26. The Sinner
Chapter twenty-six
The Sinner
Dinah
W e spent hours, roaming the unkept fields behind Zeke’s grandfather’s abandoned country house to no avail, until the day was long gone, and we were at risk of another attack in the dark. We found very few signs that Noah had made his escape, and only a set of tire tracks deep in the surrounding forest confirmed our suspicions.
That slimy, sinister fucker, Noah, is still out there, running free, but now he’s scared of when I’ll get my hands on him, and I swear, if it’s the last thing I do, I will stare into his monstrous eyes as his life leaves them for good. The house was set ablaze with Esther’s body inside of it. As we walked away from the flames, grief, and sorrow filled me, for everything that Zeke was experiencing. I never wanted to hurt him, or see him hurt, and he is now. I could tell, from the way he was holding himself, that he was trying to shut the door on his emotions. Being the strong Ezekiel Rothesay he believes he needs to be for us. Abe and I each took one of his hands and kissed him, regardless of the rebel audience watching, letting him know with our actions that we were there for him, and loved him.
Now we have returned to the Holy Father’s compound, our temporary home filled with its own set of perils, and are looking for answers that no one seems to be able to give us. “Where is my nephew, Sarah? I was assured that he and his mother were safe, and would be brought here. Now you’re telling me you never knew where they were?” I glare at her stress-lined face. We have been going back and forth for the last hour on all the things that she’s promised me, and hasn’t delivered. Noah got away again, my infant nephew and his mother have once again gone missing, and Sammy, well fuck, I don’t even know where to begin with him. He’s been demanding to see me for hours, and trepidation is soaring through me that he’s going to tell me that he wishes I was dead once again. I can’t live with hearing those heartbreaking words. I can’t look into the face of the person who has been my everything for years, only to see that I am now his nothing. “It’s not that simple, Dinah. There are many moving parts to this revolution. One person’s value does not outweigh everyone else’s. Please try to be reasonable, child.”
She did not just fucking say that. Furious rage boils over inside of me, and I do something I never thought I would. I grab onto Sarah, wrapping my arm around her neck, yanking her body against my chest, and hold a blade at her throat. “It’s interesting that you say that, Sarah. Is your life the exception? Is mine? “ I push the tip of the blade into her skin, until a vibrant drop of blood wells on the surface, and she inhales a raspy breath. Oh, fear is such an aphrodisiac. With a small thrust, I could end her life. Does she see death in my eyes? Does she hear how my mind and body demand that I murder her right here? “You speak of revolution, but you need a leader to spur your message forward, someone to incite the mob. I am the fucking exception , like it or not. Get me what I fucking want, or you can take this whole endeavor and shove it up your rebel ass.”
“Snow!”
“Atasi, this is not helping, baby, please!” Abe’s voice helps to break through some of the madness swirling around me, infecting every one of my cells with vicious poison, and causes me to release my precarious hold on his last remaining parent. His hazel eyes meet mine, and in their depths, I witness nothing but sorrow and confusion, and I’m momentarily filled with remorse that I have caused him more pain. Fuck, what the hell am I doing? Have I become as much a monster as those I am hunting? “Has there been word on David or my father?” She quickly puts distance between us, swiping at the droplets of blood trailing down her neck, and grimacing when she gets a glimpse of them. I monitor her expression and body language carefully. Something within me is telling me that Sarah knows more about that situation than she has divulged. Call it intuition, a sixth sense, or just the ability to spot a liar, but there are a few things she’s said and done, that have generated a gnawing circle of suspicion inside of me. So far, I haven’t expressed my concerns to Abe and Zeke, not because I don’t trust both of them, but because I want to be absolutely sure before I do, so that when I part her head from her shoulders, there will be no questions on whether I overreacted or not. Do I look forward to having to kill the woman who was a second mother to me? No. Will I do it to protect us? Absofuckinglutely.
Her posture straightens, lips forming a firm line, and her pretty amber eyes, identical to the ones of the man I love, meet mine without flinching. I almost want to congratulate her on her attempt to disguise her thoughts and feelings from me, but I was trained by a master of the art of deception, my fucking father. I saw the wince before she could hide it. “They’ve gone to ground.”
“Like rats? Is that what you’re telling me? You cannot find all the vermin that have infested our world, while they’re running for their lives, despite all the rebel forces that you have?” I am so done with all of this back-and-forth posturing, and conversation, that accomplishes nothing. Sarah wants change, but not at the expense of actually doing anything. Perhaps her soul is weary of all the pain and bloodshed. I know mine is, yet I refuse to lay down my weapons. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that the Brotherhood has not lost yet. Yes, they are scrambling, and putting up a meek counterattack in certain areas, but they are far from defeated. They didn’t take over a whole world by force, to be so readily removed by a few uprisings.
“Snow, perhaps we should go see Sammy, give you some time to cool down. I understand your frustration, wife . When we return, Sarah will have answers for you, won’t you, Sarah?“ Zeke gives Sarah a cold, frightening stare that doesn’t hide the threat in his words. He’s done, too; he doesn’t trust her, or the rebels, to keep us safe. He thinks they are hiding information from us, and he refuses to allow me to be their puppet. I really should be annoyed at him laying claim over me, whereas before, it would have angered me at the insinuation that I belong to him or anyone. After everything we’ve all endured, I’m just happy that all of us still desire to be with each other, and are alive. Well, maybe not Sammy right now, since I’m pretty sure he wants us all dead. “I’ll endeavor to get the information for you, son, as soon as I can.” Shit, wrong choice of words, Sarah. She’ll be lucky if he’s not the one to stab her next. He stalks forward, a predatory lion sizing up his meal, and bears his teeth, regardless of the rebel guards around us tightening their grips on their weapons with the sensed threat. His vibrant tattoos on his neck and arms are displayed as his large body stiffens. “My mother is dead, Sarah. I slit her throat without the slightest hesitation. You may want to think on that.”
Sarah gulps, and I finally see the fear I was craving on her features. Her throat bobs up and down, and she takes a step back from Zeke. A loud cackle sounds through the air around us like the crack of a whip. Abe moves forward, his arm wrapping around Zeke’s shoulders. “I think she gets the message, Zeke, and if she doesn’t, hmm, I’m pretty sure she understands that I won’t hesitate to orphan myself.” The three of us depart the room without a backward glance, despite all the rebel forces standing guard fully armed around us. Abe, the psychopath, blows kisses and waves immaturely, as we make our way to the new room Sammy has been moved to. “What do we do now?” He inquires in a hushed voice when we are out of earshot. I inhale a deep breath, my fingers intertwining with his and Zeke’s, drawing much-needed strength from both of them for what I am about to face next. “We watch and wait. We give no quarter, and we burn everything to the ground if they don’t give us what we need.” They both nod at my words, silently agreeing with my plan. The one I don’t have an inkling of how I am going to pull off. Fuck, every day, my life is becoming more and more complicated and frightening. How I long for the quiet life I had before, with Sammy, in our little manor house in the country. The only thing that would have made that time better was if I had had Zeke and Abe there with me, and if my brother had still been alive.
Unfortunately, there is no changing the past, no time machine I can jump into to forge a new path. I once read a quote from the old world, that said when you are going through something, it’s best just to keep going, right through the fire, and hope you make it out on the other side unscathed, or at least in one piece. Right now, my whole world is burning. I need to keep going, and hold the faith that we can all make it through. We have to; we are out of any other options.