It looks sloppy!”
Let them be. I did my best to focus on reading the notes from the classes I had earlier. The problem was that they were so loud it was getting harder and harder to block out the noise. The time on my watch told me Grandma would call me any second now. We called every Monday evening at 7 PM. A rule neither of us had broken since I went to college.
“Evelyn,” Jasmine cried out, “please look at this board and tell me what you think.”
Fuck me. I got up from the couch and glanced at Theo, who was almost ready to surrender. When we were younger, he generally had to be the mediator between Jasmine and me, since we’ve always had explosive personalities. Since they were dating, it seemed like Theo and I had switched roles in the group dynamic. The painted board had streaks here and there, and sure, it looked homemade. Though I wasn’t so sure if five-year-old kids would notice such details while playing. Not that that was enough to keep Jasmine and her perfectionism satisfied. When I opened my mouth to answer gods know what, my phone chimed. Saved by the bell.
“Sorry, Grandma’s calling.”
“Traitor,” Jasmine muttered.
Theo gave me a thumbs-up before I picked up.
“Hey, Grandma.”
I was greeted with Grandma’s snoot pressed against her camera. Just the silly sight made me smile.
“Hey darling, how are you?”
It took her a few seconds to hold the phone at a good distance from her face. Now I could also see her permed short hair and the strings of her pink apron.
“Good, and you?”
“Oh, same old. I thought about you today.”
“How so?”
“I went to the local market this morning. They had – what was it called again? – brown sugar pumpkin blondies.”
Just the idea of it made my mouth water. I hadn’t tried those yet, but they sounded heavenly. Grandma had thought that adding pumpkin to pastries and coffee was weird at first, but I had been able to convince her how nice and versatile it could be.
“And I bought you a handmade scented candle,” she continued.
“Really? That's so cool!”
Phone calls between us were never really long, but I cherished them. She was the person who would always fight my corner and who would always care.
“How is school?”
“Good. I can’t wait for this semester to be over though so I can finally start my internship.”
“Where will that be?”
“At the medical centre near my apartment. There are several dieticians there.”
Several people of my class, me included, had applied there. I remembered a girl saying during the first year of college that I was too serious. An overachiever and a buttoned-up girl was what she called me. Yet only one person had been accepted at the medical centre, and it wasn’t her. It was probably petty, but it felt satisfying to know that I had been the one to get the spot, and not her. Especially because there was a chance that they would hire me if the internship was a success.
“Darling, that’s wonderful.”
“Yes, I'm very excited.”
“You'll nail it, I'm sure.”
“I'll do my best.”
“You always do. I am very proud.”
Once the call was over, I felt recharged and ready to keep studying. She was right, I would nail it. Because I hadn’t invested all my time for nothing. And nothing would keep me from reaching my goals.
***
I took a quick look in the mirror of the school bathroom, making sure my winged eyeliner was still looking sharp and that my septum was hidden. Then put on my thick-rimmed glasses. Call me shallow, but liking what I saw in the mirror impacted my motivation and productivity. Once I was satisfied, I hurried to the classroom of food technology.
Suzy, a lovely girl with a heart-shaped face, shiny brown curls, and a world-winning smile waved me over, and I let myself fall down on the chair next to hers. Chad, who sat in the row in front of us, greeted me. His face lit up like a Christmas tree, and I forced myself to smile back. As soon as he turned back, I let my head fall back as Suzy snickered.
“I wonder when he’ll get it,” she whispered in my ear.
I shot her an exasperated look, but couldn’t help but agree.
“Soon, I hope.”
Suzy was one of the only other students in my class I actually liked. Most of the people we had started with in our first year had dropped out. Suzy and I had gotten along pretty much immediately. The others I had never cared about. It had been a surprise to me how quickly I had been able to bond with someone who wasn’t Jasmine or Theo, but here we were.
Chad was also a super sweet guy. There were not many guys who went for dietician. Apparently, it was too “girly” for most of them. It hadn’t been too girly for Chad, and just like with Suzy, we had gotten along fast. There was just one tiny problem: he had ended up developing a crush on me. I had hoped that he would get over it when I dated Robert, but instead, his hopes had gotten up after we had broken up. And no amount of subtle, and less subtle, ways of letting him know that I wasn’t interested had been able to make him move on. Just like I had with Danté. Which was why I had never been able to tell him to his face that he should stop pining after me. It would’ve been rather hypocritical of me to ask him that when I was unable to do it myself.
“I heard that Miss Leloux is in a bad mood today,” Suzy said, leafing through her notes from the previous lesson.
So basically, the next hour would be hell.
“Well, fuck.”
Miss Leloux was known to be a sweetheart when she was in a good mood. Gods protect us all when she wasn’t. That was the very reason why students started calling her Two-Faced. Said teacher stormed inside the classroom and dropped her bag and her papers on her desk. A few students who hadn’t been aware of the dark cloud looming over our teacher jumped in surprise at the sudden sound.
“Alright class, who can remind me where we stopped last time?”
Suzy and I looked at each other, silently assessing who would answer. Leloux was the type of person to despise you if you weren’t completely up to date with her classes. Suzy nodded, so we both raised our hands. Leloux looked around the class to see if someone else would answer; no one else gave a sign. She sighed, already done with this class before the lesson had even started.
“Alright girls, I’m listening.”